Back in January of 1995, while searching for a movie to rent in a local video rental store (before I knew about Aspergers), I prayed for God to show me what He would like me to experience watching. Minutes later, I found the movie “A Dangerous Woman” on the shelf. On the back of the box, it said, “Martha Horgan has always been ‘different’. Slow, awkward, and hopelessly out of sync, she is incapable of telling a lie.” It described her as, “A fragile, childlike spirit¹ in a grown woman’s body, Martha lives in the guest house…” The words “incapable of telling a lie” kept haunting me. I am incapable of telling a lie. I have always been ‘different.’ People think I am ‘slow’. I have always felt hopelessly out of sync, but never gave it much thought. I too had once been romantically ‘involved’ with a man² (similar to Mackey [Gabriel Byrne] in looks and mannerisms) who was strongly attracted to my ‘childlike innocence’ (simplicity and honesty).
After having read the movie’s description, I had to watch the movie. I intuitively knew this story was going to begin the process of unlocking a lot of my lifetime mysteries. I just didn’t know how it was going to happen or what else the future would be revealing to me.
I even heard my ‘Mackey’ say to a relative of mine who ‘talks down’ to me the same way as Francis did to Martha, “Did it ever occur to you that maybe what she may need is a little kindness?” (Francis was a domineering and manipulative aunt.) So naturally, after experiencing the movie, I had to read the book. I had no way of knowing how many pieces God was giving me before I would be discovering how Aspergers was the piece I was missing to explain why my life is so different from mostly everyone else.
Mary McGarry Morris wrote the novel “A Dangerous Woman.” Reading that book was the same experience for me as reading “Mozart and the Whale” and “Housekeeping.” I could strongly relate to all those books and their movie versions. It wasn’t until reading “Mozart and the Whale” did I know Aspergers was the common thread they share.
In hindsight, it seems a strange coincidence for me to have been reading this book on the 1st anniversary of my father’s death.³ The memory of his funeral was still fresh in my mind. My experience was not unlike Martha’s in the novel. The people attending were dry-eyed chatty mourners who were friends of my ‘Frances’. The one individual who I mistook as being my friend must have attended my father’s funeral just to see out of curiousity who would be there for me. After that day, she vanished and made sure I wouldn’t ever be able to contact her. I’d hardly call that a friend.
People describing “A Dangerous Woman” say Martha is ‘slow’, ‘dim-witted’, and ‘mentally ill’. In the film, Martha’s Aunt [Francis Beecham] sums up Martha’s ‘disability’ well when she says, “She just doesn’t lie… that’s all.” The key words are, “that’s all.” That is what makes Martha different.
People dislike people not like themselves. The narrator in the film’s trailer hits the nail on the head when he says, “Sometimes being different can be dangerous.” I’m assuming he meant Martha is dangerous. The editorial review of the book on amazon.com from the Library Journal by Doris Lynch says,
What makes Martha a dangerous woman is her unfailing honesty; she hasn’t learned the world’s way of lying, of hiding behind a social mask. At one point Birdy, her friend, tries on Martha’s glasses to see if she really does view the world differently.
Amazon’s editorial review mentality fits with the world’s view that someone who isn’t a liar is ‘slow’, ‘dim-witted’, and ‘mentally ill’. God says in The Bible that someone who does not conform [Romans 12:2] to the world’s way of lying, of hiding behind a social mask, is someone who has a sound mind [2 Timothy 1:7]. The world tries to say it’s necessary for us to be liars and, more importantly, to be like everyone else. People like people like themselves.
← (Click on book’s blurb to enlarge for reading.)
What should be pointed out is that society is equally as dangerous to someone who is different. The movie omits vital parts of Martha’s earlier life. She was sexually humiliated as a teenager by being gang-raped.
The movie also leaves out Colin Mackey telling Martha what it is that people don’t like about her. Martha could not understand why no one liked her. Mackey told her, “It’s not so much that people don’t like you, but rather dislike your ability to see them.” Martha’s struggle was caused by the conflict between her always being honest versus everyone else portraying themselves to be socially acceptable. It’s ironic that people didn’t believe her while yet everyone knew her “problem” was that she was too honest.
Mackey tries to get Martha to understand that people don’t always care to see what a liar or how evil someone is, even if they’re personally involved with the person. I still find it shocking to believe that people choose to not want to know the truth. It seems illogical, foolish, detrimental to society, irresponsible, and wrong.
Martha gets anxious when having to make decisions in situations like when she’s at the checkout counter being asked, “Paper or plastic?” Not all Aspies are uptight. Besides different genetic make-ups, life experiences hugely affect how Aspies differ from other Aspies. In “Housekeeping,” the (Aspie) character Aunt Sylvie is laid-back and relaxed. In both fiction stories, people in the community disdain Martha and Sylvie for being different. In the non-fiction story “Mozart and the Whale,” Mary Meinel-Newport and Jerry Newport also face disdain for the same reasons. Mary is like Sylvie in her carefree attitude. Jerry is like Martha in being anxious. What makes the difference is how much they care what others think about them.
People dislike people not like themselves. What makes someone dangerous is unfailing honesty? Someone who hasn’t learned the world’s way of lying? Someone incapable of hiding behind a social mask? What then are lying, manipulative, character disordered con artists? Safe and to be trusted? Have so many people become character disordered that those who are not character disordered bother the consciences of those who are? Is that what makes trustworthy people dangerous? Is that why completely honest people are trusted the least?
¹Matthew 19:14, “…for it is to those who are childlike that the Kingdom of the Heavens belongs.”
²Women may enjoy being romanced by a man, including asexuals. Martha is not asexual. Asexuality is a sexual orientation belonging to individuals who do not experience sexual attraction. Celibacy is a choice. Asexuality is not.
³Whoa!… I just realized that my father died on this same day of the year I’m composing this post (Jan. 18)! I found his blackened burned body two days after he died.
Postscript added 2.6.12 — If you found this post interesting, you may also enjoy Aspergers in Housekeeping.
