Before I begin to write about Asperger meltdowns and shutdowns, always remember that neurotypicals also have trouble handling a stressful situation. Whose Planet Is It Anyway? has an excellent post about the Autistic/Asperger Meltdown Stereotype.
Probably the biggest difference between a neurotypical not coping well with a stressful situation versus an Aspie has to do with the number of issues behind its cause. For NTs, it’s usually restricted to the current scenario. For Aspies, it’s usually the result of an overwhelming number of other issues. The one which “causes” the meltdown is the “straw that breaks the camel’s back.”
I wondered why the older I get, the harder it becomes for me to cope with things that didn’t seem to disturb me as much in the past. I suspected it had to do with cumulative effects, but I wasn’t sure. Being that I couldn’t figure out whether it’s a meltdown or shutdown I’ve been trying to know how to deal with lately, I devoted time looking for whatever helpful information I could find.
From what I’ve found out so far, it seems common for Aspies to lose their ability to think when “that” camel back-breaking straw occurs. I wrote about a perfect example of one in a post called Maine by Midnight. I know the constant sound of loud motorcycles, combined with too much heat, opened the way for me to get covered with poison ivy oil thanks to my brain jumbling up my thoughts. Knowing myself better, as I do now at this point in life, I probably have developed many bad habits due to adopting what NTs have repeatedly told me → “You’re making a bigger deal out of this than what it is.” I’d think they were right, because other people didn’t seem to be as bothered by things as I thought I was. That’s probably why it is so classic for too many Aspies to doubt themselves.
I hope I can make a new habit to reverse statements, so I can check out how ridiculous they might sound. How would a NT person like for me to tell him or her, “You’re not making a big enough deal out of this than what it is?” That is exactly what I should have told myself when I went where there was a lot of poison ivy! Instead, I remember thinking “I don’t care if I get blistering itchy rashes from poison ivy. It’s more important for me to find my camera battery.” It’s a good thing no train came down the tracks while I was taking pictures in that same area. By the time I’d realize how big of a deal it is to get hit by a train, I wouldn’t be able to realize it because I’d be dead.
For me, it’s not possible to tell when I’ve crossed that fine line which brings regret. I knew the 4th of July barbecue/party at my house was going to throw my mind/body system off course and I even prepared to escape before it would happen. I made sure no one had my car blocked. I was going to take my dog Rascal with me and drive off to find a quiet place to wait until it was okay to return home. At some point during that day, sensory overload hijacked rational thinking. If it hadn’t, I wouldn’t have bought the lie that I’m making a bigger deal out of the events than what they are. Too much heat, too much company, too much noise, etc. were all too much for me to know they were too much when I needed that information to protect myself from its negative consequences. The guests probably thought I make things out to be too much in my mind; that if only I changed my perspective I could enjoy the activities just like they could.
It also doesn’t help that I’ve become very good at forgetting about harmful things/people I’ve experienced. Without those memories, it’s easy to repeat mistakes. Even though I probably can’t recall about 98% of them, some part of my brain must still contain those experiences. Maybe that’s part of the reason why I’ve had (and continue to have) colorfully vivid nightmares all throughout my life? Nightmares correlate with having “thinner” boundaries (the thinner the boundary, the higher one’s level of creativity generally is). Anyhow, it’s doubtful there wouldn’t be some kind of permanent cumulative effect from events that are underestimated in their impact upon someone genetically structured to function differently by being given a sensory system unlike what most others are content to have and be satisfied with.
From the post The Aspie Meltdown – An Insiders Point of View on the blog Life With Aspergers, Gavin states accurate reasons Why the Problems Seem Hidden:
Aspies don’t tend to give a lot of clues that they are very irritated;
- Their facial expressions very often will not convey the irritation.
- Their vocal tones will often remain flat even when they are fairly annoyed.
- Some things which annoy aspies would not be considered annoying to neurotypicals. This makes NT’s less likely to pick up on a potential problem.
- Often Aspie grievances are aired as part of their normal conversation and may even be interpreted by NTs as part of their standard whinge.
From the post Preventing the Adult Aspie Meltdown on the blog Aspie Teacher, Sandy offers some steps an adult Aspie can attempt for preventing a meltdown:¹
A child may have his parents to mediate the situation, but what steps can you take as an adult?
- Monitor your mood every 5 minutes when in loud or crowded places if these are sensory triggers.
- Ask your companion in advance to take you outside if you seem irritated.
- Don’t force yourself to stay at an event for hours just to make everyone happy. Showing up can be enough.
