In regard to the correctly published Asperger traits known so far (there are tons of myths), I embody just about all of them. I have one characteristic ability however that seems to be more advanced than even most neurotypicals have and this trait is something aspies are not supposed to be good at doing. It’s the ability to read an emotion by viewing only the eyes. I received an excellent score on Simon Baron-Cohen’s¹ Reading the Mind in the Eyes Test. According to the experts, this isn’t supposed to happen. Unfortunately, I have no way of knowing how long I’ve had this ability. It could be that I mastered the skill of decoding facial expressions through trial and error over the decades of my life or maybe there is some other unknown reason (like spiritual discernment?) for my being able to do this.
I can only guess that people might think I’m not reading their non-verbal message correctly since I don’t respond the way people typically do. That should be expected because I don’t think the same way most people do. There is no way for others to know and/or understand this given that they’re most likely not going to be motived enough to put forth the effort that’s needed in order to do so and, even if they were motived enough, intelligence levels are another factor.
I shall pass along the forth paragraph of a great post² titled Aspie mutants will rule from a blog I came across, since I think this could possibly be one explanation for my ability to read eyes:
This Aspie ”true mind” knows what it’s doing; the wonderful plasticity of the brain is allowing a routing around the different functioning of the amygdala to utlimately develop the emotional connections to social cues that the neurotypical world takes for granted. The more often an Aspie can follow her true mind, the quicker this can happen. Taking the “long way home” is a great benefit; the aspie high intelligence is coupled with atypical solution focus, highly visual/spatial thinking, and flexible reasoning: this allows for amazing insights that the neruotypicall—socially bound as we are—may lack the chops for.
I find it interesting that most neurotypicals incorrectly read my emotions when my emotions are not intense. I can only guess that what has caused me to doubt what I was decoding from someone’s eyes, in a face-to-face situation, has come from not knowing NTs love to play games.³ I first became aware of this when I read:
Now, you probably find this incredible. “Why would they play games like this with people they purport to like?” Well, most NTs love the game of socialization. Not only that, they assume everyone else does, too, so they don’t think of it as offensive to play the game with one another. Moreover, they are so deep into the game that few are aware of it. But really, it fuels their interest in attending gatherings. They get a rush from the game, like a good set of tennis.
This vital insight is a direct quote from a wonderful article on WrongPlanet.net titled Can Aspies Make Friends and Have Dates? It’s truly stated that few are aware of playing this game. My daughter (an NT) didn’t even realize it until after I explained this to her; then she agreed with me and is now able to notice this going on at social gatherings. She was stunned over how easy it is to not see this and how easy it is for me to see it. I described it to her as it being like watching actors go on stage and perform a play. It’s a totally different scene when a crowd exists as compared to one-on-one contact.
The more I study about Aspergers, the more convinced I become (along with many others) that Aspergers is not part of the autism spectrum. To claim Aspergers is high-functioning autism causes tremendous confusion. If all the wrong information about Aspergers that has been allowed to already root itself into society does not change, then you can be sure that it’s going to take a very long time and a lot of money wasted before there is hope for the world to better understand the ways different minds function. Since honesty, impatience, and a love for money don’t usually mix well, most likely the truth about Aspergers will have to come from aspies who are critical and independent thinkers.
[Edit added on 12-7-8] → Since the precedent has been set by those who claim Aspergers is high-functioning autism without there being sufficient proof to back up such a statement, then there is no reason others cannot claim the opposite by saying Aspergers is not autism.
¹Simon is Sacha Noam Baron Cohen’s cousin (the actor who played the role of Borat in the film Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan).
²I don’t agree with 100% of the post, but then rarely does anyone agree with 100% of what another person says when he or she is saying a lot. Personally, I believe it’s misleading to give the impression that Aspergers AND autism are evolutionary. I’d rather term them as being ‘revelationary’.
³This love for social game playing is an extremely difficult concept for most aspies to comprehend.
Hi Clay,
Thank you for your feedback. It helps me to stay aware of all the different ways things can be taken.
I also appreciate knowing there are other neuro-A-typicals who also don’t struggle with reading emotions by looking at eyes.
