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Mysterious Trio
Anyone know who these famous people are? This is a picture of them inside the Holiday Inn, in front of the convention door. I’m so happy to have had the opportunity to chat with them. I think their shirts give the mystery away. They were in Kingston, NY on Friday, Oct. 19th and Saturday, Oct. 20th, 2007. The name of the event was Going Places with Aspergers.
I once read this statement someone made online:
…empathy which is lacking in people with Aspergers. Highly sensitive [neurotypical] people tend to show a great deal of empathy while Asperger Syndrome people do not, but I would say that empathy eventually becomes such an overwhelming emotion that they learn to shut it off.
Here’s my opinion on that remark:
What disturbs me is how much I come across the emphasis over people with Aspergers as lacking empathy; plus, where does this person get the right to claim he knows Aspies learn to shut it off?!
Given that the meaning of empathy is understanding and entering into another’s feelings, what is said about Aspies could also be said about neurotypical people. The difference is that there are many more neurotypical people than there are those with Asperger’s Syndrome, so therefore their statement about people with Aspergers lacking empathy is going to be generally accepted while the statement that neurotypical people are equally lacking in empathy (and also Theory of Mind) will generally not be accepted.
Please let me explain. I don’t doubt it will appear to most people that AS people lack empathy, but that’s only because NTs can’t understand why they’re getting the wrong impression about Aspies.
Aspies need to be cognitively taught how to interpret the inconsistency between the feelings Aspies are aware of that others are experiencing (i.e., body language) versus what these others are orally saying.
Understanding non-verbal messages comes intuitively easy for neurotypicals when the messages are coming from other NTs, because NTs share the same body signals while joining it with a different audible message. It’s that illogical combination which throws Aspies into confusion. That’s why NTs are confused by an Aspie’s honesty and consistency between what he is saying in his body language and his oral words (i.e., saying what he means and means what he is saying).
Aspies can perceive NTs as lacking empathy because of a NT’s inability to intuitively understand Aspies in order to enter into what the AS person feels. Even with that said, true understanding, of the “other’s” side of thinking, cannot be had with either mode of hard-wiring in a brain because each has their own opposite way of perception. One is no more correct than the other…they’re just different.
The other example, Theory of Mind, means the ability to recognize and understand thoughts, beliefs, desires and intentions of other people in order to make sense of their behavior and predict what they are going to do next. True, those with AS lack this ability with neurotypicals. Also true though, is that neurotypicals lack this ability with AS people. If this wasn’t the case, then NT people would not need to be cognitively taught that AS people are not intentionally rude in social situations and that AS people cannot be deceptive in the same way that most people hide what they truly mean (AS language is called blunt but yet NT language is full of double-talk). It also explains why NT people cannot understand and/or predict the behavior of AS people.
I hope I’ve explained myself well enough to be understood here and that the reasons for bringing this up are not misjudged. I feel that if awareness about Asperger’s Syndrome is going to increase, then it’s important that accuracy in describing what this is about be included. It’s a tendency for people who do not (or cannot) focus for long periods of time to hastily arrive at conclusions without thinking things through thoroughly enough. This is why we need all people…we all have things of worth to share and this is what I wanted to share.
Whatever happened to, “If everyone else jumps off the bridge does that mean you should too?” It still exists, but the figure of speech is only used when it conveniently serves someone personal agenda. A fine example of this is in the area concerning what gets to be called offensive.
It is ironic that the very thing people fantasize as being true and greatly desire is also the very thing they can’t see that can be their own worst enemy too. It all depends on what the majority believe. The majority rules, but does that mean the majority isn’t jumping off the bridge?
The liberal crowd permits freedom of speech for allowing the term homophobia to be created and used, but they adamantly object to the conservatives being allowed to use the term fagots to refer to gays. The rational is that it is a derogatory term, but yet the majority is not seeing that the term homophobia is equally derogatory. Just because one person doesn’t think something doesn’t mean that everyone has to do the same and vice versa. If the minority have strong convictions based on what their consciences drive them to follow, then of course it is impossible to not be offended by such things as same-sex behavior.
