Sheila Schoonmaker

March 31, 2008

AS and Unequal Reactions to Fame

Filed under: My Aspieness — Sheila @ 9:02 am
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Jerry Newport and Mary Meinel-Newport wrote about their lives in Mozart and the Whale. Hollywood made their version with the same title. Jerry and Mary are Asperger’s syndrome people who met, fell in love, and got married . . . twice (both times with each other).

The Newports came to my area for the Going Places with Aspergers Conference. They talked about their book, their lives, their movie, and their thoughts on Aspergers. I was stunned to hear how opposite Mary was treated than Jerry when they tell others about their book and movie!

I got confused when Mary talked about the effect that the drugs she was given had almost caused her to have an accident which could have killed her. I wondered why she would ‘need’ meds. She explained as I listened in shocking disbelief!

When Mary (superb as an alien on Star Trek) told people she has a book published and Hollywood produced a movie based on her story, she was institutionalized for being ‘delusional’ and was prescribed medication to get over her ‘fantasy.’ Come on now! How easy can it be to check out such a story to see if it’s valid or not?! But no . . . that’s not the way it goes in real life.

When Jerry told people the same thing (remember, the book and movie are about the couple by the couple), he received praise and admiration. No one ever questioned him. They believed him, but not Mary. Why? Think about that Aspie guys when you’re feeling down because you think Aspie gals have a much better life. Better yet, read Mozart and the Whale. Then you’ll see how wonderful (not) Mary’s life has been.

When I first began reading Mozart and the Whale, almost immediately I knew Mary was my kindred soul! I never would have dreamed that I’d get to meet and talk with her! When I did, I was not at all surprised to discover she was exactly as I knew she’d be. She is a truly amazing woman who has been through so much crap in her life because she’s different. Even now I chuckle over the similarities between me and her — like how we both take too long to give a fantastic haircut because we’re so meticulous — along with other characteristics of our personality and lives that only I know.

March 30, 2008

Real Dangerous Anger

Filed under: My Faith — Sheila @ 4:26 pm
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“But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.” — Matthew 5:22

Why else can this be except for the reason of a self-righteous attitude? Those who spill over such words as Raca and/or fool don’t let God be God and think they can do a better job. It is the opposite of praying for your enemies and loving them. There is no humility behind such anger. Any anger that stems from self not getting its way is without a cause. When anger is provoked by God’s will being ignored by those who claim to follow Him (your brother), then there is a cause to be upset.

First examine your own self to remove that board from your own eye before you attempt to remove a splinter out of your brother’s eye. Whatever measure you judge another person by is the same measure God is going to judge you by. So, don’t be angry without a cause (reason) to be angry or else God is going to judge you and you will be in danger of hell fire!

When you let the sun go down on your anger, you have suppressed your feelings instead of working with what they are telling you to do.

Raca means vain fellow and vain implies worthless. To think of your brother as worthless reflects arrogance. We are all worth nothing without God’s grace. To treat someone as if she does not exist is saying Raca to her. “I will forever ignore you because you are a non-person,” reflects judgment by God through social council. This middle-of-the-road malice is effacing (literally removing one’s face out of your memory) a person’s mind without casting away her heart. Raca reflects a disdainful mind from a contemptuous emotion primarily upon the thoughts another person has. The attitude behind Raca is, “I won’t listen to you, I don’t care about your opinions, your ideas are worth about as much as those of a lunatic in a psychiatric ward,” stemming from a childish level, “Jane Doe is a crank” and/or “Jane Doe is a kook.” An attack like this aims to nullify another’s words. It is not attacking character, but it does create alienation by isolating the victim.

In a church congregation each person is equally important, and his or her opinions are to be heard and taken seriously. This is one way that we can see God’s spirit no longer is in man’s churches. When self-proclaimed Christians ignore what input you have to share, it is truly a sign that the abomination of desolation has taken her stand in the holy place. Even if someone doesn’t verbally say the words signifying Raca (to spit), actions can reflect the neglect to care (be interested) about another’s soul. To be interested is to invest of oneself into another. To have no interest implies no one can gain anything of value from that person. Spit is to expel. To kill is to murder. Murder begins in the heart. Many years ago, church members have already started to kill God’s elect among their congregation. This marked the beginning of the Great Tribulation and the time for wise Godly people to come out from the antichrist’s temple (silencing the visible church).

