Back in early October of 2009, I was told explaining yourself to others can cause them to lose respect towards you. No one ever pointed that out to me before. Also back then, I finished reading Child Training Tips: What I wish I knew when my children were young by Reb Bradley. That book opened my eyes to seeing that the same principle behind the way parents should be towards their children is the same way healthy relationships between adults are maintained.
Children must first show signs of respect towards their parents before they are allowed the privilege of gaining an explanation for why their parents do what they do. To give an explanation when the child wants it rather than giving it when the parent deems s/he is ready to receive it subtly empowers the child and weakens respect towards the parent.
Reb Bradly points out in his book,
A chief characteristic of those in authority is that they are not accountable to those under their control. In fact, the first sign that they have lost control is that they feel the need to constantly explain themselves to those they oversee.
Consider psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, counselors, and social workers. They would never think they are accountable. Almost always, those they oversee constantly have to explain themselves to these certified do-gooders. Those whom mental health organizations don’t have the authority to control get disrespected in other ways. I’m specifically thinking about adult Aspies.
What compounds this loss of respect towards Aspies that’s caused by unequal authority is the overestimated trustworthiness given to these bookly educated rulers by sheeple. Without thinking critically, sheeple automatically accept what they hear and read. This doesn’t help Aspies to be respected in society. It’s ironic that NTs think Aspies need to be trained to not be rude but yet most of them are rude to Aspies on a regular basis.
For example, throughout my entire life (including adulthood) everyone expected me to be submissive to them. From the day I was born, this was the case. To me, it was my normal way of life. I didn’t even realize it was happening. I didn’t notice no one asked me what I wanted or that I unquestioningly did things the way they wanted. I was trained to come if called, as like a dog.
Had I been properly trained, I would have been taught to know how manipulative people behave. It would have spared me from remaining so naïve and vulnerable for way too long. It wasn’t until after becoming 54 years old I briefly began to receive some desperately needed relationship coaching. It lasted for a couple of years.
This excellent relationship coach of mine told me that people with self-imposed authority do not want you to expect them to come to you. If they do come, it is on their terms, their time, and their way. The same principle applies to contact. They call the shots. If the submissive one dares to do so, she better not expect compliance. It’s all about control and dominance; just like hens with an established pecking order.
It also took me a very long time to realize no one ever explained themselves to me, at least not to the degree I would. If I’d get something from them, it would be mind gamers’ excuses. What others always get from me is the truth. I had become conditioned to explain myself. I even know when it’s wanted before the other person does. It was always a one-way street.
That would explain my habit of being submissive to my children for too long. I wasn’t even aware that my children were training me. If only I had Reb Bradley’s child training book as soon as I could read, my life may have developed radically different! Even if I didn’t have the book, hearing the quote “Never explain yourself. Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it,” would have helped a lot.
( ← Click to read enlarged view.)
When you’re guilty of trespassing a boundary in a relationship, a confession, apology, and an explanation is required if there is to be hope for reconciliation. The reason for chaos between Aspies and neurotypicals has a lot to do with violating the Golden Rule of doing unto others as you would have others do unto you.
In a society where Aspergers is not honored,¹ the more Aspies explain themselves to neurotypicals, the less neurotypicals will respect them.
Unless respect already is displayed towards Aspies, Aspies are only digging their hole deeper by explaining themselves.² If this was not so, then neurotypicals would be publishing books to explain their weird and illogical behavior to Aspies. I don’t hate NTs, but I also don’t respect most of them either because of how often they’re constantly violating my boundaries.
It’s time for Aspergers to be respected as much as neurotypicalism is. The only way I can see equality manifesting itself would be if Aspies have the same amount of control as NTs do. So far, what mostly exists on the magazine racks, books stores, radio, televised media, and newspapers, is still unbalanced.
¹It is not honorable to be written about in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
²Especially to most who are involved in the mental health industry and mega organizations like Autism Speaks.
Read the Comments of a post published on September 10, 2009 asking, Is Autism Speaks Mis-Spending Its Money? Your Opinion Requested. Combine what those commenters say with what autismvotes.org’s news for September 30, 2011 about Obama signing an act that authorizes Autism Speaks to help themselves to $693 million for the next three years so their head honchos can live even more lavishly at the expense of taxpayers.
We already knew Autism Speaks is about eugenics. But did you also realize Autism Speaks is so greedy that, according to its 2010 annual report, its management salaries add up to more than half the proceeds of its fundraising walks? Nonprofit charity is what it isn’t.
