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Kick Back Mode

  • Posted on January 12, 2010

This post was inspired by my starting to read the article The Romantic Lives of Young Adults with Asperger’s Syndrome by Toni Atwood; more specifically his claim, “Self-understanding and self-reflection can be particularly difficult for people with Asperger’s syndrome.”¹

I have no clue how he can possibly measure the difference in degrees of self-understanding and self-reflection between Aspies and neurotypicals, especially since he can never be an Aspie. I know for my own self that I am far more capable of understanding myself than anyone else is able to understand me. I sure hope Mr. Atwood isn’t trying to insinuate he knows people like me better than I can know my own self.

He follows his incorrect statement with a couple of correct ones — “Self-respect will have been adversely affected by being rejected, ridiculed and tormented by peers. Adolescents with Asperger’s syndrome also are gullible and vulnerable to being given misinformation on relationships by fellow teenagers.”

A more accurate way of stating what’s difficult for Aspies is to understand what’s wrong with NTs who love to be mean. We don’t get why it’s such a pleasure for NTs to play mind games. It’s easier to comprehend meanness that’s preconsciously rather than consciously done, but still both are disturbing.

One example: Last night a waitress said to those at my table, “Your food will be out in a few seconds.” It came out an hour later! Surely she knew that.

Another example: A few months ago I was told by my hosting company that they would resolve their overloaded bandwidth issue definitely by January 2010 (caused by taking on too many new big businesses and laying off too many employees). Now the problem is worse than it was back then, so I called to ask what’s going on. I was told the problem will be fixed soon, but I couldn’t be told a definite date. I told them I’d make the date definite by closing my account and using a different server. Then I got told I would not get my money refunded back for the months of service I’m paid up to. To make matter’s worse, I was told my subscription will automatically renew itself and my credit card will be charged. I’m supposed to find comfort in that I have 30 days in which to cancel my account after it’s automatically renewed and have my credit card credited back the amount charged to it.

I know the above examples I mentioned don’t just happen to Aspies, but if Aspies were in charge that would not be the way we handle people. The nightmare that I doubt neurotypical professionals in the field of psychology pay much attention to is what the outcome will be of their publicizing the knowledge of the vulnerabilities that are exclusive to Aspies.

The most destructive information to the lives of Aspies of any age comes from letting the whole world know we’re gullible and vulnerable to being given misinformation.

That’s not much unlike putting a “Kick Me” sticker on someone’s back. Aspies, who will not be suspicious of everyone, have to wear a “Sucker” label. If an Aspie will seek to stay protected by not automatically trusting and/or believing anyone, s/he will be forced to endure psychological abuse by being called “paranoid.”

If I sound angry, it’s probably because I am. What hurts me the most is seeing how my younger Aspie friends get taken advantage of repeatedly and having to endure psychological abuse by neurotypicals who can justify their preconsciously shameless behavior because so many others act the same way they do.

My fantasy would be to see a world composed mostly of Aspies, so NTs would be forced to experience what it’s like to be in what probably is the worst minority group to belong to these days!

Do the experts know why Aspies are gullible? Of course not. If they did, they wouldn’t give such useless and vague explanations as, “Self-understanding and self-reflection can be particularly difficult for people with Asperger’s syndrome.” Since I’m such an expert on Aspergers, I shall throw in my two-cent answer (which should be worth more than 2¢).

Aspies are gullible simply because we don’t process information in the same manner neurotypicals do. Pure logic cannot exist in fiction.² It can only exist in the realm of reality. Reality is absolute; not relative. Social politics can never be logical, because it’s a game that humans of an exclusive neurological division can create and play. It’s a fantasy for neurotypicals to think that Aspie children can achieve an end to being gullible and vulnerable to being taken advantage of if treatments are given at an early enough age. I hope I’m wrong about what I just said, but unfortunately anyone can put my theory to the test if they like.

The only way Aspies can protect their mental health is by being allowed to socialize with NTs in the way that works for Aspies. Show respect to those of us in the Asperger culture by not trying to understand (i.e., analyze) us. It seems like the attempts result in misjudgments that end up being spread around like gossip, which then lead to solutions that only mess things up more. Even animals are now getting more respect than Aspies.

Cesar Millan’s motto is, “I rehabilitate dogs. I train people.” He says that humans tend to be blind to the animal kingdom and don’t understand how to see a dog as a dog. The same can be said about NTs being blind to the Aspie kingdom. NTs don’t understand how to see an Aspie as an Aspie. I’m not suggesting that Aspies train NTs, but I am saying that NTs should not attempt training Aspies.

