I just recently learned that explaining yourself to others can cause them to lose respect towards you. No one ever pointed that out to me before. It wasn’t until I recently finished reading a book on child training when I realized that the same principle behind the way parents should be towards their children is the same way healthy relationships between adults are maintained. Children must first show signs of respect towards their parents before they are allowed the privilege of gaining an explanation for why their parents do what they do. To give an explanation when the child wants it rather than giving it when the parent deems s/he is ready to receive it subtly empowers the child and weakens respect towards the parent. When you’re guilty of trespassing the boundary of another individual in a relationship, then an explanation is required if there is to be any hope for reconciliation. The reason for so much chaos between Aspies and neurotypicals has a lot to do with their differing sides to the Golden Rule of doing unto others as you would have others do unto you.
In a society where Aspergers is not honorable,¹ the more Aspies explain themselves to neurotypicals, the less neurotypicals will respect them.
Unless respect already is displayed towards Aspies, Aspies are only digging their hole deeper by explaining themselves.² If this was not so, then neurotypicals would be publishing books to explain their weird and illogical behavior to Aspies. I don’t hate NTs, but I also don’t respect most of them either because of how often they’re constantly violating my boundaries. It’s time for Aspergers to be respected as much as neurotypicalism is. The only way I can see equality manifesting itself would be if communication became a two-way street. So far, what mostly exists on the magazine racks, books stores, televised media, and newspapers, is one-way only. Crap… now that I’ve said all this, I don’t have a clue what to do with all that I’ve already explained about Aspergers on my blog and website! Until I can assimilate the new information festering in my mind, it’s probably best I don’t change anything.
¹It is not honorable to be written about in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
²Especially to most who are involved in the mental health industry and mega organizations like Autism Speaks.
Postscript — I will reiterate my version of the Miranda Warning I posted for Aspies last Jan. 8th, 2009:
Aspies [You] have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a neurotypically controlled society [court of law]. You have the right to have an understanding neurotypical who loves you [attorney] present during questioning. If you cannot find [afford] anyone who loves you [an attorney], one [will] NOT be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights?
Synesthesia,
It’s “Child Training Tips: What I Wish I Knew When My Children Were Young” by Reb Bradley.
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Even with proverbs, and just about any principle for that matter, all is generally speaking and must be kept in its proper context.
Subjects like this are complex and hard to write about because they can easily be taken the wrong way.
I hope readers realize mostly everything I say is from my personal observations. Since I’ve been earnestly observing human behavior for many decades and have the faith I do, I’ve been told I’ve found my niche in writing what I do.
I hope I’m not explaining myself again.
The way my daughter put it is that those who respect Aspies usually are not the ones who need to understand them because they already accept others the way they are. Those who should understand what makes Aspies different usually will take that information and twist it to how they want to see it because they’ve already made up their mind on how they want to view Aspies.
As for Reb Bradley, you can learn more about him on his church’s website at http://www.familyministries.com
Before judging his child training book, people should first read one of his other books, “Born Liberal, Raised Right: How to Rescue America from Moral Decline – One Family at a Time.”
I’ve talked with Reb Bradley on the phone and he didn’t impress me as being authoritarian, but rather as authoritative.
I prefer to not get more deeply sidetracked onto this different subject.
Uh, what child training book is this?
I’m not sure if I agree with that to a certain extent. It seems like the parent explaining what is going on to the child would make things… make more sense and help the child to trust the parent and with trust comes more respect.
Plus I hate the phrase child training….
Again, it makes sense on a certain level because I’ve noticed myself over the years trying to explain myself which I hate and noticing folks’ somewhat negative reactions…
It’s kind of useful to explain because some people tend to assume everyone is all alike when they aren’t. And if they do not respect a person for wanting to understand, it’s sort of their problem for not being more observant and making assumptions.
Is that fellow an acolyte of Pearl and such? I have problems with them because they do not have an understand of child development and tend to be a bit TOO strict which is as bad as being not strict enough when it’s needed.