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Totally Uncaring

  • Posted on September 17, 2009

You know things have gone wrong when advocates have no concern for the very people they act like they care about. This post shall specifically refer to some particular Asperger/Autism advocates.

I’ve already mentioned a couple of mega autism organizations that only a relatively few people know how corrupt they are.

Today, I’m going to tell about how I’ve been treated by a couple of more Asperger advocates. These characters are involved with running a school specifically for Asperger students. Based on my dealings at this point with them, I wouldn’t include them in the corrupt category. But, their disrespect and lack of caring should be exposed.

Hopefully, parents of young Aspie children will make wiser decisions about schooling by having a better awareness of what today’s society has come to. If you love your child, you will do all you can to choose homeschooling if at all possible.

Last April, I volunteered to construct a website (free of charge) for an Aspie school. It was known by them that I am an Asperger individual. I was given the impression that my web designing service would be greatly appreciated.

By the middle of May, the site was primarily finished. All that was needed was to transfer the files to the school’s domain and make some minor changes. I was told, “It looks great!”¹

Now it’s the middle of September and the files have been deleted. Why? Because I got tired of being ignored and getting ‘toyed with’ whenever I’d inquire about the hold up. I was never given the password required to transfer the files to their hosting company. If I had it, I would have gladly let them take over the site I made for them.

It’s not news to know we’re living in a time when you can’t believe what people tell you, but come on… neurotypicals acting as advocates for Aspies and stooping to such thoughtless treatment? People like that make more work for those who do care.

The worst part of all this is that it’s the Aspies who are labeled as having a disorder! What’s the disorder?…that we’re honest and don’t naturally play the games others do?

With all that I’ve been through in my life, idle words stand out like a sore thumb — but since I was looking for a new project to sink my teeth into for developing my skills higher, I decided to ignore my pride and enjoy what I could learn. What upsets me is remembering my childhood dealings with people and then thinking about what Aspie children now have to deal with! God help them, because they’re going to need it with the way society has become!

¹This particular individual overheard me telling someone else about how wrongly I was treated by another group of advocates over the past 1-2 years. This was on the same day the discussion to do their web site occurred. Coincidence? If that’s the case, what difference did that make? No difference = indifferent.

Postscript added later the same day — Little did I realize when I wrote this post I’d be inspired to write about NBC’s New ‘Community’ shortly afterward.

Postscript added on 3.5.10 — What I’ve said here in the above post are typical examples of what has amounted to being Too Many Wet Blankets.

The Aftershock

  • Posted on June 12, 2009

Will it be as Omori said in 1894, that the aftershock frequency decreases by roughly the reciprocal of time after the main shock?

I attended an unconventional convention last night and survived! Actually it consisted of about a dozen people, myself included. Maybe to NTs that might not be anything earth quaking, but to me, after how my core has been shook in the past, it’s stressful to say the least.

It was the first time in my life when I knew that there would be some who really wanted to hear what I might have to say. I can’t even describe how weird that is to me. I see now that I’ll never be rid of the feeling like I’m entering into a trap, even after walking out.¹ That’s the permanent consequence of what happens when you’ve been tricked by malicious people too many times. Of course they (those from my past) didn’t think ahead or care about the rippling effect that would last decades into the future and possibly offend others besides the Aspie used for making an entertaining fool. I can sincerely like some people who are probably genuinely benign, but I can never trust anyone… never.

While driving into the city where I was to talk with students and their professor about what it’s like being an adult Aspie, I foolishly ignored my intuition. There is nothing like getting a good dose of stress before a stressful event. My senses were being bombarded with increasing danger signals from all around my vehicle. I was heading straightforward into the guts of a city that’s infamous for its level of crime, at dusk on a rainy evening no less! The looks I received gave me the creeps! If I had not been going to a college campus, you can be sure I wouldn’t have been where I was without my Browning handgun fully loaded.

I arrived 45 minutes early. To others, that might seem a bit extreme. To me, it’s good to have that much time for readjusting myself to my new surroundings. I liked that I could settle down in a quiet, and fairly vacant, space indoors. I did appear lost inside, but how’s that to be avoided when you’re just curious to check out what’s where?

It’s funny how every college I’ve been in has the same smell. What’s even more weird is that High schools have their own odor, which is even different from Elementary schools.

My boat didn’t get rocked until I entered into the classroom. Immediately my brain was taxed by the hideously bright florescent lighting! If that wasn’t enough to stimulate my nervous system, the room’s silence that shortly followed the kind introduction was unnerving. It was good my daughter had prepared a last minute paper for students to read to help them possibly stir up some questions so the ball could roll in spite of her not being there to lead the conversation.

I only had time to read it once without distractions.

I told the professor that I thought the way she wrote about what it was like to have me as her mom sounded like a sales pitch. It was nice of her to say what she did, but it sure had me feeling awkward when reading it.

