When God gives a gift for predicting human behavior, it’s usually for a good reason. I was just slow to catch on to its benefits. The unpredictable aspects are usually the details — like when, where, and how. I can now share one example that needed the summer to end before I could prove it.
Last March, I saw one of my half-sisters for the first time in 15 years. She stopped by to visit for one hour. She came with her best friend and her best friend’s fiancé. If you could have observed the way our conversation went, you’d think we were ever so thankful to be re-associated again. P told me she would be back to visit with me this summer.
It’s good to no longer be naïve and/or gullible, especially in situations where one could become deeply hurt by idle words. I don’t know what the excuse is for her not even telling me why she didn’t come, but I have a strong feeling that my other half-sister may have had something to do with it. Why do I say that? There are ugly unmentionable details that confirm what I had heard about my mother’s desire (after her death) to have her two daughters (from a previous marriage) to keep their tight bond between each other. She must have done a successful job at training them, because as soon as my father died (one year after her), immediately the evidence showing what the half-sisters really want started destroying whatever hope I had left for being sincerely included as a sibling.
When I told one of my sis-in-laws about P’s one hour visit, she laughed. I doubt L laughed when she found out P saw me, especially since P didn’t tell L until after she left my house to go visit hers. Is this what neurotypicals call socially correct behavior?¹
What’s the point behind this example (and like my recent one with a hair salon)? To once again prove that what is said in Dear Aspie: Can Aspies Make Friends and Have Dates? is true:
Now, you probably find this incredible. “Why would they play games like this with people they purport to like?” Well, most NTs love the game of socialization.
Just because Aspies don’t play socialization games doesn’t mean that Aspies socializing among their own kind comes without its set of obstacles. In my Aspie Split post, I failed to mention a split within a split.² Aspies, who are fine with being an Aspie, can still fail at keeping a friendship active with another Aspie of like mind.
A couple of years ago, I had the good fortune of becoming acquainted with an Aspie very much like myself. We sincerely enjoyed our conversations. If you wonder what’s wrong with that, you probably take good relationships for granted. It’s precisely because of being able to relate to another human being in an unusually close way that will most likely cause it to end between Aspies. I could recognize the signs of it coming.
Today, I experienced the end to having a friend available to communicate with (as Forrest Gump would say, “again”). I didn’t know when it was going to happen, but since I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, I also knew that if I didn’t long ago make God big in my life and people small, I’d probably be experiencing depression right now. No relationship can last when a high level of insecurity exists. Peer pressure, codependency, fear of rejection (i.e., insecurity) are the result when people are big and God is small. [Edit added 9.14.9 — Read A Deeper Explanation if you want more about this.]
As I write this, its another gorgeous day and I’m thankful to be able to enjoy it regardless of what usually upsets most people. It must be because of having this odd form of self-protection which comes from predicting human behavior. I guess that’s why not too many people can comprehend how I can say, “What did you expect would happen?” when they’ve been unable to see what someone would eventually do.
¹L and P are both NTs. My sis-in-law is an NT (along with the rest of all her siblings).
²It’s a spiritual divide that happens when one is attracted to the things of this world versus someone who is not.
