Housekeeping is a novel by the Pulitzer Prize-winning author Marilynne Robinson. It was published in 1980, nominated for the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction, and given the PEN/Hemingway Award for best first novel.

In 2003, the Guardian Unlimited named Housekeeping one of the 100 greatest novels of all time, describing the book thus: “Haunting, poetic story, drowned in water and light, about three generations of women.” Time magazine also included the novel in its TIME 100 Best English-language Novels from 1923 to 2005.

What isn’t mentioned is that the main character, Sylvie, is an Asperger individual. Sylvie’s niece, Ruth, also appears to be an Aspie. It’s obvious Ruth’s younger sister, Lucille, is neurotypical. That would explain why Sylvie and Ruth gravitated towards each other, while Lucille distanced herself from them.

← (Click on book’s blurb to enlarge for reading.)

Housekeeping became a 1987 drama film directed by Bill Forsyth. It stars Christine Lahti as Sylvie and Sara Walker as Ruth. It won two awards at the 1987 Tokyo International Film Festival.

A person like Sylvie is an Aspie unlike what most imagine the profile of an adult female on the autism spectrum would resemble.

Here is an excerpt from SpeaksWithRavens’ comment titled Please search for a movie entitled “Snowcake” on the post Autism in the Media: More Than Just Asperger’s? at the Online Grapevine site:

There is a much older film entitled “Housekeeping” which starred the great Christine Lahti. The film is based on a book which I’ve not read, but is said to also be great. At the time, the main character was expressed as ‘eccentric and introverted.’ I believe if you watch this film now (more than 20 years later), you’ll come away with a very different impression. I saw the film when it was first released and remember wondering why everyone was treating the Aunt with so much unkindness, threat and criticism. I watched it again on VHS several years ago and the shock of recognition was amazing. Some reviewers found it “too surreal” to comprehend. Anyone who has ASD or has dealt with ASD will not find it at all surreal.

SpeaksWithRavens’ entire comment is lengthy, but all of it is worth reading because of how true everything is that’s said.

Books are not helpful enough for most neurotypicals to recognize Aspergers in someone. Films may help, but still not sufficiently, especially if and/or when someone gets inaccurate information (or misunderstands it). How many people know how much psychologists specializing in Aspergers need Aspies to teach them how to detect Aspergers?  ← That kind of information the mental health profession prefers to keep private.

Aspies are the only ones who really know what Aspergers is like. That’s why publications and films are not always accurately portraying Aspergers, especially in a respectful way. The only difference between the book version of “Housekeeping” and its movie version is that the book goes a little further past the ending than what you see in the film. Both do a fantastic job of showing, through Sylvie’s character, an example of how unique Aspies can be even among the Aspergian culture. Compare Sylvie (Christine Lahti) with the Aspie character Martha Horgan (Debra Winger) in the book and movie A Dangerous Woman. Sylvie is laid-back and relaxed whereas Martha is always anxious, but yet they are both Aspie women.

In the movie (a FUN 2 minute trailer of it is at the end of this post) and the book, “Housekeeping,” the busybody neurotypical ladies of the community complained to Aunt Sylvie about her niece Ruthie being sad.¹ Lucille, Ruthie’s sister, decided to go her own way with her own friends. This left Ruthie feeling rejected and abandoned, but yet Ruthie was expected to hide her true emotion of sadness?! Sylvie had the sense to inform these buttinsky do-gooders that Ruthie should feel sad (to expect otherwise would be the single most damaging form of psychological abuse → invalidation). The agenda of the church ladies rendered them incapable of listening to, comprehending, or validating what Sylvie was trying to communicate.

The more Sylvie would say, the more her words would be twisted against her. It was a classic example of why it’s said, “Never explain yourself. Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it.” Because Sylvie thinks so differently from how most other women do, the community expects her to always be explaining her behavior to them. People, by nature, find choosing to not believe easier than accepting what they can’t understand.

← (Click on VHS back cover to enlarge for reading.)

Housekeeping is only a novel. However, the way things happen in that story to the characters can happen in real life just as easily. Worse things can even happen.

Here’s an attitude that takes bullying to a higher level than what the church ladies and local deputy sheriff inflicted upon Sylvie and Ruthie → “…hardly a man in the county who didn’t go out clapeing one time or another when they were kids.” The problem is simply(?!?) a “lack of concern or caring about the tolerance of people who are different. Those who are not tolerated have shown the most tolerance of all.”²

¹The first time I watched this movie or read this book was before knowing about Aspergers. When I went to rent a VHS copy of this film, the guy working for the video store ignorantly said the main character (Sylvie) is a schizophrenic person. Many so-called ‘professionals’ have also misdiagnosed countless numbers of Aspergians as being schizophrenic.

Housekeeping is my favorite movie and book. Maybe if I hadn’t seen the movie before reading the book, it would be my second favorite? Christine Lahti is perfect for the role of Sylvie. Her non-conformist style, joyful spirit, relaxed way of being, witty humor, clever imagination, and keen [brave, wise, and daring] intellect appeal to me. I’d find having a friend with those characteristics a lot of fun to be around and definitely not boring!

