It’s said that people with Aspergers lack gauging mechanisms to read non-verbal messages neurotypicals send out, but then so do NTs! Yes, I am saying NTs can’t tell when someone is beginning to get turned off by their rambling. Oh NTs don’t call it “rambling.” They call it polite social chatter — “small talk” to be exact. However, the fact remains that I can see that others are clueless to notice how boring I find small talk to be. What difference is it what you call chattering (gushing endlessly about a boring topic versus small talk about obvious crap like the weather)? The best way to illustrate this might be to mix the popular music young teens enjoy with the music that maybe some elderly people enjoy relaxing to (like those who enjoy the opera) at the same time, place, and volume level. What is one man’s music is another man’s noise pollution.
But . . . here’s the problem: There seems to be something wrong with the scenario of NTs being able to trigger an Aspie to feel ‘handicapped’ because of an incorrect read of a social situation.
When I recently heard about a story of a couple of young girls glancing at one another to “go” because an Aspie’s faux pas of gushing out unsolicited knowledge, my first impression was that it is the two young girls who are the ‘handicapped’ ones.¹
Why would I say such a thing? I say it because they had an opportunity to tap into a great mind with a wealth of information that could have enriched their young lives, but instead they became ‘handicapped’ because of their inability to get over the social standards that spoiled them. How did it spoil them? It caused the two young girls to misread their situation and misjudge the brilliant man before them. It was as if these girls lack an ability to read a great book that has opened wide to reveal its pages for them. Granted, the information may have gushed out like a water facet which had its handle ‘bumped’ open and caused a sudden flow . . . but come on! How hard can it be to find the handle and monitor the flow?
Yes, there are some Aspies who have handles for their mouth expressing their knowledge that seem to be broken, but how do you know how ‘broken’ it is if the way you handle such uncomfortable situations is by foolishly disengaging and walking away rather than co-steering the conversation by speaking up with what’s on your mind? Aspies who are willing to readjust their verbal flow with the help of kind and gentle guidance are NOT the ‘rude’ people. Rude people don’t care enough about others to help them. Instead they walk away because it’s the easier thing to do and society backs them up by brainwashing people into believing that giving no explanation as to why they’re walking away is something they have no need to feel ashamed about. That principle is NO different than when a person might walk into and out of a room of people he knows without saying “hello” or “goodbye” to any of them. To most Aspies, such things seem unimportant . . . but yet they usually do it anyhow because it’s what is expected of them. Fine, but what about Aspies who hope for some respect and warmth from the people they meet? That’s less important? I doubt it. It seems to be socially acceptable to humiliate an Aspie by remaining silent and walking away instead of using the social situation for the benefit of everyone involved.
Those young girls in this example do have a handle, but they’re too judgmental to use it. The trash in this situation has nothing to do with a ‘gush’ gauge. The real big bag of trash that cannot be eliminated in this world is people judging others by their unsound humanistically arrogant principles. So what someone gushes! Big deal! People need to get over their standards that spoil them so they can realize how simple the solutions are. It’s easy for someone to say in a kind manner that they’re uncomfortable with someone’s gushing and work out a balanced solution that’s fair for everyone involved, no?
¹Usually adult Aspies have learned how to manage engaging into a conversation, but once ‘in there,’ staying balanced gets more difficult the longer an Aspie has to peddle his words.