I know it must be humiliating for professionals to admit defeat, but if they can’t do such things then what good are they?

¹It’s an Aspie myth to think that it’s difficult for Aspies to self-reflect and be self-understanding. Maybe it might not be a myth for young Aspies who get confused by believing everything their therapist says, but it’s certainly not true for those who are older and wise enough to not allow ourselves to be vulnerable and manipulated.

²The reason Aspies may appear illogical to NTs is because no NT can get inside the mind of an Aspie to know why s/he thinks and acts like s/he does. That’s the same mistake fools make when they think they can judge God.

The movie “Adam”

  • Posted on October 1, 2009

A couple of nights ago I went to a local movie theatre to see the film Adam. The main character, Adam (played by Hugh Dancy), acts the role of an Aspie (primarily from the neurotypical perspective). It’s basically a story about his ‘first love’ experience, which happens to be with a NT woman who moves into the same apartment building he lives in.

Before I get more critical with my review, I must say the movie isn’t too bad (that’s a compliment when said by me) and is worth seeing.

Generally speaking, NTs automatically absorb what they view in most movies and on television. I can tell the effect a movie is having on its audience by how they’re reacting to certain scenes — when they laugh, how they laugh, etc.

I will probably be criticized for seeming to appear overly critical, but that’s to be expected when I see that others can’t be analytical enough. I do bounce my opinions off my NT husband and daughter first, before I venture on to say what I do (they both watched Adam with me and they both agree with my thoughts).

The part of the movie where Adam loses his temper when he finds out (by reading her notebook) that Beth deceived him, while they were at the theatre and saw her parents there, was exaggerated. I know enough Aspies to know that they don’t typically explode that violently (at least by the age of 29 anyhow).

I wish the film balanced the opposing neurological sides by letting the audience know more deeply what goes on in an Aspie’s mind. When it stops at merely showing anger towards deception, it makes the NTs look as if they’re the ones who know the proper way to live rather than the Aspies.

Overall, I think the picture subtly perpetuates the negative image given to Aspies by society. Adam is made out to look less intelligent than what most Aspies are. In real life, Adam would not have looked at the window so stupidly after Beth explained to him that he scared her by being out there unexpectedly. Aspies are perceptive and smart enough to know they might scare someone if they don’t first let them know what they’re about to do.

The worst mistake in the movie is how it portrays Aspies as lacking in empathy. The usual reason Aspies tend to be at a loss in knowing how to express themselves around NTs is because NTs have less empathy and assume too much.

When Beth took Adam to her friend’s party and Adam reiterated his knowledge about astronomy and telescopes to the woman with a cottage in Kerhonkson, that happened because of mind-blindness. What wasn’t equally apparent is the fact that NTs are just as mind-blind when it comes to their inability to develop an awareness of what is in the mind of an Aspie.

Yes, it probably is annoying to hear someone ramble on about facts you couldn’t care less about, but it is also just as annoying for Aspies to be forced to listen to the small talk that’s behind social games people play.

If Adam was a NT, he would not have asked Beth if she was sexually aroused during their trip to the park to see the raccoons. Instead, he would have assumed she was and probably would have made an attempt at physically advancing upon her.

There is a reason Aspies have the reputation for being more loyal to a partner than NTs. It’s because they’re more empathetic towards how their partner feels and they’re more sensitive towards the hurt it causes. It’s also the same reason Aspies have such an aversion towards deception and normally do not speak as idly as NTs do.

I’d love to see Hollywood create another “Aspie” movie, if they would have an elderly Aspie play the primary role — one who has the wisdom to know how to create the effect it will have upon the image of Aspergers in a more accurate light; preferably also having written the script and directed the scenes.

Superficially (for the most part), the movie portrayed Aspies in an accurate manner, but since it does not reveal the reasons (the “whys”) behind the Aspie behaviors¹ (like Adam with his boxes of cereal, Macaroni and Cheese, laundry habits, work style, etc.), it tips the image of Aspies into a negative perspective that buries the heads of most people into dirtifully thinking Aspergers is a disorder.

I might have more comments to add about Adam, after more people have had time to see the movie and give their replies to it. If that urge arrives, I’ll add them as postscripts to this post.

