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Until genetically proven otherwise…

  • Posted on March 10, 2010

I will not accept the label of being a high-functioning autistic any more than I would being labeled as belonging in the male gender of the human race. It’s usually much easier to know the difference between a man and a woman than it is to know the difference between an autistic and an Aspie. Increasingly more people will probably deny there is a difference between auties and Aspies, especially since the Asperger label is planned for extinction. I can’t do anything about what other people choose to believe and other people can’t do anything about what I choose to believe. No one can please everyone all the time.

Whoever might call me an Aspie supremacist just because I choose to use the term Aspie (rather than high-functioning autistic for describing my neurological classification) would probably be upset with the term Aspiephobic. It’s unfortunate that there are some neurotypicals who don’t have enough empathy to realize what a hornet’s nest they’ve stirred up by introducing disrespectful terms to describe other human beings who deserve to be treated with equal dignity.

In case if my habit of using the lower-case a for autistics and upper-case A for Aspies may get misconstrued as being an indication of a supremacist attitude, I will explain why I do it. I think of Aspergers as being like a nationality and autism as being like hair, eye, or skin color. I’m entitled to my theories and have no desire to say more than what I already have on this matter.

I would like to bring back attention to a paragraph from the second online page of the New York Time’s article A Powerful Identity, a Vanishing Diagnosis by Claudia Willis (published last November 2nd), that seems to not get the full attention it deserves:

The proposed elimination of autism subtypes comes at the very moment when research suggests that the disorder may have scores of varieties. Investigators have already identified more than a dozen gene patterns associated with autism, but Dr. Lord, of Michigan, said the genetic markers “don’t seem to map at all into what people currently call Asperger’s or P.D.D.”

What puzzles me is, “How can something be a subtype of something else that’s unrelated genetically?” In spite of more than a dozen gene patterns associated with autism not seeming to map at all into what people currently call Asperger’s, the identity of Asperger’s will still be an autism subtype?

The only neuro-A-typical subtype I am is “The Logic Boy” under the Asperger Subtype. FamilyEducation.com will tell you that this often very bright child with a high IQ needs an adequate reason or else he won’t listen. He does not blindly accept rules others try to enforce on him, because he has his own reasons and explanations. If it doesn’t make sense, it is not logical or acceptable to this Aspie subtype.

I recently eliminated the use of pages about Aspergers on my blog. As I’ve said before, what I’ve written on those pages still exist; they simply don’t exist as pages anymore — they’ve been transformed into posts instead. I’m not even going to link them to this post. The main reason behind its diminished appearance is because of something I read in the devotional My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers for February 24th:

We have no right in Christian work to be guided by our affinities; this is one of the biggest tests of our relationship to Jesus Christ. The delight of sacrifice is that I lay down my life for my Friend, not fling it away, but deliberately lay my life out for Him and His interests in other people, not for a cause.

More than two years have passed since I began this blog. In hindsight, I progressively see when, where, and how I’ve been getting myself involved in fighting for a cause. That never would have happened if I wasn’t guided by my affinities. I can understand the passion behind what motivates such blogging, but will others be able to understand my dwindling enthusiasm for being involved as an advocate for anything other than the salvation of those who are lost?

Not being an advocate anymore for a worldly cause doesn’t mean that I will not include Aspergers anymore in my writing. If it were possible, in a way I’d prefer to go back to how life was before Aspergers was known about. I was still the same person and I could live my life without mentioning the word Aspergers. I can still go on with my ‘normal’ daily life without bringing it up again, but since I’ve let my ‘Aspie aspect out of the bag’ for the world to see, it makes little sense to shove the Aspie identity of me now back into that bag and act like there’s something offensive about it.