²From the 1988 film A Stoning in Fulham County — A true story of the death of a six-month-old Amish girl from being struck in the head by a rock. She died from her injuries in Indiana in 1979 at the hands of rowdy non-Amish teenage boys from town who, for “macho sport” and fun, drive around throwing stones at Amish buggies at night. The activity is called “clape-ing,” coming from a derogatory local term for the Amish — “clape” for clay ape, a term that probably relates to the Amish being farmers.

Does it make sense it would be God’s mercy to have someone very special taken away? It didn’t feel like God’s mercy at all at the time. It hurt deeply. How could something so painful be an act of love by God? God knew how much I craved to have a connection with another human being. Someone who would know me and understand me so well that words were not needed. But yet we conversed constantly. Our thoughts paralleled so close we’d finish each other’s sentences. Never again would I know another human being with such faith in God as his. In a way, his faith introduced me to the reality of God.

We both knew God predestined us to meet. We both also knew He would not allow us to remain together. So why would it be God’s mercy to take away what seemed to end our loneliness? I can’t speak for this other person, but I can finally answer why it was merciful for me.

God, in His love, had me to suffer loneliness throughout most of my life so I could discover that Jesus is all I need. I’m not saying relationships with others are never necessary. How else can others know love if we don’t love one another? But, no one knows [agape/unconditional] love before knowing God’s love. I’m not talking about hearing about it. I’m talking about experiencing it. It’s what Job [42:5] means by saying, “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; But now (‘as if’) my eye sees You.”

To love only others who will love us back is conditional love. To love the unlovable displays the kind of love Christ displayed at the cross when he said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” [Luke 23:34]

God, in His mercy, gave me intense and prolonged loneliness. Without it, I never would have understood what Job meant when he finally became silent before God.

Usually, we can love others best by being available for them. However, there are certain situations in which the best way to love someone is to remain unavailable. Being unavailable doesn’t mean not continuing to pray. Jesus was taken away from us so that He could send us His comforter (so we can be filled with the Holy Spirit). Before Christ was crucified, He prayed [John 17:21], “That they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us.”

Jesus did say [John 16:7], “Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is good for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come to you; but if I depart, I will send him to you.”

Sometimes I must say the same message to others. Sometimes it is good for me to go away from them. If I remain, they may chose to not seek the Comforter. Being departed, I can pray. If God is not drawing them to Him, they will not sincerely seek salvation.² If that’s the case, at least I know it’s not because I was where and with whom I shouldn’t have been, when I shouldn’t have been there.

Relationships in this world are temporary. Some last longer than others. Some are restricted to a limited number of allotted portions of time. Long ones may lack what brief encounters contain. It is not for us to question God’s ways. We are to trust and obey. God only knows why we have what we do and don’t have what we don’t. It is what it is because He knows what He is doing.

¹Contrition or contriteness (from the Latin contritus ‘ground to pieces, i.e. crushed by guilt) is sincere and complete remorse (i.e. regret with a sense of guilt) for sins one has committed. The remorseful person is said to be contrite.

It is a key concept to Christianity, who can then seek divine forgiveness through the act of repentance towards God, through Christ, the only mediator between man and God [1 Timothy 2:5]. It is a prerequisite to divine forgiveness and regeneration. Its elements comprise of hatred and regret for ones sin, a desire for God over sin, and faith in Christ’s atonement on the cross and it’s sufficiency for salvation.

Exhortations to the value and necessity for repentance are quite common: “I desire not the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live” [Ezekiel: 33, 11]; “…But unless you repent, you too will perish.” [Luke 13:5]. It always implies a recognition of wrong done to God, a detestation of the evil wrought, and a desire to turn from evil and do good. This is clearly expressed in Psalm 51:1-12.

²They may mistakenly think they don’t need it or already have it.

Most definitely, the fear of death causes slavery. Every kind of slavery. Not just the kind the video portrays. We become slaves to our own lusts.

What starts within us ends up externally controlling us. That is the symptom of the disease called human nature.

Those who are on the government’s payroll are the empowered slaves of the government. They, along with those who depend on the government’s financial assistance, will oppose citizens who earn their income for living independent of the government.

The government wants enough of a portion of society to depend on it so that its dependents will keep citizens divided. Citizens divided enable the government to use everyone as slaves to serve its corrupt purposes.

Citizens dependent upon taxpayers for a living are fearful of people who undistortedly see the whole picture. Being brave enough to look exposes the painful reality of what I’ve said, “There are two groups of people: those riding in the wagon and those pulling it. Sooner or later, the team pulling won’t be able to handle the overloaded wagon.”

The team that’s forced to pull the wagon is the one which wants to oppose the abuse of the entire political system. Naturally, government employees (e.g., in social services, public schools/health care/highway maintenance, police, military, etc.) will not readily admit how they contribute to the abuse of the system because they depend on it.

