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Pleasant Aspie Meeting

  • Posted on August 28, 2010

Jesse A. Saperstein

Around seven months ago I thought I was pretty much done with going to Asperger group meetings, mostly because I wasn’t seeing them as being as leisurely as getting together for pizza or a hike. Maybe that was because the gatherings are almost always at the same place and indoors?

Somehow I ended up gradually re-attending more often, but not quite yet to every meeting like I was doing for a long time. Our group has become fairly small, but the quality of our characters outweighs the quantity. At today’s meeting, I was pleasantly surprised to see Jesse Saperstein join us. I first met him at a GRASP meeting in Manhattan and then again at the annual walk for Autism last spring.

It never ceases to amaze me how extremely judgmental and harsh the neurotypical world is towards Aspies. I was especially reminded of that hearing about Jesse’s life experiences and I still have not read his book yet (first I must finish those I do have)! Speaking of his book, it’s recent on the market and selling very well. The title of it is Atypical: Life with Asperger’s in 20 1/3 Chapters.

Jesse’s sense of humor made my day. I’ve been very stressed lately and God knows I’ve needed to relax with some laughs. I think over time, our group will grow back to the size it once was. When it does, it will be better than it’s ever been. We still go by the name Aspies of the Round Table.

For those who may be curious to hear Jesse speak, there is a brief video clip of him being interviewed for a television news station covering the topic of Aspergers.

Atypical: Life with Asperger's in 20 1/3 Chapters

In Atypical: Life with Asperger’s in 20 1/3 Chapters, Jesse shares his unique perspective on:

  • Overcoming bullying and chronic rejection (you think you had a few awkward years)
  • Coping with compulsions and making peace with ritualistic obsessions (including an enduring love of the postal system)
  • The bizarre habits of neurotypicals (why don’t they just say what they mean?)
  • The mysteries of dating and sex (“New York City harbors more Jewish women than the entire nation of Israel. All of them have rejected me.”)
  • Finding purpose and strength (hiking the Appalachian Trail, working with teenagers living with HIV/AIDS, and inspiring others with his popular speeches to neurotypical and Asperger’s students)

Jesse Saperstein puts a human face on Asperger’s – and makes readers laugh, empathize, and better understand, what it means to see the world through the prism of autism.

Communicating with NTs makes me leery.

  • Posted on July 26, 2010

If I’m contemplating ways to communicate with a neurotypical (other than my daughter or husband), I can’t help but feel leery. It’s awful, especially if there might be a chance to maybe communicate with an old acquaintance or relative. In such situations, I feel like a rabbit that’s trapped in a dark corner that doesn’t know if it should run or if it’s okay to stay.

The dark¹ corner feeling comes from hitting my best level at small talk. If I dig at the conversation to bring it deeper, then sooner or later it seems I’m buried under dirt. This isn’t what usually happens when  I’m communicating with another Aspie. I’ve observed enough Aspie-to-Aspie conversations to see that there is a huge difference between Aspies relating versus NTs. For me (and most other Aspies), there is no guess work involved in understanding what’s being communicated by either party when only Aspies are involved.

From what I’ve seen about how NTs handle communicating with me, they’re either assertive or avoidant. Compared to those two opposites, I’m somewhere in the middle — except for online (which typically is Aspie turf anyhow) and/or snail mail — too often too much like Charlie Brown, as displayed in this conversation done in a strip back on December 31, 1965:

Charlie Brown: Next year I’m going to be a changed person!
Lucy: That’s a laugh, Charlie Brown.
Charlie Brown: I mean it! I’m going to be strong and firm.
Lucy: Forget it. You’ll always be wishy-washy.
Charlie Brown: Why can’t I change just a little bit? I’ll be wishy one day and washy the next!

Charlie Brown is much like how I am. Charles Monroe Schulz (a classic Asperger individual) portrayed himself in his comic’s character, Charlie Brown. However, in some ways I have changed since childhood. In the comic strip, Charlie Brown never grew up. Oh how I’d love to continue the Peanuts comic strip where Schulz left off, depicting Charlie Brown through adolescence, young adulthood, middle-age, and then as a grandfather. It could still be funny overall, but (for it to be accurate) it would have to have some serious sections.

Take for example the Peanuts strip from January 21, 1968:

Lucy to Charlie Brown (at her psychiatric booth, explaining why people take advantage of him by talking too much:) It’s your own fault! You’re just too wishy-washy! People who talk too much² deserve to be insulted! They deserve to have other people walk away from them! Talking too much is an unforgivable social sin – absolutely unforgivable! The only way to deal with people who talk too much is to let them know just how boring they really are. You can’t waste your time with them, no, sir! Why should you sit and waste your valuable time while some bore talks on and on about nothing? Life is too short to waste it listening to some person who doesn’t know when to shut up! Time is too valuable! Time is…

How many times can a person endure having injustices done against him, especially when its twisted around to have him feeling like he is to blame? Charlie Brown’s worst ‘flaw’ is his repeatedly trusting others and longing to be accepted as the others are in the Peanuts gang.

gulliblefootball

Just because I learned how to be strong and firm sometimes (in order to protect myself), being leery is what causes wishy-washiness. Kids don’t mind ‘playing’ with someone as if he’s a toy without feelings. There are too many adults who haven’t matured past that stage. They’re just more experienced and able to be subtler than when they were younger.