Others were impressed with her writing skills and story. I bet it wasn’t like anything else they’ve ever read before — certainly not like any textbook, that’s for sure! If it wasn’t for the instructor’s exceptionally calm demeanor,² my brain might have started freezing up instead of just being slush. Compared to how well others could talk when asking me their questions, I know I sounded like no one else they’ve ever heard speak before. I could see it in their faces.

I also noticed a huge difference in attitudes from the signals each person was emitting my way. I must have become more sensitive than ever to the vibes that people can give off. I knew beforehand not to expect everyone to be alike. It reminded me of when I attended conferences about Aspergers where there were teachers who talked down to me as if I was dog crap³ and looked at me as if they wished they could permanently rid the planet of those like me. It’s not even necessary for me to see facial expressions to get the sense of when someone perceives me with disgust because of her (or his) arrogant attitude. It can even display itself in the way that someone puts down a paper she reads or the way one sits in a chair.

It takes an incredible amount of concentration to ignore bad signals and focus on the good ones. No wonder NTs are better at multitasking skills like socializing among a crowd of people. They’re not as aware of each individual all at the same time and can switch tracks rapidly… like a flat stone bouncing as it skims the surface of water. If I allow myself to get too distracted by one individual, I sink like a boulder deep into the dark depths of oblivion.

So, how well did I manage to speak about what life is like as an adult Aspie? I have no clue. I was told I did well, but to me, no matter how well I do something, it will always feel grossly insufficient. I only hope and pray that I was helpful somehow and that constructive use will be made of whatever may have been insightful. I also hope that those who respect Aspies for who we are know that I (and others like me) appreciate you guys more than you could ever know!

¹Whenever I am wanted for whatever the reasons might be, I’m skeptical and will always wonder why.

²I’m not sure if he’d mind my mentioning his name.

³No, no one did that last night.

Unconventional Convention

  • Posted on June 11, 2009

Ever since the Autism Walk & Expo of the Hudson Valley on April the 26th of this year, I’ve known that an opportunity has finally come for when I can speak to others about Aspergers.

My grown-up NT daughter and I were invited to share our stories about what it’s like to be a NT daughter raised by an Aspie mom and what it’s like for an Aspie mom to raise a NT daughter (plus, an Aspie son).

With her being the type of person who works well under pressure, I left her to pursue concentrating on what she was to say at the last minute. My way is to prepare as soon as I know I have something planned, but without my knowing beforehand what she feels is important to cover, I became stuck as far as preparations go.

Now the date has arrived. Tonight is the time. The place is a classroom of students going for a PhD in Special Education. The plan was that my NT daughter would do the talking up front and I’d ‘fill-in’ the gaps while seated among the students.

As we all know, plans can change at the last minute. My daughter will be unable to attend. That leaves me to wing it on my own without her.

‘Normal’ people prepare by gathering their thoughts, writing them, and practice what they plan to say over and over again. That’s fine for them, but I know that won’t work for me. For starters, without feedback, I continually change my mind about what to say (especially since I know listeners don’t want to spend the night listening to me go on and on).

I can remember when I was a student in college classrooms. I could do quite a bit of hefty talking once the instructor would hit upon an area that opened me up, but I had to do it from my seat and couldn’t look at anyone else while talking. To look at more than one person and realize there are many around who are listening, immediately distracts my train of thought. I pick up on all the different ‘vibes’ people give off and then start to feel torn in different directions.

I doubt many can comprehend what it’s like to grow up feeling like no one really cares about what you’ve got to say, but then a day suddenly comes when people might actually want to listen to your words. It’s confusing to say the least.

It doesn’t help either when being told people will be skeptical about why I want to speak, especially without charging any money. What’s so hard to understand about wanting to improve the lives of other Aspies who may have to follow the same path I’m on? Is it because I lack the what’s in it for me factor? Is it because some NTs project themselves into my place — secretively thinking that I’m a freak and they’d never go public for others to laugh at behind their back (if they were me)?

Maybe you can get the idea how much there is for me to wonder about as I come to the conclusion that God (again) has the answers for everything (as always). He says in Matthew 10:19,

But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak.

Ecclesiastes 3:7 says there is,

…a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

Whatever God is willing, if it’s my time to speak tonight, then He will give me the words. If it’s not, then mute is what I shall be.

It’s Time to Wake Up Now

  • Posted on June 5, 2009

This particular post is continuation of a footnote I’ve added to my post The Lives of Oil and Water I wrote on June the 2nd:

I learned something important in regard to aids given for Aspie children in mainstream schools. These aids are actually destructive to the well being of Aspie children. When I think of someone being an aid, I think of that person as being my helper.

I would not call a cult leader an aid. I know it sounds harsh and extreme to say that it’s possible for the NT culture to be one gigantic cult,¹ but in reality that’s what it actually can be (or already is?). Only people who are in a cult believe they are not in a cult. Only the ‘outsiders’ can see objectively. Children are vulnerable to being brainwashed. The aids that are assigned to school children are there to ‘train’ up the child in the way to go. They are NOT there to explain why people behave as they do.

