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Spring Seeds

  • Posted on February 2, 2010

If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you’d know by now that the titles for my posts can be misleading. In this case, the kind of garden I’m going to till this spring (pun intended) is for the roots of my soul. Gardening is getting back to the basics and I’m composting my soil with these nutritious books:

Simple Life

Oswald Chambers

The Simple Life: Devotional Thoughts from Amish Country is by Wanda E. Brunstetter. Her book offers sixty intriguing and encouraging lessons. Each reading features a brief story of the Amish, providing a “behind the scenes” insight into their culture; a spiritual lesson, accompanied by scripture, drawn from the story; and a “bonus” of an Amish witticism or recipe. I’m looking forward to enjoying the peace and quiet of Amish country that’s reflected within the pages of this book.

The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers is packaged with a companion searchable CD-ROM using the Logos software. A program like that is very helpful for readers reading a 1,492 page book that’s a must for Chambers aficionados. Transcribed by his wife Biddy, and drawn from his numerous sermons, lectures, and speeches, this monumental book includes more than forty titles from the popular, thought-provoking chaplain, including never- before published notes on Ezekiel, Isaiah, and Jeremiah.

If that’s not enough to cultivate my spirit, I can tap into the Amish America blog for more refreshments! It contains plain insights and observations from Pennsylvania to Oregon and is loaded with wonderful photographs!

The bedrock of my garden is always God’s word. The creator of our universe is the light for the core of my being. When spring beckons me to be outdoors more, I want to hike along with some good food packed for thought as I enjoy the nature God so perfectly made.

I just realized it’s Groundhog Day! My thoughts must be deep within the ground or something today?!?!

Say what?

  • Posted on January 31, 2010

I got reminded of a cultural difference between NTs and Aspies. As much as I understand and know about figures of speech, it’s still something that requires a translation process. If I’m the one using a figure of speech, obviously I’m not going to misread what I’m thinking. But if I’m not expecting someone else to speak figuratively, I can still jump to the wrong conclusion.

I think I’m understanding how it happens thanks to a recent example today. I won’t mention who this involves (and I’ll even change the initials to protect their privacy), but if she read this, I hope she knows that she has nothing to apologize for. I thank her for progressing my learning experience and the reminder I needed to know that I’m still taking what others say literally without realizing I’m doing it.

Here is what she said to me in an email:

Oh, yes, D is in heaven, and I don’t begrudge him that! It’s high time he had a good friend, as D has so much to give and truly loves everyone. It’s nice to see that reciprocated. My heart just breaks for T nonetheless!

Here was my response:

Your statement, “Oh, yes, D is in heaven,…” had me in complete confusion for about 15-20 minutes. I went to your blog searching for news of his passing away. In the email you just sent me, I thought you were referring to Jesus as being D’s good friend. I thought I overcame taking things literal, but now I doubt it’s something that I’ll ever be able to stop doing.

I left a comment on her blog where she wrote a post about the effects of her high-functioning autistic son’s new found friendship. I’m assuming that because my last impression I had when I left her blog was of a serious nature, it kept me in that same frame of mind when I read her words, “…D is in heaven…” Adding to that image my own difficult experiences throughout my life in the area of friendships, caused my mind to think that the only possible good friend an Aspie can have to keep ongoing contact with over a substantial length of time is Jesus. Being that Jesus is in heaven, naturally I assumed that D’s mother was telling me that D died.

On rare occasions, I’ve enjoyed a few months of an occasional blissful friendship before realizing what flaws were demanding its extinction. My hopes were up too high when I thought the solution for me was to have an Aspie friend. It’s not that my Aspie ‘friends’ become enemies. The Aspie whom I feel most closely bonded to (like a soul mate/brother) has too much of a need to be in control to be able to handle inconsistent contact from me. It saddened me to feel his pain and I miss being in contact with him, but because I don’t want him to suffer from my sporadic and unpredictable ways of being in touch, I decided it was best for the both of us if I would leave him alone.

I still ‘visit’ with him by going to the places he is online, but I have stopped communicating with him many months ago. Just the other day, a particular recent photo of him immediately reminded me of how much our lives are spent in solitude and the deep ways we are so much alike.