Most adults, especially old acquaintances and/or relatives, hopefully want to work as hard as I do at finding a way to communicate that constructively works for everyone. Yesterday, I received a surprise phone call from someone back in high school. The last time I saw her was about 15 years ago. We talked for hours and we both seemed to enjoy it.³ I went through the same thing last year with a close relative I hadn’t spoke to for 15 years, except she surprisingly showed up at my house instead of calling. I have no idea if either of them are as confused as I now am.

I wasn’t given any contact information (like a phone number, email, or snail mail address) before yesterday’s phone conversation ended. I have to hope she merely forgot and maybe she will read this post and call me again. I also hope that maybe the relative who I saw last year for a couple of hours will read this post and contact me to help eliminate some of my (or our?) confusion. I can’t help but wonder if she hasn’t written to me for the same reason I haven’t written to her… that maybe she is as confused as I am?

I can’t shake the feeling that people might struggle over why I’m highly reluctant to use emails, especially when for them it’s much easier than putting a stamp on an addressed envelope once a season and having to wait longer for the gratification a response brings.

I thought having a contact page is a good compromise. I would receive the message and respond via snail mail and would be willing to send my skype name (only to those who I know very well). Skype provides many options for communicating, even sending an SMS (text message). After what I’ve been through with AOL’s programs, skype’s instant messaging is a relief. My mac handles the newest version of skype beautifully. However, if I were to install it on windows xp, I’d probably download the old version 3.8.0.188. Unfortunately, not everything that’s new is improved. (I do digress, no?)

My guess is that some people might have a hard time to understand why someone like me would never create a facebook account. It’s frustrating for me to know there are people I care about who have a facebook site, but facebook doesn’t allow a person access to it unless s/he  subjects her/himself to facebook’s insanity.

In the beginning of this past February, a woman contacted me who saw me periodically during my childhood. She acted excited to have found me and I thought we’d stay in touch, instead of sharing only a couple of emails. I hope that she too might read this post and let me know at least why I haven’t heard from her again.

Before that, another person from high school (no, not a boyfriend) said he had been trying to find me for 27 years. He wanted us to be friends and he called a few times to briefly chit chat. I thought we’d actually visit in person, especially since he was close by in the area. Again, I’m left perplexed as to what all that polite small talk was about when it led nowhere.

Even going as far back as 45 years, a neighbor from that long ago dropped in unexpectedly to visit me in 1983 (without any contact in all those years) for about 10 minutes. Then, that was it. I never heard from her again (even though I remembered her birthday and mailed her a card afterward).

I’ve either said enough to explain why communicating with NTs makes me leery or I’ve said too much. No matter what, the way I look at it is, “How can you lose something that you don’t have?”

If Charlie Brown had an identical twin sister, I’d be her. Good grief!

¹It’s dark because I can’t see where I’m going with my conversation in regard to what the NT is planning to do about it.
²This includes people who brazenly trespass against you and would do so repeatedly if given the chance. Its not the size of the offense as much as it is the wrong spirit.
³What isn’t enjoyable is how much my muscles ache from being so tense while talking. Even though nothing bad happened, it’s kind of like almost having an accident in the sense that you can’t help but automatically brace yourself in case there is a collision.

That part about inappropriate being bad…

  • Posted on July 15, 2010

There is much written about Asperger individuals behaving inappropriate. I wouldn’t doubt that some would even classify what I’m about to write in this post as being inappropriate. However, the big picture calls for a warning about something listed under warnings. In this case, it’s the first one found listed in WikiHow’s article How to Relate to Someone who Has Asperger’s Syndrome:

Do not encourage someone with Asperger’s to behave in an inappropriate manner. Doing so will likely cause them to behave in the inappropriate manner more often. Pretty soon they’re doing it all the time. This is a bad thing.

I agree there can be some behaviors an Aspie might do which would be construed as inappropriate, but not all of them are a bad thing to practice. What I find somewhat inappropriate is the incongruity of the last tip that’s listed right above the warning section of this same article:

Never talk down to someone with Asperger’s Syndrome, or talk to them like you would to a child. It is deeply offensive and can cause someone with AS to doubt themselves and reinforce/cause depression. How would you like it if someone treated you like a child?