¹If you ever think that a NT has the answers as to why Aspies think what they do or behave as they do, then that’s what I’d call suffering from a major mental disorder (better known as delusions of grandeur).

A Self-destructive Infection

  • Posted on September 18, 2009

I’m talking about a mental infection that society is foolishly enjoying. It’s spreading around by ignorant people who think, “Aspergers is a serious disorder. You have Aspergers. You have a serious disorder.”

Aspergers is who an Aspie is. It is NOT what he or she has! Sheeple will not accept this, because that’s what society really consists of mostly.

It’s gradually sinking into my thick skull as to why many people refuse to accept being told this objective fact about Aspies no matter how many times they may hear and/or read it. I’m constantly being reminded it’s because they don’t care.

They don’t care about embracing an accurate representation of the real world around them. That usually includes not caring about those whom others also don’t care about. What they do care about is making things fit into their perception of reality so that they can be ‘in’ with the herd, even if their herd is blindly running violently down a steep place into the sea to choke (as the swine in Mark 5:13).

The person who becomes the leader of the pack does so because he knows how others think and can manipulate them to do his will (not much unlike familiar spirits which have their way with fools in order to slowly destroy them). He’s like NBC in their desire to satisfy what’s socially popular while simultaneously enhancing it.

Those who conform to this world suffer the most serious disorder anyone could have. Without any treatment and/or therapy [i.e., faith] from God, they’re doomed to remain needy and dependent upon what others will think of them. Nothing could possibility be more insane than believing and trusting in mankind for the answers to the problems in life. The catch-22 of it all is that the more insane people become, the less they’re able to know it and/or care. The more sane someone is, the more he will love his neighbor as himself and will treat others the same way he would want to be treated.

Those who adopt the self-destructive attitude of, “People don’t care about me, so I’m not going to care about them!” are being overcome by evil instead of overcoming evil with good. Wholesomeness is Romans 12:21.

IF I returned evil for evil, you’d hear me saying, “Neurotypical is a serious disorder. You have Neurotypical. You have a serious disorder. You are a serious disorder.” Does that sound like something a tolerant person would say? If not, then what’s the excuse for tying that stinky shoe on the Aspie foot? It doesn’t fit. I don’t buy things that don’t fit. Do you?

Now that the premiere episode of the sitcom Community has aired, it’s too late to stop this social virus from spreading.

I’m tired of saying it and writing about it, I can’t imagine what the readers of my blog must feel like by now! ashamed

Postscript added on the evening of 9.18.9 — For those who might wonder if I watched NBC’s new show ‘Community’ last night, the answer is, “Yes.” I was actually surprised to discover how much more I could learn about human behavior thanks to its plot. I described it to my NT daughter (she didn’t see the episode) as being like a customized key for Aspies to enter into a locked neurotypical room. It allowed me to get deeper into the NT mindset. She had to remind me though that NTs don’t watch television the same way I do. NTs are prone to being programed by programs (as Zingers was). I’m busily entertained by dissecting its components.

Postscript added on 9.23.9 — I watched the second episode of NBC’s show ‘Community‘ last night. This time I was surprised by how unintelligent and boring it was (and they call that comedy?!?!). I don’t know what was wrong with me to sit through the whole thing instead of either changing the channel or turning off the TV!

Postscript added on 10.8.9 — I watched the third episode of ‘Community’ last week and I guess I’ll be seeing the fourth one tonight. Do I really need to continue with my report on whether or not I’m watching more episodes? Even I don’t care to keep track, so why should anyone else want to? …enough said; no more postscripts for this post!

Postscript added on 3.5.10 — I’ve probably missed seeing more than half the episodes since Community began to air on NBC, but as of this past Thursday, it appears I was being over-judgmental too soon. I’m glad to see that the main character Abed is being portrayed accurately as an Aspie and is being presented in a positive light.

Totally Uncaring

  • Posted on September 17, 2009

You know things have gone wrong when advocates have no concern for the very people they act like they care about. This post shall specifically refer to some particular Asperger/Autism advocates.

I’ve already mentioned a couple of mega autism organizations that only a relatively few people know how corrupt they are.

Today, I’m going to tell about how I’ve been treated by a couple of more Asperger advocates. These characters are involved with running a school specifically for Asperger students. Based on my dealings at this point with them, I wouldn’t include them in the corrupt category. But, their disrespect and lack of caring should be exposed.

Hopefully, parents of young Aspie children will make wiser decisions about schooling by having a better awareness of what today’s society has come to. If you love your child, you will do all you can to choose homeschooling if at all possible.

