Before I begin with anything else, I know there are some people who might think my blog posts are on this page. It’s for them that I place this link to my posts and I’d also like to let those people know I’m glad that they are learning new things! It is my hope and desire that my sacrifices I’ve made in order to use my blog as an extension of my personality will enable others to understand a perspective of Asperger’s syndrome that they might otherwise not be aware of. I have no complaints about God designing me to be an Aspie. I trust Him; it’s humanism I’m skeptical about.
I realize I am extremely skeptical about humanistic counselors. Throughout my blog, there are strong cautions I express over the mental health profession and many of them tend to come across negative. I know it is difficult for most readers to understand why this is. I will try to explain. I have no clue as to how helpful it will be, but that’s why I must at least try.
Throughout most of my life, I was brainwashed into believing I was unattractive, permanently gullible, and not too smart → all that on top of being convinced I was to blame for everything that didn’t ‘work’ in my life. I had no inkling about how Asperger’s syndrome was affecting my life. No one did.
This mystery I was born to solve on my own led me through a journey unlike what most people could possibly begin to comprehend. The worst thing about Asperger’s syndrome is that people can choose to ignore its existence because it’s not something visible to the typical person. This leaves the door wide open for others to criticize and make fun of an AS class of thinker endlessly when s/he is unaware of AS’s existence. It’s not too bad for the those in the AS class who are blessed with growing up in a loving family environment where they can feel safe and accepted for who they are. It’s hell on earth for us Aspies who must endure being raised without any emotional safety havens that people who are accepting and loving can provide.
People are not so quick these days to take advantage of, criticize, and/or make fun of someone obviously different physically (e.g., wheelchair bound, blind, deaf, burn victim, etc.). Since AS is so invisible to most people and difficult to prove to those who love to remain ignorant and skeptical (or those who don’t have the mental capacity to comprehend something as complex as AS), AS remains as the last frontier to overcome in regards to bigotry and bias.
This is why when I began to seek help and counsel in my life as a young adult because of always knowing something was askew about the way my life was going, I was a fantastic magnet for trouble. Male therapists could quickly surmise my vulnerabilities and then proceed with their attempts at taking advantage of me sexually. They felt safe because I had little to no concept about what was going on. They probably believed that no one would believe me if I was to tell them my story because I did not appear to be retarded. According to others, “I asked for it.” It didn’t help matters that it was obvious no one in my life could understand my odd behavior and thinking; plus, no one would come to my aid and protection if and/or when trouble would brew. My parents did sometimes ’show up’, but they always sided with ‘authorities’ because pleasing them was more important than trying to understand and/or help me. I was an embarrassment to them and they let me know it throughout every aspect of my life . . . even college graduation because I had no impressive career¹ for them to brag about (they ignored my good grades).
Even though female mental health workers were no sexual threat, they did tend to have their own form of control power affecting their egos. The problem was they were unaware of their ignorance. They believed they knew the answers and that’s what made them to be so dangerous.
In my growing up years, most people added to my problems rather than helping me to solve them. The list was endless: teachers, doctors, law enforcement, psychiatrists, attorneys, relatives, psychologists, peers, employers, pastors, social service workers, etc. I felt like I was always battling the world by myself. I kept believing I just needed to be ‘nicer’ and then I’d find someone who could and would help me. I went to counselors like an addict . . . forever searching for someone who could give me answers. The only ones I finally ended up trusting were my pets, and then finally God. They were my anchors. Animals didn’t care how unattractive I felt, nor did they care how intelligent I wasn’t aware of being. I could be happy or sad and still be loved by my pets and by my Heavenly Father.
Gone are my days of suffering and it’s NOT because I’ve been ‘cured’ of Asperger’s. I’ve been ‘cured’ of ignorance! Now I’m a very strong Aspergian woman, full of passion to be an advocate for all the other ‘little’ young Aspies out there. I’m armed and dangerous (only to the ‘curebies’) . . . loaded with more knowledge and experience than anyone could even begin to imagine! I went from having no confidence for almost half a century to the other end of the scale, without losing sight of where I still have more to learn. I know what I know and I know what I don’t know. That’s much more than what most people can honestly say.
I went from being a suicidally depressed individual who was a walking doormat to being a content concrete wall that others can no longer manipulate. I give God ALL the glory, because He is the only one who guided me through the valley of the shadow of death. I no longer fear evil. I know goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. God has used books and people for sign posts on the forks of my life’s path, but He didn’t bless me in order for me to bury the treasures I’ve been gifted with.
Me and My Blog are for those who love wisdom and want enrichment in their lives. I can’t think of anything better in this world than those two things. Love is the greatest gift of all, but without love — wisdom and enrichment are nothing.
¹I never ‘passed’ those interviews.
