To begin answering the question of what I think parents with an autistic child should do in regards to raising their autism spectrum child, I must mention that even though I’ve lived 53 years on the Autism Spectrum as an Asperger’s Syndrome person, I have more to learn yet for thinking about. If I know that I don’t know about certain aspects, I will say so. In regards to what I do know, I cannot do anything but speak about it. I don’t enjoy trying to write about my life and aspergers because most of the time it’s overwhelming to try explaining.
My family members tell me to feed what I can to the world in bits and pieces. My being so much of an ‘all or nothing’ kind of person, attempting to decide what bits and pieces, when, and how to load the plate bothers me to no end. I can see a huge picture at my end because of finally receiving enough pieces to the neurotypical puzzle¹ that other Aspies are missing.
I realize now that I do not have peace about covering the whole spectrum of autistic people when I’m writing about this topic. Maybe I can somewhat translate what possibly goes on in the mind of a person at the furthest end away from Aspergers on the Autism Spectrum, but that probably would be more speculation on my part than anything else. I do know I can understand anyone’s way of thinking on the Autism Spectrum better than I can decipher the coded messages neurotypical people send out.
What I’m rapidly noticing about myself is how well I can discern who else may be an Aspie. Some Aspies I can detect immediately and some just take more time, but give me enough time and I can figure out who is the real deal and who can’t be. To scientifically prove which people walk the ‘middle ground’ between the more obvious autistics verses obvious neurotypicals is not something I want to get into. I make this clear because I don’t want to be accused of violating any laws.
However, judging from what I observe others doing online, I can see I have the right to express my opinions and thoughts. Since the people who are licensed and trusted to give counsel are failing miserably in so many ways, my conscience forces me to to share my thoughts piece by piece. This is why I caution those who read what I say to bear in mind they may get the wrong idea if they make a judgment with too few pieces.
That being said, “Let the pieces begin!” . . .
Do not ignore your instincts if you care about your child more than you do about what other people think of you and/or your family. This vital lesson took me approximate half a century to learn about myself. I used to obsessively distrust myself while trusting others who insisted upon knowing what they were talking about. That was a huge mistake I now no longer continue.
Do not believe everything you hear, especially if money is involved in the equation somewhere.
Do not be so gullible as to buy and use all the terminology that the ‘professionals’ are selling. Most people do this unconsciously without question. If only typical people would not be so mind-blind about seeing the destruction this causes for whatever progress others attempt to create! Maybe it would help build awareness if people viewed the autism not-speaks vocabulary that is now set loose as being like political cockroaches. It’s time to turn on the light and exterminate all the ‘bugs’ so then we can finally get this autism/neurotypical program to begin functioning properly.
Be the one with the last word as to what goes on in your child’s life that comes from outside of your home. Children living in the AS culture can begin to send their messages to listening ears, but if those children get brainwashed and confused by the wrong information they receive because of trusting the wrong people, then when they grow up, they’re the ones who will handicap the rest of the world from being able to understand those of us who have been around the block a few times already. Aspies actually experiment with, and put to the test, the myths and facts about what makes us different. Loyal Aspergians have done it 24/7 since birth and do so until death. Do they?
People will reap what they sow eventually. What they say about computers ‘garbage in, garbage out’ applies to society as well. What this world now has is the majority of its inhabitants malfunctioning on lower-platforms of logic while trying to operate society’s higher-level systems. Besides too many things being backwards, everything is moving too fast. Big-buck corporations spew out new Windows Operating Systems (like XP and Vista) too rapidly. It’s what the less technically minded people ignorantly want and believe to be best, so they foolishly fund their investments into something they know little about. It’s their customer’s money that pays for their experiments; plus, they can be easily irresponsible since they can chaotically point their fingers in so many different directions now without having to be accountable . . . just like all the other big and powerful organizations!
When you apply the above said principle to solving the puzzle of autism, you have the wrong section of society competitively running so fast that they don’t even realize they’re stuck in a wheel that’s going nowhere better and is wasting energy, along with time, while doing so.