As soon as rebellion starts, those who have been given authority by the government relish every opportunity to attack their fellow citizens seeking freedom from slavery. Their power and fear will blind them to seeing how standing united behind “Enough is enough. We won’t take any more!” will ultimately also free them from the bonds created by the corruption of politics.

Those who can really see what’s wrong will not be deceived into thinking revolutionaries are the enemy. It is the non-revolutionaries who promote corruption.² If you’re not revolting against a corrupt system, you’re promoting it. Citizens who don’t join the courageous who stand for what’s right are against it. If we don’t fight malignancy as a team, it will kill the entire body of humanity.

Indoctrination destroys a nation. This cancerous indoctrination procedure begins in government school; from pre-kindergarten all the way on through State Colleges. Evolution is supported because it does nothing to give students a backbone. The Bible is feared because it may entice students to have courage to stand up for what’s right.

An atheist stated, “From a metaphysical point of view, it may be the case that everyone is ultimately free, and when we fully realize this, the artificial constraints created by the “matrix” (governments, religions, limiting belief systems, etc.) will fall away.” What he fails to see is that the most limiting belief system comes from not believing what God says in the Bible. That is why he can’t see what the solution is to the video on “The Story of Your Enslavement.” There is no solution as long as Christianity is sought to be suppressed.

When America began, mostly everyone agreed, “In God we trust.” As faith died, so did freedom. It takes real faith to stand up against torture and death. Terrorists have faith. They don’t fear death. The government knows how to manipulate malicious faith to its advantage.

This video containing a dim view of “democracy” ends with a bird flying away and these words,

Wake up. To see the farm is to leave it.

Leave it how? We can’t fly away like that bird at the end of the video!

The Pilgrims on the Mayflower came to America to seek freedom. We, who share their same insightful desire for freedom, no longer have anyplace left in this world to start anew. Does the world think Christians are willing to be passive now?

We see truth in the video, but only enough truth to perpetuate enslavement.³ The truth that sets us free is omitted. We can only live if we are willing to die. If we don’t have the kind of truth to die for, we are already dead. The walking dead scavenging off of the carcasses of humanity.

Our fight is not against people on earth but against the rulers and authorities and the powers of this world’s darkness, against the spiritual powers of evil in the heavenly world. — Ephesians 6:12

¹Using the word “Your” rather than “Our” displays a divided mentality.

²Being a revolutionary falls on a spectrum. Basically, any non-conforming critical thinker is a revolutionary. Parents who home school their children are one example. A shopper who refuses to get a “convenient shoppers’ card” when shopping in a big corporate store is another. Someone wise enough to know not to contribute to the politics behind big-scale organizations like Autism Speaks and the Autism Society of America, along with numerous other corporations taking advantage of situations where complete accountability is impossible, revolutionizes the way irresponsible behavior is handled. The Amish are revolutionaries at one range of the scale; supporters of the Second Amendment are at another; both are on the same team to combat the exploitation of humans.

³Why would Satan change his classic tactic to destroy humanity when it’s working so well?

Read the Comments of a post published on September 10, 2009 asking, Is Autism Speaks Mis-Spending Its Money? Your Opinion Requested. Combine what those commenters say with what autismvotes.org’s news for September 30, 2011 about Obama signing an act that authorizes Autism Speaks to help themselves to $693 million for the next three years so their head honchos can live even more lavishly at the expense of taxpayers.

We already knew Autism Speaks is about eugenics. But did you also realize Autism Speaks is so greedy that, according to its 2010 annual report, its management salaries add up to more than half the proceeds of its fundraising walks? Nonprofit charity is what it isn’t.

After having read the movie’s description, I had to watch the movie. I intuitively knew this story was going to begin the process of unlocking a lot of my lifetime mysteries. I just didn’t know how it was going to happen or what else the future would be revealing to me.

I even heard my ‘Mackey’ say to a relative of mine who ‘talks down’ to me the same way as Francis did to Martha, “Did it ever occur to you that maybe what she may need is a little kindness?” (Francis was a domineering and manipulative aunt.) So naturally, after experiencing the movie, I had to read the book. I had no way of knowing how many pieces God was giving me before I would be discovering how Aspergers was the piece I was missing to explain why my life is so different from mostly everyone else.

Mary McGarry Morris wrote the novel “A Dangerous Woman.” Reading that book was the same experience for me as reading “Mozart and the Whale” and “Housekeeping.” I could strongly relate to all those books and their movie versions. It wasn’t until reading “Mozart and the Whale” did I know Aspergers was the common thread they share.

In hindsight, it seems a strange coincidence for me to have been reading this book on the 1st anniversary of my father’s death.³ The memory of his funeral was still fresh in my mind. My experience was not unlike Martha’s in the novel. The people attending were dry-eyed chatty mourners who were friends of my ‘Frances’. The one individual who I mistook as being my friend must have attended my father’s funeral just to see out of curiousity who would be there for me. After that day, she vanished and made sure I wouldn’t ever be able to contact her. I’d hardly call that a friend.