It Works Both Ways

  • Posted on March 5, 2010

It’s now March and this morning I was remembering when my husband and I attended a Christmas party he was invited to last year and told to bring his wife. The ones who hosted it are local to the area. Being country people, they are typically more of the down-to-earth and laid-back type of crowd. In spite of them lacking the stronger competitive urge to be impressive and show off (that’s too often found among the suburbanites who are generally handicapped in this aspect), I noticed they are no different than any other neurotypicals (generally speaking).¹

Everyone at the party (except for me) was engrossed in conversation. It was obvious they didn’t want to make eye contact with me. It felt as if they were too afraid to. If someone was to make eye contact with me, it would be obvious if they didn’t smile back at me while I’m smiling at them. I know I can trust my husband to give me honest and neutral feedback on what he observed going on. He confirmed my suspicions about how awkward and uncomfortable NTs feel around Aspies they haven’t had to experience time getting acquainted with.

I think that NTs don’t realize they can be just as incapable of knowing how to socialize as Aspies can be in a culture unlike their own. The reason NTs don’t realize this is because their confidence level in socializing is typically much higher due to living in a world that’s dominated by their own kind. That would explain the mental attitude behind why they think they need to ‘fix’ Aspies.

Last night, I watched an episode of NBC’s show Community. I’ve probably missed seeing most of them. My curiosity to see how this sitcom was progressing with the main character Abed (an Aspie) got the better of me, so I took a break and watched tv for half an hour (I rarely watch television). I’m glad to see that this show is portraying an Aspie character as accurately as it is and that it’s being done in a positive light. In hindsight, I see I was too hastily over-judgmental.

I’m impressed by how creatively the producers are incorporating Aspie traits into their plots. The ones I’ve been seeing lately have been thought provoking to me and I hope the effect is the same for NTs. I doubt most NTs delve into deep thoughts while being entertained, but maybe the show will influence them into doing so. Abed has that affect on his classmates. Maybe it will rub off to viewers?

¹Even if the Martha Stewart crowd had barns filled with cows, they’d never entertain guests in an atmosphere where people could come in and leave their dirty boots on. I loved being able to relax sitting on a bale of hay among cows chewing their cud and watching cats roam in the barn while others were chattering away in their own world.

Leisure time for my heart.

  • Posted on February 3, 2010

Extracted from The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, in his book The Moral Foundations of Life, under the chapter The Soul’s Awakening, were these words that spoke loud and clear to me about my being bothered over not being understood by neurotypical people:

By heeding the reality of God’s grace within us we are never bothered again by the fact that we do not understand ourselves, or that other people do not understand us. If anyone understood me, he would be my god. The only Being Who understands me is the Being Who made me and Who redeems me, and He will never expound me to myself; He will only bring me to the place of reality, viz., into contact with Himself, and the heart is at leisure from itself for ever afterwards.

After having thought about that, I realized how true it is. It explains the craving to be understood and to know oneself. Both things are a trap, especially because of how impossible it is to satisfy either yearning.

When I reflect upon how much torment my heart would endure because of being an Aspie in a NT world, I find Chambers’ advice awesome! I can only imagine how something like this rubs against the grain of today’s Asperger awareness movement.

I’m not saying anything against neurodiversity advocates or those opposing them. What I am saying is that I’m beginning to believe I will quietly exit out of the arena of the Asperger movement. I have no regrets being an Aspie, but the more time I spend of my life focused on Aspergers, the more I feel I’m not living up to my full potential.

I can’t think of anything better to retire from than the work of trying to get others to understand me.

The last time I went to an Asperger group meeting for adults was on December 12th of last year. If I were to continue, it would be almost three years of going. There isn’t anything much left for me to give to the group information wise about Aspergers that I haven’t already said and there isn’t anything much left for me to gain by going.

Group meetings are not like gathering together for leisure activities; such as hanging out at a pub for pizza, going on a picnic or hike, etc. A lot of time in my life was occupied in settings similar to classrooms, bible study groups, support groups, and other special interest groups (e.g., computer clubs, sportsman clubs etc.). Rarely have I been able to simply enjoy time with another person outside of some programmed or planned project that’s restricted to a scheduled time and run by a leader.