I have a female Aspie friend I can visit about twice a year for a couple of hours at most. If I’m lucky, I’ll get a phone call just as often. Any received emails (once every couple of months?) say very little. So, by the time there is a reconnection, I struggle to know what to say.

For my own well-being, I need a friendship where I know that if I need to call that person, he or she will be there for me. It might sound hypocritical of me to be repulsed by always hearing an answering machine I must leave a message on and then wait days for a potential return call, especially since I rarely answer my phone. However, if I knew that I had a friend who would call me (like I’d call her or him), I’d be more than happy to answer my phone. If I have enough time to get to the phone as someone is leaving me a message (who I want to talk with and wants to talk with me), I will pick up the phone. It’s only fair that the other person reciprocates with the same courtesy.

I’d enjoy a good friendship just like most people would, but when challenges involved are so difficult, it’s not that hard to learn how to live contentedly in solitude. Some days are not as pleasant as others, but all-in-all, with Jesus as a friend, my eyes look up to heaven knowing that the time spent in this world is nothing compared to eternity with Him.

Resolutions Made Easier

  • Posted on January 30, 2010

Sixty days ago I came to the conclusion that my days for being able to have any form of drug, in any amount, now has intolerable consequences. Twice in that period of time I doubted that reality and both times paid the price. The first time was when I consumed two ounces of red wine one Saturday evening. The result was a maximum of two hours of sleep that night. The second mistake was when I had three ounces of white wine with a meal of shrimp.¹ Again, the most sleep I got afterward was a couple of hours. Sudden decreases in the amount of sleep can cause a vicious downward spiraling effect on me. The potential result can be one week of about a maximum of 14 hours totaled! I can go two-to-three nights (including the days in-between) without even a minute of sleep.

It’s not just wine that will trigger chronic insomnia. All my husband has to do is talk in an disturbingly unpleasant tone of voice. Then my nervous system gets shocked and I’m extra hyper-sensitive² for days. If another person talks nasty to me, it doesn’t have quite the same effect. I can only guess it’s because I don’t have to live with other people, so when they’re gone I know I won’t hear it. Not having any control over the exposure is what makes it worse, especially when trying to manage living with post-traumatic stress disorder.

Besides insomnia being a consequence to my sensory system being overloaded, headaches become more common. I used to be able to take over-the-counter pain relief medications. Not anymore I can. My bladder becomes hyper-sensitive and weaker. I try to keep a good distance from anything a pharmaceutical lab says is fit for human consumption (along with, of course, keeping away from what they say isn’t okay).

Fumes from chemicals like paint, polyurethane, bleach, ammonia, perfume, etc. are horrible to the nervous system. I used to be able to be indoors with the windows open if there was some mild usage of those products. Now I have to be outside and not come back in until all of it is gone from the air.

My eyesight isn’t what it once was (it’s worse); neither is my hearing (it’s now more acute). Certain sounds children and small dogs can emit quickly stress me out. Tension comes instantly, but can take days to go away.

The topping to all these joys is knowing how ignorantly people misjudge the reasons why a hyper-sensitive person likes to stay reclusive and do a minimal amount of socializing.

The easy resolution is to simply stay as far away as I can from things that are harmful to my health. That includes avoiding toxic people (who may mean well), especially those who think they know how to help others (but yet they have no clue what it is like to be in someone else’s shoes).

I have tried just about everything known to cause drowsiness. Most of them did (once upon a time) work to some degree for awhile, but the long-term consequences (especially with some of them) taught me something very important.

I’ve always known God works all things for the good to those who are called according to His purpose. I’ve been praying for help to overcome some obstacles in my life that should be as easy as a physically sound individual walking out of a room on his own accord. God wanted me to walk His way and He didn’t submit to doing the walk for me. What He did do though was make it very unpleasant for me to stay on the same path I’ve been on (some of them for decades).

It’s a lot harder to quit seeking from substances, activities, and/or certain people, what God alone can give. Instant gratification usually justifies itself with this thought, “God wants me to use these alternatives.” In my case, God knew how to turn up the dial of discomfort to get me moving in a better direction.