These aids are NOT there to encourage thinking. They have no idea that they’re actually causing confusion to Aspie students. The Aspie students are going to be blind to what’s going on because they’re vulnerable due to wanting to fit in with the world.

The long-term effect of being someone you’re not is self-destructive, because what’s being practiced is ‘double mindedness’. When it’s your own mind that’s divided against itself, it’s weakened. The end result is an Aspie who will one day face the end of when he can continue with the charade.

Integrity is wholeness. Wholeness is a sound mind. When the mind is healthy, the body will then also be. Maybe I need to continue with this explanation in another post? At least the warning has been sounded here.

I’ve mentioned previously that my grown-up NT daughter was once an aid in a special school that contained autistics. She also has friends who are in this profession. That’s how I have come to know what these aids do and don’t do. Because my daughter knows me and loves me, she knows how important it is for me to know the truth.

She is fully aware of how much I’m a thinker. She has lived the negative consequences from the effects that brainwashing by NTs once had on me. I suffered NOT from Aspergers, but rather from confusion and a horrible self-esteem inflicted upon me by those in my past who foolishly thought they were helping me. Because of God creating me to be such a critical thinker (always analyzing everything), she escaped with a clear mind that thinks sharp as a tack and her self-esteem couldn’t be better.

She experiences the healthy ‘after’ effects that learning the truth has on me (and vice versa). That’s what motivates us to be honest with each other. She teaches me and I teach her. That’s the way it should be between NTs and Aspies.

P.S. — The only ultimate source of truth left in this world anymore comes from God; revealed in His word through the bible. That’s just the way it is, whether someone likes it or not. Even the devil knows that and that’s why he creates mass confusion about what Christianity is.

¹Cult |kəlt| noun — a system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object : the cult of St. Olaf.

• a relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister : a network of Satan-worshiping cults.
• a misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing : a cult of personality surrounding the leaders.
• [usu. as adj. ] a person or thing that is popular or fashionable, esp. among a particular section of society : a cult film.

ORIGIN early 17th cent. (originally denoting homage paid to a divinity): from French culte or Latin cultus ‘worship,’ from cult- ‘inhabited, cultivated, worshiped,’ from the verb colere.

• a system of religious beliefs and rituals
• adherents of an exclusive system of religious beliefs and practices
• an interest followed with exaggerated zeal

Given the above definition of what a cult is, it’s not too far fetched for Aspies to refer to the NT society as being a cult. To Aspie adults, the way that NTs think and function is regarded as strange and sinister.

Confusing vulnerable and influential individuals to brainwash them is what cults do. Brainwashing is not allowing a person to keep his own way of thinking.

The Lives of Oil and Water

  • Posted on June 2, 2009

Expecting Aspies to conform to the social rules developed by neurotypicals works as well as expecting water to blend with oil. You can put both into the same container, but that’s about it.

To think that any school containing both neurotypical and Aspie students will be successful at blending the two together is delusional. I know that some will disagree with me, but I also know why. Unfortunately, it is not possible for me to explain in such a way that those people could comprehend this, so I’ll just have to stick with what might sink in with the ones who may agree.

When I went to school, I had no one to assist me with what was going on socially. Now there are aids, but I don’t know how helpful they could be with the most influential experiences.¹ I mentioned (about 3/4ths of the way down) in my Going Places with Aspergers post a couple of personal ones from my younger years that were awful enough for me to never forget.

Throughout most of my life, I could not comprehend why and/or how people like J.H. and her conspirators could be so malicious. Now I know. If only I could have known back then, it would have helped me cope BUT it would never cure students from bullying disorder. I also know that no therapist or aid would or could ever tell me what just might be the most important information that Aspie children (and adults) need to know when living in an environment that contains neurotypicals. They still won’t and I understand why. If it wasn’t for Aspies and the few rare NT individuals caring enough to be honest, I’d still be locked behind the prison bars of ignorance.

When I could see the same fate coming for my Aspie son when he was in elementary school (he also saw it developing), we both decided home schooling was the only option. Ignorant neighbors would try to shame me by saying I would destroy my son’s chances of learning how to socialize. They had no words of wisdom when I’d ask them why it was that I never learned how to socialize and I had not only graduated from a public high school, but also spent many years in public colleges.

Here’s a question no one seems to be thinking about:

Where will the aids be once students are done with school? Do Aspies arrive at a stage in life when they can finally blend in with the rest of society?

Not if they’re really an Aspie who wants to enjoy life on the same terms that NTs do. NTs are not the ones being labeled as having a disorder or disease. If I sound a bit annoyed, it’s because I am and rightfully so.

