S ~ S

How can a person come the closest to knowing himself objectively by being self-conscious? I have to disagree with statements claiming that self-consciousness enables understanding the very core of one’s own identity. By definition, to be conscious means, “aware of AND responding to one’s surroundings.”

To gain an objective view of self, you have to step outside of self and see your self the way you really are. It’s as if you are one in the audience. You cannot be an audience of your self AND be self-conscious at the same time. The best definition of self-consciousness is “being aware of your self at the same time you’re aware of others.” For example, if you’re actually not overweight but perceive yourself as being so, you can become anorexic because of never believing you’re thin enough to be attractive. If self-consciousness was an objective and acute sense of self-awareness, then an anorexic individual wouldn’t be living with a distorted view of herself.

Self-consciousness is intimidating.¹ Intimidation is to frighten or overawe someone, especially to make them do what one wants. Self-consciousness can magnify the feeling of being watched to such a level that it makes a person want to do anything she can to stop it from escalating. That is why someone, who fears what others (more than what God) will think of her, always wants to know what’s socially popular. It explains why shows like America’s Next Top Model and American Idol air as long as they do and why one may be attracted to ‘Martha Stewart’ skills to impress house guests.

Generally speaking, a person is either the ’self-conscious’ type (the multi-tasking neurotypical with active mirror neurons) or she is the ’self-aware/other-aware’ type (the mono-tasking neuro-A-typical with inactive mirror neurons). The social pack mentality requires its members to keep their self-identity subject to what their idol deems important. That being the case, an objective self-identity might not be welcome, since it can disturb the majority’s accepted definition of what’s ’socially correct’.

To get an objective view of self, you have to separately experience self-awareness and other-awareness. It’s impossible to be intimidated when self-aware is in ‘on’ mode and ‘other-aware’ is in ‘off’ mode, because without the awareness of ‘other’ there is no awareness of what ‘they’ want. Then, when you’re aware of others instead of self, self still can’t be intimidated because it’s in ‘off’ mode during that time.

By definition, to be aware means, “having knowledge or perception of a situation or fact.” If your mind is being introspective upon your own thoughts to the exclusion of paying attention to how others are perceiving you, you could be giving the impression that you lack empathy. Those who have never experienced what it’s like to have inactive mirror neurons cannot understand how it’s possible to be so ‘free’ from concern over what others are thinking about you. If this trait is pre-consciously envied, the jealousy it can trigger may cause one to be placed into all kinds of boxes with negative labels.

A recent example of self-aware/other-aware behavior (no self-consciousness) happened while I was at the annual Walk for Autism. I went up to a booth, of the local sub-chapter (of a high society organization ‘for’ autism), to inquire why they had stopped responding to my e-mails sent over a year ago when I asked about them about including a link to the adult Aspie group’s weblog I attend.² They originally told me it was a wonderful idea. I had told them the link would benefit many adults on the spectrum if it was included on their website. Since that link never appeared and I had the chance to talk with them in person, I suggested it again. Again, I was told it was a good idea and that I should put information about this group into their suggestion box. When I came back with the brochure to give them, I was told they would bring it up at their next board meeting. I knew they’d never include that link even before I asked them the first time around. The only reason I pursued this was to confirm data in my own mind about the social behavior of humans.

Later, I was overheard talking about this incident. I didn’t think I did anything unusual. Apparently I had. The ’socially incorrect’ thing I did was to confront them by pointing out that my e-mails were ignored; plus, I had the nerve to persist in spite of what should have been an obvious hint that what’s going on is a political affair I’m not welcome to attend. I was supposed to be intimidated by them, but since I wasn’t self-conscious, they were the ones who felt offended by my ‘rude’ behavior. I think that’s hilarious!

I’ve always thought typical behavior is bizarre. I just didn’t fully know why. Now all this makes more sense, even though socially self-conscious behavior is illogical. We are all human beings, so why should the opinions of some dominate over others? The only one which should count is the one belonging to the One who created us. God is the only one who can be totally logical. Within the human species, some are more logical than others. These days, those who totally trust God are perceived as being illogical. That’s why the David Crockett style of “Be always sure you are right then Go, ahead” has been replaced with today’s, “How would they like to perceive me, for that’s the way I’ll behave.” Now people fear, “God forbid if I be offensive to someone and draw attention to myself as an oddity!”

Ironically, it’s the more illogical population of society who sets the trend. That makes sense, since it takes a logical mind to know how crazy it is to follow a herd which has no clue where the greener pastures are. Non-conformists, usually being the self-aware/other-aware populace, tend to tend to their own pasture; doing what they can to make it greener.

Male brains generally use ‘logic’ more than female brains. Women are influenced more by ‘feelings.’ Aspies are known as having a form of an “extreme male brain.” Could this be the main reason why Aspies don’t conform to society like neurotypicals usually do?

I was shy as a child. My shyness was not the same thing as being intimidated. To shy from people is to avoid doing or becoming involved in something due to nervousness or a lack of confidence. Timidness comes from lacking confidence. If I had to speak publicly about a topic that was of no special interest to me, I shied away. Without a high level of personal interest, I wasn’t motivated enough to gather the sufficient knowledge I needed to enable me to possibly speak with confidence. Confidence alone isn’t always enough though. If a topic is highly complex, the audience can become too much of a distraction. Because neurotypicals can multi-task, they don’t have that obstacle. A mono-tasker cannot handle more than one thing at a time. If I start noticing different expressions on faces, instantly my mind will go on overload. It’s like RAM in a computer being forced to handle an influx of data larger than what can be bused through its terminals. That’s why computers freeze and need to be forcibly shut down and rebooted (to unclog the RAM) so they can function again. When I’m forced to multi-task, I freeze up because my brain is designed to mono-task.

For example: When I gave a speech about horses in high school, my classmates were surprised by how well I spoke. If I had to talk to a group of people about something from the Bible or Aspergers, I wouldn’t be able to focus well enough to succeed at it. In fact, I’ll struggle with complex subjects when discussed one-on-one. That’s why I do much better when I stick to writing about them. However, since writing requires good executive functioning skills, my writing isn’t so great either. Thankfully life isn’t about competing. God only requires us to do our best with what He gives us. I know I’m a deep thinker (I’ve been told that all throughout my life). I also know that readers have to think in order to understand what I write. If you like puzzles, then take these pieces from my box and put them together. Eventually you’ll get the picture.

¹The only cure for ’self-consciousness’ is to replace it with ‘Christ-consciousness.’

²What would happen if everyone who really cares about Aspies were to contact this society to ask them for information about an adult Asperger group in the Hudson Valley area that meets between New York City and Albany and then ask them why they don’t have any information about this group on their website?  Wouldn’t you be interested to hear what story they contrive?