S ~ S

Here are some problems which can come along with the disclosure of Aspergers:

1. You can be perceived as being a needy person, because you’re volunteering information and that causes people to think you want something from them. How does an Aspie know if an NT will not interpret his disclosure as being a cry for pity or sympathy or attention? There is no way to tell someone you’re an aspie without eliminating the possibility of them thinking you’re needy.
2. People can doubt there is something “wrong” with you, if you were able to graduate college, become married and have children, and don’t appear to be “retarded”.
3. Those who quit futilely trying to “adapt” into society, will be interpreted as being defiant.
4. Prejudice because of stigma and/or wrongful assumptions about aspergers puts an Aspie at risk when he associates with those who don’t want to make any accommodations for him.
5. Embracing Aspergers Syndrome can be taken as making an excuse to not accept the challenges to be “socially correct” in the manner neurotypicals see fit.
6. If an Aspie earned an income by being an artist or some other creative career, then he could possibly keep silent about being an Aspie. People don’t have the same expectations for ‘artistic/inventive’ Aspies, because of the reputation creative people have for being further out of the mainstream. Add to that, ‘artistic/inventive’ aspie females are not permitted to deviate as much as their male counterparts are.
7. It can invite condescending thoughts and remarks. An example of this is→ ”Even though it took you a long time to accomplish it, you now do the job well.” The insinuation is→ ”Aspergers slowed you down.” Ignorance speaks→ ”If you were not an Aspie, you could do the job just as well; except without the delay.”

The list could probably be longer, but thankfully I haven’t been hit with all the repercussions yet to know what I’ve left out. It’s either that or I’m too tired to remember them. Here are some other things I’ve learned about the disclosure of Aspergers:

The only reason someone will not try to learn what she can about an Aspie in her life is because she doesn’t want to. Aspies know it’s beyond a NT’s ability to fully comprehend an Aspie, so we don’t expect them to. NTs need to realize that Aspies can only know just a few minute samples of what’s expected of us (which is more than what NTs can know what Aspies expect of them!). Aspies are as hard pressed to find logic in NT behavior and thinking as NTs struggle to understand why logic should even be important. Regardless of all that, it is no excuse for either side to not try to learn as much as they can about what they don’t understand. So, when someone constantly excuses herself from putting forth any effort, it shows she is preferring to hang onto her version of the situation. She will resent an Aspie for disclosing this information to her, because to her, it is like having a thief breaking into her house to steal her misbeliefs. After all, how can you feel superior if all along you believed that so-and-so is an unfriendly bitch, lazy, spoiled, and stupid; only to have the covers pulled off to reveal that so-and-so is actually compassionate, kind, hard-working, abused, and highly intelligent. When mistakes like that become evident, it’s too much shame for such an NT to handle. Just because I say ’she’ does not mean men cannot be covertly malicious too. Women tend to enjoy gossiping about other women more than men do about other men.

I thought I did the “How Not to Tell” people you are an Aspie because of my “one-shot” mass disclosure by blogging it. My timing of reading about this, along with recently being stunned by someone holding unjustifiable malice towards me, threw me way off course recently with my blog. That really triggered hasteful backtracking while looking for a way to do a ‘do-over’ with my blog. I intended to separate my publicized name from Aspergers. It’s not that I felt shameful of Aspergers. I thought I made a big mistake because the only Aspies I know who indiscriminately declare Aspergers are those who reap financial rewards for doing so. When people pay you to talk, obviously you’re respected. When you’re not famous and you willfully attach your real name to something most ignorant people view as a disorder and/or disease (without being monetarily compensated for it), you are highly likely to be viewed as extra weird.

I understand what Aspies are saying about needing to use caution with who to tell versus not to tell. I would not disclose my Aspergers to everyone who crosses my path offline. Online however, I cannot filter out the coarse sediment which may flow in my direction. All I can do is ignore it the best I can and close up whatever holes may attract the rats to weasel through. I avoid them like the bubonic plague, because that’s what they are to me.

My daughter teaches me what a friend is because she does things like gently pointing out to me that a blog is not like sending a detailed email to everyone I know. I tend to forget that no one is getting his arm twisted to come to my blog. Emails can be intrusive. The only way a blog can be intrusive is when things happen like a visitor becoming disturbed by being exposed to honesty he finds disagreeable to his tastes.

My husband agreed with me → people will either like me or not, regardless of whether or not they know I’m an Aspie. If my disclosure causes them to turn away from me, then that just simplifies my life. If it causes them to want to learn more, then that’s even better.