- Have a goal to accomplish or something to keep you distracted. Someone who will keep you laughing would be a great companion to bring.
- Plan breaks at intervals where you can be away from the stimuli and look at something pleasant. Take a quiet walk if you need to, or sit on a bench. Just get away.
- Keep a photo of your pet in your wallet if you have a close, soothing bond with your pet. When you feel yourself getting irritated, pull out the photo and smile. Yes, I’m telling you to physically smile!
Here are reasons why Sandy’s advice for preventing a meltdown don’t work for me:
- I can monitor my mood provided that I haven’t crossed the fine line over to where rational thought has disappeared.
- For me to ask a companion if I seem irritated, I need one around first in order to do so and that usually isn’t a luxury I have available.
- I can’t force myself to stay at an event for hours just to make everyone happy when I don’t even realize that I already am forcing myself.
- It’s because I’m overly distracted already that I can’t focus on a goal to accomplish. I have no one I could bring that even has a sense of humor, let alone keep me laughing!
- When I go on a break, I rarely come back because it’s too pleasant being away from the stimuli that triggers a meltdown. My challenge is simply to get away.
- If I had a photo of my pet with me, it would mean that she isn’t with me and that would only irritate me more.
Gavin Bollard states in his post Shutdown: A Specific Type of Meltdown,
Technically, there aren’t too many differences between meltdowns and shutdowns. Both are extreme reactions to everyday stimuli. Both tend to be the result of long term unresolved issues rather than the more obvious triggers and both are almost completely out of the control of the aspie rather than being used by children and adults as a means to an end – that would be either a tantrum or emotional blackmail.
In his description of What Exactly is a Shutdown?, he accurately points out,
As with meltdowns, in a shutdown situation, the aspie may act irrationally or dangerously. Unlike a meltdown however, the harmful activities are almost always directed at oneself.
The aspie may attempt self harm and may even be suicidal. They may be more likely to take reckless risks such as walking along a busy road on a dark/rainy night.
Gavin is right on target in his section on Causes when he says,
As with meltdowns, the cause of a shutdown tends to be cumulative and the trigger may bear little resemblance to the actual problem.
The real problems associated with shutdowns tend to lean towards depression, loneliness, poor self image, and poor self worth.
In an adult, shutdowns can result from extreme events such as losing a job or a marriage break-up but they can also have very small triggers which simply “remind” an aspie of a larger pain. Perhaps a small incident at work could provoke some long term insecurities and cause a retreat.
I’d like to add that self harm isn’t necessarily premeditated. Being reckless and/or irrational could very well be preconscious rather than conscious. Having an understanding and caring person around, especially someone wise enough to know how to gently handle an overwhelmed Aspie, can help restore rational thinking. Most likely, all that’s needed is a gentle hand to lead the distraught Aspie away from the stimuli that’s aggravating. The worst thing someone can do to a person shutting or melting down is to be judgmental and/or bossy.
I’m surprised I haven’t seen anyone make a correlation yet between the types of Aspies who have meltdowns versus shutdowns. The more I examine the comparisons, the more I see that the self-confident Aspies are the ones who have meltdowns whereas the Aspies habitually filled with self-doubt are the ones who have shutdowns. That seems logical since meltdowns are explosions and shutdowns are implosions.
If you’re confident, you trust your instincts. Because Aspies tend to value right from wrong more than NTs do, their instincts about what’s right or wrong (i.e., fair vs. unfair) are going to be stronger than what most other people experience. An Aspie who doesn’t doubt himself is no more likely to shutdown and become self-destructive than an Aspie who doesn’t trust his instincts is likely to meltdown and display obvious signs of upset (like cursing over frustrations or not bothering at all with being socially correct but rather telling others just the way something is). I know this from personal experience, because of knowing what it’s like to have meltdowns and shutdowns (never simultaneously, but sometimes flip-flopping between the two).
If you’d like to watch a video (less than 3 minutes long) helping to explain what an Asperger meltdown is like, take a look at Asperger for Dummies: Having a Meltdown (Explanation) on YouTube. The author adds that he doesn’t like the way his video turned out and he thinks he didn’t cover everything about having a meltdown. He said he will try to redo it. If and/or when he does, I’d like to see how he does it.
¹[Edit added 7.16.10] — Sandy has informed me that these steps of hers are from an old post she plans to update after knowing how it can be improved upon. I volunteered to help. Until either one of us can think of how we can update this data into being more helpful, we’re kind of stuck with what we’ve got for now.