Maybe some parents might believe that what their children think and say are not important, but God always values thoughts, words, actions, feelings, opinions, attitudes, etc. When a person completely rejects another, she acts as her own god believing she can ultimately judge who is a moral rebel (an apostate). It’s like telling a person to, “go to hell!” It is one thing to say someone is rebellious but another matter to label one as a rebel. Christ didn’t condemn anyone while He was here. To call someone rebellious is out of a motive to convict their conscience. To say she is a rebel, fool, or moral idiot is accusing and condemning. Reproof and rebuke can also be called accusing, but the motive is for correction out of a spirit of love and attitude, “therefore but by the grace of God go I.”

To call someone a fool is to label them as an idiot (in the spiritual sense). This totally malignant opinion of another shows God’s judgment as condemning one to eternal death without pardon. To have such total disregard towards another person’s heart (character) reflects the lack of God’s grace.

Fool is an old-fashioned term for today’s modern ones people call others; like: trailer-trash, waste product, trash, good-for-nothing, useless, chaff, reprobate, idiot — destitute one of all spiritual or Divine knowledge, etc.

Hell fire is perpetual. The refuse of Jerusalem was continually being burnt up by the fire outside the city gates. There is no greater curse a person can inflict upon another than to discard her from your concern over what happens to her soul.

Note: Raca expresses contempt for a man’s head —> stupid!; [The Greek word] “moros” expresses contempt for his heart and character —> scoundrel!

There is more than one meaning for the word fool in scripture. Verse 22 here implies spiritually empty. The other use of this term elsewhere implies unbelief. The difference between the two is the former is condemning and the later is convicting.

Matthew 10:14, Mark 6:11, Luke 9:5, and Acts 13:51, are¹ examples of a completely different motive behind leaving others with their kind. For starters, there is no anger involved (unless it’s from those who will not hear the gospel truth). Either you are walking in God’s Spirit living out His will in your life or you are walking in the flesh living out your will in your life.

 

¹Matthew 10:14, “And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.”

 

 

Mark 6:11, “And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear you, when ye depart thence, shake off the dust under your feet for a testimony against them. Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city.”

Luke 9:5, “And whosoever will not receive you, when ye go out of that city, shake off the very dust from your feet for a testimony against them.”

Acts 13:51, “But they shook off the dust of their feet against them, and came unto Iconium.”

Heather Kuzmich

Filed under: My Aspieness — Sheila @ 3:19 pm
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Triple videos of Heather Kuzmich, for those who have a wrong impression about Aspergers:



Heather Kuzmich reveals during her interview with Alex Plank that she is able to figure out who else is an Aspie. That goes to show, “It takes one to know one.”

Great Gift Idea!

Filed under: My Aspieness, My Humor — Sheila @ 9:57 am
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Where can I buy this device that warns a person when he is boring or irritating? I’d love to pass this around at a barbecue or some other social gathering so neurotypical people can realize this whole concept of being ‘unpleasant’ to be around is a two-way street. Wouldn’t that be a fun game?!

And ‘they’ label us as being self-centered?! . . . okay, whatever.

March 29, 2008

What’s Recognized?

Filed under: Aspie Myths — Sheila @ 9:05 am
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My next exposé on yet another ’symptom’ and characteristic of Aspergers:

Difficulty with constant anxiety, worried about performance and being accepted, despite commendation and special recognition.

Again, it depends. The most obvious factor which will determine if someone struggles with this issue is what his parents are like. After them, it’s the influence of: siblings, relatives, the family’s friends, teachers, peers, etc.

I will borrow a quote (sorry, I don’t know who wrote it) which is off the topic a little, but it should help with this explanation:

“Not every autistic person doesn’t want a cure. I’ve talked to a few that would want one. But the strange common factor between those people seems to be that they’ve all suffered a great deal of prejudice, and been told that their autistic traits are bad and wrong and if only they were normal… As a result they seem not to have been taught how to use their autistic traits, but rather to suppress them and try to do things the “normal” way.They’ve got a right to say what they say. It’s just that I think if they were accepted and helped to learn instead of pitied and “trained” to be normal, they would be a lot happier, and it wouldn’t matter so much that there isn’t a cure. Maybe they would still want one; but they’d be happier and they wouldn’t seem to spend their days wishing that they could be normal…I think in a world where autistic people were accepted and educated properly, most autistic people wouldn’t want a cure; and those who did, could still be happy without one.”