Last April, I volunteered to construct a website (free of charge) for an Aspie school. It was known by them that I am an Asperger individual. I was given the impression that my web designing service would be greatly appreciated.

By the middle of May, the site was primarily finished. All that was needed was to transfer the files to the school’s domain and make some minor changes. I was told, “It looks great!”¹

Now it’s the middle of September and the files have been deleted. Why? Because I got tired of being ignored and getting ‘toyed with’ whenever I’d inquire about the hold up. I was never given the password required to transfer the files to their hosting company. If I had it, I would have gladly let them take over the site I made for them.

It’s not news to know we’re living in a time when you can’t believe what people tell you, but come on… neurotypicals acting as advocates for Aspies and stooping to such thoughtless treatment? People like that make more work for those who do care.

The worst part of all this is that it’s the Aspies who are labeled as having a disorder! What’s the disorder?…that we’re honest and don’t naturally play the games others do?

With all that I’ve been through in my life, idle words stand out like a sore thumb — but since I was looking for a new project to sink my teeth into for developing my skills higher, I decided to ignore my pride and enjoy what I could learn. What upsets me is remembering my childhood dealings with people and then thinking about what Aspie children now have to deal with! God help them, because they’re going to need it with the way society has become!

¹This particular individual overheard me telling someone else about how wrongly I was treated by another group of advocates over the past 1-2 years. This was on the same day the discussion to do their web site occurred. Coincidence? If that’s the case, what difference did that make? No difference = indifferent.

Postscript added later the same day — Little did I realize when I wrote this post I’d be inspired to write about NBC’s New ‘Community’ shortly afterward.

Postscript added on 3.5.10 — What I’ve said here in the above post are typical examples of what has amounted to being Too Many Wet Blankets.

A Deeper Explanation

  • Posted on September 14, 2009

My urge for giving a deeper explanation stems from what I said in my It’s an odd form of self-protection… post a couple of weeks ago,

Today, I experienced the end to having a friend available to communicate with (as Forrest Gump would say, “again”). I didn’t know when it was going to happen, but since I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, I also knew that if I didn’t long ago make God big in my life and people small, I’d probably be experiencing depression right now. No relationship can last when a high level of insecurity exists. Peer pressure, codependency, fear of rejection (i.e., insecurity) are the result when people are big and God is small.

In order for communications to be ongoing in a friendship, both parties must be alike in regard to their need for contact. If one can only thrive on a routine, while the other is stifled under such prolonged conditions, stress is bound to be the outcome for the one who no longer has his or her needs met.

The routinist can comfortably keep producing things to express, but that’s not the case for the non-routinist. Why is that? Most likely it’s because of differing priorities behind their urges to communicate.

Since a routinist thrives on unvarying contact, he will say anything in order to keep a scheduled pattern going. The non-routinist can always think of something to say too, but unless it is evident that her (or his) thoughts are of equal interest to the recipient, steady communication probably will not continue. In order for it to do so under such circumstances, the relationship needs to be codependent (i.e., contain unhealthy emotional dependencies).

If you wonder how an Aspie (such as myself) can be a non-routinist, especially since routines are a characteristic of Aspergers, you might not understand how much it changes things when an Aspie’s life has become one with God. Once someone becomes saved, s/he progressively minds the things of the Spirit and decreasingly minds the things of the flesh [Romans 8:5]. Generally speaking, without God, Aspies (and NTs) have the potential to be drawn to any other equally fallible human who will serve the role of therapist, psychologist, ‘wise’ man, or savior¹.

Here’s what I recently shared with another Aspie:

I now have a deeper understanding of what’s meant by ‘counsel’ in the first part of Psalm 1:1, “Blessed is the man that walks not in the counsel of the ungodly [i.e., psychologists, therapists, etc.]…” because of paying more attention to what kind of counseling Godly people gave. The bible doesn’t have examples of the kind therapists/psychologists are paid to get involved in, because otherwise it would conflict with what God says in Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

Solutions for personal problems don’t come from talking about them with someone (other than God) who isn’t part of the problem. They come when an individual becomes saved, because that’s when God’s spirit can work within that person. Only after receiving a new born-again nature that frees someone’s will to DO the right things (with the right motive), can one possibly comprehend what God means in His word. Before that happens, His word will test our character to reveal whether or not we sincerely want to know the truth because understanding the bible is not for unsaved man to be able to do.²

Because of lacking objectivity, being ignorant, and also being the majority of the population, most neurotypicals erroneously conclude it is the Aspies who are the ones that lack empathy, have little ability to form friendships, and engage in one-sided conversations. All those statements are wrongly restricted to Asperger traits, because they all can equally be characteristics most neurotypicals exhibit towards Aspies.