When I read this article, it makes me feel like I’m being treated like a child. If a similar one was written for Aspies on How to Relate to Someone who Has Neurotypical Syndrome, I’m pretty sure most NTs would also feel as if they’re being talked down to and being treated like a child.

Anyhow, the point I want to bring up for people to think about is to exercise caution before making the assumption that unexpected behavior, which is different from what’s normally seen by society, is inappropriate and bad. Erroneous conclusions are usually derived because of insufficient insight into what’s going on and why. When that’s the case, it’s best to just trust that Aspies (along with some Christians) usually have a good reason to behave different from what’s typically seen.

If you’re not an Aspie, you’re not going to be able to think like one either. What’s one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. That’s one reason to not analyze what or why certain behaviors are done by Aspies. Logical things don’t require it… but therein lies the problem! When you have a smaller percentage of the population containing the higher levels of logic, you end up with the greater portion suffering a handicap. If that’s not bad enough, add to that — the majority in a society (comprised mostly of sheeples) twist subjective values into objective claims. I have a news flash for those who don’t realize this → the less you’re able to think logically, the less you’re able to be aware of how much you lack this ability. I hope enough people can understand what kind of mess this can create.

Many years ago, I heard a report summarizing the common denominator found among the entire world for longevity. It wasn’t diet and it wasn’t exercise, although they do affect health (focusing only on those two things are the cause of inconsistent statistics over time). It was the ability to go with the flow. That makes sense, because if you’re reacting, you’re not taking action. Action is both passive and active. It is passive when you’re accepting things you can’t change and it’s active when you’re changing what you can. Going with the flow is natural, but it takes wisdom for humans to practice it. In contrast, (for example) tectonic plates can’t be foolish like people can, so they can’t do anything but go with the flow.

Imagine if mankind came up with a way to lock up fault lines in an attempt to prevent anymore earthquakes. Without the power to control forces originating in a radioactive, solid iron inner core, I doubt it would take long before something even worse than the earthquakes would happen. Going a step further, imagine the consequences of messing with the earth’s core! While you’re at it, why not mess with it’s creator too? I digress again… sorry (today is one of those days).

We can learn a lot from nature, because it’s scientific. Human behavior is not reliably scientific. Therefore, it’s ultimately foolish as a source of education, if it’s not measured against a higher standard.

The bible tells us what’s appropriate versus inappropriate. To ignore God’s word and rely solely upon the mental health industry’s mutating versions of their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders filled with code numbers and psychobabble jargon that they don’t even agree on and/or understand enough of the time, but yet can fatten their wallet regardless of whether or not their services actually help clients/patients (eee gads, I’m being straightforward!), is begging for an eventual world-wide mental meltdown at the very core it stems from (psychiatrists and psychologists). It can only get worse now that more and more psychologists can prescribe medication after consultation with a psychiatrists. If you don’t get the whole picture of what’s eventually coming down the pike here, let me just say it’s not light at the end of that tunnel.

(Everyone has an opinion they’re entitled to speak freely about, so if you don’t like mine, there are plenty of others to form a bond with.) Wink and Grin

Christy Fix gives the most recent example I can recall of what most people label inappropriate behavior. So it’s bad to eat when you’re hungry, while others have no appetite, just because they don’t think like you do? If you read her post Well THAT was inappropriate!, meditate upon her two insightful statements:

“I knew there was nothing I could do…” and “What happened happened. I couldn’t change that,…”

These remarks sum up what it’s like when you exercise passive action to go with the flow. Those without the appetite, didn’t have one because they were reacting to the flow. Reacting to life is foolish and can be harmful to your health.

To differentiate between what reacting looks like as compared to taking action, the fictitious example set by Aspie Moss in the 2 1/2 minute video clip from The IT Crowd – Series 1 – Episode 2: Fire! may be helpful. Even though this clip is a bit ridiculous, it serves as a good illustration of what I’m talking about. You can see Jen walking past Moss to go out the door. She isn’t running frantically, but she is subtly reacting and is not going with the flow as well as Moss is. The fine line has to do with emotion. When emotions stay stuck to the stimulus, it triggers a chemical response within the body that accelerates aging.

The absolute best example (and my favorite!) I’ve seen of someone going with the flow is Aunt Sylvie in the movie from the novel Housekeeping. It’s quickly noticeable in this two minute trailer. The book adds more detail than the movie (without altering any of the plot), but the movie (in my opinion) is more fun thanks to how perfectly Christine Lahti suits Sylvie’s character. Why she goes unnoticed as as Aspie woman, played in this film, doesn’t surprise me. People typically mistaken her as being schizophrenic, which I can understand why that’s hastily done. To comprehend a character that’s as complex and unique as Sylvie requires innovative thinking.¹

Reactions are what cause such things as unforgiveness and revenge. The movie Amish Grace displays how the Amish community goes with the flow.

