Comments on: NTs Can Be Socially Incorrect Too

By: alyric

alyric — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 18:55:38 +0000

Looks like you got a thorough grounding in ‘what it looks like is all that matters’, which is very true for the socially wired – not all of them I hasten to add. Alas women are much more prone to this than guys and that’s where I usually come a cropper, so I tended in the past to avoid even trying to relate to women – too weird, too different, not enough in it for me. I’m willing to give it another go these days but it’s still rocky even with carefully selected women, but I’m still trying.

Did you notice that looking at the ground is exactly on a par with the mention of ‘God’ out loud , in company? Seriously, are you sure you want to know this person? She’s quite right – religion is definitely a no no topic of conversation – unless it’s yoga or pilates or reiki – some remnant of eastern mystical belief (note the application of double standards). If she knows where her double standards are coming from, I’d be really surprised. The ones most prone to judging solely by appearances are the ones also least likely to question the origins of their prejudices.

Try to find someone a little less socially wired with some capacity to think for themselves – not easy I know.

By: beartwinsmom

beartwinsmom — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 18:52:03 +0000

We work on facial expression a lot with my son. I guess the next thing on the goals list is body language. Common sense should remind me that nonverbal body language is so much harder to interpret than facial expressions, but I forget that sometimes. Thanks for the reminder.

@ Amanda- Oh dear.. the “invite the shy person over” is the most painful experience. I’m sorry you had to endure that.

By: Sheila

Sheila — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:08:16 +0000

alyric,
Honestly, I’m not so sure I want to get better acquainted with this person. She said several other things I need to ‘fix’ about myself (the more I’d list, the more complex it would get to explain). This ‘lecture’ I received lasted for about 2 hours!

I’m not seeking to befriend ‘flawless’ people (especially knowing how far from perfection I am!). All I want is a friend who listens to what I say and ‘hears’ it; plus, desires to know how I function. I listen to people when they speak because I am curious to know not only what they think, but also why they think what they do.

Are you saying in your question, “Did you notice that looking at the ground is exactly on a par with the mention of ‘God’ out loud , in company?” that my looking at the ground while I walk my dog is a no no? Keep in mind the scenario here: It’s along a road without people around except for those who pass by in cars and I had no clue that my neighbor passed by me in a car.

I know ‘religion’ is a no no topic of conversation (unless it’s not Christian—then it’s okay according to today’s society). I would not qualify my use of saying ‘God’ out loud as being a topic of religious conversation in the context it was used. The only reason I mentioned it was so she could become better acquainted with me. I definitely was not ‘preaching’ to her. If I chose to refrain from saying what I did about my need to know God’s viewpoint on my looking at the ground while I walk alone with my dog, then that means she really does not want to get to know me better. It shows that she wants me to be someone who she fantasizes being rather than who I really am.

When I chat face-to-face with people, I am not like how I appear on my blog. On my blog, I do converse about my faith. In person, my faith doesn’t become a ‘conversation’ unless the other person wants to talk (not argue) about Christ too.

By: Amanda

Amanda — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 15:09:11 +0000

I remember my first time at college, there were two girls next door to me who seemed to think it was their duty to invite me over at least once — not exactly to “fix” me, but because of the “invite the shy person over” thing that was probably drilled into them elsewhere.

I spent a long and boring time sitting on their floor, with them talking, and I eventually talked a little bit and then didn’t say much else after that point. I couldn’t follow the conversation much at all. I was really bored. They were probably really bored with me, in retrospect. It was just not pleasant for any of us.

By: beartwinsmom

beartwinsmom — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 14:33:10 +0000

One person’s “normal” is another person’s “abnormal”. I’ve been learning that a lot as I’ve been a mom of twins, especially with one of the twins having Asperger’s.

I find myself at times, though, censuring out my son’s differences as not to “offend” the “normal” population. It is hurtful that people will not just accept people as PEOPLE.

By: Sheila

Sheila — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 12:53:32 +0000

Beartwinsmom,
What you wrote reminds me of what I heard a ‘body language’ specialist point out not too long ago. She emphasized the importance of first learning what the “normal” postures are for a particular individual in different situations. Then, compare his different positions that he exhibits with his own standard of what’s normal for him. If it’s normal for people to never consider their concept of what “normal” is as possibly being “abnormal” to someone else, then I’d rather be “abnormal” than be perceived as being a “normal” person.

Amanda,
Somehow I can easily imagine such an experience as you describe.