For example, I recently noticed some interesting things while engaging in a lengthy conversation with an unsaved neurotypical neighbor. I know I was consistently expressing empathy towards her feelings and showing interest in her conversation, BUT it became increasingly evident that this was not what I was equally receiving in return. Neutral observers have confirmed this to me.

Now that I’ve had enough conversations with this particular NT to realize she has no desire to ever practice what’s said in Philippians 4:8, because she prefers to wallow in her self-pity, I also know that she will not comprehend why it’s best (for the both of us) I keep my distance from her. The reason I know this so well is because I recognized my old nature (before salvation) in her pattern of conversation. I’m not saying I’m better than her and now am perfect. I’m saying I feel sad that I can’t do anything to give her the same joy and peace I now have.

I feel grieved every time I encounter a person who does not sincerely desire to hear what good things God says in His word and what’s possible with Him. What is uplifting though is knowing that as long as this world continues, there still are others in it who long for the truth that will set them free and will not quit searching until they find it. For those of you who might be one of them, I pray that you find my blog to be an encouragement to keep going on the right path. Godly men and women have given me that same hope by sharing their life experiences.

We will either profit from our afflictions or be cursed by them. Sadly, sometimes loving another person means having to let them go… even if it is down the wrong path.

¹Only Jesus Christ is able to save us from our slavery to the corrupted nature we’re all conceived in.

²Understanding the bible comes AFTER salvation. We don’t have to wait until we understand what God is saying before He can save us. We have to trust Him and be where He speaks best to us (by repeated exposure to Him in the Holy Bible). When it comes to salvation, that means pleading with Him for it and then waiting. God does not wait for us. We wait for Him.

It’s Time to Wake Up Now

  • Posted on June 5, 2009

This particular post is continuation of a footnote I’ve added to my post The Lives of Oil and Water I wrote on June the 2nd:

I learned something important in regard to aids given for Aspie children in mainstream schools. These aids are actually destructive to the well being of Aspie children. When I think of someone being an aid, I think of that person as being my helper.

I would not call a cult leader an aid. I know it sounds harsh and extreme to say that it’s possible for the NT culture to be one gigantic cult,¹ but in reality that’s what it actually can be (or already is?). Only people who are in a cult believe they are not in a cult. Only the ‘outsiders’ can see objectively. Children are vulnerable to being brainwashed. The aids that are assigned to school children are there to ‘train’ up the child in the way to go. They are NOT there to explain why people behave as they do.

These aids are NOT there to encourage thinking. They have no idea that they’re actually causing confusion to Aspie students. The Aspie students are going to be blind to what’s going on because they’re vulnerable due to wanting to fit in with the world.

The long-term effect of being someone you’re not is self-destructive, because what’s being practiced is ‘double mindedness’. When it’s your own mind that’s divided against itself, it’s weakened. The end result is an Aspie who will one day face the end of when he can continue with the charade.

Integrity is wholeness. Wholeness is a sound mind. When the mind is healthy, the body will then also be. Maybe I need to continue with this explanation in another post? At least the warning has been sounded here.

I’ve mentioned previously that my grown-up NT daughter was once an aid in a special school that contained autistics. She also has friends who are in this profession. That’s how I have come to know what these aids do and don’t do. Because my daughter knows me and loves me, she knows how important it is for me to know the truth.

She is fully aware of how much I’m a thinker. She has lived the negative consequences from the effects that brainwashing by NTs once had on me. I suffered NOT from Aspergers, but rather from confusion and a horrible self-esteem inflicted upon me by those in my past who foolishly thought they were helping me. Because of God creating me to be such a critical thinker (always analyzing everything), she escaped with a clear mind that thinks sharp as a tack and her self-esteem couldn’t be better.

She experiences the healthy ‘after’ effects that learning the truth has on me (and vice versa). That’s what motivates us to be honest with each other. She teaches me and I teach her. That’s the way it should be between NTs and Aspies.

P.S. — The only ultimate source of truth left in this world anymore comes from God; revealed in His word through the bible. That’s just the way it is, whether someone likes it or not. Even the devil knows that and that’s why he creates mass confusion about what Christianity is.

