Sheila Schoonmaker's Maiden Blog

I thought it was the end to my posting on my blog, but I guess God does work in strange ways. I couldn’t decide whether to explain myself more in my last post and, if so, how much would I say? Then, throughout the day my curiosity would not leave me alone. Over what? Wondering why I’m so concerned about maybe leaving my readers without saying I’m not posting anymore.

If you think what I’ve said so far is confusing, just wait . . . it will get more confusing.

It’s true I do have obsessive/compulsive behavior along with the torment of indecision, but what I neglected to mention was that my stubbornness, attitude about life, and certain things and/or people, puts me into dilemmas sometimes. Last night (or early this morning, if you prefer) was one of them.

It’s possible I was riding through mild heart challenges (of the physical nature). The experience through the night and most of today was unlike anything I can remember happening before in my life. I couldn’t sleep because of the pain in the center of my chest. I was under a lot of stress over the weekend and then I added strain to my body yesterday, but that alone wasn’t what aroused my suspicions. What bugged me was my foolish thinking from last year that led me to doing what I sensed wasn’t right to keep ignoring.

Due to suffering insomnia for so long in my life, I desperately wanted to speed up and secure a healthy sleeping pattern. That desire led me to investigate about 5-HTP (I already touched on that subject in my Snow, ice, slush, and rain post). I did something I do NOT do when researching topics. I remained one-sided with what I’d allow myself to read. I wanted to try something I never tried before, so when I read that 5-HTP not only treats insomnia but also helps to stabilize moods, I was eager to experiment upon myself. I was so eager that I didn’t want to read anything negative about it. However, even though I didn’t go looking for the cons of 5-HTP, someone responded with a warning to a post I wrote in a forum about my trying it out. He stated there were risks to the heart valves from this amino acid supplement. I remember thinking back then (last summer) that I was so tired of being tired that I didn’t care anymore. It’s one of the beauty’s of getting old — the quality of life can become more important than quantity as one gets older.

The other possibly foolish and hasty thing I did was to eagerly trust what applied kinesiology supposedly suggested as being the dosage level needed for me. I started taking 400 mg. per day for a few months. Then I dropped it down to 300 mg/day for some more months. I remained at a 200 mg/day dose for this year. Today was my first day not taking any of this supplement. Am I now in for a different kind of ride? This ought to be interesting.

Speaking of rides, shortly after posting my last post (it’s a joke; play on words, if you know what I mean . . . never mind), I took a more painful ride around 2 AM. I went outdoors then (everything was rock-solid frozen outdoors) with my Rascal pup since she needed to relieve herself and I thought maybe the fresh cold air might alleviate some of the pain in my chest. I was out there in the dark and quiet night, in only my robe and slippers, carrying a cup and saucer that had had some chamomile tea I drank up. Where I live there are lots of coyotes, some bears, and an occasional mountain lion. What’s worse though is that often times there are rabid animals around (hubby just had a buddy at work kill a rabid raccoon with a 2 by 4 board earlier that day). Anyhow, suddenly while I was still outside (I’d been out there already for about 5-10 minutes), I heard a strange scream from a wild animal very close by to where I was standing. Since I couldn’t see much because of how dark it was, I ran as fast as I could to the house (Rascal was ahead of me). Bam . . . down I went into a heap! Is that why they’re called slippers? The ground was full of sharp frozen lumps of dirt and snow and there was nothing to protect my arms and legs from getting cut as I fell and hit the ground hard. So much for the pain in my chest. The other pains overpowered that easily.

I had just been praying for God to give me something else to focus my mind on because I didn’t want to be wondering what was going on in my chest. Be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it! Oh well, with all the times I trip and fall, I’ve had to learn to accept what I can’t change. I have so many accidents (yes, clutsiness is another aspie tendency) that I’ve learned to just go with the flow. Just a couple of years back, I tripped by the edge of a cliff and almost went over. Oops . . . I better not go there because I’ve got too many nutty stories in that direction to tell.

Honestly, I could compose a big fat book containing all the incidences of when I’ve gotten into trouble and/or should have not lived but yet God still insists I stick around for some odd reason. That’s why I don’t bother to go to doctors and/or hospitals. These days, hubby just patches me up while he shakes his head thinking “there she goes again.” I always know there will be another episode in the not too far future so I learn to be thankful for those days in-between when I can live somewhat normal.

Before this early morning spill resulting in my being stuck immobile again, I had planned to arrange my life differently so I wouldn’t be so tempted to be drawn back to my computer addiction. All in all, this much I know: Even though I may not always be perfectly faithful to remaining in God’s will and/or have trouble understanding what it is sometimes, I do know that God is faithful to His word. He says in Proverbs 20:24:

“Man’s goings are of the LORD; how can a man then understand his own way?”

If you’re confused as to why I would not call 911 and/or go to the hospital if I suspect I’m having an issue with my heart (which by the way, I did read up about such things during my puzzlement as to what was going on last night with my chest pains), it’s because I’m one of those kooks who trusts God more than any doctor. I don’t have a doctor, nor do I want one. I don’t go for check-ups, nor have I gone for check-ups either. So, if anyone thinks they’re going to change my mind about the medical profession and/or pharmaceutical industry, then let me spare you of wasting time. No one knows everything I’ve been through in my life. There are certain things in my life that I actually keep private and protect fiercely from judgmental people. If I was forced to have and pay for health insurance, I wouldn’t use it even if someone paid me.