Depending on God never has any bad side effects — short term or long term!

¹I’m allergic to shrimp. Drinking a small glass of wine while eating shrimp is enough to stop me from breaking out in hives. Saying goodbye to wine means saying goodbye to shrimp and my sweet Straw-Buried-Bombers too.

²Aspies are prone to being hyper-sensitive as it is.

Aspectrum

  • Posted on January 20, 2010

Four days have gone by since I accidentally did something stupid that I can now talk about, if I keep it brief and make fun of it. Most people like things brief, but maybe not goofy. Let me begin by not recommending Hydrochloric Acid for cleansing the eyes.

This →Lysol Power Toilet Bowl Cleaner is not this! →Visine

They both clean, but one puts redness in while the other takes it out. Besides redness, the one on the left can do all kinds of fun stuff. It can permanently blind you, cause glaucoma to develop, etc., but what it won’t do is enhance your sleep if you’ve got a hypersensitive nervous system!

Aspies are accident prone as it is, but imagine an Aspie functioning under sleep deprivation. It leads to more accidents, usually the kind that affect one’s ability to sleep, which then lead to more accidents. I think I’m safe if I stay on my chair here in front of my desk.

Since it’s genetically evident that Aspergers is not a form of autism, I propose a different spectrum. Call it the Aspectrum; call those on it Aspectrumites.

An aspect is a particular way in which something can be viewed by the mind. Neurotypicals don’t have aspects like Aspies.

A spectacle is someone noticeably unusual (different). High-functioning Aspectrumites would be those who conform to a neurotypical culture in a way that’s more satisfying to the NT standard. Low-functioning Aspectrumites would be enigmas (e.g., me) who are less influenced by NTs and more non-conforming,¹ so we’d be considered by others as functioning in a less comprehensible manner.

A spectacle is also something that can be seen or viewed, especially something of a remarkable or impressive nature. It’s remarkable to be able to see, especially with both eyes after one of them gets a dosage of a chemical that’s claimed to cause irreversible eye damage. Eye’m still irritated and sore at m’eye self. I speculate that someday soon my mind will spectacularly quit focusing on things related to you know what.

¹For example, in the case of emergencies (and non-emergencies too; e.g., childbirth), I don’t even go there where others can ask me questions. I’m the one who makes the inquiries (under my terms) and the decisions, especially when it comes to the body God has loaned to me for His use. As they say, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” My dad was just like me. So are eccentrics, according to David Weeks. He says, “In Great Britain, where health care is free, the average person goes to the doctor twice a year, while eccentrics will typically go for eight or nine years without seeking medical help.”

P.S. — My son just reminded me of another similar accident. His words were,

Remember when you put Sweet Breath® drops in your eye because you thought it was Visine®?

Sweet Breath Drops

Nor is this for eye enhancement!

Potential Life Altering Accident

  • Posted on January 18, 2010

Late in the afternoon of last Saturday on the 16th, something happened to me physically that was an accident. I’ve been under more than my usual amount of stress and was suffering back into severe insomnia. That combination causes me to be functioning without thinking what I’m doing. All that I’m willing to say about the details of this incident, which I pray to God that the consequences will not be permanent and that the pain will go away, is that it’s related to a very dangerous chemical.

It’s something that would naturally upset anyone’s emotions if it were to happen to them. In my case, a thing like this can create a challenge for me to be able to focus with both eyes open on things. Plus, it can destroy my confidence in what I’m doing, especially in situations where I’m being social with another person (since that’s probably the area of my life I have the least amount of confidence to begin with). I thought it wouldn’t be a problem that could also affect what I do online when writing a post for my blog because of not having to hear a person’s voice, see someone, or correspond if I’m not up to it. I was wrong about that.

Yesterday I impulsively wrote a post thinking that it would help to relieve some of my anxiety that’s been built to a meltdown point.¹ What I learned instead is that it actually added to my tension. That’s why I removed it before I went to bed last night. I figured I could put it back after having some sleep.² I woke up this morning with a new insight from my caring and understanding daughter (who I trust because of her comforting and secure faith in God) lovingly gave to me last night.

