Today I have a special treat for those who may have been trying to view my blog after it became password protected last month. Obviously I’ve removed that feature if you’re reading this, but don’t jump to the conclusion that being On Sabbatical is over already. Sabbaticals usually last anywhere between two months to a year.
Can a blog be on sabbatical? If so, how? Here’s exactly what I’ve written on the webpage I wrote today that I link to my password’s login page (which possibly could be used again if or whenever my blog is on another sabbatical):
On Sabbatical or Sheila Schoonmaker?
I’ve chosen to replace my name with the term On Sabbatical whenever this site of mine may be password protected. When my blog is freely open to the public, it reverts back to its original name.
Inconsistently using password protection, along with no explanation for why a blog would be on sabbatical, probably makes no sense at all. It makes sense to me, because I know what I’m doing and why I’m doing it.
I hope to accomplish two objectives at once by saying why I do such things with my blog. The first one is to ease confusion as much as possible. The second one is to have others get a taste of how difficult I can be to comprehend. My online behavior reminds me of how challenging I must be for those who see me offline. It also reminds me of how much work it is for me to deal with people offline. Just as I wisely need to cautiously gauge my offline social activity, I need to develop a system to monitor my online activity.
Immediately after thinking about what to replace my name with when using password protection, the word sabbatical came to mind. After reading Wikipedia’s description of what a sabbatical is, I knew in my heart that God was guiding me on the right track with my idea. I also knew that it would throw my readers into a state of confusion, especially without any forewarning of its happening. Ideas happen without any foreknowledge of their coming. The more creative a mind is, the more it’s able to grasp this concept.
Even this idea of creating an explanation page for when my blog is On Sabbatical is one I didn’t know would come into existence until December 3rd, 2009. As I’ve said in some posts, my thoughts usually go from complex to simple. In this case, it took a few weeks before the obvious arrived. Maybe if I didn’t have so much on my mind already, it would have been sooner. Oh well, it’s here now.
Being a Christian and an Aspie, I really march to a different drummer. That means I deal with my quirks in ways that other Aspies typically don’t; mostly because of my many years of experiencing what faith has brought me through. In this particular situation concerning my blog, my blog is both a blessing and a curse. It continually proves itself to be a blessing in my life in its original goal of being a therapeutic personal journal, provided that I use it primarily for my own purposes. I want others to be blessed too and password protecting it can put a block upon that happening.
The (O/C) curse packaged into my method of therapy was something I could not have known about until time would reveal it (not much unlike long-term ’side’ effects meds psychiatrists prescribe). I do not like using the humanistic phrase Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder, but since it’s a well-known phenomenon, I’ll use that instead of calling it by its right name sin. The mental health profession calls O/C a disorder. God calls it a sin.¹ Either way, being O/C is a challenge to say the least and it really does not go away. It can go into remission (especially when stress levels decrease) and it can be ‘controlled’ under medication. No one is without his or her predispositions towards certain sins to contend with in life. Because I have tendency towards being O/C, I know that I have to keep vigilant over when, where, and what will attract that nasty demon back into my life.
I have never taken meds for behavior issues and never will. Becoming saved does not mean a Christian doesn’t have to face trials and temptations. God expects His children to work out their salvation that He puts in. If I were to take a pill to curb my O/C behavior that’s connected to my blogging, I probably could continue to keep my blog accessible without a password, but if I did that, it would be another lost opportunity for my faith to grow. Then, when a real crises would come along, my behavior would be no different than an unsaved soul. My loyalty is to God and God’s will is that I be transformed by the renewing of my mind, that I may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. The alternative is to be conformed to this world by thinking and behaving the way that typical humanity does (as opposed to what God says in His word).
Throughout my life I’ve had to overcome a variety of O/C, addictive, and codependent (i.e., sinful) behaviors. Some would last for years and often feel like a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Ironically, whenever I’d go for ‘professional’ help, I’d end up with more problems instead of less to deal with. The last time I received counseling from a mental health professional was in January 2007. I foolishly attempted to seek help from a nearby psychologist after that, but received nothing but a bill for one hour of being told nothing useful. Since the one and only potentially helpful therapist I’ve ever encountered (a Christian psychologist who didn’t charge me anything for the 2-3 hours of his time we spoke) was too far away from me, his advice to me was to stop trying to find a counselor and instead make a serious attempt at being my own therapist by using a personal journal. The kind he probably had in mind was one like a notebook you’d keep at your bedside or in a desk drawer. It wasn’t until a year later that the idea to have one online as a blog hit me.
In the fall of 2009, I began noticing the severity of O/C behavior creeping into my blogging. After praying for wisdom to know how to begin to deal with this new dilemma, the idea of switching my blog from public view to private view came along. I knew a change like that could mean sacrificing the potential for others to be blessed, but sometimes in life that’s what’s needed in order to achieve success. With certainty, if I don’t take care of myself, others will ultimately suffer the consequences too; even if I kept my blog easily accessible to the public at the cost of my private life falling apart because of becoming O/C with it being open for viewing to all.
How could I have known that turning my blog private would end my O/C behavior stemming from it? I didn’t; nor could I have unless I at least tried it for awhile and observed what the consequences would be. I acted in faith by shutting the way into the blog. I know it’s possible for some to still find a way in regardless of the password page, but that’s irrelevant to the issue I must deal with. The main point is I accomplished a baby step in the right direction. I learned a new and vital piece of information I can probably make use of later.
I don’t know what God’s will is for me in the future; whether or not I even have a blog anymore. I don’t doubt many might like to interpret this situation with their opinions on the matter, but that’s not my business. My business is to live by the Spirit of God; not the flesh.
As said in Wikipedia, “In recent times, ’sabbatical’ has come to mean any extended absence in the career of an individual in order to achieve something.” I’m living to continually achieve higher goals and sometimes it may be necessary for me to take an extended absence from my ‘career’ (i.e., occupation; as in an activity that occupies a person’s attention).
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. – Ecclesiastes 3:1
All for the glory of God,
Sheila Faith Schoonmaker
¹The reason O/C qualifies as a sin is simply because it is a behavior that goes against God’s will. In 2 Corinthians 10:5 of the King James Version of the bible we see, “…and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;” O/C behavior cannot exist if every thought is captive to the obedience of Christ.