I grew up in the era of when people dropped by unexpectedly for a cup of coffee, answered their phones, and made time to do fun things together. I can’t bring them back, but I also don’t have to do things that are not satisfying to me.

Long ago, church was satisfying and I attended many different ones. Today I realized I have a pastor again and he’s bar none the best I’ve ever experienced! Just because Oswald Chambers isn’t alive anymore does not mean he can’t shepherd my soul through his words left behind in print. God did it by leaving us His word in the Bible and He can just as well keep a pastor (or chaplain, which is what Chambers was) blessing congregations after that individual has been taken home to be with the Lord.

It seems fitting that Chambers was a chaplain rather than a pastor. The basic difference between a pastor and a chaplain is that a pastor stays put in one place while a chaplain is “God on the go.” Chaplains serve people where there is no organized church.

Chambers wasn’t famous in his lifetime (1874-1917). Now he’s somewhat famous. I say somewhat because he should be more well-known than what he is by now. I can imagine why his popularity level is relatively low. One can’t read much of Chambers without it having a strong effect on his or her life. Modern Christianity wants God diluted. Chambers gives God’s message in concentrate and concentration is what it demands.

How often do you see nothing but the highest rating given by all reviewers?

Say what?

  • Posted on January 31, 2010

I got reminded of a cultural difference between NTs and Aspies. As much as I understand and know about figures of speech, it’s still something that requires a translation process. If I’m the one using a figure of speech, obviously I’m not going to misread what I’m thinking. But if I’m not expecting someone else to speak figuratively, I can still jump to the wrong conclusion.

I think I’m understanding how it happens thanks to a recent example today. I won’t mention who this involves (and I’ll even change the initials to protect their privacy), but if she read this, I hope she knows that she has nothing to apologize for. I thank her for progressing my learning experience and the reminder I needed to know that I’m still taking what others say literally without realizing I’m doing it.

Here is what she said to me in an email:

Oh, yes, D is in heaven, and I don’t begrudge him that! It’s high time he had a good friend, as D has so much to give and truly loves everyone. It’s nice to see that reciprocated. My heart just breaks for T nonetheless!

Here was my response:

Your statement, “Oh, yes, D is in heaven,…” had me in complete confusion for about 15-20 minutes. I went to your blog searching for news of his passing away. In the email you just sent me, I thought you were referring to Jesus as being D’s good friend. I thought I overcame taking things literal, but now I doubt it’s something that I’ll ever be able to stop doing.

I left a comment on her blog where she wrote a post about the effects of her high-functioning autistic son’s new found friendship. I’m assuming that because my last impression I had when I left her blog was of a serious nature, it kept me in that same frame of mind when I read her words, “…D is in heaven…” Adding to that image my own difficult experiences throughout my life in the area of friendships, caused my mind to think that the only possible good friend an Aspie can have to keep ongoing contact with over a substantial length of time is Jesus. Being that Jesus is in heaven, naturally I assumed that D’s mother was telling me that D died.

On rare occasions, I’ve enjoyed a few months of an occasional blissful friendship before realizing what flaws were demanding its extinction. My hopes were up too high when I thought the solution for me was to have an Aspie friend. It’s not that my Aspie ‘friends’ become enemies. The Aspie whom I feel most closely bonded to (like a soul mate/brother) has too much of a need to be in control to be able to handle inconsistent contact from me. It saddened me to feel his pain and I miss being in contact with him, but because I don’t want him to suffer from my sporadic and unpredictable ways of being in touch, I decided it was best for the both of us if I would leave him alone.

I still ‘visit’ with him by going to the places he is online, but I have stopped communicating with him many months ago. Just the other day, a particular recent photo of him immediately reminded me of how much our lives are spent in solitude and the deep ways we are so much alike.

I have a female Aspie friend I can visit about twice a year for a couple of hours at most. If I’m lucky, I’ll get a phone call just as often. Any received emails (once every couple of months?) say very little. So, by the time there is a reconnection, I struggle to know what to say.