Yesterday, while enjoying a long walk in nature with an Aspie friend, I was hit with some more bricks about NT behavior. I got the sense that my friend did not ever have someone he could enjoy activities with and still be himself, so I asked him if that was so and did he know why. His explanation was one that shocked me. He said that as soon as someone would get a sense of his vulnerability, that would be the end of their getting together. I still don’t quite understand what he meant by that, but I did comprehend the things he told me afterward.

While we were walking, he explained to me that people typically don’t connect all the dots when it comes to thinking. He said that when he talks with me, we get into deep discussions. It’s slowly becoming evident to me that most people don’t like to think enough. It makes sense that these individuals will say something so stupid as, “You think too much.” That’s as ridiculous as saying, “You have too much empathy.” What’s next?, “You’re too alive?”

If someone doesn’t want to think deeply, that’s his or her choice… but to tell me how much I should think?… I don’t think so!

Another thing my friend told me yesterday was that he is not used to being around someone who can enjoy his company without needing him to be someone he is not (i.e., no role playing necessary or wanted).

He told me that people are put off by those who make the time to talk with you, if and/or when you’re busy doing something else.² That made no sense to me at all. I’m still not sure if he was hinting that he is put off by me, especially since I was busy washing windows when he called to ask me if I’d go on a walk with him. Since I figured there is no risk that the windows might die tomorrow, but you never know when someone might be gone from this world, I was happy to impulsively meet him for a walk.

I told him that if someone made the time to talk with me, if and/or when she was busy, I would be honored! People who turn me off are those who think they need to act busy; hoping to impress others that they have a life. Meanwhile, these self-centered fools don’t even realize how immature their behavior makes them look to someone like me. In my opinion, society has taken this to the extreme and this is why people no longer know how to live rationally. It makes sense that Aspies have a better chance at sanity due to living in ‘logic’ world.

Happiness is knowing what to expect and what can be changed. I can’t change the “Get a Life” syndrome that mostly everyone has become disillusioned by. Now that I know others expect me to impress them as having a life in the same way that they play the game, it’s my turn to sit back, laugh, and say, “dream on.” If I don’t have time in the spir of a moment for real friends, I’ll make the time as soon as I can. As for the rest in society, I’ve wasted too much of my valuable life upon those too blind to appreciate it.

¹Three days later, after first publishing this post, I learned something important in regard to aids given for Aspie children in mainstream schools. These aids are actually destructive to the well being of Aspie children. When I think of someone being an aid, I think of that person as being my helper.

I would not call a cult leader an aid. I know it sounds harsh and extreme to say that it’s possible for the NT culture to be one gigantic cult, but in reality that’s what it actually can be (or already is?). Only people who are in a cult believe they are not in a cult. Only the ‘outsiders’ can see objectively. Children are vulnerable to being brainwashed. The aids that are assigned to school children are there to ‘train’ up the child in the way to go. They are NOT there to explain why people behave as they do.

These aids are NOT there to encourage thinking. They have no idea that they’re actually causing confusion to Aspie students. The Aspie students are going to be blind to what’s going on because they’re vulnerable due to wanting to fit in with the world.

The long-term effect of being someone you’re not is self-destructive, because what’s being practiced is ‘double mindedness’. When it’s your own mind that’s divided against itself, it’s weakened. The end result is an Aspie who will one day face the end of when he can continue with the charade.

Integrity is wholeness. Wholeness is a sound mind. When the mind is healthy, the body will then also be. Maybe I need to continue with this explanation in another post? At least the warning has been sounded here.

²My NT daughter agreed that people are turned off by those who will be flexible and accommodating. She said it gives the impression that you’re a ‘needy’ person. Wow, the things that guilt produces… being self-centered is more popular than being thoughtful!

[Edit added to 2nd footnote on 6.27.9: When reading Oswald Chamber's My Utmost for His Highest on June 25th, I was hit with the real truth as to why it becomes progressively more popular to appear too busy even when you can make time to be with someone. It also explains why neurotypicals (generally speaking) are contemptuous towards Aspies.

When comparing the amount of sorrow Aspies must endure socially with the amount that NTs experience in their lives, an Aspie who has received himself in the fires of sorrow will make time for you. Since most NTs do not know what this kind of sorrow is, they are apt to be contemptuous and have not time for others. When the majority of people behave this same way, it becomes popularly acceptable behavior.]

Mainstreaming

  • Posted on May 30, 2008

It’s amazing how almost all people, who mainstream their children, think they know what’s best for ALL children. I hear comments like, “My child did well in public school and she survived even though she had a learning disability,” but yet saying it without realizing the differences which exist in regard to learning disabilities.

I was recently told about a girl who struggled with learning to read and write. Her father was trying to use his daughter as an example to show that Asperger children do better if they are mainstreamed with their education and that homeschooling can’t equip them for the world as well as being in a large school system. He mistakenly thinks Asperger’s syndrome is merely a learning disability that mainstream schools can accommodate. I wish I was quick enough to plug in the question, “Since when do scholarly studies have anything to do with socializing issues?”