People describing “A Dangerous Woman” say Martha is ‘slow’, ‘dim-witted’, and ‘mentally ill’. In the film, Martha’s Aunt [Francis Beecham] sums up Martha’s ‘disability’ well when she says, “She just doesn’t lie… that’s all.” The key words are, “that’s all.” That is what makes Martha different.

People dislike people not like themselves. The narrator in the film’s trailer hits the nail on the head when he says, “Sometimes being different can be dangerous.” I’m assuming he meant Martha is dangerous. The editorial review of the book on amazon.com from the Library Journal by Doris Lynch says,

What makes Martha a dangerous woman is her unfailing honesty; she hasn’t learned the world’s way of lying, of hiding behind a social mask. At one point Birdy, her friend, tries on Martha’s glasses to see if she really does view the world differently.

Amazon’s editorial review mentality fits with the world’s view that someone who isn’t a liar is ‘slow’, ‘dim-witted’, and ‘mentally ill’. God says in The Bible that someone who does not conform [Romans 12:2] to the world’s way of lying, of hiding behind a social mask, is someone who has a sound mind [2 Timothy 1:7]. The world tries to say it’s necessary for us to be liars and, more importantly, to be like everyone else. People like people like themselves.

← (Click on book’s blurb to enlarge for reading.)

What should be pointed out is that society is equally as dangerous to someone who is different. The movie omits vital parts of Martha’s earlier life. She was sexually humiliated as a teenager by being gang-raped.

The movie also leaves out Colin Mackey telling Martha what it is that people don’t like about her. Martha could not understand why no one liked her. Mackey told her, “It’s not so much that people don’t like you, but rather dislike your ability to see them.” Martha’s struggle was caused by the conflict between her always being honest versus everyone else portraying themselves to be socially acceptable. It’s ironic that people didn’t believe her while yet everyone knew her “problem” was that she was too honest.

Mackey tries to get Martha to understand that people don’t always care to see what a liar or how evil someone is, even if they’re personally involved with the person. I still find it shocking to believe that people choose to not want to know the truth. It seems illogical, foolish, detrimental to society, irresponsible, and wrong.

Martha gets anxious when having to make decisions in situations like when she’s at the checkout counter being asked, “Paper or plastic?” Not all Aspies are uptight. Besides different genetic make-ups, life experiences hugely affect how Aspies differ from other Aspies. In “Housekeeping,” the (Aspie) character Aunt Sylvie is laid-back and relaxed. In both fiction stories, people in the community disdain Martha and Sylvie for being different. In the non-fiction story “Mozart and the Whale,” Mary Meinel-Newport and Jerry Newport also face disdain for the same reasons. Mary is like Sylvie in her carefree attitude. Jerry is like Martha in being anxious. What makes the difference is how much they care what others think about them.

People dislike people not like themselves. What makes someone dangerous is unfailing honesty? Someone who hasn’t learned the world’s way of lying? Someone incapable of hiding behind a social mask? What then are lying, manipulative, character disordered con artists? Safe and to be trusted? Have so many people become character disordered that those who are not character disordered bother the consciences of those who are? Is that what makes trustworthy people dangerous? Is that why completely honest people are trusted the least?

¹Matthew 19:14, “…for it is to those who are childlike that the Kingdom of the Heavens belongs.”

²Women may enjoy being romanced by a man, including asexuals. Martha is not asexual. Asexuality is a sexual orientation belonging to individuals who do not experience sexual attraction. Celibacy is a choice. Asexuality is not.

³Whoa!… I just realized that my father died on this same day of the year I’m composing this post (Jan. 18)! I found his blackened burned body two days after he died.

Postscript added 2.6.12 — If you found this post interesting, you may also enjoy Aspergers in Housekeeping.

Love is proven not by how we treat our friends, but how we treat those who oppose us.

God loves those who deserve to be judged and condemned. In His eyes, we all deserve to be judged and condemned.

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?

And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?

Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

If we personally reject God’s unmerited love, it will be evident by our contentment to find fault in those whom we don’t like.

Whoever would rather forfeit eternal life than give up being self-righteous foolishly trusts in themselves and privily despises others. Only the humble will say, “God be merciful to me a sinner.”

The media molds America’s image of what they want Americans to believe what success is. That’s logical. Those holding the power their media provides them have already achieved the success they know sheeple covet. They know how to do it, because that’s what possessed them towards the status they have. It would deflate their overly-esteemed self-identity when success is defined differently. Their version is worldly; void of spiritual growth. I don’t mean to imply it’s impossible for a ‘worldly successful’ individual to also be successful in the same way as Jesus Christ.

Success in God’s eyes only comes in the form of humble servitude towards His will being done with complete trust in Him for the outcome… even if that outcome looks like failure in the eye’s of the world. It takes faith to walk after the Spirit to do God’s will, especially when doing so doesn’t look like it’s going to give us our daily bread.