For my own well-being, I need a friendship where I know that if I need to call that person, he or she will be there for me. It might sound hypocritical of me to be repulsed by always hearing an answering machine I must leave a message on and then wait days for a potential return call, especially since I rarely answer my phone. However, if I knew that I had a friend who would call me (like I’d call her or him), I’d be more than happy to answer my phone. If I have enough time to get to the phone as someone is leaving me a message (who I want to talk with and wants to talk with me), I will pick up the phone. It’s only fair that the other person reciprocates with the same courtesy.

I’d enjoy a good friendship just like most people would, but when challenges involved are so difficult, it’s not that hard to learn how to live contentedly in solitude. Some days are not as pleasant as others, but all-in-all, with Jesus as a friend, my eyes look up to heaven knowing that the time spent in this world is nothing compared to eternity with Him.

Resolutions Made Easier

  • Posted on January 30, 2010

Sixty days ago I came to the conclusion that my days for being able to have any form of drug, in any amount, now has intolerable consequences. Twice in that period of time I doubted that reality and both times paid the price. The first time was when I consumed two ounces of red wine one Saturday evening. The result was a maximum of two hours of sleep that night. The second mistake was when I had three ounces of white wine with a meal of shrimp.¹ Again, the most sleep I got afterward was a couple of hours. Sudden decreases in the amount of sleep can cause a vicious downward spiraling effect on me. The potential result can be one week of about a maximum of 14 hours totaled! I can go two-to-three nights (including the days in-between) without even a minute of sleep.

It’s not just wine that will trigger chronic insomnia. All my husband has to do is talk in an disturbingly unpleasant tone of voice. Then my nervous system gets shocked and I’m extra hyper-sensitive² for days. If another person talks nasty to me, it doesn’t have quite the same effect. I can only guess it’s because I don’t have to live with other people, so when they’re gone I know I won’t hear it. Not having any control over the exposure is what makes it worse, especially when trying to manage living with post-traumatic stress disorder.

Besides insomnia being a consequence to my sensory system being overloaded, headaches become more common. I used to be able to take over-the-counter pain relief medications. Not anymore I can. My bladder becomes hyper-sensitive and weaker. I try to keep a good distance from anything a pharmaceutical lab says is fit for human consumption (along with, of course, keeping away from what they say isn’t okay).

Fumes from chemicals like paint, polyurethane, bleach, ammonia, perfume, etc. are horrible to the nervous system. I used to be able to be indoors with the windows open if there was some mild usage of those products. Now I have to be outside and not come back in until all of it is gone from the air.

My eyesight isn’t what it once was (it’s worse); neither is my hearing (it’s now more acute). Certain sounds children and small dogs can emit quickly stress me out. Tension comes instantly, but can take days to go away.

The topping to all these joys is knowing how ignorantly people misjudge the reasons why a hyper-sensitive person likes to stay reclusive and do a minimal amount of socializing.

The easy resolution is to simply stay as far away as I can from things that are harmful to my health. That includes avoiding toxic people (who may mean well), especially those who think they know how to help others (but yet they have no clue what it is like to be in someone else’s shoes).

I have tried just about everything known to cause drowsiness. Most of them did (once upon a time) work to some degree for awhile, but the long-term consequences (especially with some of them) taught me something very important.

I’ve always known God works all things for the good to those who are called according to His purpose. I’ve been praying for help to overcome some obstacles in my life that should be as easy as a physically sound individual walking out of a room on his own accord. God wanted me to walk His way and He didn’t submit to doing the walk for me. What He did do though was make it very unpleasant for me to stay on the same path I’ve been on (some of them for decades).

It’s a lot harder to quit seeking from substances, activities, and/or certain people, what God alone can give. Instant gratification usually justifies itself with this thought, “God wants me to use these alternatives.” In my case, God knew how to turn up the dial of discomfort to get me moving in a better direction.

Depending on God never has any bad side effects — short term or long term!