Another thing that’s warped is the term learning disabled. It’s a classic “it depends” case. Using the logic most people do in regards to this term, I could say my bright neurotypical daughter is learning disabled if I taught her the same way I taught my neuro-A-typical son. When it comes to educating neurologically different children, they cannot learn in the same environment using the same methods!

Putting autism spectrum children into a special needs classroom is NOT enough and may even be more harmful than good, because they already have a strong awareness of being unacceptable due to being socially and cognitively different. Special needs classrooms are still in the mainstream environment. Those classrooms will not only never be built differently enough, they can never become customized for each Aspie student’s needs. Most Aspies don’t learn best by such traditional methods as using a teacher talking, writing notes on the board, and having all her students staying seated to focus on her.

Most people really believe that if a child with Aspergers is homeschooled, or attends a school specifically structured for those on the autism spectrum, that s/he will be at a disadvantage because they think s/he will become spoiled. Okay then, how about if I throw some tropical fish into a tank that goldfish thrive fine in? Is having a special aquarium set up for tropical fish “spoiling” them if there are many more goldfish than tropical fish?

Only those who have raised their children in an unconventional way have the ability to speak knowledgeably on the topic of whether or not mainstreaming is good for a child.

There are Aspie students who ’survive’ mainstreaming (I’m one of them), BUT they would have received a superior education if they were not mainstreamed AND without such risks as constantly being bullied, receiving permanent bad behavior records, and (even worse) struggling with suicidal tendencies! Just like children have different dietary needs for optimum health, they also have different social and cognitive needs for mental health. Feed a food to a child that he’s allergic to and he will have a reaction. Force a child into the wrong schooling environment and expect trouble.

It’s too bad that there is no way to prove that providing for an individual child’s needs, even if it means not mainstreaming, results in an adult with greater assets to give back to society. Oops… oh yea, there is. But the problem is most people don’t want to hear it. There are more and more homeschool graduates setting that record straight.

If only non-homeschoolers attended events organized homeschoolers do, such as having a theme park day specifically reserved to only allow homeschooling families to attend. You’d think you left earth and were on another planet, because of the massive amount of polite and intelligent behavior displayed by so many children of all ages in a concentrated area.

Don’t be so quick to blame children and/or their parents when it comes to disruptions in mainstreamer’s routines. Most likely, the problem is IGNORANT people in society who have too much influence over the way other people will think!

Just like an Asperger child can be a disruption to a classroom filled with neurotypical children, it’s equally so that a neurotypical child can be a disruption to a classroom filled with Aspie children! In fact, NT kids behave a lot worse (generally speaking). Can you remember when you’ve last heard about a gang of Asperger children gathering to bully and/or beat up a NT child?

Climb Higher

  • Posted on May 29, 2008

Now that I’ve spoke with the associate editor Anthony Westbury from TCPalm on the phone today (after I wrote my last post) about the way he wrote his May 29th article, I have a better understanding of where he is coming from as to why he chose the words ‘witch hunt.’ He doesn’t apologize for using those words, but thankfully he does realize that America has some seriously major problems with its public school system.

Here’s the bad news:

Mr. Westbury is not aware of the hatred which exists towards those of us on the autism spectrum. He said he has not heard anything about it. His exposure to such comments (not to be confused with the responses) as what lastcrazyhorn lists in her post The Golden Rule is just about null.

I have come across many hateful comments towards people on the autism spectrum, but I didn’t save them since they were too upsetting. Besides the hateful ones, many others were loaded with ignorance, lacked compassion, and contained a lot of judging. One site I happened to recall has 181 comments at my last check. That one (Digg.com) has a mixture of positive and negative remarks, but enough is there (if one wants to take the time to look) for people to see how diverse perceptions are on this matter of Aspergers.

Back to Westbury and what seems to be the biggest problem . . .

Mr. Westbury suspects that Wendy Portillo probably had no alternative way of getting Alex Barton out of the classroom than to do what she did. It’s beginning to sound like Alex has been treated like a hot potato no one wants. It’s as if it’s the, “You take him! No, you take him! Okay, I’ve had him . . . now you take him!” syndrome.

This ladder I’m referring to is bureaucracy. We’re now reaping what’s been sown. Society has progressively been building a bigger government with more agencies and employees way beyond what’s needed! It’s like a computer overloaded with programs running in the background without enough RAM to handle the mess, on top of each program writing code which wants to take priority — you keep doing that to a computer and you end up with your system freezing up because of overload.

Folks . . . we’ve already got OVERLOAD, so I pray to God people realize that the answer is NOT to create more laws and/or hire more employees to ‘enforce(?)’ them. Laws don’t work when there is no accountability. Government schools are not accountable when they get to hide what they want and reveal only what they’d like.

I told Mr. Westbury that if Mrs. Portillo gets to keep her teaching certificate, it would make problems worse. Allowing Wendy to continue working with children gives the message that people can do what they want when they work for the government. Too many government employees already believe they are above the law. On top of that, what’s worse is that children would grow up more cruel than how they already are doing!