You can have a strong ability to employ logic for solving problems, like The Monty Hall Problem for example.² But, that doesn’t necessarily mean you also have Godly wisdom. If you have His wisdom, it also doesn’t necessarily mean you can solve problems which require logic.

Whether you’re strongly logical in thinking, or have a reservoir of Godly wisdom accumulated, or both, you’re likely to exhibit behaviors on occasion that today’s society perceives as being inappropriate. For example, because so few non-Amish (including many professing to be following Christ) can understand the Amish community’s ways (including the ways of some non-Amish Christians), they’re also unable to comprehend the consistency between shunning and forgiveness.³ When incorrect judgments are made, behavior can get labeled as being bad.

If we fear how others judge us, we won’t fear how God judges us and vice versa.

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever.” — Psalm 111:10

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” — Proverbs 1:7

To not fear the LORD is to not respect and honor God and what He says. Having faith in God’s word may seem foolish and illogical to the world, but that’s only logical and to be expected, considering how the world basically has little-to-no desire in giving God the glory for all things.

¹If you’re interested in a little more about the film, I mentioned some of my thoughts on it in What you see is what you get.

²[Don't read this footnote, unless you want to skip the problem and get faced with the answer.] If you look at the situation logically, you’ll realize: 1.) What is physically behind the doors never changes. 2.) You can’t apply mathematical “logic” after the reveal and call it a 50-50 chance. 3.) The prize goes behind one door at the start. Either it’s behind the door you choose first, or it isn’t. What happens with the reveal doesn’t physically change that by making it more or less likely. If you’re experienced with logic, you’ll know that thinking it’s a 50-50 chance is taking a “logical” approach to a “different” situation. You’ll also know that if you were to put a prize behind one of two doors, it would indeed give a 50-50 chance of being behind either door. In the case of this problem, it’s not what happened. The prize is already in position “before” you come to the point where two boxes are left.

³Isaiah 55:8 — For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.

Friendface

  • Posted on July 11, 2010

After having spent all of last night awake via insomnia, I wandered into a funeral music state of mind (i.e., too somber!) today… but then, in the early part of the afternoon, along came an online dose of The IT Crowd (the 5th Episode of the 3rd Season, to be precise) to revive laughter. Here’s how that episode begins:

It hysterically sums up my first impression I had of Facebook when I first encountered it! Who needs anti-depressants when you can be entertained by mega-Aspie Moss and the milder version Roy?!?! They’re not in this video clip, but you can enjoy them by watching the whole episode, which I’ve found the easiest to do on the blogspot Watch The IT Crowd Online.

Asperger Meltdowns and Shutdowns

  • Posted on July 8, 2010

Before I begin to write about Asperger meltdowns and shutdowns, always remember that neurotypicals also have trouble handling a stressful situation. Whose Planet Is It Anyway? has an excellent post about the Autistic/Asperger Meltdown Stereotype.

Probably the biggest difference between a neurotypical not coping well with a stressful situation versus an Aspie has to do with the number of issues behind its cause. For NTs, it’s usually restricted to the current scenario. For Aspies, it’s usually the result of an overwhelming number of other issues. The one which “causes” the meltdown is the “straw that breaks the camels back.”

I wondered why the older I get, the harder it becomes for me to cope with things that didn’t seem to disturb me as much in the past. I suspected it had to do with cumulative effects, but I wasn’t sure. Being that I couldn’t figure out whether it’s a meltdown or shutdown I’ve been trying to know how to deal with lately, I devoted time looking for whatever helpful information I could find.

From what I’ve found out so far, it seems common for Aspies to lose their ability to think when “that” camel back-breaking straw occurs. I wrote about a perfect example of one in a post called Maine by Midnight. I know the constant sound of loud motorcycles, combined with too much heat, opened the way for me to get covered with poison ivy oil thanks to my brain jumbling up my thoughts. Knowing myself better, as I do now at this point in life, I probably have developed many bad habits due to adopting what NTs have repeatedly told me → “You’re making a bigger deal out of this than what it is.” I’d think they were right, because other people didn’t seem to be as bothered by things as I thought I was. That’s probably why it is so classic for too many Aspies to doubt themselves.

I hope I can make a new habit to reverse statements, so I can check out how ridiculous they might sound. How would a NT person like for me to tell him or her, “You’re not making a big enough deal out of this than what it is.”? That is exactly what I should have told myself when I went where there was a lot of poison ivy! Instead, I remember thinking “I don’t care if I get blistering itchy rashes from poison ivy. It’s more important for me to find my camera battery.” It’s a good thing no train came down the tracks while I was taking pictures in that same area. By the time I’d realize how big of a deal it is to get hit by a train, I wouldn’t be able to realize it because I’d be dead.

