Children and adults with Autism need the same thing everyone else does — unconditional acceptance. Parents may come around to accepting the fact that their child has a mind of his own that no one else can ‘own.’ Ultimately children will only comply as much as they want to. Just because an adult cannot understand why a child might present a difficult time over eating some food, going to a particular place, or wearing a certain article of clothing, does not mean he has no reason to rebel. It usually does make life easier when everyone understands why, but who ever said life was going to be easy?
What should be kept in mind when dealing with stubborn autistic-related behavior is that this practice, which might seem to be destructive, could actually be constructive in the long run. The whole package of traits that make those on the autism spectrum different from neurotypicals need to be nurtured. It is not for NTs to pick and choose from their perspective because they’re not the ones who have to live as an AS person in this world.
As hard as it may seem, parents need to have faith in their neuro-A-typical child that he can and will learn what he needs to know. If they don’t trust in his ability to do so, then it’s highly unlikely that child will find his own way to discover what his advantages are over others in life. A common trait of autism spectrum people is how resourceful and creative they can get when need be.
Let those who are different and difficult to comprehend have a chance to grow in their own direction. Be there to nurture and protect neurodiversity. Do not support and/or tolerate any disrespect for autistic individuals. Keep it down to this → just because you might like or dislike something, doesn’t mean another person shares your preferences. Respect what you don’t understand and accept that all human beings deserve to be treated the same way you’d like them to treat you.
A true walk for autism involves listening to those of us on the autism spectrum talk so we can put a long-needed end to this horrible tolerance of rude behavior from all ages on the NT spectrum. The commercial on tv that tells kids to walk away from bullies to avoid confrontation doesn’t work. It’s a joke. Schools don’t deal with such crap and more people are finally seeing that. What bullies need is to be put in their place by their victims. There were a lot less bullies when kids could take matters into their own hands. When you stifle the good guy, you’ve turned him into a punching bag.
I bet you don’t realize Marla how much of a heroine people like you are?! You have no idea what an impact you have on how much you teach me about my own life because you and your husband are so unlike being the kind of parents I had! That helps me to sort out what in my life made me like I am because of my upbringing verses my aspieness.
Besides what I just said, the other thing that is so helpful is what you tell me. As simple as it may sound, I have NO clue what other people want to know. This blogging experience is so opposite from what I’ve become accustomed to in my offline life! Nobody ever gave a crap about what I thought. I might as well have been born a knick knack that sits on a shelf — some people took me temporarily off the shelf when I was a novelty, but then when they were done with me, put me back up to collect dust.
Yes, you make sense Marla. However, I know that if I never became a parent and grandparent, you wouldn’t make sense. I wouldn’t understand why parents like you care so much to listen and learn.
Very very well said. Please keep writing about what we as parents can do. There is a lot out there about how parents of children with Autism are using the wrong language or the wrong therapies or whatever. I hope more people with first hand experience share the whys and the hows behind what they experience. Does that make sense? I really appreciate posts such as this.