¹Cult |kəlt| noun — a system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object : the cult of St. Olaf.

• a relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister : a network of Satan-worshiping cults.
• a misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing : a cult of personality surrounding the leaders.
• [usu. as adj. ] a person or thing that is popular or fashionable, esp. among a particular section of society : a cult film.

ORIGIN early 17th cent. (originally denoting homage paid to a divinity): from French culte or Latin cultus ‘worship,’ from cult- ‘inhabited, cultivated, worshiped,’ from the verb colere.

• a system of religious beliefs and rituals
• adherents of an exclusive system of religious beliefs and practices
• an interest followed with exaggerated zeal

Given the above definition of what a cult is, it’s not too far fetched for Aspies to refer to the NT society as being a cult. To Aspie adults, the way that NTs think and function is regarded as strange and sinister.

Confusing vulnerable and influential individuals to brainwash them is what cults do. Brainwashing is not allowing a person to keep his own way of thinking.

Autism Society of America – Hudson Valley Chapter

  • Posted on May 17, 2009

Before mentioning anything negative, I’d like to start with this positive bit of information:

Aspie adults (often referred to as being on the autism spectrum) looking for a group to meet with in the Hudson Valley, do have one to attend that’s between New York City and Albany. It is Aspies of the Round Table. The best aspect of ART is that it’s a non-judgmental environment.

Here’s some sad news about the big groups:

Don’t even think that the Autism Society of America does what it can to support people on the autism spectrum. If it was true that they did, I wouldn’t have had this experience with their Hudson Valley Chapter [included in my Self-consciousness vs. self-awareness/other awareness post published on April 30, 2009]:

While I was at the 2009 annual Walk for Autism, I went up to a booth, of the local sub-chapter (of a high society organization ‘for’ Autism), to inquire why they had stopped responding to my e-mails sent over a year ago when I asked about them about including a link to the adult Aspie group’s weblog I attend.¹ They originally told me it was a wonderful idea. I had told them the link would benefit many adults on the spectrum if it was included on their website. Since that link never appeared and I had the chance to talk with them in person, I suggested it again. Again, I was told it was a good idea and that I should put information about this group into their suggestion box. When I came back with the brochure to give them, I was told they would bring it up at their next board meeting. I knew they’d never include that link even before I asked them the first time around. The only reason I pursued this was to confirm data in my own mind about the social behavior of humans.

Later, I was overheard talking about this incident. I didn’t think I did anything unusual. Apparently I had. The ’socially incorrect’ thing I did was to confront them by pointing out that my e-mails were ignored; plus, I had the nerve to persist in spite of what should have been an obvious hint that what’s going on is a political affair I’m not welcome to attend. I was supposed to be intimidated by them, but since I wasn’t self-conscious, they were the ones who felt offended by my ‘rude’ behavior. I think that’s hilarious!

The Autism Society of America isn’t the only hornet’s nest of greed. Here’s something not so hilarious, but rather nauseating:

Make Autism Speaks $1,000 more wealthy² and become a member of their exclusive VIP Club. Yipee!… $150 will get you a T-shirt! I bet the wearers of such T-shirts are too ignorant and/or careless to realize they’re wearing a sticker on their back that says, “I’m a sucker. Kick me.”

¹What would happen if everyone who really cares about Aspies were to contact this society to ask them for information about an adult Asperger group in the Hudson Valley area that meets between New York City and Albany and then ask them why they don’t have any information about this group on their website?  Wouldn’t you be interested to hear what story they contrive?

²That was during their 2009 Walk Now for Autism Speaks event they’ve disabled from view sometime between when this post was published and 3.15.10.

Mother’s Day Card

  • Posted on May 14, 2009

Even though Mother’s Day was four days ago, I think it would be good to share what can be the outcome of an Aspie mom raising an NT daughter. Here are her own words written to me in the card I received this past Mother’s Day:

“Mom, I feel so lucky that God has blessed us with such a close relationship. I could put all my ‘friends’ I’ve ever made together and it still wouldn’t be as close of a relationship. I love sharing books and movies with you in this world and I think we will be best friends in the next ~ I love you.”

My daughter has made many friends in her 26 years of living, so for her to say what she did touches me deeply. The card she chose says, “Thank you for all your wisdom, all your guidance, all your prayers. You are a gift from God. Happy Mother’s Day.”