¹I’m allergic to shrimp. Drinking a small glass of wine while eating shrimp is enough to stop me from breaking out in hives. Saying goodbye to wine means saying goodbye to shrimp and my sweet Straw-Buried-Bombers too.

²Aspies are prone to being hyper-sensitive as it is.

Tag Surfer Users

  • Posted on January 26, 2010

If you’re not a WordPress Tag Surfer user (subscribed to Asperger/autism related material), you’re not missing any relevant information by not reading this post (except for maybe the note at the end).

This post is to explain why those who have used WordPress’s Tag Surfer subscription feature to view posts of mine might not have been able to do so and now will be able to.

I have two identical blogs. When I first began blogging on January 24, 2008, I had only one blog. It has the url address sheilaschoonmaker.wordpress.com. The next day after creating that blog, I got a domain mapping upgrade. It caused that blog to eliminate wordpress from the center of the url, so all that was then seen was sheilaschoonmaker.com.

On May 22, 2008, I acquired an account from a web hosting company. I then created a second blog (also with the domain sheilaschoonmaker.com) and proceeded to ignore the first one hosted by WordPress. All the traffic from my first blog at WordPress became automatically redirected to my second blog hosted by another company. It still works that same way today.

Due to recently renewing my domain mapping for another year for my original WordPress account, it brought my attention back to the features WordPress has — more specifically, its tag surfer subscription feature. I also re-enabled search engines to allow its tags back into public view. I checked to see if it would work by adding in all the posts from my second blog, but I changed the dates of some so that they would be listed as being recent. That caused tag surfers subscribed to Aspergers or autism to reach a broken link because of the conflict between the dates of those posts (one blog versus the other). I now have fixed that problem by making the dates match.

I plan to continually add all the future posts from my second blog into my first blog (the first blog is always invisible because it redirects traffic to the second one).¹ If I didn’t do so, then the Asperger/autism Tag Surfer subscribers would miss out on seeing a blog written by a 55 year old Aspie woman. My blog isn’t restricted to Asperger related topics.

The other thing that is different about my first blog versus the second one are the themes. They both now have a liquid layout, but the first one (not visible to visitors) is plain and white (some long-time readers of my blog might remember it). The second one is now colorful (I recently changed its theme).

Please note — [Edited on 1.28.10] The publication time is no longer displayed because the time zone had to be advanced for each post; therefore it became inaccurate. Because of the new blog theme, the software updates are unable to correct a bug in the display of its calendar. In order to prevent the calendar from distorting, I had to choose to distort the time instead. Two days after publishing this post, I realized the time isn’t even necessary so I got rid of it.

¹My first blog ends up being a backup for my backup held on my hard drive. How cool is that?! thinking

Mean it but not mean…

  • Posted on January 24, 2010

Aspies by nature say what they mean and mean what they say, but they don’t mean to be mean. The deaf culture is the same as the Aspie culture in that those in either culture don’t think like neurotypicals do.

For example, when my daughter had a deaf friend over for a visit, her friend said something a neurotypical visitor wouldn’t typically say. After this friend made use of my daughter’s bathroom, she came out with the words, “Your bathroom floor is ugly. You should get it fixed.”¹ If my daughter was raised by a NT mom, she probably would have been offended. As it is, she and her mother-in-law² both find going to a deaf sign language group as being the best type of group to be around. They find deaf people, and Aspies, to be refreshingly enjoyable to socialize with because it’s unlike being around any NT groups which meet regularly.

More people than not are offended by those who are a challenge to understand. It’s actually the theatrical roles of socializing that are strange. When I first pointed out my observations of when my daughter took on a different persona while socializing at parties, she didn’t even realize she was doing it. After some explaining on my part and her having time to think about it, she realized how true it really was. She recently explained to me how that knowledge is now empowering her, but it’s hard to know if that would be so if she hadn’t become saved to be used by God for His purposes.

