I realize the statement “neurotypical people can be socially incorrect too” will probably anger a lot of people. I’m not saying it to provoke that response. It needs to be said because if it is left unsaid, NTs will remain ignorant that they too can behave socially incorrect, if and/or when they try to befriend an aspie. I shall share a recent experience of mine to explain how this is so.
In my neighborhood, live a variety of people. One woman in particular is showing more effort to befriend me than most others. I sincerely appreciate her long awaited attempts, but now that headway is finally being shown, it’s also revealing how impossible it might for us to truly be friends.
She means to be thoughtful, but she can’t realize how rude and insulting her actions actually are. ‘Normally’ neighbors befriend others by inviting them over for coffee, bake them a cake, or something similar. What my neighbors are unaware of is that I typically end up receiving something that they would never tolerate. In my experience, women are the ones who usually do this.
What exactly is this thing I’m talking about? It’s when others have you feeling like you are a project that needs to be ‘fixed’. The part that makes it so awful is knowing that if you don’t conform to their ‘weird’ advice, it will be taken as an insult. On top of that, it doesn’t take long to notice that if the relationship was to continue, it would continue as “do as I say, not as I do.”
Since this situation in my recent example doesn’t have much hope of progressing beyond where it is at, I’m hoping that writing about it can maybe help others learn something which they might otherwise remain ignorant of.
I know NTs might have a difficult time understanding and/or believing how advice like what I got is weird. I tend to think that NT parents who love their aspie child(ren?) are far more willing to think about this than other NTs.
All throughout my life, whenever I’m taking a walk and my thoughts gravitate towards a deeper level, I tend to focus downward just ahead of where my feet are stepping. One day (not too long ago), as I was walking my dog along a back road, my neighbor passed by in a car and saw me apparently while I was engrossed in some deep thought. I’m stunned to learn how much it bothered her to see me walking with my face towards the ground (but yet years back she thought it was interesting to watch me walking my dog while reading a book). In fact, my recent body ‘language’ bothered her so much that she insists I cease and desist from walking in that manner any longer. Her reasoning behind this demand is that she is watching out for my own good because of what other people will think about me. However, she personally excuses herself from this same concern because she has too much physical pain from bad health to care anymore what others think about her.
I tried to tell her that I believe what other people think of me is none of my business, but as hard as I tried to explain to her that both her and I share the same frustrations when it comes to other people misjudging us, she was not going to ‘make the connection’. Since I could see this dilemma between us, I surrendered my position by giving her the impression I would try my best to walk without looking at the ground. She said that’s not good enough and that I simply must ’stop doing it’. I told her I doubt I can always remember to refrain from this action. I added to that by saying if I knew that it was something which God did not approve of, then I could have faith in successfully breaking the habit. That last comment triggered more ‘advice’. I was then told not to mention God when I speak. Little does she realize how much selfishness is embedded inside her thoughtfulness. I guess that’s to be expected from those who do not know what it is like to be loved by God. If they did, then they [the listeners] would realize it isn’t unlike telling someone to not to bring up their [the speaker's] father in a conversation.
Why can’t people realize that what’s really socially correct is simply accepting others just the way they are, especially when what they do or say isn’t hurting anybody else?!
P.S. — If you don’t agree with me, that’s your choice. However, please realize bigoted comments will be rejected. I do not submit those kinds of comments on someone else’s blog and that’s why I don’t permit them on mine.