For me, it’s not possible to tell when I’ve crossed that fine line which brings regret. I knew the 4th of July barbecue/party at my house was going to throw my mind/body system off course and I even prepared to escape before it would happen. I made sure no one had my car blocked. I was going to take my dog Rascal with me and drive off to find a quiet place to wait until it was okay to return home. At some point during that day, sensory overload hijacked rational thinking. If it hadn’t, I wouldn’t have bought the lie that I’m making a bigger deal out of the events than what they are. Too much heat, too much company, too much noise, etc. were all too much for me to know they were too much when I needed that information to protect myself from its negative consequences. The guests probably thought I make things out to be too much in my mind; that if only I changed my perspective I could enjoy the activities just like they could.

It also doesn’t help that I’ve become very good at forgetting about harmful things/people I’ve experienced. Without those memories, it’s easy to repeat mistakes. Even though I probably can’t recall about 98% of them, some part of my brain must still contain those experiences. Maybe that’s part of the reason why I’ve had (and continue to have) colorfully vivid nightmares all throughout my life? It’s either that or it’s true about how it directly correlates to be a shared trait among highly creative people. Anyhow, it’s doubtful there wouldn’t be some kind of permanent cumulative effect from events that are underestimated in their impact upon someone genetically structured to function differently by being given a sensory system unlike what most others are content to have and be satisfied with.

From the post The Aspie Meltdown – An Insiders Point of View on the blog Life With Aspergers, Gavin states accurate reasons Why the Problems Seem Hidden:

Aspies don’t tend to give a lot of clues that they are very irritated;

  1. Their facial expressions very often will not convey the irritation.
  2. Their vocal tones will often remain flat even when they are fairly annoyed.
  3. Some things which annoy aspies would not be considered annoying to neurotypicals. This makes NT’s less likely to pick up on a potential problem.
  4. Often Aspie grievances are aired as part of their normal conversation and may even be interpreted by NTs as part of their standard whinge.

From the post Preventing the Adult Aspie Meltdown on the blog Aspie Teacher, Sandy offers some steps an adult Aspie can attempt for preventing a meltdown:¹

A child may have his parents to mediate the situation, but what steps can you take as an adult?

  1. Monitor your mood every 5 minutes when in loud or crowded places if these are sensory triggers.
  2. Ask your companion in advance to take you outside if you seem irritated.
  3. Don’t force yourself to stay at an event for hours just to make everyone happy. Showing up can be enough.
  4. Have a goal to accomplish or something to keep you distracted. Someone who will keep you laughing would be a great companion to bring.
  5. Plan breaks at intervals where you can be away from the stimuli and look at something pleasant. Take a quiet walk if you need to, or sit on a bench. Just get away.
  6. Keep a photo of your pet in your wallet if you have a close, soothing bond with your pet. When you feel yourself getting irritated, pull out the photo and smile. Yes, I’m telling you to physically smile!

Here are reasons why Sandy’s advice for preventing a meltdown don’t work for me:

  1. I can monitor my mood provided that I haven’t crossed the fine line over to where rational thought has disappeared.
  2. For me to ask a companion if I seem irritated, I need one around first in order to do so and that usually isn’t a luxury I have available.
  3. I can’t force myself to stay at an event for hours just to make everyone happy when I don’t even realize that I already am forcing myself.
  4. It’s because I’m overly distracted already that I can’t focus on a goal to accomplish. I have no one I could bring that even has a sense of humor, let alone keep me laughing!
  5. When I go on a break, I rarely come back because it’s too pleasant being away from the stimuli that triggers a meltdown. My challenge is simply to get away.
  6. If I had a photo of my pet with me, it would mean that she isn’t with me and that would only irritate me more. That’s why my dog has now legally become my service dog.

Gavin Bollard states in his post Shutdown: A Specific Type of Meltdown,

Technically, there aren’t too many differences between meltdowns and shutdowns. Both are extreme reactions to everyday stimuli. Both tend to be the result of long term unresolved issues rather than the more obvious triggers and both are almost completely out of the control of the aspie rather than being used by children and adults as a means to an end – that would be either a tantrum or emotional blackmail.

In his description of What Exactly is a Shutdown?, he accurately points out,

As with meltdowns, in a shutdown situation, the aspie may act irrationally or dangerously. Unlike a meltdown however, the harmful activities are almost always directed at oneself.
The aspie may attempt self harm and may even be suicidal. They may be more likely to take reckless risks such as walking along a busy road on a dark/rainy night.

Gavin is right on target in his section on Causes when he says,

As with meltdowns, the cause of a shutdown tends to be cumulative and the trigger may bear little resemblance to the actual problem.
The real problems associated with shutdowns tend to lean towards depression, loneliness, poor self image, and poor self worth.
In an adult, shutdowns can result from extreme events such as losing a job or a marriage break-up but they can also have very small triggers which simply “remind” an aspie of a larger pain. Perhaps a small incident at work could provoke some long term insecurities and cause a retreat.