How can the media get on the wagon instead of spinning the wheels? Start by slowing down to listen and observe what exists outside of the neurotypical world. It’s far more logical. This is why Asperger’s Syndrome people are often referred to as the Mr. Spock type. Many Aspies are drawn to shows like Star Trek because they can relate to Mr. Spock’s way of thinking.
It’s not that Mr. and Mrs. Spocks (as Aspies mature) cannot eventually get the non-verbal message signals to go away because the other person finds him or her irritating. There is a fuzzy gray area between being unable to get a clear reception verses being unwilling to get it. When it’s because of not wanting to, it’s not done maliciously. Most likely ‘coldness’ is tuned out because of desperately wanting to ‘fit’ in and be accepted by others. Referring to Aspies in defective manners is NOT the way to encourage acceptance. How many people know what it feels like to be shunned by the entire world? Get the picture? Older Aspies usually do and it hurts. Childhood bullies don’t go away; they just mutate into a more subtle and socially acceptable form of a bully.
This is why parents should let their AS child help with guiding them into thinking more logically. The AS child might seem to be acting illogically, but that’s most likely because of misjudging. Maybe a lot of people don’t know that Aspergers (pardon the popular derogatory term² → ‘high-functioning autistics’) people are often known for their strong analytical skills. That’s why so many Aspies are great mathematicians, scientists, philosophers, inventors, and/or physicists. But to be fair, they also can be great artists, musicians, and/or writers. All these fields of study require logic (harmony/coherence). The difference is that in some careers it’s more obvious than in others.
What I’m trying to say is that this whole ‘puzzle’ thing exists because of ignorance caused by the lack of communication. The people who understand Asperger’s Syndrome the best are the ones who receive the least media attention, but then if you’re reading this you probably know that already. Even so, that’s all the more reason it’s up to you to tell others. They’ll listen to you better than they’ll listen to me. Trust me, I know from my own personal experience. I have to use my family members to act in my behalf as ambassadors for my country Aspergazstan, because I receive the iceberg treatment when I explain about myself in person to others. When my husband or daughter do, then suddenly ears perk up and tune in. Anyone want to explain that?
Fellow native Americans, how would you like to be forced to speak Spanish and have Spanish be America’s language? Of course Mexicans and all other Spanish speaking cultures love that idea. Maybe if you’re not an American import whose foundational language is Spanish, then maybe you can comprehend (from my analogy here) how irritating and insulting it is for many AS adults to hear such words as: treatment, disorder, symptom, better health, cure, medicate, therapy, special needs, etc. being casually used for describing a person who’s ONLY real ‘problem’ is that s/he thinks differently!
How can society accept the fact that Aspergers people are NOT out-of-order if people are perpetuating derogatory language by being too scared of what others will think if they stop using such words as ‘disorder’? Would those who design operating systems for Windows-based computers dare to call those who originally design Macintosh computers out-of-order? Well, they kind of have in a non-direct way. If that wasn’t so, then we wouldn’t be having Mac computers able to run on all different types of systems³ . . . including Windows. Let’s see neurotypical PCs functionally operate on multiple systems. Ha! They can’t and never will because they don’t have to.
¹I love doing jigsaw puzzles and am very good at putting them together, but I haven’t done any in the past few decades though. Mental puzzles are way more fun for me!
²The reason the term high-functioning autistic is derogatory is because it implies that people who are labeled as low-functioning autistics are inferior. No one has the right to judge another person’s worth. The only reason people get away with this shameful behavior is because the world condones it.
³Mac computers and software are more expensive than Windows PCs because more work and higher standards are put into these babies. They have greater worth and higher reliability because of what’s been sacrificed in order for the masses to not foolishly exterminate this technical species of wonder. Even though a Mac can put on a Windows face, it will always operate the way it was designed . . . as a Mac! Macs will not voluntarily go away and neither will Aspies.