I also expressed my opinion by saying that people who choose to work for the government must expect they will be placed into situations where their integrity will be tested. Because people place more importance on having a ‘good’ job that’s ’secure’ than they do on living responsibly towards ALL children, there are going to be children who will get sacrificed on the alter to burn at the stake.

It seems to me that the witch hunt already occured. It was when Wendy Portillo brought Alex Barton to the front of the class and encouraged his classmates to throw fuel into the fire Wendy kindled.

Maybe the change that’s needed is to shift from contacting people in government office to let them know what voters want, and instead place more attention on contacting those who influence public opinion the most (people who work in the news media).

Start with contacting people like Anthony Westbury to educate him on how much intolerance exists towards those on the autism spectrum. I’m not sure he was paying much attention to such things as my telling him that autistics are usually not allowed to voice their opinion on national television unless they give the impression they’d like autism ‘cured’ and that financially powerful organizations like Autism Speaks do not let autistics speak.

“If the horse isn’t thirsty enough to look for the water, then bring the water to the horse.” (My words)

Asperger Paradox

  • Posted on May 27, 2008

A paradox from page 157 — Autism from the Inside (Internal View) — from the book Theory of Mind and the Triad of Perspectives on Autism and Asperger Syndrome: A View from the Bridge by Olga Bogdashina:

“…another paradox which is quite common in high-functioning autism: the more successful you are intellectually and academically, the fewer chances you have in employment.”¹

How many people know this? Maybe more would if they also read what follows these words:

“They often face two main problems: to get a job, and (if they get it) to keep it. When they look for a job, they (justifiably?) assess their abilities in accordance with the necessary skills they have to have to do this particular job properly. In practice, however, most jobs have a written job description, which specifies what the successful applicant will do, and also an unwritten job description, which specifies who the successful applicant has to please, and in what order of importance.”

There is no need for me to repeat the priority of who to please over knowing how to do the job. I always had a sense that this hidden description existed, but because society places so much importance on education and experience, it also seemed that there had to be a certain level at which the knowing how to do the job could overpower knowing who to please.

Such things are brought back to remembrance thanks to actions like Wendy Portillo, a kindergarten teacher in Port St. Lucie, Florida, who displayed no qualms about sharing her disdain for 5 year old Asperger student, Alex Barton.

Mrs. Portillo made it abundantly clear that knowing who to please is far more important than receiving a good education. God only knows what Wendy did to please those who made the decision to hire her for a teaching position. It’s obvious she wasn’t hired because of knowing how to be a good teacher.

Getting back to this Asperger paradox between education and employment, I now see I’ve probably totally blown away any last remnant of a chance I had for employment because of being that type of ‘permanent student’ Ms. Bogdashina talks about people on the autism spectrum being due to thriving on intellectual stimulation.

It amazes me that after receiving a degree in Business Administration, I now look back and do not recall any mention about unwritten job descriptions specifying the importance of knowing who to please. This seems like a major omission to leave out of a business curriculum, especially at the college level.

It’s no wonder after receiving my worthless degree for Graphic Design from college (thanks to their program not including computers yet, but were added a year or two later), that I froze when it came to me ’selling’ my portfolio. Had I known that I was going to have to impress people more by my persona than my work, I never would have bothered to waste my time getting an education that was already known to become obsolete in the very near future.

By the time I finished pursuing my degree in Psychology, I already could see where a college education was taking me . . . or more like, where it was never going to take me. The educational institutions are no different than any other business — after they get their money, you’re on your own.

I doubt that the St. Lucie County School District (Morningside Elementary School/Alex Barton) is much different than most other government schools. My and my husband’s personal dealings (along with what some others we know of endured) with the Rondout Valley Central School District in Accord, NY, showed their agenda wasn’t really be about education either. (If you read about Rondout’s Tribes Agreements, remember to consider the source when it comes to statistics, especially when the source knows they don’t have to prove how they arrived at their numbers.²) Those in charge at Rondout (at the Middle and High School level) gave empty promises and repeated deception. They were caught in the act, but that still was not good enough for changes in the right direction to be made. Thankfully my children were trained to think critically enough to not be psychologically damaged by the foolish things certain school employees told them. It also explains why they wanted to get out of the school’s system as soon as they could.  As for Rondout’s Elementary School level, I’d stick to evaluating them as being incompetent; plus, they were either ignorant or didn’t care.

So, am I saying that the answer then for high-functioning autistics is to strive for being less successful intellectually and academically in order to increase chances for employment? Even though it’s true that neuro-A-typical people with lower education levels are more likely to be employed, that isn’t the direction to take for making improvements. The most notable method for turning the tables on such despicable behavior as to refuse employment for someone who does the job best and/or refusing to educate an intellectually qualified student is to bring a lot of attention to it on the internet.