I’d like to add that self harm isn’t necessarily premeditated. Being reckless and/or irrational could very well be preconscious rather than conscious. Having an understanding and caring person around, especially someone wise enough to know how to gently handle an overwhelmed Aspie, can help restore rational thinking. Most likely, all that’s needed is a gentle hand to lead the distraught Aspie away from the stimuli that’s aggravating. The worst thing someone can do to a person shutting or melting down is to be judgmental and/or bossy.

I’m surprised I haven’t seen anyone make a correlation yet between the types of Aspies who have meltdowns versus shutdowns. The more I examine the comparisons, the more I see that the self-confident Aspies are the ones who have meltdowns whereas the Aspies habitually filled with self-doubt are the ones who have shutdowns. That seems logical since meltdowns are explosions and shutdowns are implosions.

If you’re confident, you trust your instincts. Because Aspies tend to value right from wrong more than NTs do, their instincts about what’s right or wrong (i.e., fair vs. unfair) are going to be stronger than what most other people experience. An Aspie who doesn’t doubt himself is no more likely to shutdown and become self-destructive than an Aspie who doesn’t trust his instincts is likely to meltdown and display obvious signs of upset (like cursing over frustrations or not bothering at all with being socially correct but rather telling others just the way something is). I know this from personal experience, because of knowing what it’s like to have meltdowns and shutdowns (never simultaneously, but sometimes flip-flopping between the two).

If you’d like to watch a video (less than 3 minutes long) helping to explain what an Asperger meltdown is like, take a look at Asperger for Dummies: Having a Meltdown (Explanation) on YouTube. The author adds that he doesn’t like the way his video turned out and he thinks he didn’t cover everything about having a meltdown. He said he will try to redo it. If and/or when he does, I’d like to see how he does it.

¹[Edit added 7.16.10] — Sandy has informed me that these steps of hers are from an old post she plans to update after knowing how it can be improved upon. I volunteered to help. Until either one of us can think of how we can update this data into more helpful, we’re kind of stuck with what we’ve got for now.

The 4th of July

  • Posted on July 5, 2010

Each year I detest the 4th of July with an ever increasing intensity! Sensory overload doesn’t even begin to describe how horrible it is for me and some other Aspies! Every year my husband has a barbecue/party to celebrate this holiday. Yesterday was no exception. He had one of his friends bring over a canon to fire off on our property!… a CANON! Then came HOURS of fireworks!

While this crap goes on, I eventually end up in my bedroom with the door and windows shut (no air conditioning while enduring temperatures in the upper 90′s!), while wearing noise-cancellation headphones that squeeze my head.¹ With each boom, my muscles tighten (and stay that way for days!). I get told to stop reacting with shrieks. My cats would do their best to find somewhere to hide in the basement. Both my dog and I each have our heart pounding rapidly. She’d tremble and try to hide, while I’d be restraining myself from wanting to go outdoors to fight with whoever is the cause of loud noise.

The inside of my house was a worse mess than what was left outdoors. I did have my entire home neat and clean before people arrived. Too bad there are some guests who have no respect for those whom they pretend to care about.

After the hideously loud noise did finally end, there was a leftover stench from what was burned. Then, last night after having TWELVE hours of company over, a skunk came to visit! Needless to say, yesterday’s 4th of July celebration was the worst one I’ve ever had to endure!

¹This post-4th of July is redefining what a meltdown experience is for me!!!!

Being Female for One Aspie

  • Posted on June 15, 2010

I recently embarked upon a relaxing vacation.¹ Being that I haven’t done anything like that for around three decades, the trip confirmed several things I already suspected. Unfortunately, now that I’m back home and again with sleep deprivation, I’ve returned to what caused me to need that experience in the first place. Because of that, exhaustion has already diminished my ability to explain details. I can tell my brain is deteriorating faster than it should be. That could be partly why I’m less able to write posts for my blog.

I’m tempted to quit writing altogether, but if I don’t try my best to use what I’ve got left of my brain’s capacities, the capacities that still remain will degenerate even faster. This negative progression is not mental illness. It is a natural physical aging that is happening at a faster than normal rate. It is being enhanced by post-menopause. Getting older is a fact of life and there is no such thing as reversing the aging process. All one can do is slow it down.

Most older women already know how diet and exercise play a vital part in protecting health, but few are aware of the other factors some people have which hinder even the simplest of tasks. There are a couple of reasons I’m bringing attention to this. The first has to do with what I was once told. It was, “Everyone has problems.” What I wonder is how many people realize that (generally speaking) the less obvious the problems are, the more they can cause problems. These kinds of problems come from those who like to judge others without personally being capable of knowing the challenges another person may have to deal with. We are all human, but we are not all alike neurologically.

The second reason behind me telling about my post-menopause experience is so other women can have an enhanced perspective to see their own journey on this path. Women tend to be interested in what others go through with pregnancy and the labor of child birth, so why not also that time of life when those events are no longer possible?

