How to Relate to Someone who Has Asperger’s Syndrome
from wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit
You might know someone with Asperger’s syndrome, and you might not even know that they have it. This should help you relate to them, and show you some ways to get them to leave their shell and interact.
Steps
- Read articles and books about Asperger’s Syndrome, preferably those written by people with the condition.
- Find someone who displays characteristics of Asperger’s. You can’t exactly do any of the other steps if you don’t.
- Approach them slowly, and casually. If you see them in one spot every day, say around noon, start bringing your lunch to that spot, and sit next to them. Don’t talk to them the first time, let them get used to your presence first.
- Start a small conversation. People with Asperger’s are not very good at conversations, so you will probably need to lead them. You know, start by introducing yourself, and asking their name, then ask them about themselves. For now you just want to get them talking, what about isn’t really important yet.
- Try to find some common ground, some activity that both of you enjoy. Agree to get together some time and do it. Show up for the get-together on time.
- Lay your emotions bare to them. Tell them how you feel, even when you think it’s patently obvious, and ask them to do the same. They’ll love you for it.
- If they are acting strangely, tell them (if it dangers them or others). It’s important to let them know. Don’t say it meanly either, just say: “Most people don’t do that”; or, “That’s usually considered inappropriate”; or just “Please don’t do that”. If it’s no harm to anyone, then leave them alone. It could be a comfort to them.
- Introduce them to your other friends, and try to keep everyone getting along. They may act differently in the presence of your friends, or their friends. They may simply not get along. Don’t try to force them to get along with your friends. They will probably be most outgoing when encountered one on one.
Tips
- Never lie to someone with Asperger’s or otherwise say or lead them to believe you’ll do things for them that you have no intention to. People with Asperger’s, especially those that have been bullied as children, often have trust issues and even if they only catch you lying even once, may never trust you again.
- People with Asperger’s tend to be considered “smart”. It might be a good idea to ask them to help you with something they are good at in exchange for your helping them meet people. This will allow you two to relate more.
- Don’t coddle them, but try to protect them from bullies and authority figures. People with Asperger’s often have a hard time defending themselves.
- They will probably seem distant most of the time. This is normal. If that (or something else) hurts your feelings, explain as directly and calmly as can what hurt your feelings and why, and work out an agreement that both of you can live with.
- Be willing to make compromises while you’re with them. People with Asperger’s often have symptoms similar to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Having no control over their environment can cause a great deal of anxiety and lead to depression.
- They may be a bit obsessive. Try to put up with it. Rearranging or otherwise ‘touching’ their personal belongings is generally a bad idea. Never borrow things without asking in advance and prepare in case you are told ‘no’.
- If you are in love with them, be direct about your feelings. Make sure you ask if they love you in return before acting on your feelings. It is important to have them explain what sort of love they feel for you (if any), someone with Asperger’s may say ‘I love you’ but mean it in different ways – i.e. family, sibling or friendship love.
- Never talk down to someone with Asperger’s Syndrome, or talk to them like you would to a child. It is deeply offensive and can cause someone with AS to doubt themselves and reinforce/cause depression. How would you like it if someone treated you like a child?
Warnings
- Do not encourage someone with Asperger’s to behave in an inappropriate manner. Doing so will likely cause them to behave in the inappropriate manner more often. Pretty soon they’re doing it all the time. This is a bad thing.
- Subtle hints don’t work, if you want to communicate then simply say it.
- Always practice consistency. Mixed messages or regularly changing your mind can cause someone with Asperger’s to trust you less or make them angry with you.
- People with Asperger’s are very gentle people. But when they get noticeably angry they usually mean it.
- Many people with Aspergers are very nice people. However, they’re only human. Like with any other human being, your personalities may ‘clash’.
Sources and Citations
Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Relate to Someone who Has Asperger’s Syndrome. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.
This post is a good direction to go in. An aspi unlike an autistic feels the isolation and would really enjoy some closeness with another human. Some aspis are bustin’ to talk stuff and can never figure why others aren’t so ‘turned on’. In fact, in their world of special interests and study progress would never be made if they were not so ‘turned on’. And of course this energy dispels any creeping sensation of isolation or depression. Valid point?
Feels isolation?… You betcha! What human being wouldn’t? No aspie, autie, or neurotypical is immune to feeling isolated.
Would really enjoy some closeness with another human? Just as much as anyone else, that’s for sure!
Bustin to talk stuff and can never figure why others aren’t so ‘turned on’? At first I thought I couldn’t figure out why others aren’t so ‘turned on’, but now I understand. We’re all different and, just because someone isn’t turned on by what turns us on, does not give us the right to act like our interests are more important than theirs.
Yes, their world would not have us much if it wasn’t for our passions, but then we would not have as much if their passions matched ours. We need one another.
Valid point? I agree that the energy we get from our passions helps to protect us from feeling isolation or depression.
To:
Kent Adams – ChristSchool,
The reason your comment was not published was because my spam filter caught it. I blacklisted your previous ID of ChristSchool because you’ve been very nasty to me in the past. I see that I’m not the only one you’ve been nasty to either. I may have made the mistake of hastily replying to my friend’s comment, but at least I don’t go around spreading lies about people on the internet.
Now that I’m not so tired, I realize my friend made a risky assumption by claiming to know that an autistic person doesn’t feel isolation. I apologize for agreeing with that part of what he said, but I do not owe you an apology for keeping you blacklisted from leaving comments on my blog. I don’t owe you that privilege, especially when you’ve repeatedly abused it in the past.
Can’t you see how deceptive you are? You’re always leaving me with fake e-mail addresses (some of which have not been very nice). Practicing lying does your son a lot more harm than comments like what my friend made.
In my barely educated mind I see and assume the typical autist to be remote / unconcerned with other human contact yet the aspi is so sensitive to and often desires human contact. That is why I personally prefer not to lump or connect aspi and autist. I am suprised professionals lump ‘em together.
My friend,
I’ve heard that not all professionals lump them together. In Alaska they don’t.
Alaska has been referred to as being a safe haven for misfits. That makes me wonder how much of the population is either comprised of Aspies and/or those with a higher than above level of intelligence.
I’m sure we’re not the only ones who assume things. Just look at how many incorrect assumptions most NTs make about Aspies.
Personally, I feel pissed off every time I read and/or hear people say, “…suffer from Aspergers.” How dare they tell me how I’m feeling!
How would it be if I always write and say, “they…suffer from neurotypical disease.” ?
The guy who got offended by reading your first comment here has no right to talk. He doesn’t examine himself first before being quick to judge others.