When I used the word ‘great’ for the ‘aspie mutant’ post, I didn’t mean to imply that I agree with an “Aspie Supremacist” position. I should have been more specific by saying I had a great (fun) time reading it. As for the ‘eye’ test, I didn’t bother enlarging the pics since I didn’t want to spend much time thinking about what I was doing.
I wish I could explain why I must come across as dividing aspies apart from auties, but that isn’t possible (at least at this point yet). I understand what you’re saying about being united and why. In one way, we (aspies and auties) are united (alike)… but in the ways I’m sorting this all out, I’m finding myself forced to have to separate the two.
I’m sure you (and others) agree that what’s most important is that we agree upon wanting to solve our disadvantages in the NT world. Our goal is the same, but our routes are different.
Hi Sheila,
Not that much of an enigma. I scored 30 of 36, which is pretty good, and proves to me that I was right about being able to interpret facial and body language. Not crazy about that test though, black and white pics make it harder. And I think I’d have done better without the necessity of mousing over the pics to make them large enough to see, which then blocks out the descriptive terms we’re supposed to use. It just would have been easier to see the pics and the words at the same time.
I enjoyed the article from WrongPlanet, it was intelligent and insightful. The link to “Aspie mutants will rule”, though, I can’t go along with. I’ve met quite a few Aspies and auties IRL, as well as on the web, and I’m convinced that we’re all essentially the same. I’m not even interested in defining how we are medically different, it’s irrelevant to find the “social solutions” which would be the same for both.
I hope you’ll continue studying, and perhaps reconsider what sounds like an “Aspie Supremacist” position. We’re really not all that different, and there’s no clear line between one and the other. I think it’s better we should unite to solve our similar disadvantages in the NT world.
Clay
Hmmm, interesting. My nonverbal either classic autism or pdd-nos Tristan makes pretty good eye contact and seems to be pretty good at interpreting others’ emotions. His babysitter mentioned him in a cognitive psy course and the instructor said it had to be something else, since he made eye contact…
aspieman Clay,
I actually think any form of ‘pride’ is wrong because God is the creator of all things and He deserves the glory. I totally agree with you that there are many exceptions to every rule. I’m sorry you find me confusing. Please don’t feel alone.
Dear Readers,
I struggle to understand why people have a difficult time to understand me. I feel like I’m cursed when it comes to being understood. That’s why I often feel like there is no point behind my having a blog.
If you think you’re frustrated, you have no idea how frustrated I am. My next post I’m about to publish will either help to diminish confusion or it will add to it. The anxiety I feel when I hit ‘publish’ isn’t something I can describe. I, often times, feel incredibly responsible for the words I say. No matter how critical someone can be over my thoughts, it could never match the level to which I criticize my own thoughts.
Any suggestions as to what someone does when she or he is like this? I don’t think it’s something anyone is in the position to answer. The only thing I can say is that I am what I am and can’t be someone I’m not. I doubt I’ll ever be ‘accepted’ by any group of people, because I’m simply too different and complex.
Must I explain why I need to turn comments off again? No. Nobody should take offense to the way I do things. People need to learn how to be thankful for what they have and should quit wanting more. If I’m sounding rude, it’s only because more is expected of me than what I have to give. People who understand would also respect my need to live my own way of life and my own way of blogging. To those of you who do, I truly appreciate it.
Thank you aspieman for your kind & insightful words, ‘smiley’ faces, and understanding. Your right on target when you say, “We need to use enough words to “fill in” the missing components that could lead to real understanding.” I feel like I could not write enough words in my lifetime that would even come close to filling in the missing components which might lead to real understanding with the more complex topics of discussion.
I wish I could enable comments for my next post, but I don’t feel up to it with all else that I’ve got on my plate at this time.
Everyone,
Please accept my apologies for lacking the kind of polished communication skills most others seem to be blessed with. I often cringe over the way I express myself; I realize the choice is either it comes out that way or nothing gets expressed. Sensitive people require sensitivity in expression. Abrasive people need strong words. Given that there are all kinds of people online, it’s impossible for me to write in a style that’s going to work ideally for everyone (people take things all sorts of ways).
Now I must make like a whale and go ‘back under’ for a time. That means relaxing my ‘comment’ flap [into a closed position] on my blog’s dorsal surface ‘blowhole’ so I don’t drown.