To balance things out, I’ll first briefly share about my two pregnancies and labor experiences. In a nutshell, they apparently were not typical. I especially know this now that my daughter just gave birth to my third grandchild just recently (May 26th to be precise). I had hoped hers would have been as easy as what I went through, but it wasn’t. What she went through to have her three children was more the norm for women who have natural childbirth. My children were both born at home with the minimal amount of prenatal routines. I don’t even know what it’s like to “push” in order to give birth or what “labor pains” are. Pardon the odd way of describing it, but I know no other way than to describe it as being like an upside-down regurgitation (minus the intense nausea). I’m sure having a full moon during each of those events, along with remaining upright (rather than reclining), had some influence.

Now things have flip-flopped. It’s as if what blessed me to escape the usual unpleasantries of child bearing has turned into a curse. To some, this might not make sense, especially since you’d think that a hyper-sensitive nervous system would be a recipe for enhanced challenges with child birth. I can only guess that it’s because of being hyper-sensitive those experiences for me were not difficult. I easily knew what to do versus what not to do. Number one on my list was to stay as far away from hospitals as possible at all times (which is what I do anyhow). A hospital (even if it’s a “child birthing center”) would freak me out. I knew long in advance I needed the freedom to be able to go walk off alone into the woods or a field, while in labor, and come back indoors when I was ready to deliver (in my way, at my time). I wouldn’t even consider Lamaze classes, because (to me) that didn’t seem natural or necessary; plus, it would have been a waste of my money. In my mind, giving birth didn’t need to be any different from how a wild animal deals with it.

Maybe it’s because I’m a human being living in a “modern” society that post-menopause is a curse for me? I’ve had hot flashes long enough to see a personal pattern evolve. Because I’ve become conditioned in two decades to respond the way I have to minor incidences like a cat vomiting in the night or juice being spilled by a child, I can no longer control the snowballing destructive chain reactions such things have on my body. Hot flashes have become like a personal bio-feedback machine to me. There is a direct correlation between adrenaline production and hot flashes. First comes the anxiety producing event, then immediately afterward an overwhelming wave of heat is triggered, usually followed by a major emotional disruption. The mood alteration sometimes is immediate, but often times it’s repressed and vents out later (e.g., the next day).

After having done research to learn about what is going on physically inside my body and why during post-menopause, I again know what to do versus what not to do. Again I know not to go the route most others may choose to travel (e.g., using pharmaceutical products). Being that I’m more hyper-sensitive now than ever before in my life, it is imperative my environment be as much under my control as possible. Being that people (including myself) are like chemicals which produce reactions, socializing must be done with caution when there is the combination of heightened hyper-sensitivity and post-menopause. It’s not just relationships that must be monitored closely. Sounds, lights, temperatures, tastes, smells, textures, etc., all have a strong impact upon basic bodily functions like sleep, energy, memory, thinking ability, muscular strength, etc.

It’s too bad that there is very little research in the area of post-menopausal Asperger women. The younger Aspies are, the more the medical community is interested. This is especially so for Asperger females. Since Aspergers isn’t something a person outgrows or “has,” but rather is what one may be, there are plenty of opportunities for us older Aspies to add to, and/or refine, the existing relatively crude information that already exists about Aspergers. For example, the article Asperger’s Syndrome and Unequal Reaction to Pain by Nelle Frances, contains useful information. It would be interesting to see how data like that could be related to what David Zava, Ph.D. says in his interview on How Cortisol Levels Affect Thyroid Function and Aging that’s published on the Virginia Hopkins Health Watch website.

¹Little did I know I’d be on another one four days after publishing this post! If you’re interested in nature photos, I have plenty connected to my vacation tag on my casual blog.

Disorderly Relatives

  • Posted on May 20, 2010

I’m not refering to blood relatives or personal relationships. I’m talking about relatives as compared to absolutes, along with disorders as compared to what’s orderly. Why am I doing this? Because I’ve been recently wound up again over people playing god! What’s worse is that these “professionals” who think they’re a god are creating confusion and upset towards their victims.

I have an adult female Aspie friend who recently had tests done for rating hearing sensitivity. Her and I share the same reactions toward certain tones others take when talking to us. Few people can comprehend these reactions, so I won’t even bother to explain. Hopefully it’s not even necessary to do so. What is necessary however is for some people to think more than what they do.

This friend I’m mentioning was told she has a “hearing disorder.” She is able to hear sounds in a way most people don’t. Because most people don’t share this ability, people like her get told she has something “wrong” with her hearing. Who do these people think they are to make such a claim?!

Why don’t they just say things like, “The Bloodhound breed of dogs have a scent disorder.” Heck, not all dogs can detect odors equally.