The split divides even deeper when it comes to getting offended by labels such as mental illness replacing the term sin. Why do such things like this happen? Well, in this case it is comfortable for people who fear having to be responsible for wrongdoing. Even though it might not be them personally being labeled mentally ill, still to take away the blame from others creates the fairy tale that if they ever do wrong, they too can act like a victim of circumstances rather than responsible and accountable for wrongful behavior.
Yes, human nature is full of evil. Few have a problem with admitting that no one is perfect and this is the quick answer to many situations which involve something they’ve done which are obviously wrong. Then that given the case, why is it that most have the problem with admitting there is a problem with all of mankind and do everything in their power to stay in denial of this? The only reason this can be is because somewhere deep down inside everyone is the nagging sense that imperfections not only remain, but have such a strong hold on one’s self that is inescapable. It can’t be seen that the very things which hold the strong attractions which affect the heart’s desire are harmful lusts. Even good things are lusts when the motive is bad. You are a servant of whatever you love. If it is self-love, then watch out because denial and the practice of deception have to abound.
Why is it that one person can not get other people to see the truth or even want to see the truth of things? Why is it that people who are self-deceived can not even get themselves to see the truth but rather believe they already have it when they don’t? That would be like expecting a child to conceive themselves. Because all of mankind is in the same human nature boat, it is not in the ability of any person alone to be able to help another human being in the most important aspect of being alive-that is, “Who are you?” You are whatever your heart (i.e. – love) is. No one complains about the statement, “You are what you eat,” when it comes to the physical body. Why should there be difficulty to realize that “You are the being of your loves?”
Is it any wonder that statements such as, “Oh, you analyze things too much,” is said whenever questions get directed too deeply? Could it be that maybe the fear of truth is getting too close too home? Why should this be frightening? Well, if there exists this fictitious perception instead of seeing life through non-fiction glasses, then of course no desire can exist which will compete against one’s most powerful love of their life-that love being self.
The water in which more and more people are jumping off the bridge into is the sea of delusion. Until one first abhors their self and can see that something exists in him/her self that’s ultimately ugly self-serving, the direction has to be decadent. Why should it be so hard to see that no other outcome other than continuous chaos has to occur no matter what type of governmental structure is created? Yes, some times go more smoothly than other times, but why is life a roller coaster of ups and downs? How can mankind believe that it is possible to create a world with fewer downs than what history evidences? This is true insanity-expecting a different outcome while really all factors of the equation remain the same! Two will always be two no matter what else you might want to call it, but yet the higher the education goes…the less the ability to think independently comes about. Evidence of this is that upon closer examination of who are the people most stubbornly attempting to lay claim that two is a relative and not absolute value (of course they might deny doing so, but really if one has the courage to read on and wants to know the truth, this will all fall into place), it generally shall be found among the most educated folks. Children don’t even think so irrational, but given the environment of being raised in by the standards set of the “upper” class, it is just a matter of time before they too will get trained into the same pattern.
Einstein was well aware of this through his own experiences of learning. Creative and independent (i.e. – nonconformist) thinking is best when separated from the practice of constantly gathering information of which grows to work against being able to stay out of rule ruts. By the way, the term rule ruts, is just another way of saying conformist. This is why the greatest artists and geniuses in history generally happened to prefer being as reclusive as possible so as to not allow the influences of others to cloud their creativity. The least creative people in the world are usually the most socially correct, because their greater focus is upon the basic human need of belonging and acceptance. This is also why the greatest artists have been able to express powerful emotions through the communication their art work presents when being hyper sensitive to the world around them. This is also why such people as popular rock musicians have often battled drug addiction. Drugs provide a way of escape from the influences of information from without, so that the creativeness from without can be enhanced. The problem behind that though is even if it might work to accomplish the goal of expression, it does so at the cost of thinking becoming chaotic. This explains why the quality of the messages portrayed behind the attraction of creative talents sadly lacks wisdom.