I hope this post brings encouragement to all the other Aspie moms out there who might be struggling through the difficult times of child rearing, especially under the extra burdens brought on by those who mistakenly think that a neurotypical parent can do a better job at raising children than an Aspie.

Prescription glasses for the mind.

  • Posted on May 13, 2009

I was told nothing is more uncomfortable than not being able to read someones’ non-verbal message. That’s sad, especially when people are able to communicate with words. If only people would say what they mean and mean what they say, then there wouldn’t be such a need to depend upon non-verbal signals.

Aspies non-theatrically use words for conversation. That’s probably why we don’t bother so much with trying to interpret non-verbal cues. It’s also why NTs get so disturbed by not being able to read the facial expressions and body language of Aspies.

I recently got a reminder of how mind blind NTs can be. I bought a bottle of butter oil from my daughter over a week ago and forgot all about it. This butter oil was to be taken with cod liver oil (which I had not yet purchased). The other day, my daughter tried to hand me the money I gave her for the butter oil. We then both became confused. I asked her why she was buying back the butter oil. She said it was because she thought I didn’t want it and that she pushed me into buying it.

I had to explain to her that what she was reading non-verbally from me was only one side of the argument I was having in my mind. Unknown to her, I truly wanted the butter oil but the part of me that didn’t want it was what she was interpreting.

I get read incorrectly from other ways too. For example, if I’m too upset by something, I have to ‘turn off’ the visibility of that emotion or else I’ll be overwhelmed by it. I’m so good at it that I can look like I don’t care, but in reality, I do care very deeply.

On the flip side, situations in which people have come to expect a display of emotion usually don’t provoke one out of me. I didn’t know until just recently that this is what NTs expect. For example, if someone is hurt (especially a child) and you don’t make the same kind of fuss about it as others do, then you’re perceived as lacking empathy. Whenever I’ve been physically injured in public (for example, as a child in a school playground), I’d want the least amount of fuss as possible. I had no idea that NTs like that kind of behavior.

Maybe if I share the outcome of an episode I had a few years ago, when I couldn’t turn off my emotions, it might help explain this gap better.  I was remembering (while talking about) an overwhelmingly upsetting experience that happened to a cat I raised from when it was five days old.¹ An NT relative of mine preconsciously thought her empathetic behavior would be welcomed by me. Little did she know how infuriating her actions were making me! Not only was I becoming unglued by grief, I was also being forced into trying my best to restrain my anger. All I wanted was to be left alone until I could settle down.

This NT relative was a house guest staying a few days. I went into another room of my house for privacy. She followed me there and proceeded to heal me with her most recent New Age conjury. I tried my best to give her the hint that she was being very disrespectful. It was like trying to stop a runaway freight train. My two choices were fight or flight. I chose flight. I bolted out of my house, hoping that by the time I came back my husband would explain to his relative what she was doing wrong. Meanwhile, it was around 1 a.m. and around 10-15 Fahrenheit degrees below zero outdoors.

To add insult to injury, a ‘concerned’ neighbor happened to be driving by while I was walking along the desolate road to ask if I was okay. I could tell from her voice that she was condescendingly lecturing me about being out in such cold so late at night, as if I was a child who needed her advice. I felt like telling her I had enough anger in me to heat up a house and, if she was worried what someone might do to me, it’s more like someone should fear what I might do to him.

After I got back home an hour later, I was relieved to have my husband inform me that our guest left to stay with another relative. She never did comprehend what was wrong with her behavior. Thankfully all the other relatives could understand my frustration. I was told that I need to be very blunt and say, “If you don’t stop what you’re doing right now, you’ll have to leave.” If NTs are supposed to have such great Theory of Mind, then why would that be necessary?

It’s a myth to believe neurotypicals are not mind blind. I have never met an NT who could come remotely close to comprehending me, even if s/he had several years to try.

¹Just as Kiriana Cowansage said about herself on page three in the article An Aspie in the City, “Anything schmaltzy makes me squeamish,” I’m the same way. Also like her, I have a fierce identification with animals and can honestly say, “If I saw a person lying on the street, my first response would be, I wonder what’s wrong with him— I should call 911. It’s not emotional, it’s practical. If I saw a dog lying on the street, I would be on my knees, in pain.” I don’t share Kiriana’s spatial orientation difficulty, even though I am clumsy. My clumsiness comes from being too focused on one thing to notice something else at the same moment.