I don’t know anyone who would look at my life and think of me as being ‘successful’. No one ever has. Doubtfully anyone ever will. The older we are, the more intensely we’re judged by society. That terrifies most people, but it shouldn’t affect Christians.

I am a Christian. That is why I have the audacity to claim I am successful and to explain how executive functioning by association is, for some people, the only way to achieve purposes. Since my purposes revolve around God’s will and I do not usually know what God’s will is before He wants me to do a thing, planned “To Do” lists fail to produce success for me. Planning can achieve things, but God has designed everyone to be unique. Some of us are more successful functioning by association rather than planning.

I do not make aims, purposes, or goals. What I do each day is caused by me being who God leads me to be. I describe my life as being kind of like a ‘working’ pet owned by God. The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want. He leads me. I follow. I decreasingly analyze why things happen or why I do what I do. I’m learning that if I’m meant to know why, it will be revealed to me if and when it is necessary.

Temple Grandin explains in her book, Animals in Translation, how the autistic brain is more similarly structured to the brain of animals than neurotypical ones are. Animals don’t process thoughts the same way most people do.

God explains in His book, The Holy Bible, how the heart of someone born-again is broken to make him become a new creature with a new nature. A regenerated person on the autism spectrum is going to function differently from both unsaved people and from neurotypicals.

My neurotypical husband asked me in 1995 why I wanted a computer. He wanted me to justify the expense. He would never want to by a computer. He is repulsed by technology. He will never own a cell phone (I have no desire for even a regular phone, let alone a cell phone). I honestly told my husband I had no idea why I wanted a computer or what I’d do with one. I know I didn’t want one because other people were buying them. The best explanation for my desire to have one was because there was no other way for me to know what difference having a computer would make versus not having one. That same logic is what basically started my blog back in January of 2008.

16 years of computer ownership compared to 41 years of life without one reveals to me what I have succeeded to do because of having computers. Even though those successes are valuable, the ones accomplished during my pre-computer era are also significant.

Earning money and/or being famous isn’t the only way of measuring success. How much money is protected from being unnecessarily spent can be even more valuable. Increasing the quality of health (physical, mental, and spiritual), the quantity (and quality) of knowledge, gaining experience and wisdom, etc., are immense contributions to success.

In hindsight, I see a lot of God’s purposes He put in my path. Success is the accomplishment of them. I have accomplished way more in my life by doing things via association than I have by doing things via planning out goals dependent upon “To-Do” lists.

None of the accredited diplomas I achieved in certain fields of knowledge provided me with success, unless learning the hard way what doesn’t amount to any constructive use counts for some success. Traditional schools and universities are all about curriculum. By law, I had to create a curriculum to use for teaching at home, but the amount of freedom within that structure was loaded with creative learning by association.

“The World’s Most Influential Guidance Counselor” according to Inc., Magazine says Curriculum Discussion is Vapid.

Why is Homeschooling on Penelope’s Site tells about home schooled children being prepared to compete whereas old-fashioned, classroom-based educated kids won’t be. Here’s some of what she says,

Gen Z will have an education that is practical. College is widely seen as worth far less than its price tag in most cases. Graduate school is an anachronism, now seen by many (including the Chronicle of Higher Education) as a babysitting service for adults.

So I started thinking, if Gen X ers – the parents of Gen Z – are not buying into the education system, then what will happen?

The answer is that Gen Z will be homeschooled much more frequently than any generation before them, and Generation Z will understand how to synthesize data, self-direct learning, and ask the kinds of questions that make or break companies.

The portion of Generation Z that gets the old-fashioned, classroom-based education, will end up being unprepared to compete.

I completely agree with her observations regarding the outcomes of different educational methods.

Competing doesn’t just occur in the work force. I was competing with my previous hosting provider (Bluehost) for a long time, until I finally switched to a new one (Hostgator) on Black Friday (Nov. 25, 2011). I went through a similar ordeal involving the decline of good service years ago when having an account with yet a different company (Netfirms).

I wasn’t paying attention to my gut feeling when expressing thanks on my Nov. 23rd post for being ‘successful’ at significantly decreasing my CPU throttling. Fortunately, the next day was Thanksgiving. It gave me the distraction I needed to build up my intolerance towards the hosting company’s poor service. That morning, I saw my account being ridiculously throttled… again!

The fresh turkey, along with the other food I needed to cook to be eaten by me, my husband, and my son, demanded all of my attention. Being away from the computer for a day triggered me to spend the next morning online researching similar experiences of other Bluehost users. A lot ‘clicked’ that morning! It went beyond the discovery of how many and what hosting companies have been bought by the Endurance International Group (EIG).

I could have understood a lot sooner how Bluehost’s CPU Throttling functions if they honestly explained how it works. Instead, what they routinely do is put an impossible burden on users to prove Bluehost doesn’t provide enough capacity of service for what they advertise is available for use.

