Aspies by nature say what they mean and mean what they say, but they don’t mean to be mean. The deaf culture is the same as the Aspie culture in that those in either culture don’t think like neurotypicals do.
For example, when my daughter had a deaf friend over for a visit, her friend said something a neurotypical visitor wouldn’t typically say. After this friend made use of my daughter’s bathroom, she came out with the words, “Your bathroom floor is ugly. You should get it fixed.”¹ If my daughter was raised by a NT mom, she probably would have been offended. As it is, she and her mother-in-law² both find going to a deaf sign language group as being the best type of group to be around. They find deaf people, and Aspies, to be refreshingly enjoyable to socialize with because it’s unlike being around any NT groups which meet regularly.
More people than not are offended by those who are a challenge to understand. It’s actually the theatrical roles of socializing that are strange. When I first pointed out my observations of when my daughter took on a different persona while socializing at parties, she didn’t even realize she was doing it. After some explaining on my part and her having time to think about it, she realized how true it really was. She recently explained to me how that knowledge is now empowering her, but it’s hard to know if that would be so if she hadn’t become saved to be used by God for His purposes.
There is nothing mean about saying (in a neutral tone of voice) to someone, “I don’t trust you until I can see concrete evidence backing up what you tell me.” NTs may be able to wear the I give people the benefit of doubt mask because they’re less prone to being socially gullible than Aspies are. Imagine an young innocent child socializing among a mixed crowd of trustworthy and untrustworthy adults. Children need to be protected until they’ve mature enough to sense when someone is playing around with them.
Aspies can’t wear protective masks. They’re either going to have to live to please NTs and take the risk of being abused and/or taken advantage of OR forget about whether or not a NT is offended and instead protect themselves by being cautious via being straightforward when socializing.
I don’t care whether or not someone gives me the benefit of doubt. They have my consent to think whatever they want about me. That I can respect. What’s a mess is that certain social policies have become the established rules for what’s acceptable behavior. Those who don’t live up to such standards are outcasts.
Why will it never be socially acceptable for someone to express his or her thoughts as honestly has he or she can? Honesty seems to have become old-fashioned. Is it because people are now too easily offended by it? The contemporary style now is to not say what you mean and to not mean what you say. That’s why I hold the theory that Asperger people didn’t stand out in history like they do now.
¹My daughter is a multi-culture interpreter. She has both sign language skills for communicating with the deaf world and she has skills for helping me to interpret how neurotypicals think. I told her I thought it would be great if her and I worked together on a script for a comedy movie. It would be similar to the film Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Instead of Kazakhstan, it would be Aspergakhstan. Instead of NTs making movies having Aspies look like they’re socially inept, it would show NTs looking socially inept for a change.
²I haven’t experienced going to a sign language group. However, I am tempted. An Aspie friend of mine goes to this same local deaf group and he loves it too, but that’s mostly because my daughter has influenced the others in the group to accept this guy’s different way of being as something that’s attractive. She has a charismatic personality that enables her to play the social NT scene with finesse, so usually when she likes someone others do too.