I created this blog almost two years ago on the 24th of a January. What has been happening without my realizing it as time has gone by is how wrong it is to believe that using a blog is always a reliable form of therapy. I won’t discriminate blogging in this regard. The same thing can just as well happen with knitting, art, music, exercise, etc. when God loses His rightful place. I recently said to an Aspie friend of mine, “If we seek from others what only God alone can give, that is lust and it works like, ‘I must have this at once, I cannot wait for God’s time, God is too indifferent.’” That statement about lust can be equally true when said, “If we seek from activities what only God alone can give, that is lust and it works like, ‘I must have this at once, I cannot wait for God’s time, God is too indifferent.’”

I am too exhausted now to know what else to say and need time to recover from my injury. A wonderful comfort is knowing Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”  I’m also going back to 1 Corinthians 2:2 and being thankful for God’s never ending perfect love.

¹Meltdowns are a common risk among Asperger individuals that can have a snowball effect if not taken care of properly.

²At this time, I don’t know if I will put the post entitled, “Mean it but not mean…” back in place or not.

Permanently Escaping Obsessive/Compulsive Behavior

  • Posted on December 19, 2009

I recently realized that something I said in my On Sabbatical page is not completely true and, what’s worse, is that it indirectly says God is a liar. It is true that being Obsessive/Compulsive is a challenge and, under a certain condition, it really does not go away. I did correctly state, in God’s eyes, Obsessive/Compulsive behavior is a sin. Unless God reveals this to a person, O/C behavior will be seen only as a disorder. Obsessiveness/Compulsiveness is a disorder and it really does not go away by human effort. No amount of resolve, medication, or creative maneuvers (e.g., my recent idea to put my blog On Sabbatical) can cure it. If I continued to believe what I said about O/C, I could temporarily repress the urge to behave that way only to have the O/C behavior eventually surface in some other area of my life.

O/C behavior is manifested via the brain. Human behavior experts and God agree on that account. Psychology is a soft science and psychologists cannot go beyond what’s visible. Because the boundaries aren’t clearly visible, often times humanistic thinking crosses those grey areas. When that happens, incorrect assumptions are made. One example of that is the incorrect statement about Asperger people lacking empathy, along with neglecting to mention neurotypical people also lack Theory of Mind (when it comes to their lack of ability to read the non-verbal signals Aspies display).

The reason I didn’t see something like O/C behavior beyond the point I now do is because of allowing psychology to be a stumbling block to what God says about the matter. I’m surprised I didn’t even notice what my words said in describing my blog being On Sabbatical were revealing about my heart.¹ I’m also surprised to learn why self-realization (of behaviors, thoughts, feelings, etc.) has to be turned into Christ-realization and that realizing things about one’s self is not quite what God meant by examining self. I had no idea until just recently how impossible of a task it is for anyone to know himself.

That goes to show how right God is when He tells us in Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” God did not intend for mankind to have the ability to make a science out of an area exclusively His domain. Even the apostle Paul had the wisdom to know enough to say in 1 Corinthians 4:3-4, “But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man’s judgment: yea, I judge not mine own self. For I know nothing by myself; yet am I not hereby justified: but he that judgeth me is the Lord.”

The certain condition I was referring to that prevents Obsessive/Compulsive behavior from becoming extinct in those who are weak with this area of their life has to do with the heart; not the brain. The heart is what determines brain activity (and the physical conditions of the human body). [By using the term heart, the physical heart is not what's being meant here.]

By my nurturing a victim mentality for too long (psychology can create that effect whether people admit it or not), I remained buried in the subtle grave of believing I will always have a tendency towards being O/C. Believing you have it prevents believing you had it.

For unbelievers, seeing is believing. For believers, believing is seeing.

I’m not sure how much of what’s said in Proverbs 23:7, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:…,” pertains to this situation. In Barnes’ Commentary, he said it probably means, “as he is all along in his heart, so is he (at last) in act.”

Just because someone may have God’s Holy Spirit and be saved does not mean he can always know what his own heart is causing him to think. That’s why Christians need to trust that the Lord will reveal what is needed to be known. Until something is brought to His light, we will never see what’s left in our darkness. I knew God works in us both to will and to do of His good pleasure. Philippians 2:13 is one of my favorite verses, but I didn’t quite comprehend the meaning of the previous verse that says, “…work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.”

