I actually wrote this post on the first day of spring. Yesterday, on the first day of summer, I began to realize maybe it was mistake to keep it private. I’m hoping that my desire to publish it today, now that a whole season has passed, is an answer to prayer.
Blogging draws my attention towards the spirits of anger and resentment that I’m harboring, so when I write about my negative experiences,¹ I’m feeding them. That is what can make blogging (to me) a destructively vicious cycle. Normally journals are therapeutic, but any kind of journal that can end up being self-destructive shows it may be time to abandon it and move on to something healthier.
There are two kinds of anger: Godly anger versus self-pity anger.
All self-pity is anger in disguise, whether it’s outwardly passive or active… or inwardly festering as depression (depression is anger turned inward).
There are two kinds of correction, depending on whether its self-centered anger driven by self-pity or Godly anger. Both may contain emotion, but the former glorifies self (a spirit of self-righteousness) and the later glorifies God (it displays humility taking a stand for Godly principles). To say, “What’s the matter with you? Shame on you!” can be symptoms of either a covert attitude of pridefully thanking God or humbly overthrowing the tables.
When I sit down at the computer to type, my brain is triggering adrenaline glands. At this point, probably due to the pattern I’ve allowed myself to get entrenched in, I cannot write without emotions. Its gives me energy when I’m sleep deprived, but its the wrong kind of energy because it’s going to keep me awake. It’s such a conditioned response that all I need to do is see a computer (or think about one), then my body chemistry has changed. Its like a caffeine fix, except more powerful because its able to keep me awake for days on end.
I need to pray and trust God that He will make me simply be → without the negativity!
¹I don’t think positive when I’m blogging, because I’m too often habitually making negative associations. In fact, the habit has become so ingrained that unfortunately it has become such a part of my character that it’s now who I am. It is time for that demonic characteristic to be crucified.