Going back to the Einstein example, even though he knew the effect that higher education was having on his ability to think independently, it was because of his awareness of this concept (due to his intelligence) that he did all he could to stay best away from allowing this problem to make him become more conforming. The catch-22 of intelligence is that the more it exists, the greater the curiosity to understand things also exists which thereby causes the strong urge to learn and that in return makes knowledge increase as creative talents are under the threat of being crushed by it. This does not mean that all people who seek to be as educated as possible are doing so because they are highly intelligent. There are other motives besides intelligence to cause this. Most of the time, it is the love of money and self which is the driving factor. Not too often shall you find going back in time an arrogant doctor or lawyer quite so arrogant while he/she was in the toddler stage of life. This is why scripture warns about knowledge can puff up a person. How else is it that games shows with questions for people to answer are so popular if it wasn’t for the competitive nature in human beings? Also too, when someone has an impressive car, house, boat, etc., they can then feel superior over those who have less. The test which reveals why someone has the goal of these finer things in life is seen when those finer things in life get taken away from them. They get devastated! Why, they might even jump off a tall building and kill themselves if they loose their fortune! Hey, they can’t help who (what) they are. They can’t help who they are because they don’t want to. They can’t want to, because nothing exists in human nature to make them sincerely want to. It isn’t human nature, so unless you are not human, you have to be an idiot to be certain that you wouldn’t do the same thing yourself if you lived that person’s life.
It must be pointed out too that at the opposite end of the scale, the most unintelligent (retarded, if you will to call it) people have talents which have amazed others in regards to such things as being able to play an instrument so exceptionally harmonious or see a concept so deep in truth that the normal person has no idea what it is that is seen much less even begin to understand it. If that’s not bad enough, people don’t even want to see or understand others so different. They would much prefer to just label them as a nut or weirdo and send them to some institution so they stay out of the world’s system and are no more a bother to them by being so non-conforming to others’ selfish nature who pridefully think they should get to be the ones to decide how things should be because they are the majority.
Why else do those who are so prim and proper immediately tend to disrespect and are easily offended over another who might have rotten teeth, non-maintained hair, ragged clothes, etc.?
Talk about insanity! Who is the more insane person? Just watch how a child might grow up naturally if he or she had no parent to intervene to train him/her in what is socially acceptable. The insanity is that adults will not stay aware of the fact that within them the child they were never goes away even though on the surface they are polished into being civilized. It’s the same excrement, only a different day. This is also why if an adult stayed childlike in their honesty, it is not socially acceptable. In fact, it’s down right repulsive to society! An adult who remains childlike is like having a perfectly non-distorted mirror in front of a naked obese fat person. Either the fat person is going to smash that mirror or else he/she will desperately try to convince him/her self that there is nothing wrong with being fat (i.e. – being a greedy glutton for excessively pleasing the taste palate to him/her is an alternate life style and nothing is wrong with it because it’s not matter about facts with him/her but rather perceiving it as being an opinion of which they are entitled to). To travel on the avenue of self-delusion is to fight reality while traveling the road to smash the mirror is to seek flight. This is what any living creature does when it is scared…fight or flight. So, what is it that people are so scared of? The truth is they are terrified of their own self and don’t even know it. Well, if loving your self is so wonderful…then, what’s the deal behind being so scared and unwilling to face truth? Could it possibly be that the truth is you’ve really been lying to yourself and you are your own worse enemy? Isn’t it saner to fight or take flight against your own self when it is your own self who works against you and is your enemy? How can mankind order the way in which the majority of people should go when all people are human beings? That’s like putting the blind in charge of leading the blind…eventually they’ll all either jump off the bridge or fall off the cliff. Shouldn’t this create an awareness of the need for seeking answers outside of mankind?
Nature is the evidence of a creator. Do people think things happen for absolutely no reason? If so, then can any action happen without a cause? What caused what exists to exist in the first place? Can any human know this? Today’s educated people believe they can answer that question. The insane answer given is that no thing created what exists, but rather what exists created itself. That’s like trying to use the logic that you conceive yourself instead of confessing the impossibility of having anything to do with that particular sperm uniting with that particular egg which resulted in the being of you. We all are the byproduct of conception and so is all of nature the byproduct of a supernatural creator. This is why it is dead wrong to attempt imagining God as how self desires God to be (like the popular belief that God that has no hate and only love). Unless the fact is accepted that we are to change our corrupted and polluted perceptions by seeing how much we need to be conformed into the likeness of who created our existence to be, we will rather choose to conform to a either chaotic standard created by the majority of mankind or a chaotic standard we design for ourselves. This is why it is impossible for truth to be relative and that truth is something that is absolute.