Self-righteousness (which is what every religion outside of Christianity promotes) is humanity’s attempt to work goodness into self as one progresses from infancy into mature adulthood. To work goodness out from self requires Christ’s righteousness and Christ to abide within a person. Either self (flesh; carnal nature) is followed or Christ.

For me to think that God will do for me what He tells me He has equipped me to do, is a revelation most people probably wouldn’t understand how it could take as long as it has for me to comprehend. The only reason for me to believe that I have a tendency towards being O/C, and that I have to keep vigilant over when, where, and what will attract that nasty demon back into my life, would be because of not doing what’s said in Philippians 3:13, “…this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before…”

For me to refuse to forget about what’s behind me (e.g., the variety of O/C behaviors I’ve struggled to overcome), is a subtle excuse to keep that sin alive in my life. As I’ve already said, the reason O/C qualifies as a sin is simply because it is a behavior that goes against God’s will. I just realized over a couple of weeks ago how 2 Corinthians 10:5, “…and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;” connects with all this. O/C behavior cannot exist if every thought is captive to the obedience of Christ.

Last night, when reading page 203 of Oswald Chambers’ book Biblical Psychology, I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 2:16 saying that we [Christians] have the mind of Christ. Christ did not have O/C behavior. When Christ abides within a saved individual, there is no excuse for such behavior to exist. When it exists, it does so only because of refusing to work out the salvation God worked in. In my case, my heart no longer desires to follow after my carnal nature now that God has saved me. If it did, then I would not want to admit I’m excusing my O/C behavior by saying it really cannot go away.²

I can say my recollections of my various O/C behaviors have become a weakness that manifests itself in my life. However, since Paul says of himself in 2 Corinthians 12:10, “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” I too can take pleasure in infirmities.³ My Obsessive/Compulsive memories are an infirmity revealing a weakness of my mind. If I refused to go the one step beyond that confession, I would be manifesting rebellion in my heart towards God.

In very rough terms, God says, “So what? Big deal. So you’re human and you’re discovering that without Me you’ll never be able to escape sin’s grasp. Who can? That’s why you’ve been given My Son as your savior. I’ve given you an instrument (i.e., Jesus) and the necessary talent/skill/ability (i.e., Christ’s righteousness), now pick it up [His righteousness worked in] and practice to perform [work out] harmonious music to My ears!”

It’s time for me to blow the dust off Christ within, take Him off the shelf I’ve left Him on, and start to do what I’ve been foolishly waiting for God to do for me. Those who don’t have Christ, can only play the thief’s tunes. The world will dance to that beat, but there is no reason why Godly people should.

Because I’m glad to know I can, once and for all, be rid of an old victim mentality, I know I’ve become a new creature. I don’t have to be afraid of it coming back to haunt me. Jesus said in Mark 5:36, “…Be not afraid, only believe.” Piecing together all of what God has to say about the matter of behaviors out-of-sync with His will, once again shows how truth works to set us free!

“But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” — 1 Corinthians 15:57

¹In my heart, I was unconsciously keeping an old flame (i.e., lust) burning. Before becoming saved, my heart’s condition prevented me from being cured of the things not in God’s order for living an abundant life.

²The irresponsible victim mentally will not have it go away. It’s human nature to use the word can’t when, in reality, the appropriate words are usually will not.

³2 Corinthians 12:9 points out it is the power of Christ at work in those areas a Christian is weak. God would not remove the thorn in Paul’s flesh (carnal nature) for his own good. The messenger of Satan was to buffet Paul lest he should be exalted above measure and esteem himself more highly than he ought. There is no room for pride in the statement, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” To remain dependent upon Christ’s strength [power] is a humbling experience.

A Blog on Sabbatical?

  • Posted on December 3, 2009

Today I have a special treat for those who may have been trying to view my blog after it became password protected last month. Obviously I’ve removed that feature if you’re reading this, but don’t jump to the conclusion that being On Sabbatical is over already. Sabbaticals usually last anywhere between two months to a year.

