Yesterday I did my monthly shopping. I make mini-trips¹ about once a week for things like milk and bread, but wait to get other things for as long as I can possibly hold off. This morning I’m feeling the effects from getting overwhelmed yesterday. It’s the same feeling as the day after my husband has his annual 4th of July barbecue at our house. I feel like crap! It doesn’t help when hubs foolishly tells me I ‘talk’ myself into feeling like this — as if all I had to do was not ‘think’ I’m overwhelmed and I wouldn’t feel this way! That’s easy for somebody to say who cannot relate to what I’m talking about!
While I’m shopping, I generally do not feel overwhelmed. I describe it more as being like a stick floating in a stream going with the flow. The problem though is that during my episode of being in the city of Concrete Fluorescentville, my state of mind hasn’t adjusted yet to what the after affects are going to be later. As soon as I’m home, it all begins to sink in. It starts with counting the change left over from what’s been spent. The smell of perfume on paper bills turns my stomach. The reality of knowing that most of the things purchased will be used up and I’ll have to repeat the process. The immense volumes of mini-decisions that have occurred and will reoccur begin to drag me down.
If it’s not bad enough to have to shop in many different stores in order for me to cross the items off my to do list, the stores mutate! Nothing upsets me more than to have to get used to a store that has rearranged everything! I should not have gone shopping so soon after WordPress went and changed its ‘behind the curtain’ control panel! It’s not going to get any easier because my house is now a chaotic mess because of all the new packages all over the place, my desk looks like a burglar ransacked through it, and the maid hasn’t showed up to clean the daily occurrences (I’m the maid). That’s okay because my grandson will help me clean up today (that’s a joke guys, laugh already!).
The only reason I’m writing about this now instead of doing what I can to put things in order is because I would like others to know what is meant by these ’symptoms’ and characteristics of Aspergers:
Great concern about personal working area.
Extreme reaction to a schedule change or routine.
Repetitive behaviors, and if the step-by-step scheduled routine is interrupted it causes confusion and sometimes anger.
Certain preferences of personal items, such as always picking the same clothes in stores when making a new purchase, using the same blanket, not wanting to throw away a particular pair of shoes.
Confusion during stress (everything in this list has to do with stress levels).
Repetitive simple routines (they’re reassuring to an Aspie).
Neurotypical people have the same ’symptoms’ and characteristics on lower levels, but they go unnoticed because Aspies are affected by these things to a higher level. The reason NTs don’t get affected the same way by changing transitions is because they multi-task by nature since their focus in no where near as intense in what they’re doing. Aspies must have everything one at a time, especially instructions, directions, and tasks!
It seems bumps like shopping and barbecues cause spillovers into how well I can carry on a conversation. I normally tend to talk ‘choppy.’ I begin to talk about one thing, but immediately shift to another thought, then another . . . all without warning. That’s because thoughts rapidly start flooding into my mind and I don’t want to forget any of them. I can’t organize my thoughts because there are too many pulling into the station too fast.² When I haven’t been overstimulated and/or overwhelmed over a period of time, my mind relaxes and I don’t sound so confusing when I talk.
I think this is why you see Aspie children needing to ‘recharge’ regularly by wrapping themselves up somewhere. It’s not always about seeking comforting pressure to calm the senses. I know of one tyke who loves to regularly ‘meditate’ inside a dog crate with the door shut. I doubt they teach about such things as that in a class for detecting child abuse! I remember as a child, I loved to go sit for a long time on the floor behind a chair in the corner where no one could see me.
Even though people can kind of ’see’ me online, the internet is like having an agent who represents you. I can be social indirectly. Contrary to what most people think, socializing online for an Aspie improves their social skills offline. Blogging is not the same thing as playing video games online, but both have positive effects for Aspies. If you can handle reading this entire video game article explaining how it affects learning, it will inform you of how educational and healthy online video games are for AS children.
¹I borrow my son’s car to do household errands. He doesn’t mind at all, but I won’t deviate here onto another topic. I don’t want a car anymore because there is no where I’m interested in going. The ONLY exception is when I get to meet with other Aspies when we get together.
²Imagine an airport runway with 10 planes all wanting to land on the same strip at the same time because their fuel tanks are just about empty! How would you like to be on one of those planes?! Well, that’s what my thoughts are like. Each thought needs time to ‘land.’ Plus, I need time to ‘park’ and unload my thoughts somewhere before the others arrive.
Wow, this is like reading a post by me. I too have been sressed today, particularly since 0430 when I woke up worrying about having to put the car in for annual service and MOT (car test to verify roadworthiness in UK). By 0700 I had decided to cancel the appointment made two days earlier at a big slick garage/main dealer and re-book with a smaller place. I had used both before, with all the attendant aspi anxiety and sensitivities. At the end of the day I certainly made the right decision – just! Was able to walk the mile there and back with Mr S for company. woof woof
When I was a child, I would often go and sit in a small closet and read for a while, with the door cracked open just enough to get a little natural light, after returning from trips with my mother to the city of Concrete Fluorescentville (great description!)
Mutating stores are indeed annoying, especially for those of us who tend to remember things by their spatial location rather than their visual appearance.
Yup, sounds familiar. M will grab a blanket, wrap it around herself and sit in the chair or hide under a table when overwhelmed.
My dearest friend,
You reminded me why I do have something to be thankful for with the store where I go to buy milk. This food co-op (that I already wrote a post about) does tax my patience in some ways, but then in another more important way, it does not stress me out like the bigger grocery stores do. I don’t know what I’d do if, where I had to go shop often, they were able to rearrange their inventory and have a larger structure than my house (my house is about 2,200 square feet if both the cellar and first floor are added together). That store only has its sale items upstairs which is about 1,100 sq ft; downstairs is where their storage and offices are.
If I walk there, it’s about a mile and half one way. Ah, the simple pleasures of life…so nice.
While were talking square footage, the workshop is 168sq ft, ie 12′x14′.