From my perspective, I see some major “disorders.” They’re called pride and greed. Those two things blind the minds of those who are lost. To be fair, everyone is conceived in a lost condition. What’s lost is a vital connection. That connection is with God. If that connection isn’t re-established by salvation through Christ, then the only other outcome is that the lost soul will choose to worship a god of their own preference.

The longer this world continues, the more disorderly and chaotic it will get. Only in heaven will there no longer be anymore gods dispensing nonsense. Meanwhile, here’s a couple of versions of 2 Corinthians 6:2 for lost souls to meditate upon:

(For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.) — KJV

For God says, “Your cry came to me at a favorable time, when the doors of welcome were wide open. I helped you on a day when salvation was being offered.” Right now God is ready to welcome you. Today he is ready to save you.” — LBV

Postscript — “Hearing disorder” labels fly the other way too. The deaf culture endures much of the same crap. That’s why the cochlear implant controversy exits.

Logic or Lack of It

  • Posted on May 3, 2010

In 2008, Science Daily published research showing evidence that those on the autism spectrum use logic more than neurotypicals do. They did an experiment to see how NTs would respond to choices couched in emotional language versus how neuro-A-typicals would. The NTs all answered differently depending on how the question was phrased. Aspies consistently gave logical answers regardless of the phrasing.

~ In other words, NTs are influenced by whether or not a glass is said to be half empty or if it’s said to be half full, whereas non-NTs are not. ~

I suspect that emotive words aren’t the only things that can cause illogical thinking in NTs. Misreading behavior may be an even bigger contributing factor. It’s a catch-22 for NTs — projecting emotions into things causes subjective perceptions, but being able to be aware of doing it requires objective thought.

Here are some examples of what I find illogical:

You can have the same person, but as to how that person will be valued by most NTs will depend on how other NTs perceive him (or her); plus, how an individual perceives him (or her) self is another irrational factor.

My neighbor once told me that men are more attracted to a woman who already has a guy interested in her. I saw an example of that same concept with the guy Dorky David (Oz Perkins) in the film Legally Blonde.¹ It wasn’t until Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon) acted emotionally involved with Dorky David that the girls David was trying to get a date with became interested in him.

I was recently told that people have less interest in hiring someone unemployed than someone who is busy working. Shortly before that, I was reminded by others of how the negative impact of being unemployed increases the longer you are without work.

The only explanation I see for why people act as they do (as mentioned above) is that they’re lacking the sufficient logic needed to see things more realistically (i.e., absolute; not relative). Someone who has spent more time being alone is more likely to appreciate another person. A person who has been out of employment longer is more likely to work harder than an individual who thinks too highly of himself (or herself).

Not all Aspies are equally equipped with logic and all NTs are as deficient in logic, but I suspect that the imbalance in levels of logic between individuals may be the largest factor behind most things involving the major issues of life.

It’s too bad society is dominated by illogical people. I don’t think there is a way for me to express my thoughts on this matter without personally offending some (hopefully not most). I need to remind myself that such things are not my problem.

¹You can view a clip from that part of the movie by clicking on “Dork Break’s Elle’s Heart” (the bottom video listed on the right) via the link to the movie’s site in this post.

Mary and Max

  • Posted on April 26, 2010

There’s now another “Aspie” movie to see. I’ve watched the film Mary and Max more than once so far and highly recommend it. It’s not geared for children like the movies Wallace and Gromit and Chicken Run. I don’t know how I’d describe it other than to say it is a emotionally moving tale based on a true story. Others who have seen it also love it and think it’s awesome.

Here’s one synopsis of the film:

Mary and Max is a claymated feature film from the creators of the Academy Award winning short animation Harvie Krumpet. It is a simple tale of pen-friendship between two very different people; Mary Dinkle, a chubby lonely eight year old girl living in the suburbs of Melbourne, and Max Horovitz, a 44 year old, severely obese, Jewish man with Aspergers Syndrome living in the chaos of New York. Spanning 20 years and 2 continents, Mary and Max’s friendship survives much more than the average diet of life’s ups and downs. Like Harvie Krumpet, Mary and Max is innocent but not naïve, as it takes us on a journey that explores friendship, autism, taxidermy, psychiatry, alcoholism, where babies come from, obesity, kleptomania, sexual difference, trust, copulating dogs, religious difference, agoraphobia and much much more.

Jeff Giles gives a more extensive review of Mary and Max on Collider.com.

Wikipedia states, “The film premiered on the opening night of the 2009 Sundance Film Festival. In June 2009, the film won the Annecy Cristal from the Annecy International Animated Film Festival. It won Best Animated Feature Film at the Asia Pacific Screen Awards in November 2009. The film takes place from 1976 to 1998 and deals with several dark themes including neglect, suicide, depression and anxiety. Overtones of humour are frequent.”

If you can’t find a theater featuring the movie, it can be viewed online. Amazon.com gives the DVD release date as being June 15, 2010.


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