Now I’ll add an example of a person who displayed this ’symptom’ and characteristic of Aspergers:

There was an Aspie student in a public speaking class who gave her speech on the topic of Aspergers. Even though she received an A- for it, she was highly upset over not getting an A+.

When people judge a person based on what they witness without knowing the other factors that enter into the equation, they don’t understand why someone doesn’t behave like they would if they were in that same situation. Now I’ll give a couple of examples from my own life of such factors:

Last night I went out for dinner with my husband (don’t judge — going out on a date with him now is a novel experience because it’s something we didn’t even do before we got married 2 decades ago!). After eating, the waitress asked if we would like dessert. My husband requested a cheesecake, along with a cup of coffee. When the waitress looked at me, I told her I didn’t want anything other than just a cup of coffee. (My husband said I spoke politely and audibly clear enough to be heard.)

She came back to our table with one cup of coffee and a slice of cheesecake. They both were placed in front of my husband. She didn’t even look at me. That’s another fine example of the autistic superpower of being invisible!

Last summer, as I was visiting a neighbor while she was having a yard sale, I was chatting with another neighbor who came to visit. We were talking casually about careers.¹ All seemed to be going along fine, so when she blurted out, “Your husband must be a saint to be married to you,” I became speechless from shock!

Need I say more for others to get my point I’m trying to express?

¹That ‘rude’ neighbor (a secretary) was disturbed over my refusal (an assumption on her part) to get a ‘job’ (her judgment of me). I feel honored to be a homemaker (retired homeschooler) for the glory of God.

March 28, 2008

Love the Hub!

Filed under: My Aspieness — Sheila @ 10:41 am
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What hub am I talking about? The Autism Hub! It would be a glorious day if I ever got to see the Autism Hub speak internationally; on television and in world-wide publications! The world can’t even begin to imagine the impact that autistic members on the hub could inject!

I can imagine it now . . . people would be saying, “What’s all the hubbub about?” Any creative ideas and/or suggestions fellow hubbers on how our spokes can reach more folks?

My suggestion is we start rolling around this planet in whatever ways we can draw attention. We need more than t-shirts and the internet; we need big businesses on our side. Fight fire with fire and let the burning wheel turn on the light for those being led into the dark! I bet if we pooled our individual assets together (besides all the great reading material we create), we too could move boldly forward like ‘Autism Speaks’ Not.

United we stand — divided we fall. Let’s not just stand our ground on what we believe or merely walk for autism; let’s run for autism! As in “Run, Forrest, Run” (as vigorously said in the Forrest Gump movie) . . . let’s hear “Run, Hub, Run!” Make it sound so fun that all children would want a ‘hub’ toy to play with. Let McDonalds and Burger King put that in their Happy Meal! . . . but first Hollywood needs to get going on making movies depicting characters on the autism spectrum as being fun to know. Hey Alex, do you think you could get Yellow Sneakers¹ to run that way? Maybe then businesses targeting children like Toys ‘R Us and Build-A-Bear Workshop would maybe get a little nervous.

Children have a sense of what’s crap verses what’s real, let them be our campaign managers. People can’t make a decision unless they’re reminded of there being two sides to a puzzle; one side hides the picture, while the other exposes it.

We need to be putting a face to autism that others are not seeing.

¹Yellow Sneaker Media is founded by Alex Plank. Both Alex and his artistically talented girlfriend, Katie Miller, got WrongPlanet.net growing strong — the world’s largest online resource and community for those with Asperger’s Syndrome. Alex Plank talks to parents of people with Asperger’s:

Worry Wort?

Filed under: My Aspieness, My Humor — Sheila @ 3:35 am
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Would anyone confess to using the words aspergers same drinking cup when doing a search yesterday on the internet? Is this what happens when the word disease gets substituted for different?

I don’t know if it’s so funny because it’s the middle of the night (or early morning depending on how you look at it) and I haven’t been to sleep yet since yesterday about this time OR if it would still be that nutty even if I was caught up on sleep.

Edit:

Saturday, March 29th, 2008 @ 1:55 PM — I extend my most humble apology if the author of these search terms was looking for information about something like a child who always wants to drink from the same cup. I should know better than to judge, especially when I hate others judging me! That’s what I get for thinking I can think when I’m probably half asleep.