Practically all the technical headaches I’ve dealt with for years were the consequences of EIG! Even before the nightmares of their creation, I’ve endured countless episodes of ‘trained’ tech support employees’ repeated attempts at wrongfully putting the blame for issues upon my shoulders! God knows I needed those ‘illusions of failure’ so that I would eventually be able to ‘see’ my success in this area.

Ironically, the successes of my life are embedded with others erroneously claiming failure on my part. With success comes the fun of detecting know-it-alls and then trapping them by asking ‘if that’s so, then how come’ questions they don’t see coming and have no experience in handling. Their silence from being at a loss to know what to say is one way for me to know when I’ve become successful. That may seem impolite and mean, but actually it could be the only hope for improving things in the long run.

You’re of less value if you don’t help those, who mistakenly think their input is superior to yours, to see how reality proves otherwise.

Success is all about being a person of value. When you aim to increase the value of who you are, then success automatically exists regardless of how others may judge you.

Father, give us courage to change what must be altered,

serenity to accept what cannot be helped,

and the insight to know the one from the other.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.

Alcoholics Anonymous altered this prayer to this commonly known version:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Two changes struck me as selfish. I’ll mention the one which doesn’t seem to have attention online yet first. Then I’ll mention the one which supposedly Reinhold Niebuhr’s daughter said her father disliked.¹

I’m surprised to find nothing mentioned on the internet about the word “us” being changed to “me” in this prayer.

Niebuhr was an American theologian who knew the sin of pride created evil in the world. That is why he prayed that God would give “us” insight, instead of praying that God would give “him” insight.

My intent is not to condemn AA. My intent is to get people to pay attention to subtle details that speak volumes. Critical thinking is something that’s actually healthy and the loving thing to do.

The second half of the Great Commandment is, “Thou shalt love thy neighbour² as thyself.” A “God grant me” prayer is a reflection of the self-centered mindset of the one who is doing the praying.

Many people know that the best way to help yourself is to help others. God meant for mankind to love one another. Self-destructive habits develop by ignoring the ways in which you can love others. How does it help to get rid of bad habits created from self-pity being nurtured by continuing to stay focused solely on one’s self? It doesn’t make sense. It’s illogical.

This footnote from a page of The Orange Papers website points out the second change that struck me as selfish:

14) Reinhold Niebuhr: The thing about Niebuhr that A.A. and N.A. members will immediately recognize is The Serenity Prayer, which he wrote in 1943:

“God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.”

Perhaps you noticed the fact that, yes, the early A.A. members who adopted Niebuhr’s prayer also misquoted and mangled it. They turned it into this:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

¹Reinhold Niebuhr did not like that mangling. His daughter explains in her book about her father, also titled The Serenity Prayer, that Reinhold Niebuhr disliked reducing the phrase “courage to change the things which should be changed” into “courage to change the things I can”, which implies that A.A. members should just go around changing things without asking whether they should be changed.

The alteration “to change the things which should be changed” into “to change the things I can” signal pride in action again. Why did AA think this was something which should be changed? Niebuhr originally had this verse to read, “courage to change what must be altered.” This is what makes me wonder who is really worshipped as God.

Either we offer ourselves to serve (i.e., worship) God, which is what Niebuhr meant by saying, “Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;”

Or we expect a god to serve (i.e., worship) us, which is what the modern version of the Serenity Prayer comes close to saying. The word “cannot” is too often used in place of “will not”; plus, it perpetuates the “poor me/victim” mentality. Someone self-authorized in AA apparently decided the second half of the Serenity Prayer must be eliminated. What caused that decision? Rebellion against God’s will sparked by pride and an attitude that self is more trustworthy than the creator of life?

²Niebuhr loved his neighbour as well as himself.

Last weekend was the first time I saw the movie Amazing Grace. I was browsing through my local library praying for something to watch which would build my Christian faith. I didn’t expect such a powerful answer! As I examined the back cover of this DVD’s case, the name William Wilberforce seemed familiar.

Not until after I viewed the film did I realize this man was the same person who wrote, “A Practical View of the Prevailing Religious System of Professed Christians, in the Higher and Middle Classes in this Country, Contrasted with Real Christianity.” The first editions were made in 1797 and were approximately 450 pages of small type. Wilberforce’s publisher was so doubtful of its success he only printed 500 copies. But in the same year five editions and some 7,500 copies had sold. Later it was translated into French, German, Italian, Spanish, and Dutch.

In 1982, Bethany House published a reproduction of this classic by William Wilberforce based on the American edition of 1829. They titled it Real Christianity: Discerning True and False Faith. I read the 1997 edition shortly after it was released. That book was also an answer to prayer. I wanted a no-nonsense book that would help me to have a deeper understanding of the difference between a real Christian and a false one. My motive was strictly to examine my own faith; not to judge others.

I doubt most nominal Christians would be interested in reading Wilberforce’s Real Christianity. If they did start reading it, I doubt they’d dare to continue. The way true faith is described would be repulsive to someone who would prefer to remain self-deluded and unrepentant.