My husband and I divorced…

  • Posted on April 18, 2009

No, not really. I thought it would make a great attention grabber to use those words for this post’s title. Since I was unable to sleep last night, I spent part of the pre-dawn hours watching my DVD of Napoleon Dynamite. One of my favorite scenes is where Napoleon’s grandmother is four-wheeling on the sand dunes — wearing a blue T-shirt that says, “My husband and I divorced for religious reasons. He thought he was GOD.”

Anyhow, the message on her shirt reminded me of how neuroscience researchers, like Mirella Dapretto and Marco Iacoboni (and many others like them), think they are god. After reading more on studies being done by neurotypicals who are trying to link autism to a mirror neuron ‘dysfunction’, since I wrote my post Mirror, Mirror, in the Lab, I cannot tolerate anymore of their ignorance, aggressive arrogance, and neurological bigotry!

Here’s the portion I moved from that post I created one year ago on April 16th, 2009 and brought here:

Researchers may have found a single cause for social blindness in aspies and autistics.

The question I have is: “Does the same mirror neuron system allow NTs to automatically and intuitively understand the emotions, actions, and intentions of Asperger’s syndrome people merely by observing what that Aspie does?”

I think not. If it was possible for NTs to do so, then they wouldn’t be in such confusion over understanding how an Aspie mind thinks differently. I’m thought of as being enigmatic, but yet the behavior of others is easily predictable for me.

It’s good that most of the population has an active mirror-neuron section, but it’s equally good there are some who don’t. My mirror-neuron theory of neurotypicalism¹ is that because this mirror neuron system is not ‘broken’, (generally speaking) it cripples the ability for a person to think in a non-conformist pattern (i.e., truly independent and objective) and increases the monkey-see, monkey-do syndrome. An inactive mirror neuron section will decrease the ability for a person to be ’sheepled’,² because of the mirroring needed to enable replication.³ Mirrors are sometimes useful, but sometimes they are a distraction. Since NTs don’t turn off their active “duplication” neurons in their mirror neuron system, how can they be as objective as those on the autism spectrum when they’re always under its influence?

Proof of what I’m talking about is with the words: problems, broken, dysfunctional, and deficits, NTs use when describing the differences between those on the autism spectrum versus NTs in regard to social behavior and the conditions of mirror neuron systems. As an Aspie, I have no ‘problem’ with how NTs socialize among their own pack, I don’t say they have a social ‘deficit’ because they can’t understand people like me, and I would not say that their mirror neuron system is ‘broken’ or ‘dysfunctional’ because theirs does not match how mine works. All of those terms are subjective (relative); not objective (absolute). Anyone who can’t see that probably has hyper-activity in the mirror neuron section of his brain.

What’s the bottom line? If I allow someone to claim my mirror neuron system is ‘broken’, then I would be a cognitivological doormat if I were to go along with the foolish notion that it needs to be ’fixed’. I say don’t waste time and money trying to fix what isn’t broken!

¹What if I were as serious as the neuroscience researchers and had their power?… how would NTs like that?

²The term sheeple is believed to be inspired by the 1945 George Orwell novel Animal Farm, where the sheep of the farm blindly followed and defended the farm’s pig leadership. George Orwell, a creative genius, showed Asperger traits. He was successful mainly because he was more focused and persistent, didn’t get distracted, and wasn’t interested in outside society.

³‘Meds’ might reverse this and increase the ability to influence a neuro-A-typical person, because then maybe he could be under the humanly designed ‘effects’ of what the pharmaceutical lab is marketing.

There is a lot more I could add to what I’ve said and include detailed examples of what I’m talking about, but I don’t want to stay ‘married’ to such nonsense. “My fellow neuroscience researchers and I divorced for religious reasons. They thought they were GOD.”

P.S. — Evidently empathy is lacking when one can’t see that those of us on the autism spectrum have more empathy than what others typically have. Proof of this is seen by the arrogant wording researchers use. In their article Asperger’s theory does about-face, they say, “Rather than ignoring others, researchers think spectrum sufferers care too much.” They fail to see that it’s their bigoted attitudes that are the cause of suffering whenever it does exist. Bigoted means ‘obstinately convinced of the superiority or correctness of one’s own opinions and prejudiced against those who hold different opinions’ and that describes those kinds of researchers quite accurately. There is no excuse for their lack of respect when they could have instead said, “Rather than ignoring others, researchers think people on the spectrum care more than those not on the spectrum.”


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