What would you think of people who never answer their phone when you call, but yet expect you to answer yours when they call you?
I commented to a reply in my previous post by saying:
It’s impossible to be friends with someone who never answers his phone. I don’t either most of the time, but if I know when someone is going to call me I will answer. The problem is what do you do when someone won’t set up a time in advance so you know he is calling; plus, won’t leave a message long enough to give a person time to answer the phone?!?! If I can appoint a time for talking on the phone, I can’t see any reason why someone else will not do the same (especially when he can do it to follow bus schedules, keep doctor appointments and job interviews, etc.) He isn’t the only one like that either. There are more Aspies who behave this same way. I could be tempted to be like that myself, but I know that isn’t being fair. To me, behavior like that seems like it’s a control issue someone is having and I’ve had my fill of manipulative people.
Are there other factors I’m not seeing which need to be included or is this enough to cause someone to suspect manipulative behavior? The explanation I got when I asked one guy who does this is, “I don’t know what mood I’m going to be in ahead of time.” That answer seems illogical and selfish. I could say the same thing, because I can’t predict my moods either.¹ Who can?
To me, being a friend means being there for your friend. If someone isn’t going to be there for me when I need a friend, then why should I be there for him when he needs someone to talk with? If I complied to such a standard, then I would be a doormat and enabling the other person to practice arrogance. I’ve been a doormat for over four decades and now I’m retired from that position. That’s why I love living by what is said in Matthew 7:12, “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them.” If I attached such conditions to friendship, then I would appreciate someone caring enough to help straighten me out by not allowing me to continue behaving foolishly selfish (and self-destructive!). It helps to keep me sane by knowing where to draw boundaries. That explains why I can now like myself too. I’ve finally learned how to take care of myself (the hard way).
¹In fact, people taking psychiatric medication for controlling emotions should be better at predicting their moods than those who don’t. After all, isn’t that what those drugs are for?