Can a blog be on sabbatical? If so, how? Here’s exactly what I’ve written on the webpage I wrote today that I link to my password’s login page (which possibly could be used again if or whenever my blog is on another sabbatical):

On Sabbatical or Sheila Schoonmaker?

I’ve chosen to replace my name with the term On Sabbatical whenever this site of mine may be password protected. When my blog is freely open to the public, it reverts back to its original name.

Inconsistently using password protection, along with no explanation for why a blog would be on sabbatical, probably makes no sense at all. It makes sense to me, because I know what I’m doing and why I’m doing it.

I hope to accomplish two objectives at once by saying why I do such things with my blog. The first one is to ease confusion as much as possible. The second one is to have others get a taste of how difficult I can be to comprehend. My online behavior reminds me of how challenging I must be for those who see me offline. It also reminds me of how much work it is for me to deal with people offline. Just as I wisely need to cautiously gauge my offline social activity, I need to develop a system to monitor my online activity.

Immediately after thinking about what to replace my name with when using password protection, the word sabbatical came to mind. After reading Wikipedia’s description of what a sabbatical is, I knew in my heart that God was guiding me on the right track with my idea. I also knew that it would throw my readers into a state of confusion, especially without any forewarning of its happening. Ideas happen without any foreknowledge of their coming. The more creative a mind is, the more it’s able to grasp this concept.

Even this idea of creating an explanation page for when my blog is On Sabbatical is one I didn’t know would come into existence until December 3rd, 2009. As I’ve said in some posts, my thoughts usually go from complex to simple. In this case, it took a few weeks before the obvious arrived. Maybe if I didn’t have so much on my mind already, it would have been sooner. Oh well, it’s here now.

Being a Christian and an Aspie, I really march to a different drummer. That means I deal with my quirks in ways that other Aspies typically don’t; mostly because of my many years of experiencing what faith has brought me through. In this particular situation concerning my blog, my blog is both a blessing and a curse. It continually proves itself to be a blessing in my life in its original goal of being a therapeutic personal journal, provided that I use it primarily for my own purposes. I want others to be blessed too and password protecting it can put a block upon that happening.

The (O/C) curse packaged into my method of therapy was something I could not have known about until time would reveal it (not much unlike long-term ’side’ effects meds psychiatrists prescribe). I do not like using the humanistic phrase Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder, but since it’s a well-known phenomenon, I’ll use that instead of calling it by its right name sin. The mental health profession calls O/C a disorder. God calls it a sin.¹ Either way, being O/C is a challenge to say the least and it really does not go away. It can go into remission (especially when stress levels decrease) and it can be ‘controlled’ under medication. No one is without his or her predispositions towards certain sins to contend with in life. Because I have tendency towards being O/C, I know that I have to keep vigilant over when, where, and what will attract that nasty demon back into my life.

I have never taken meds for behavior issues and never will. Becoming saved does not mean a Christian doesn’t have to face trials and temptations. God expects His children to work out their salvation that He puts in. If I were to take a pill to curb my O/C behavior that’s connected to my blogging, I probably could continue to keep my blog accessible without a password, but if I did that, it would be another lost opportunity for my faith to grow. Then, when a real crises would come along, my behavior would be no different than an unsaved soul. My loyalty is to God and God’s will is that I be transformed by the renewing of my mind, that I may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. The alternative is to be conformed to this world by thinking and behaving the way that typical humanity does (as opposed to what God says in His word).

Throughout my life I’ve had to overcome a variety of O/C, addictive, and codependent (i.e., sinful) behaviors. Some would last for years and often feel like a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Ironically, whenever I’d go for ‘professional’ help, I’d end up with more problems instead of less to deal with. The last time I received counseling from a mental health professional was in January 2007. I foolishly attempted to seek help from a nearby psychologist after that, but received nothing but a bill for one hour of being told nothing useful. Since the one and only potentially helpful therapist I’ve ever encountered  (a Christian psychologist who didn’t charge me anything for the 2-3 hours of his time we spoke) was too far away from me, his advice to me was to stop trying to find a counselor and instead make a serious attempt at being my own therapist by using a personal journal. The kind he probably had in mind was one like a notebook you’d keep at your bedside or in a desk drawer. It wasn’t until a year later that the idea to have one online as a blog hit me.