There isn’t much problem over facts being either absolutely true or false, so the subtle way to avoid dealing with an absolute standard is to twist facts into being called opinions. Since opinions are what is really relative, this works fantastically to create a false sense of peace for people so they can avoid being responsible for their nature of pride that attracts them constantly towards self-gratification. Self-gratification is like a drug though in that it always wants more and is never satisfied. That being the case, how in the world can facts stop evolving into opinions on an ever increasing scale? The reason man can’t answer that is because in this world the way it is it can’t stop getting more distorted and has to decay. How humiliating it has to be to realize how utterly helpless man is to fix the world’s problems much less his own biggest problem which is his love affair with himself. How different is it than the child insisting to fix something himself that the parent knows the child is unable to fix? No matter how much he might want something, that is not going to mean that’s the way things are in reality. But yet, respect must be given to illusions. How so? Just like a child who imagines a monster under the bed while the parents know he is being ridiculous, to that child that imagined monster is real to him even though there is no monster. If the child wants to believe there is a monster there, you are not going to convince him otherwise. In his eyes, his opinion is a fact. This is no different than trying to tell almost all adults who can’t see what there is to abhor in their own self, since they don’t want to see due to self-love, that they are calling facts opinions and opinions facts. If someone is going to make an imagination real in their mind, then to them it is as real as that monster is to the child imagining it even though the fact is it doesn’t exist.
Because things go this way, this is an example of why such things exist as people desiring to do away with the Constitution of the United States. First in their mind, they must turn the facts of absolute right and wrong into being opinions. Then they can say that laws written back in time were merely men’s opinions. This provides an open door to irresponsible behavior since no one will argue that shame or guilt can occur out of opinions. Everyone can be their own judge then. Plus, the headache of having to build more rehabilitation centers (i.e. – prisons, jails, institutions, etc.) along with the humiliation of knowing they don’t work how people would like to imagine they should, can come to an end. Would it ever occur that maybe rehabilitation occurs only from the inside out instead of the outside in (forced to be in prison to rehabilitate a being)? Why is that we should wonder. Could it be that the problems are programmed within mankind and mankind is generally evil, while whatever isn’t evil in man has to come from some outside supernatural being? Does it solve the problem to permit lawlessness, which is what is really happening if such a thing as the Constitution of the United States is abolished. Those who support abolishing such a thing as what our founding fathers established, are really abolishing their own selves along with the rest of mankind along with them. Talk about an example of just because the majority of people jump off the bridge does that mean we should all follow! If you knew for a fact that you were either heading off a bridge or cliff by the force of being locked inside a car out of control, wouldn’t you panic and hate the feeling of being dragged to your doom? Well then those who can’t (again…they can’t because nothing remains in them to want to) understand the non-conformists who have what is now un-common sense, since wisdom is being flushed down the toilet due to education being valued more than wisdom, better expect there will always be people around who are going to fight for their life (which also is fighting to preserve all of societies beings) to hang on to convictions and principles. Those convictions and principles are the key to unlock the door to get out of the vehicle carrying mankind to its demise.
How loving is it to sit back and have some buttered popcorn on the street corner while you watch those inside a burning house watching television unaware that they are soon to be burned up? How wise is it if you are so close to that burning house unaware yourself that inside it contains explosives not yet heated up which will blow you to pieces if you just sit there and do nothing? Of course any sane and caring person can’t just sit there and do nothing.
The impact these words have upon you the reader is the evidence of who you are from what you choose to believe. It isn’t up to each individual what is the truth is. Ironically, when listening to people talk, it is the people who deceive themselves who desire to leave out statements such as, “I believe, it is my opinion that, etc.” The people who are the least self-deluded are the ones with the wisdom to include such statements when needed and that’s my opinion.
No, mistytears is not my Aspieness. I don’t know what other category though to put this information in (I knew I’d run into this problem when trying to decide how to set up my weblog without making too many categories).