There is nothing mean about saying (in a neutral tone of voice) to someone, “I don’t trust you until I can see concrete evidence backing up what you tell me.” NTs may be able to wear the I give people the benefit of doubt mask because they’re less prone to being socially gullible than Aspies are. Imagine an young innocent child socializing among a mixed crowd of trustworthy and untrustworthy adults. Children need to be protected until they’ve mature enough to sense when someone is playing around with them.

Aspies can’t wear protective masks. They’re either going to have to live to please NTs and take the risk of being abused and/or taken advantage of OR forget about whether or not a NT is offended and instead protect themselves by being cautious via being straightforward when socializing.

I don’t care whether or not someone gives me the benefit of doubt. They have my consent to think whatever they want about me. That I can respect. What’s a mess is that certain social policies have become the established rules for what’s acceptable behavior. Those who don’t live up to such standards are outcasts.

Why will it never be socially acceptable for someone to express his or her thoughts as honestly has he or she can? Honesty seems to have become old-fashioned. Is it because people are now too easily offended by it? The contemporary style now is to not say what you mean and to not mean what you say. That’s why I hold the theory that Asperger people didn’t stand out in history like they do now.

¹My daughter is a multi-culture interpreter. She has both sign language skills for communicating with the deaf world and she has skills for helping me to interpret how neurotypicals think. I told her I thought it would be great if her and I worked together on a script for a comedy movie. It would be similar to the film Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Instead of Kazakhstan, it would be Aspergakhstan. Instead of NTs making movies having Aspies look like they’re socially inept, it would show NTs looking socially inept for a change.

²I haven’t experienced going to a sign language group. However, I am tempted. An Aspie friend of mine goes to this same local deaf group and he loves it too, but that’s mostly because my daughter has influenced the others in the group to accept this guy’s different way of being as something that’s attractive. She has a charismatic personality that enables her to play the social NT scene with finesse, so usually when she likes someone others do too.

Aspectrum

  • Posted on January 20, 2010

Four days have gone by since I accidentally did something stupid that I can now talk about, if I keep it brief and make fun of it. Most people like things brief, but maybe not goofy. Let me begin by not recommending Hydrochloric Acid for cleansing the eyes.

This →Lysol Power Toilet Bowl Cleaner is not this! →Visine

They both clean, but one puts redness in while the other takes it out. Besides redness, the one on the left can do all kinds of fun stuff. It can permanently blind you, cause glaucoma to develop, etc., but what it won’t do is enhance your sleep if you’ve got a hypersensitive nervous system!

Aspies are accident prone as it is, but imagine an Aspie functioning under sleep deprivation. It leads to more accidents, usually the kind that affect one’s ability to sleep, which then lead to more accidents. I think I’m safe if I stay on my chair here in front of my desk.

Since it’s genetically evident that Aspergers is not a form of autism, I propose a different spectrum. Call it the Aspectrum; call those on it Aspectrumites.

An aspect is a particular way in which something can be viewed by the mind. Neurotypicals don’t have aspects like Aspies.

A spectacle is someone noticeably unusual (different). High-functioning Aspectrumites would be those who conform to a neurotypical culture in a way that’s more satisfying to the NT standard. Low-functioning Aspectrumites would be enigmas (e.g., me) who are less influenced by NTs and more non-conforming,¹ so we’d be considered by others as functioning in a less comprehensible manner.

A spectacle is also something that can be seen or viewed, especially something of a remarkable or impressive nature. It’s remarkable to be able to see, especially with both eyes after one of them gets a dosage of a chemical that’s claimed to cause irreversible eye damage. Eye’m still irritated and sore at m’eye self. I speculate that someday soon my mind will spectacularly quit focusing on things related to you know what.

¹For example, in the case of emergencies (and non-emergencies too; e.g., childbirth), I don’t even go there where others can ask me questions. I’m the one who makes the inquiries (under my terms) and the decisions, especially when it comes to the body God has loaned to me for His use. As they say, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” My dad was just like me. So are eccentrics, according to David Weeks. He says, “In Great Britain, where health care is free, the average person goes to the doctor twice a year, while eccentrics will typically go for eight or nine years without seeking medical help.”