In the fall of 2009, I began noticing the severity of O/C behavior creeping into my blogging. After praying for wisdom to know how to begin to deal with this new dilemma, the idea of switching my blog from public view to private view came along. I knew a change like that could mean sacrificing the potential for others to be blessed, but sometimes in life that’s what’s needed in order to achieve success. With certainty, if I don’t take care of myself, others will ultimately suffer the consequences too; even if I kept my blog easily accessible to the public at the cost of my private life falling apart because of becoming O/C with it being open for viewing to all.

How could I have known that turning my blog private would end my O/C behavior stemming from it? I didn’t; nor could I have unless I at least tried it for awhile and observed what the consequences would be. I acted in faith by shutting the way into the blog. I know it’s possible for some to still find a way in regardless of the password page, but that’s irrelevant to the issue I must deal with. The main point is I accomplished a baby step in the right direction. I learned a new and vital piece of information I can probably make use of later.

I don’t know what God’s will is for me in the future; whether or not I even have a blog anymore. I don’t doubt many might like to interpret this situation with their opinions on the matter, but that’s not my business. My business is to live by the Spirit of God; not the flesh.

As said in Wikipedia, “In recent times, ’sabbatical’ has come to mean any extended absence in the career of an individual in order to achieve something.” I’m living to continually achieve higher goals and sometimes it may be necessary for me to take an extended absence from my ‘career’ (i.e., occupation; as in an activity that occupies a person’s attention).

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. – Ecclesiastes 3:1

All for the glory of God,

Sheila Faith Schoonmaker

¹The reason O/C qualifies as a sin is simply because it is a behavior that goes against God’s will. In 2 Corinthians 10:5 of the King James Version of the bible we see, “…and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;” O/C behavior cannot exist if every thought is captive to the obedience of Christ.

Imagination to the Rescue!

  • Posted on November 21, 2009

It was an accident baking to happen…

Yesterday, I ‘accidentally’ left out one cup of flour when following a recipe for chocolate chip cookies. An alteration I normally engage in is to use half as much butter by replacing it with Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil. The end result to that batch of cookies looked something like this:

The second batch of chocolate chip cookies I baked turned out so yummy that there were none left over to photograph!¹ They differed from the above in that enough flour was included and the chips were chunks of chocolate rather than miniature kisses.

After having slept, an idea came to me in the morning on this first day of rifle deer hunting. It was to bake a basic yellow cake (with less sugar) and slice each half in half. The ’super-soft accident’ cookies would make ideal fillings for the layers! The perfect frosting to cover this surprising cake is chocolate cream cheese coffee liquor flavored frosting!² I made sure I grabbed the camera quickly enough to get a shot of the cake before it’s all gone:

In my freezer, there is Rocky Road ice cream. That would compliment this sweet chipper perfectly …marshmallow swirled chocolate ice cream filled with chocolate covered peanuts! Happy Holidays — here we come!

¹Half a dozen males and a couple of females started devouring them; the rest of that batch was left as a gift for the couple who hosted me and my husband for a mushroom soup/cheese quiche dinner.

²The frosting is kept mild on the chocolate flavor by using a minimal amount of cocoa powder, which then gets mixed in with confectioners sugar, whipped cream cheese, some butter and coconut oil that’s moistened with coffee liquor!

Timing and Honesty Count!

  • Posted on November 11, 2009

So much for my plans! I was about to dive into my new project I planned yesterday to improve my blog by redoing my tags. I knew the company hosting my site had not been confessing to me what they’ve been doing over the past few months that was affecting the speed at which my pages would load on my site. My choice was accept it or change to a different host. I was accepting the poor service fairly well¹ until I began working on my tags and got reminded of how frustrating the slowness is.

God said all things work for the good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose and that even includes my ‘mistakes’. I made a mistake which led me (by chance) to chatting with my friend at my hosting company. He confirmed my suspicions about the poor service being the company’s fault. However, he did give me good news. The slow speed issue is temporary and will be resolved by the end of this year.

What I don’t get from all this is why most people today foolishly refuse to be consistently honest and straightforward; plus, have no shame about lacking integrity?!?!