Because I know I’ve past the point of hope in regards to employment, I can now continue with my education as I have been doing throughout my life, except without having to be concerned over whether or not it will result in employment. It won’t, but one thing is for certain . . . it’s NOT ever going to be because I’m not educated enough. Intelligence and knowledge have their own rewards that money can never come close to matching!

¹It’s not in statistics yet, but I would bet that the odds for employment are even worse for women with Aspergers. At least men are admired for being brilliant, but when women show superior intellectual abilities, they are avoided rather than embraced (unless of course they have ‘good’ connections).

²[This footnote was added on 12-1-8] The Rondout School District published their tribes report. I can’t imagine how a survey could possibly be written more vague than this one! For example, how do you measure school spirit and/or how can teachers know if and/or how much students treat one another with more respect?!?! My husband’s comment on the report was, “It says a whole lot of nothing.”

Going Places with Aspergers

  • Posted on February 21, 2008

And what place might that be?

In October of the year 2007, the Open Center for Autism arranged for a two-day Going Places with Asperger’s Conference. I greatly appreciated all those who made it to be as good as it was and that I could be there to benefit from what they had to offer.

Alex Plank can be funny to listen to. Mary and Jerry Newport are also comical Aspies. Click here to see a picture of Katie Miller, Jerry Newport, and Alex Plank posing outside the conference door.

Two months previous to that conference, I attended a three-day Autism Through the Life Span workshop at the Omega Institute. Either it was because this workshop involved a lot more time with speakers talking, or I already knew most of what they were talking about, or both? . . . I didn’t find it as rewarding as the conference in October.

Even though most of what was mentioned at the Going Places With Aspergers was also familiar to me, I did begin to notice something important missing.

Unfortunately workshops and conferences put almost all their focus on success. Naturally their speakers are all successful people. Unless I’m mistaken due to lacking enough information, the strong impression I got was that successful people become so with support from others.

Yes, it’s logical to emphasize the importance of supporting children with Asperger’s and others on the Autism Spectrum. But what happens when no attention is placed upon what happens to Asperger’s Syndrome adults that didn’t receive support? How about those aspies who not only didn’t receive support but were also punished throughout their life for being different? Why would that be important for people to know? Let me first answer that with another question. Why is it that people are not interested in knowing about these adults who have painfully struggled throughout their life; often times to just find reasons to keep existing when they know they’re not appreciated?

Where does this lack of support (putting it mildly) come from and how does it happen?

Usually it can begin with the family members because of them expecting their odd duck to be less of an embarrassment. Not all parents find their child’s way of being to be so unacceptable, especially when the child is still very young. However, that tends to rapidly change in such situations once the child becomes an adolescent who has endured punishment for being different.

Just like Aspergers is a hidden disadvantage, most times the torment an aspie child endures is also hidden. That happens when no one wants to deal with something they know nothing about. The only thing I knew when I was growing up was that most other kids seemed to be treated nicer by their peers than I was. I tried telling my parents, but they would insist that I must be doing something to deserve the mistreatment. Now that my parents are deceased, I’ve finally figured out why they didn’t want to realize something was wrong with their logic. After all, when I was a very young child, people would make remarks to my parents like, “Are you sure that child of yours is real and not a doll? She is so complacent. Wherever you place her, she plays so quietly by herself.” Good sense would dictate that an angelic behaving girl would turn sour for a reason?!?

I’m not only a parent now, but also a grandparent, so now I can see and understand a lot more than I could as a child. It both makes me glad to finally know Asperger’s explains my life-long mysteries, but it also makes me angry — very angry and rightfully so! If it wasn’t for the grace of God, I don’t know how I’d control that anger. But thank God for that long-delayed anger, because without it there wouldn’t be the positive changes that have happened.

On the mild end of lacking support, there were situations that because of consistently being repeated, turned into a curse requiring a miracle for it to become a blessing. For instance, whenever sports were played and teams were needed, that hidden disadvantage got magnified. I was ALWAYS picked last for a team in each and every situation throughout my life. It wasn’t that I lacked skills for playing in any sport. In fact, I excelled in horsemanship — specifically cross-country equestrian jumping. How would I know that when no one would award me with any recognition at such a skill? Easy. It didn’t depend on words or people. The actions said it all. I never fell off or caused the horse I was riding to lose stride or balance and we could handle any obstacles ahead in our path . . . even with my being literally blindfolded (those events were done through chutes channeling blindfolded riders to follow the same course). But in spite of it being obvious that I was the only one who accomplished this with a 100% success rate, I was still picked last when teams were constructed. If that’s not bad enough, one of the captains choosing team members was someone who conned me into believing she was my best friend!