March 27, 2008

Sensitivity to Value

Filed under: Aspie Myths — Sheila @ 12:16 pm
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It’s because of my sensitivities that I had to choose the ’symptom’ and asperger characteristic of strong sensitivity to sound, light, some tastes, odors and colors today. If I picked a different asperger issue to counter-balance the massive amount of misinformation circulating through the media, my anger level would escalate too high.

I doubt most people realize how difficult it is for someone, such as my ‘aspie’ self, to endure watching documentaries filmed on the topic of Autism. I won’t mention which one I viewed today, but I will say it lasted 93 minutes and 52 seconds. It did cover the issue of sensitivity to sound and light, but practically nothing was said about autistics’ sensitivities with taste, odor, or color. That’s no big deal.

What is bad however is the way that people are reacting towards Autism and Autistics. Watching so-called ‘educational’ videos on this topic reminds me of a bunch of hens running around a hen-house in a panic without knowing where the fox is. There is no way to ’sugar coat’ this — the ignorance level of a lot of the people who are putting themselves in charge ‘helping’ autistic children (especially the Asperger Syndrome/High-Functioning Autistics) is scary.

Why don’t these people incorporate the help that ‘well-aged’ adults, who are on the high end of the autism spectrum, can give them? Doesn’t this missing ingredient raise any red-flags for anyone? . . . or are people to dull and/or proud to notice?

My heart breaks when I see the way that adults in these documentaries try to ‘train’ autistic children! It’s obvious to me they don’t know what they’re doing.¹ Some of them at least are getting a vague ‘connection’ pulling them into the right direction when they allow their children to teach them something. The reason these children can’t teach anyone else other than their parents is because no one else really cares to know! People may pretend, but if they are, they’re most likely doing it for whatever money they can grab for themselves by taking advantage of a situation.

How long will it take for people to wake up and see that it is not the children who need to change, but rather society’s perception of them? One mother summed it up perfectly! She said her daughter taught her that there was NOTHING wrong with her daughter, but rather the problem was that society would never VALUE her daughter . . . even though her daughter has aspects about herself that have value which society could benefit from.

Heightened sensitivity itself is a value when used in the proper channels. Is it necessary to say what advantages a person has, who is able to discern more subtle sounds, tastes, odors, colors, lights, movement, details, etc. with greater accuracy, than someone who is less sensitive in these areas?

If we know that you can’t put a round peg into a square hole, then why do people believe it is possible to fit autistic children into mainstream schools? Since it’s obvious there are enough neuro-A-typical children in society that would benefit from schools specifically geared to their style of learning, the whole idea of trying to make mainstream schools accommodate their needs is absurd!

The problem however that would crop up with schools specializing in teaching students on the autism spectrum would be keeping out the greedy foxes that sneak in. The television media is already feeding them, along with big businesses such as: Starbucks, Toys ‘R Us, and Build-A-Bear Workshop. I spot quite a few of these ‘bad apples’ sitting in at asperger conventions. It’s easy for me to tell who they are by the way they ‘talk down’ to me as if I’m inferior. If I’m not supposed to be sensitive about that, then I say, “Oh well . . . good luck everyone because you’re going to need it!”

¹I’m talking about the general long-term consequences more than anything. The process is slow and subtle; one step at a time.

March 26, 2008

Act Your Age

Filed under: Aspie Myths — Sheila @ 12:40 pm
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If you act your age, you will age to your act. That’s how I rephrase the quote, “You don’t stop playing because you get old. You get old because you stop playing.” Too many of the wrong types of neurotypical people either perceive most Aspergians as either: acting in a somewhat immature manner, as having low to no sense of humor, or; as having a very weird sense of humor, sometimes not found very humorous by others.

How wonderful! . . . more bigoted traits against us Aspergians! Over what now? — differences in humor?! What audacity to expect others to conform their humor and sense of fun to suit the taste of typical people just because it doesn’t agree with them!

Since when are there supposed to be ‘rules’ to go by to define what is fun for another person? That’s sick!

Funny is a branch off ‘fun.’ Funny and humorous are the same thing. To have fun is to be playful. Who are the masters of fun? Children of course! Rarely do you hear ‘mature’ people giggle like children. What nitwit came up with the notion that you can’t be mature if your playfulness remains unchanged from childhood?!