My web hosting company could have lost me as a long-time customer, if I wasn’t as patient as I am. If they would have told me before what my friend there told me this morning, I could respect that and work around the information.

I would have known for sure what was going on sooner or later. For me to find this out after I’ve unnecessarily wasted hours of time because of waiting for hundreds of pages to each load at a slow speed while editing their tags, would be upsetting to say the least! Now that I am no longer left in the dark and confidently know what’s going on, I can plan to resume editing tags next year. Then I will be doing it using time efficiently, since the pages will load a lot faster.

Why do businesses think it’s good for them to keep customers ignorant of what’s going on? It’s really not good when customers already have it figured out anyhow.

There is nothing shameful about saying, “We’ve been acquiring new accounts which consume more bandwidth than we planned for. Please be patient as we work to remedy this issue. It shall be resolved in two months.” Instead, what I got repeatedly told was, “Everything is fine at our end. It must be something with your internet connection.” I take the later as an insult and extremely rude!

Generally speaking, if Aspies ran a business, they wouldn’t play those kind of games with their customers. Aspies are more reliable because they are more straightforward than NTs. That’s a fact.

On the topic of deception, tech businesses aren’t the only ones — government schools employ and reward² these types too.

If you remember the teacher Wendy Portillo, you too may be interested in the video I stumbled across entitled Portillo Lied. It expresses what Alex Barton’s Mom had to say about Wendy’s arrogant, shameful, and totally unprofessional behavior.

¹For me to find out through experience how much better other hosting companies are didn’t seem worth it. This particular one I have is good in many other ways.

²The school district gave Wendy her tenure back. As I see it, the government is telling us, “Do as we say, not as we do.”

My first impression of a GRASP meeting.

  • Posted on October 15, 2009

I had been thinking about going to a GRASP¹ meeting for over a couple of years, but didn’t actually pray about God’s will on the matter until just recently. I was surprised by many things, starting with actually attending. Because of my sensitivity towards excess noise, smells, and artificial lights, New York City alone will give me a headache. Add to that, being with a group of strangers for a couple of hours (especially having to talk with everyone else listening), is definitely outside of my comfort zone.

The last time I was in New York City was between 2-3 decades ago. Yesterday’s trip was my third time for being in that city in my life. Not surprisingly, I was beyond sensory overload by the time the GRASP meeting was over. Besides a headache, the usually outcome for me is that my mind starts to bog down from overload. I don’t appear much different from my normal self on the outside, but inside my head I increasingly feel like I’m shutting down… struggling to keep up with what’s going on around me.

Was it worth it for me to go? Yes. It was an indescribable experience to be among so many of my own kind. I’m still in WOW mode. Needless to say, I hardly slept at all after getting home far past midnight. I cannot stop thinking about what it was like to be with so many whom I could relate with and who could relate with me. I will never look at the neurotypical world again the same way.

I sort of felt that same way the first time I went to a meeting in my local area for adult Aspies in the early part of 2007. I thought that was an amazing experience too, especially since it was new to me. I got used to being around the other Aspie members in our little group that has ranged between 4 to 16 attending per meeting (possibly around 30 have attended at least once). To be in a room with around 40 Aspies² left quite an impression I’ll probably never forget!

It’s not so much the quantity of Aspies in one place, but rather the unique and impressive qualities of each individual that struck me as awesome.

Now I really can see how easy it is for neurotypicals to have their way with Aspies and why most will never want to accept us the way we are. There’s probably a lot more I could say, but not in this post today. It’s just the way that it is for a firm fermentor.

¹GRASP is The Global and Regional Asperger Syndrome Partnership. The meeting I attended last night was located in Manhattan at 339 West 24th Street, New York, NY. There were around 40 Aspies at that meeting. Its main office is located at 666 Broadway, Suite 830, New York, NY 10012.

²Most Aspies don’t seem to come to most meetings, so if every Aspie member showed up the same night, it would probably be quite a big crowd. I can’t speak for GRASP, but I can say the local group I attend has many members that show up only about one-quarter of the time throughout the year. There are only a few who are there for almost every meeting.


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