P.S. — My son just reminded me of another similar accident. His words were,

Remember when you put Sweet Breath® drops in your eye because you thought it was Visine®?

Sweet Breath Drops

Nor is this for eye enhancement!

Potential Life Altering Accident

  • Posted on January 18, 2010

Late in the afternoon of last Saturday on the 16th, something happened to me physically that was an accident. I’ve been under more than my usual amount of stress and was suffering back into severe insomnia. That combination causes me to be functioning without thinking what I’m doing. All that I’m willing to say about the details of this incident, which I pray to God that the consequences will not be permanent and that the pain will go away, is that it’s related to a very dangerous chemical.

It’s something that would naturally upset anyone’s emotions if it were to happen to them. In my case, a thing like this can create a challenge for me to be able to focus with both eyes open on things. Plus, it can destroy my confidence in what I’m doing, especially in situations where I’m being social with another person (since that’s probably the area of my life I have the least amount of confidence to begin with). I thought it wouldn’t be a problem that could also affect what I do online when writing a post for my blog because of not having to hear a person’s voice, see someone, or correspond if I’m not up to it. I was wrong about that.

Yesterday I impulsively wrote a post thinking that it would help to relieve some of my anxiety that’s been built to a meltdown point.¹ What I learned instead is that it actually added to my tension. That’s why I removed it before I went to bed last night. I figured I could put it back after having some sleep.² I woke up this morning with a new insight from my caring and understanding daughter (who I trust because of her comforting and secure faith in God) lovingly gave to me last night.

I created this blog almost two years ago on the 24th of a January. What has been happening without my realizing it as time has gone by is how wrong it is to believe that using a blog is always a reliable form of therapy. I won’t discriminate blogging in this regard. The same thing can just as well happen with knitting, art, music, exercise, etc. when God loses His rightful place. I recently said to an Aspie friend of mine, “If we seek from others what only God alone can give, that is lust and it works like, ‘I must have this at once, I cannot wait for God’s time, God is too indifferent.’” That statement about lust can be equally true when said, “If we seek from activities what only God alone can give, that is lust and it works like, ‘I must have this at once, I cannot wait for God’s time, God is too indifferent.’”

I am too exhausted now to know what else to say and need time to recover from my injury. A wonderful comfort is knowing Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”  I’m also going back to 1 Corinthians 2:2 and being thankful for God’s never ending perfect love.

¹Meltdowns are a common risk among Asperger individuals that can have a snowball effect if not taken care of properly.

²At this time, I don’t know if I will put the post entitled, “Mean it but not mean…” back in place or not.

Kick Back Mode

  • Posted on January 12, 2010

This post was inspired by my starting to read the article The Romantic Lives of Young Adults with Asperger’s Syndrome by Toni Atwood; more specifically his claim, “Self-understanding and self-reflection can be particularly difficult for people with Asperger’s syndrome.”¹

I have no clue how he can possibly measure the difference in degrees of self-understanding and self-reflection between Aspies and neurotypicals, especially since he can never be an Aspie. I know for my own self that I am far more capable of understanding myself than anyone else is able to understand me. I sure hope Mr. Atwood isn’t trying to insinuate he knows people like me better than I can know my own self.

He follows his incorrect statement with a couple of correct ones — “Self-respect will have been adversely affected by being rejected, ridiculed and tormented by peers. Adolescents with Asperger’s syndrome also are gullible and vulnerable to being given misinformation on relationships by fellow teenagers.”

A more accurate way of stating what’s difficult for Aspies is to understand what’s wrong with NTs who love to be mean. We don’t get why it’s such a pleasure for NTs to play mind games. It’s easier to comprehend meanness that’s preconsciously rather than consciously done, but still both are disturbing.