Take another scenario. Imagine being a heterosexual girl in high school and almost every girl seems to have a turn at having a boyfriend to walk, talk, and/or dance with in school but you’re still waiting your turn. One day I thought my turn had come when I found written notes (personally written to me) supposedly from a popular guy expressing interest in me as being his possible girlfriend. Naturally such excitement is going to trigger an eager reaction to respond (hungry people salivate when they smell food cooking). How was I to know there were people who hated me so much that they would gain pleasure to hurt and humiliate me? This particular pathetically malicious girl (pretending to be the popular guy writing to me) didn’t even know me, nor I her (that is until I figured out it was her doing it and I still know who she is, but I won’t mention her name). I walked right into her trap, just like a baited child into a molester’s hands. I doubt the guys were innocent either. They got a good laugh at my expense. I did learn quickly that those who others thought were attractive on the outside, were usually the ugliest people on the inside. And they claim neurotypical kids are the ones who behave socially correct?!? I would never even think to hurt, humiliate, and/or take advantage of another human being that’s innocent for the sake of looking impressive in the eyes of peers! Come on you who call yourself professionalsin the mental health field . . . you honestly believe aspies are the ones who lack empathy?!? What space ship did you fall off of?!?

Those are the ways that peers often support aspies. They make them go places with aspergers. However, those places are too ugly to mention here. Now what about school employees? No need to mention what family members can do to make an aspie feel like crap. How about some of the most influential district workers . . . like guidance counselors? How did my guidance counselor guide me? Well, let’s just say it wasn’t in the direction of college. How’s that for support?!?

What’s the best way then for people to support adults with aspergers who lived without positive guidance so maybe they too can have a turn at feeling they serve a vital purpose in life? For starters, quit ignoring the fact that there are a lot of adult aspies being underutilized because of being left to feel useless due to not being socially acceptable. Just because an aspie has become an adult and maybe has even aged a lot doesn’t mean s/he is not important any more. The attitude these days seems to be, “Don’t waste time giving speeches about how adult aspies became unsuccessful (unemployed and/or dependent upon someone who is employed). Their lives are a waste and those people with their experiences should be ignored.”

Most likely, we (AS) are not the ones who are dumbfounded when a news bulletin breaks out about some student(s) going on a rampage . . . while most NTs are standing around saying, “He seemed so nice. I never would have suspected he was capable of such shocking behavior.” It’s not that AS adults with negative upbringings are boiling cauldrons with a tight lid on getting ripe to explode. Most of us are the nicest people on this planet (usually the most honest too). But if all that gets injected into the media for attention are the negative aspects about high-functioning autism and aspergers, then those who perpetuate such prejudice are also making the world a less safe place to live by spreading ignorance and distorting the truth.

Over the hill dejected aspie adults, what say ye? Are you still as naïve and gullible as you were when you were living your younger half of life? I doubt it, especially judging from what I read some of you saying. Maybe we just need to speak with a louder voice. Let’s put our perseverance to good use for others who may be following our muddy tracks that don’t seem to be taking us anywhere respectable. After all, if we don’t support one another . . . who will? The world needs us — they’re just unaware yet of how much so that is.

Postscript added  on 10.1.9 — I had a video on this post of Alex Plank speaking at the Going Places With Aspergers Conference. It has been deleted from YouTube for unknown reasons.

Central Auditory Processing Disorder

  • Posted on February 19, 2008

Parents, please don’t be naïve about schools, especially if your child is hearing enabled but might have an auditory processing disorder that’s affecting his or her ability to perform academically.

Teachers and students need to know that there are two sides to judging performance, especially when one side hides very well. What side is that? The way in which information is learned. Not everyone learns the same way. I’m not talking about the commonly known differences between visual, auditory, and tactile/kinesthetic learners or comparing spatial versus non-spatial learners. I’m talking about the way data is organized when it enters the brain. Central Auditory Processing Disorder is a good example to use because it’s something that requires a massive amount of knowledge and skill to be aware of.

CAPD is not an inability to hear sounds. It’s more like auditory dyslexia; often times referred to as a decoding disorder. It isn’t uncommon for an Asperger’s Syndrome person to also have CAPD. It could be just a coincidence that I have CAPD and AS, or maybe not. I do know I often had ear infections as a child. When such infections to the ear happen during critical parts of brain development, the brain becomes wired to process incoming information differently than how it would otherwise if auditory input wasn’t tampered with.

Because of this alternate way of perceiving data, the processing pattern to organize new information also becomes affected. In the end, when it comes to the method that the created thoughts (resulting from the input) get displayed out for the world to experience, it’s going to be different from what’s typical.

Most teachers expect (maybe because it’s what they want) all students to regurgitate what’s taught in the same manner. When a student doesn’t, then that student might be punished unfairly for it. Rather than the teacher first questioning his or her own ability to teach, the first (and usually only) thought is, “The student isn’t working at it hard enough.” Unfortunately because not all students put forth the same level of effort to learn, those who might be putting in a tremendous amount of effort to perform well (in spite of that student receiving inadequate teaching methods for him or her), end up receiving rewards that come nothing close to what s/he deserves. Unless a child is failing miserably, the ones who are getting by will NOT receive any special treatment that might tap into the student’s gifted areas and thereby reveal his or her talents.

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