Navi,
That instructor *thinks* s/he knows how to define people, rule things in or out, but there are NO hard and fast rules. So s/he read somewhere that auties don’t make eye contact, and took it as Gospel, but it’s simply not true. As a general rule, it’s true, but there are many exceptions to every rule.
Sheila, you said:
“I wish I could explain why I must come across as dividing aspies apart from auties, but that isn’t possible (at least at this point yet).”
I just find that confusing, because earlier, you said:
“The more I study about Aspergers, the more convinced I become (along with many others) that Aspergers is not part of the autism spectrum.”
You don’t know me, Sheila, but many others on the web have already read my story, which I will briefly recount here:
I happened to see a segment about Jerry Newport on “60 Minutes” one night in 1996. I had never heard of autism OR Asperger’s at the time, but I recognized myself in him immediately. I was so moved that I tried to call him, but since his number wasn’t listed, I called his Dr, BJ Freeman instead, while the show was still on! She wasn’t much help, giving me the number of the freakin’ ASA, and the names of books by Temple Grandin and Uta Frith. Nothing against Ms Grandin, but I just couldn’t identify with her or her book, as I don’t think in pictures. The other one, “Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome”, painted such a bleak picture of autism, that *I didn’t want to be associated with it!*
I thought of a cousin of mine, Lynn, who was a year younger than me. They had said she was retarded, but I now realized was autistic. She talked funny, saying “Top dat, Tuckie” instead of “Stop that, Chuckie” to her older brother, who was always teasing/picking on her.
No, I didn’t want to identify with that, so I said to myself, “You’re working, paying the bills, no real problems here”, and I put the whole subject on the back burner for another 3 years. Then a problem at work caused me to speak to my supervisor, who advised that I talk with a Counselor. I liked the Counselor, trusted her, and told her I thought I might have Asperger’s. She arranged an appointment with a Psychologist, and I got the Dx, at the age of 53. I thought I needed to talk with another professional, but tried unsuccessfully for a month to get an appointment. They didn’t Want an adult male Asperger’s client. They seemed afraid.
Then, my supervisor came up with a brochure for Autreat. It was to happen within the week, so there was no time to arrange for time off. I was only able to attend for one day, a Sunday, but that was enough to completely change my mind about Aspies being somehow “different” or “better” than auties. It wasn’t anything dramatic, nothing I could point to or recount, saying “This changed my mind.” It was just a quiet “knowing”, a revelation that whatever “causes” autism, caused it in all of us there. We were all in the same boat.
There’s nothing wrong in being “proud” of who or what one is, but people are sometimes proud of the wrong things. It’s best to be proud of something you actually had something to do with, and not “accidents of birth”.
You wrote:
“I struggle to understand why people have a difficult time to understand me. I feel like I’m cursed when it comes to being understood. That’s why I often feel like there is no point behind my having a blog.”
Now see, this is where we’re exactly the same! Misunderstandings have always been the bane of my existence, and the main feature of my Aspieness, when it comes to describing “symptoms”.
Please don’t feel that I’m criticizing You, I have nothing against you.
I saw that you have a link/affiliation with AFF, so I assume you’re aware of the perception of some of us in the autistic community that AFF is/was pretty much an Aspie Supremacist organization. I wanted to get at that, and give it an airing out. I never joined them, so I don’t know for sure. Here’s an opportunity for anyone to speak up.
“Any suggestions as to what someone does when she or he is like this?”
I’ll try. When we write or speak, we know what we’re talking about, we know the backgrounds or ramifications of this or that thing, and so sometimes use a “verbal shorthand” when speaking, while forgetting that our listener/reader is unaware of all those other things. We need to use enough words to “fill in” the missing components that could lead to real understanding.
Uhh, but, some of us have learned that people don’t really want to listen to us, or that attempts at real communication is futile, so we try to keep our speech as short as possible. Those of us who have been taught to have low self-esteem, (by those who had little esteem for us), will wonder if anyone really Cares what we think or say, and wonder if we should even bother trying to say it. I wondered that, as I started to write of my “introduction to autism” earlier. For me, that was a “long story”, but I Had to write it out to explain why I believe that Asperger’s IS part of the autistic spectrum.
Looking forward to your next blog entry. And the one after that…