Personally, I feel sorry for adults who are obsessed with how they impress others. Who are other people anyhow if they’re not just other people?

Once upon a time when I was shopping in a grocery store, I observed how a train of adults were enjoying themselves while shopping. I also noticed how those outside of that group were observing that train — they stared with disgust. Now I know why, but they don’t and they never will. It was obvious to me that this train of adults were sincerely enjoying themselves and having fun regardless of the vile behavior being displayed by the ’socially correct’ crowd. The absolute only reason for such a contrast to come about was jealousy.

Children are permitted to be playful because adults know that those children will one day grow up to become less happy as an adult; just like them with all their ‘responsibilities’ and ‘worries.’ Then they can say of those kids, “Let them enjoy themselves now, because one day that will be gone.” Why must there be such a warped attitude like that?!

The principle is the same as with being popular and rich. If that wasn’t so, then there would not be popular sayings like “everyone wants their ‘fifteen minutes of fame and fortune’.” People base their value upon what others think of them. The combination of the fear to appearing unique, along with most adults not knowing how to be playful anymore, sets the stage for trying to slam the doors shut on those who (1.) don’t give a crap about what others think of them and (2.) that still know how to genuinely enjoy themselves.

The only thing people should be embarrassed about when they judge another as not ‘acting their age,’ is that their ‘jealousy slip’ is showing.

Do people stop to realize that maybe the reason they might mistakenly think someone else has little to no sense of humor is because not all people think alike? What makes one person laugh can make another cry. Unfortunately we’re now living in a world where people freely laugh when others get hurt (e.g., America’s Funniest Home Videos).

If there were not so many differences over what constitutes humor, then people wouldn’t say, “You wouldn’t think it’s so funny if it happened to you!” Are those who are stunned by what they label as ‘immature behavior’ able to realize that people like me are splitting a gut trying to refrain from laughing to avoid a fight because I find their seriousness absolutely hysterical? I’m sure some would classify that as being a ‘very weird sense of humor, sometimes not found very humorous by others.’

How can anyone possibly know that someone has no sense of humor unless he has been around that person every minute of his life? Now that’s funny!

March 25, 2008

Thank You

Filed under: Aspie Myths — Sheila @ 5:42 pm
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I sincerely appreciate all the encouragement my readers give! The more I get, the more I have to give back and will gladly do so.

It’s said we Aspergians have difficulty accepting compliments. If and/or when that might be true, most likely it’s because we have difficulty detecting what the complimenter is really up to. Why can’t the NT world accept and/or understand that Aspergians think differently?! It takes us Aspies time, work, effort, and experience to learn that a social game is even going on — let alone knowing what it is.¹ Regardless of all that, we can eventually ‘get it‘ but, . . . we probably don’t want to play. It’s energy draining, especially if it’s expected of us to keep up the act for a prolonged period of time.

Unless an Aspergian gets brainwashed at an early age and/or is forced into it, he most likely will give a compliment without any ulterior motive. The NT culture differs from an Aspergian one in that NTs thrive on wearing whatever virtual make-up can make them look more attractive. Because there are enough people abusing the use of compliments, it’s accepted as being natural. What’s really natural is what you hear little children (like toddlers) say.

Everyone likes to be liked. Problems however will come about when a clash exists between the way different people go about exchanging niceties. Most Aspergians have at least average intelligence and many go well beyond the average, so when we’re suspicious of a compliment and our suspicions turn out to be valid, we’re highly insulted. Hopefully there are enough people with brains around to realize we Aspies going to go in the other direction when such things happen. It goes against our nature to overlook something that isn’t functional. Flattery may work among NTs for them to get what they want, but it does so at the cost of creating dysfunctional relationships.

When and/or if we accept compliments with ease, then we will be accused of being naïve. We’re never going to be who we’re not. Think about this: As willing and able an NT may be to change his behavior by taking off his mask and keeping it off at all times, that is how willing and able an Aspergian is to put on a mask and wear it out in public.

¹Social role playing is illogical and destructive to individuals and society in the long run. Typical people grow up practicing this craft so automatically that they’re not even aware of how much they do it by the time they reach adulthood.

[Edit on April 12, 2008 --- I greatly appreciate all the encouragement I've received. However, since I'm disabling commenting, I shall try and make do with all of the positive feedback I've received so far. Thank you everyone for your kind words.]

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