Since what mistytears writes in her post on the AutismLink message board for the state of New York (that makes direct linking to a post impossible) and her message is about what happened to her Asperger son, I want to include this in My Aspieness. She wrote this on Tuesday, August 16, 2005 and nobody has replied since. Her story “How could someone do this to my son?” could easily be any Aspie’s story (who doesn’t come from a financially wealthy family and/or have connections to those who live above the law) :
My son has Aspergers, just turned 18, although socially, emotionally- he is much younger(develomental delays) great difficulty with social skills, obsessional thoughts, and impulse control; although he has made progress My son also has exceptional memory skills, he is like a walking VCR camcorder, he remembers every conversation, picture, etc. However, an incident happened. This past July 2005; My son was crying, saying he was lonely and still hasn’t made friends., and was sad because he felt September was a long ways off., till he starts community college(and go thru their student disabilities office for services) in which he will make social contacts. He had just graduated from our capital region(christian) huge Homeschool group and lost many contacts because of graduating. I called my son’s medicaid service coordinator and asked him if he could talk with my son, and reassure him that he will make friends in the fall at the community college, and will learn the appropriate way in talking with girls. My son says he feels more comfortable talking with girls because they are nicer to him, he connects with them emotionally, he avoids boys his age because he has been bullied before, and in time I know my son will get over that, but it has to be in his time. Because my son is lagging in social skills, he has been lonely over the summer and upset. However, my son does have his own sense of morals, has had WHOOPS education, and he has stated he only wants to make friends with girls at this point, and eventually get married.He is content with his morals, but is unhappy because he does not have any friends to talk to at present. The medicaid service coordinator agreed to come over and talk with my son. When he arrived at our apartment, he told us it would be good if he took my son out for a bite to eat, go for a ride, talk, and then go to his 11 yr old son’s archeology camp for their ending events. I thought this was a good idea, and spent time coaxing my son to go. My son finally agreed to go because he said he thought they would go for pizza or ice cream and talk about how to make friends. The medicaid service coordinator asked that my son bring his picture ID,(learner’s permit) and both my son and I were under the impression that he requested that in case if an emergency arose. So I gave him my son’s driving learners permit. He told my son that they would go to a restaurant to eat, but that is serves alcohol., but they might need it just incase even though legal age is 21,my son thought maybe it was rubytuesdays or something like that and was lookking fw to getting pizza and soda. As they were leaving,the serv. coord. rolled down the car window and said in a joking way, maybe I should bring your son to (won’t name the place)to loosen up. My son and I were not sure was it was,but I thought just in case it was a strip club, I said no, you can’t bring my son there, he would not understand that sort of thing, he has issues, and cannot handle anything like that. He said ok and they left. They were gone about 2 hrs, and upon return, The med. serv. coord. told me that he brought my son to the strip club, and the girls danced on him and it was good for his sexual release. My son was clearly upset.I was shocked and explained to him that my son doesn’t understand those types of things, that his pragmatics with girls is socially delayed, when he met girls thru school, he would say they are pretty when he met them, stare at them,follow them around, and we are in the process of teaching how to approach girls, how to communicate with them, etc. etc., and I reminded the med. serv. coord. that he has read all the psychological and psychiatric reports on my son and they state the same. However, his response was,(his exact words): ” I may have crossed over the boundaries by doing this but this is what your son needs, he needs to release his sexual frustrations and become a man.” He repeated this statement 5 times. He then said he has male friends he could get my son together with to help him release his sexual needs. I said no. My son said no and was visibly shaken and upset. My son screamed, covered his ears and was upset. My son said to him infront of me that he did not want help with WHOOPS stuff, felt like he was deceived and he only wanted help on how to make friends. He was shaken, upset, screaming, and covering his ears. My son also said he asked the med. serv. coord. 