I’ve already mentioned in a couple of posts my autistic superpower of being invisible, but I haven’t written anything about situations where I must not have been invisible enough. Well, I got a reminder last night when I attended a memorial for a neighbor. Another neighbor (related to the one who died) didn’t just invite me once; she called twice to be sure I’d come. (Explaining this might be confusing since I won’t use names.) Mostly everyone who came is a neighbor since they’re related and have grown up around here. The neighbor who invited me said she wanted me there because she preferred my company over the others who were coming.
I already know, at this point in my life, that most people want me to be invisible. I forget this since I try to avoid social events as much as I can. I also now know that this is how Aspies are typically treated.
This memorial took place at a fire house station, in a big room. The two large tables filled up (they didn’t expect that many people would come). My husband sat at the opposite corner of the large room to be with his ‘buddies’ he grew up with. I sat on the left side of the neighbor who invited me, thereby occupying the only empty seat at that area of the table (because I waited for others to sit down first). Shortly after my sitting down, this neighbor’s relative to my left got up and brought another fold-up chair to place between me (being on her right) and her. She didn’t look at me when she did so; nor did she say anything to me. When she sat back down, she turned semi-sideways so as to give me some of her back. It was confusing because I thought if that new seat was for someone she was expecting, why would she turn to position her body as she had?
After a couple of hours passed by, I began to suspect her odd behavior was her way of saying she resented my being there. Because of my difficulty I still have in believing how much some people can hate Aspies simply because they’re not neurotypical in behavior, I couldn’t wait to ask my neurotypical daughter if she could explain what happened. I didn’t need to wait too long after I got home, because my daughter called me. What she gave as an explanation was that when a person behaves oddly like this woman had, it’s done to boost one’s ego. Her using a chair to create distance from me was her way of stating her superiority to me (the social hierarchy of the pack mentality). She could not tell me to leave the fire house since it was open to the public and I was invited by another family member. I also noticed that when this particular woman talked with my husband during the time people were getting their food, she had on a smiley face. That facial mask sure wasn’t what she was wearing when I looked at her; she gave me the smug mug.
I can’t help but think that the ‘friendly’ neighbor who invited me (she never invited me to be with her ever before; last night was the first time) did so to purposely irritate her family because she knew her family did not like me. It was obvious that I wasn’t the only person she had whom she could enjoy a conversation with.
I didn’t write this post to seek pity. I wrote it to see what others have to say about the claim that Aspies are the ones who don’t behave properly in social situations. I would never do anything that I know would be mean to another person. The way I got treated last night was undoubtedly malicious.
Is this a typical “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation? I get criticism for being reclusive. When I do my best to be social, things like what happened last night occur. This is how Aspies get the reputation of being anti-social. What’s an Aspie to do?
[Added@noon:] An Aspie is to do like everyone else should. → Be yourself, treat others the same way you’d like to be treated, and let God deal with those who will not respect people who are different.