The Bible can be read, studied, and quoted by anyone, but only real Christians will be convicted and truely born again by Scripture. False Christians can read the Bible without being consciously convicted, because of what’s said in 1 Corinthians 2:14,

But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

That’s why there can be many people who talk like Christians but don’t live like one. There are unsaved people who are convicted by Scripture. They will avoid the Bible.¹

Wilberforce’s exposition of what true faith consists of can be understood by saved and unsaved individuals. It is a man speaking to men.

The Bible is not men speaking to men. It is God speaking through godly men speaking to godly men. That is why it does not change the lives of those with spiritually deaf ears as it does God’s elect.

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: — 2 Timothy 3:16

God uses all His elect. Only a rare few Christians get noteworthy positive recognition in history. Wilberforce happens to be one of them. Here’s only a small portion of what he said in regard to human admiration and applause,

But what about the case when others do bestow these honors on us for actions intrinsically good? When this happens, and we have not solicited them, Scripture teaches we are to accept them as given by Providence for a present comfort and a reward for virtue.

As for disesteem and dishonor, Wilberforce reminds Christians how essential and indispensable it is to be indifferent with such things in order to have victory over the world.

It isn’t hard to detect the consistency between true faith as described in Real Christianity and what’s observable about Wilberforce in the film Amazing Grace.

John Newton said,

I once was blind but now I see.

Thank God for the wonderful books and movies which help us to see more clearly how we may live our lives for His glory. Check out the movie trailer for Amazing Grace:

One of my favorite parts begins when Wilber (Ioan Gruffudd) is playing cards with some of the members of Parliament. At one point the Duke of Clarence (Toby Jones) is trying to drive up the stakes, but he has no more chips; he offers Wilberforce an IOU, but Wilberforce says with a tiny grin that Clarence has nothing he wants. Clarence then glibly offers to throw in his slave, for whom he paid 25 guineas, and has the man brought in. The slave stands there with his head bowed as Clarence goes on about having bought this slave. Wilberforce is so disgusted he leaves the game.

After leaving the game and going out of the building, William Pitt (Benedict Cumberbatch) says to Wilber, “You act as if you’d never seen slavery before.” Wilber responds by saying, “For me it’s like arsenic. Each new tiny dose doubles the effect.”

Wilberforce’s reaction to the Duke of Clarence’s attitude towards his slave struck me as how people should react to sin… with disgust.

Both slavery and sin are poison. Each dose intensifies Satan’s effect… to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. (John 10:10)

¹Most of them think they don’t need the Bible. They may think of themselves as being a good person because of things they do which are good. Unless God opens their blind spiritual eyes, it is futile to try to get them to see their need for a savior. They are their own savior and glorify themselves.

It never made sense to me that God would issue the command to abstain from all ‘appearence’ of evil, especially since Jesus often times could have been accused of doing so by the company He kept.

The previous verse tells us to ‘hold fast that which is good’, so the use of the word appearance for describing what we are to abstain from doesn’t harmonize as a direct contrast in this context. After all, God didn’t say ‘hold fast that which appears good.’

The word form is the ideal translation for the Greek word eidos. Appearence and form are not synonymous in this context for what God is saying.

Below are a couple of links to written material covering this misuse and abuse of this verse:

Pastor Jeremy Wallace’s Misused And Abused Bible Verses- I Thessalonians 5:22 isn’t as lengthy as Hans Deventer’s and Dennis R. Bratcher’s The “Appearance” of Evil.

Empathy is the ability to understand how someone feels because you can imagine what it is like to be them. The fact of the matter is NTs continuously display an inability to imagine what it is like to not be NT. Even this Empathy Quotient test is proof of it. If that was not so, Simon Baron-Cohen would have been able to imagine how grossly inaccurate his test is (assuming, of course, he cares).

I wonder how he’d explain these two things compared with his EQ test:

1.) Maia Szalavitz’s article Asperger’s theory does about-face reveals the results of a groundbreaking study suggesting people with autism-spectrum disorders such as Asperger’s do not lack empathy – rather, they feel others’ emotions more intensely than neurotypical people do! In comparison to Aspies, NTs lack empathy. She points out that this information jibes with the “intense world” theory, a new way of thinking about the nature of autism.

2.) I scored a perfect 36 points (out of a total 36) on the Reading the Mind in the Eyes Test, but yet I scored a 9 (80 is maximum) on the EQ test!¹ I also have an uncanny ability to predict human behavior, but this can ironically only happen if I’m ‘emotionally disconnected’ (it happens to me; it’s not something I can control). When I say ‘emotionally disconnected’, I mean being separated physcially (as if watching actors on t.v. rather than being with them in person).

Olga Bogdashina² sates in her book Autism and the Edges of the Known World: Sensitivities, Language, and Constructed Reality,

From this perspective, we can see that it is ‘normal’ people who are disconnected (‘off-line’) from ‘sensory-emotional feel’ typical for highly sensitive autistic individuals:

What Ms. Bogdashina’s research and book suggests is that professionals specializing in studies on autism spectrum people may need to change their perspectives on what they think they know about those of us in the neuro-A-typical culture. (More quotes from her book are in my post The Two Validation Choices.)