One example: Last night a waitress said to those at my table, “Your food will be out in a few seconds.” It came out an hour later! Surely she knew that.

Another example: A few months ago I was told by my hosting company that they would resolve their overloaded bandwidth issue definitely by January 2010 (caused by taking on too many new big businesses and laying off too many employees). Now the problem is worse than it was back then, so I called to ask what’s going on. I was told the problem will be fixed soon, but I couldn’t be told a definite date. I told them I’d make the date definite by closing my account and using a different server. Then I got told I would not get my money refunded back for the months of service I’m paid up to. To make matter’s worse, I was told my subscription will automatically renew itself and my credit card will be charged. I’m supposed to find comfort in that I have 30 days in which to cancel my account after it’s automatically renewed and have my credit card credited back the amount charged to it.

I know the above examples I mentioned don’t just happen to Aspies, but if Aspies were in charge that would not be the way we handle people. The nightmare that I doubt neurotypical professionals in the field of psychology pay much attention to is what the outcome will be of their publicizing the knowledge of the vulnerabilities that are exclusive to Aspies.

The most destructive information to the lives of Aspies of any age comes from letting the whole world know we’re gullible and vulnerable to being given misinformation.

That’s not much unlike putting a “Kick Me” sticker on someone’s back. Aspies, who will not be suspicious of everyone, have to wear a “Sucker” label. If an Aspie will seek to stay protected by not automatically trusting and/or believing anyone, s/he will be forced to endure psychological abuse by being called “paranoid.”

If I sound angry, it’s probably because I am. What hurts me the most is seeing how my younger Aspie friends get taken advantage of repeatedly and having to endure psychological abuse by neurotypicals who can justify their preconsciously shameless behavior because so many others act the same way they do.

My fantasy would be to see a world composed mostly of Aspies, so NTs would be forced to experience what it’s like to be in what probably is the worst minority group to belong to these days!

Do the experts know why Aspies are gullible? Of course not. If they did, they wouldn’t give such useless and vague explanations as, “Self-understanding and self-reflection can be particularly difficult for people with Asperger’s syndrome.” Since I’m such an expert on Aspergers, I shall throw in my two-cent answer (which should be worth more than 2¢).

Aspies are gullible simply because we don’t process information in the same manner neurotypicals do. Pure logic cannot exist in fiction.² It can only exist in the realm of reality. Reality is absolute; not relative. Social politics can never be logical, because it’s a game that humans of an exclusive neurological division can create and play. It’s a fantasy for neurotypicals to think that Aspie children can achieve an end to being gullible and vulnerable to being taken advantage of if treatments are given at an early enough age. I hope I’m wrong about what I just said, but unfortunately anyone can put my theory to the test if they like.

The only way Aspies can protect their mental health is by being allowed to socialize with NTs in the way that works for Aspies. Show respect to those of us in the Asperger culture by not trying to understand (i.e., analyze) us. It seems like the attempts result in misjudgments that end up being spread around like gossip, which then lead to solutions that only mess things up more. Even animals are now getting more respect than Aspies.

Cesar Millan’s motto is, “I rehabilitate dogs. I train people.” He says that humans tend to be blind to the animal kingdom and don’t understand how to see a dog as a dog. The same can be said about NTs being blind to the Aspie kingdom. NTs don’t understand how to see an Aspie as an Aspie. I’m not suggesting that Aspies train NTs, but I am saying that NTs should not attempt training Aspies.

I know it must be humiliating for professionals to admit defeat, but if they can’t do such things then what good are they?

¹It’s an Aspie myth to think that it’s difficult for Aspies to self-reflect and be self-understanding. Maybe it might not be a myth for young Aspies who get confused by believing everything their therapist says, but it’s certainly not true for those who are older and wise enough to not allow ourselves to be vulnerable and manipulated.

²The reason Aspies may appear illogical to NTs is because no NT can get inside the mind of an Aspie to know why s/he thinks and acts like s/he does. That’s the same mistake fools make when they think they can judge God.


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