2 times if they could lv the strip club and the med. serv. coord. said no. I reminded med. serv. coord. that he drove us to my son’s SSI redetermination and sat in on the psychological assessment of my son and he heard from the psychologist about my son’s disability, this past July 12, 2005. I was hoping that med. serv. coord. would understand, but instead; he started yelling at my son and told him he has to act like an 18 yr old man and can’t think the way he thinks. His yelling further upset my son, saying that he has to learn how to release his sexual needs. Both my son and I told him that we only wanted him to talk about how to make friends, and nothing more. But that only made the med. serv. coord. yell more. This arguing lasted 20 minutes, then he said he had to go for he had his 11 yr old son waiting in the car. I was still in a state of disbelief and shocked, I walked him outside and saw that his son was in the front seat of his car and was very upset and crying. He went over to the car and started yelling at his son. I went over and introduced myself to his son and told him what a great kid he was for waiting patiently in the car, and thanked him for being kind to my son. Then they left. My son told me he felt like med. serv. coord. deceived him, that he didn’t know he was in a stripclub until they were actually inside and the girls were rubbing their bodies on him and the med. serv. coord.., and then some were topless. My son said that when med. serv. coord. gave him money to pay girls to dance, he thought they were Saratoga Ballet dancers and they would do ballet and then talk about making friends. My son said he feels like he was violated, he is upset and says he will not trust adults now. My son wrote down everything that happened inside of the club, which is quite graphic, also explains in graphic detail of what the women did to my son and to his service coordinator, and how my son said he wanted to leave and asked twice and the med. serv. coord. said no. My son remembers everything and obsesses on it. He is like a walking camcordore. Shortly after med. serv. coord. left, I called his supervisor, She was shocked and said this was not appropriate When I told her my son said he does not want to see him anymore or want him as his medicaid service coordinator, she said,” Oh, I wouldn’t go that far, but I will certainly make sure that he apologizes.” She also said she put a call in to their director, to see how this should be handled, but the director just started her vacation. I was concerned as to how this will be handled and I feel that my son needed an outside advocate to ensure that his rights are protected. He feels like he has been violated, and he is having difficulty handling this. This has effected him in an extremely distressful way. So I contacted NYS Qual and they sent the agency a letter so the agency did their own internal investigation., they questioned my son and I, and my son insisted my presence when he was questioned, because he is shaken up and has lost trust in everyone. Their line of questions to me seemed like they were too protective of their medicaid service coordinator, and not protective of my son at all, they brought up questions that had nothing to do with the incident, like religon, stuff like that. I have not heard anything back from them since, and the med. serv. coord. is still working there as medicaid service coordinator. I am also concerned with the ethics of this whole situation. This is highly inappropriate and unethical for a person in that position working for a human service that deals with children and families agency to do this sort of thing. He never had my son’s consent or mine. Med. serv. coord. supervises lower function
ing adults in a group home and I hope this is not happening to other clients who cannot express themselves. Medicaid service coordination is funded by NYS medicaid money.This is unprofessional,unethical, and the fact that medicaid service coordinator played on my son’s disability, innocent vulnerability,deceived my son, sexually exploited my son; makes me sick. My son may have just turned 18, but social and emotionally, he is much much younger. Even yesterday when we were at a tradgic funeral of a friend whose quad son was left unattended in his group home and drowned in the tub, my son was sad over that but was also laughing at the m/r clients at the funeral, he didn’t have the inner controls to control his emotions, when I asked him why he was laughing, he felt bad but said because they made noises, sounded like a cartoon he saw. these past. My son looks normal, is very naive and innocent, he has the mind of a younger child., and that is how Aspergers disabilities is. However, my son had made it clear to med. serv. coord., that he was looking in how to build relationships, not in sexual issues, because he had formed his own set of morals., has discussed any type of sexual matters with our pastor, and is only looking for help in how to make friends. A couple weeks after this happened, my son had a total breakdown, his behaviors deteriorated, I had to bring him ER to rape crisis center, in which was very helpful, their counselors are good and understand how my son feels he was sexually violated. How long will my son be hurting like this? Why aren’t the laws more protective of kids with disabilties like my son’s? This med. serv. coordinator is still working for the agency and we feel like they are treating this issue like my son doesn’t matter. Isn’t this a form of sexual abuse? My son’s behaviors fell apart, he had a breakdown and really regressed, why aren’t the laws better written for the disabled? People told me to go to the police, but they would probably just laugh at my son and say he is 18 and not understand his developmental delays. I am sorry this is so long, I am so hurting for my son, he is really upset, feels violated, he has regressed, and he is full of anger, depression, confusion, and he is a mess. Has this happened to others?
mistytears,
I’m sure this has happened to others; many others. Wherever you and your son now are, I hope and pray both of you are doing better than you were back in the year 2005. I believe every bit of what happened above is true because I know how the system works.