Almost all NTs are unable to take an Aspie’s perspective to see how their actions/words are impacting him or her because of being oblivious to an Aspie’s emotions. The Reading the Mind in the Eyes Test should have two columns of eyes → one column of NT eyes expressing emotion; the other column of eyes should belong to Aspies expressing their emotions. I’d love to see the results of NTs tested to read the minds of Aspies by looking at Aspie eyes! Almost always NTs fail to read my non-verbal language.

Analyzing a test like Simon Baron-Cohen’s one that claims to measure empathy fits perfectly into my neurologically designed (female Aspie) way of processing thought.

According to Dr. Tony Attwood, a leading expert on Asperger’s Syndrome, Aspie girls are “little philosophers” who think long and deeply about human interaction. From an early age, girls with Asperger’s syndrome have applied their cognitive skills to analyse social interactions and are more likely than boys to discuss the inconsistencies in social conventions and their thoughts on social events. They may wonder if all people see the same color as blue, for instance, or analyze the meaning of the word “mind.” They often appear odd or cold, or seem to live in fantasy worlds. They may love animals, but in an obsessive way. For example, if an Aspie girl loves horses, she may want to spend every waking hour riding, grooming her horse, or even sleeping in the stable.

I’m like sushipie, the author of the blog This has become a weakness., as she describes herself,

One of the common Asperger’s descriptions that doesn’t quite “fit” me is an encyclopedic knowledge of specific subjects. I have always had special interests but memorizing facts is just not something I do. I spent my time pondering the unseen world. Every time I rode in the car down a highway I would imagine the roads as a nervous system and people were the cells being transferred from place to place. I often contemplated God, souls, and spirits. Just like in the example I constantly wondered if everyone’s perception of the physical world was the same. Sometimes I would pretend that I had just hopped through time and I was in a new dimension of reality and I would act as though everything I did in the alternate reality was normal and people understood me. I am still a philosopher at heart only nobody knows it because I have such a difficult time verbalizing my understanding of such topics.

My mother never could understand my passion for analyzing. As a child, I was unaware that what I was thinking about most of the time is called metaphysics. That hunger I had for finding the meaning of things in life, knowledge, and beliefs never left me. I had no idea how much God pre-programmed the question, “If that’s so, then how come…?” along with the statement, “It depends…” into my being. No high caliber logic thinker would be born without such a question and statement deeply embedded into her nature.

I somewhat agree with these words stated by another female Aspie blogger,

The fact that female Aspies tend to observe, analyse, and critique social interactions may appear to indicate that we have no social impairments and feel more comfortable with people than with objects. It seems to me, however, that the only people interested in observing, analysing, and critiquing social interactions for free would be people who can’t intuitively grasp them.

The reason I say ‘somewhat’ is because I do intuitively grasp social interactions when I’m ‘emotionally disconnected’. Since I’m almost always incapable of disconnecting myself emotionally from others while I’m physically in the midst of a social situation, it’s only logical for me to be highly interested in observing, analysing, and critiquing social interactions. The intense level of empathy I experience actually creates chaos in my mind because NTs don’t think like Apies.

Being that NTs have comparatively less empathy, combined with their relatively illogical perception of what’s ‘correct’ social behavior (e.g., mismatch between what’s said verbally versus non-verbally), it’s only natural for them to feel frustrated and confused when attempting to socialize with me.

Maybe this illustration may help to clarify what I’m saying? → Cats and dogs can be happy. Happiness is expressed in dogs through the way they wag their tails. Cats purr when they’re happy. NTs and Aspies are both capable of feeling all the same kinds of emotions. However, Aspies are the “what you see is what you get” kind of people whereas NTs are natural “performers.” That’s what makes it so easy for NTs to be able to be manipulative (and bullies) compared to Aspies. That’s as unfair as Simon Baron-Cohen’s Empathy Quotient test.

¹I scored a 48 (50 is the maximum) on the Aspergers Quotient test (most Aspies score about 35; NTs score low numbers). I scored a 76 on the Systemizing Quotient test (most women score 24; 80 is the maximum).

²Olga Bogdashina has a MA Education (Autism), a PhD (Linguistics), and has worked extensively in the field of autism as teacher, lecturer and researcher, with a particular interest in sensory-perceptual and communication problems in autism. Since 1994, she has been the director of the first Day Centre for autistic children in Ukraine and the President of the Autism Society, Ukraine. Olga teaches and lectures around the world. She is currently a Visiting Lecturer at Birmingham University and Consultant Psychologist for Services for Adults with Autism, UK. She has an adult son with autism.

P.S. — There is a little short bit more on this topic in my next post Empathetic Coincidence, along with an important point humorously expressed that I haven’t yet seen made by anyone.