Just because most people celebrate holidays with fancy dinners and dress up for those occasions does not mean that they are not abiding by the same principle behind people who reveal too much of themselves inevitably want something back. The key words are too much. When things like big dinners at celebrations develop into traditions, people can easily lose track of why they do what they do. It starts of by wanting to share good times with loved ones. That desire doesn’t necessarily fade, but what can be unapparent to those who feel the need to work their tail off during the holidays are the other reasons why they behave like they do.
Unless these women (women know that it’s usually the women who do this) want to know why else they risk traveling into stressful territory when they’re creating a significant social gathering, they will do everything in their power to deny themselves from seeing an ulterior motive. They shouldn’t be ashamed about it, especially since it’s something all human beings strive after [love and acceptance].¹ What they should be ashamed about is not wanting to take an honest look at why they do what they do.
Many claim that they only want the company of family and friends on holidays and nothing more. It’s understandable to want guests to bring things like a bottle of wine or a desert to share if the host does not want to be overburdened with tasks. The clue that reveals ulterior motives is when the host always makes sure she has way more than enough of everything without what others may bring. It’s only logical that if you don’t want to be overburdened, then you don’t push yourself when you don’t have to. If someone is choosing to do more than what is necessary to have her guests feel welcome, then you can suspect that something is inevitably wanted back.
Extravagant² affairs demand praise and attention. People who are drawn to repeatedly behaving in this manner are addicted to their body’s release of the feel good hormones like endorphins and dopamine they experience each time they receive praise and/or positive attention. I can see it in their face and hear it in their voice, but I doubt they’re able to be aware of how needy they are. If they were, they’d be humiliated. That explains why they love being around others who are needy in the same way they are; it’s easy to hide and deny it existence. It also explains why they feel insulted and irritated by the rare few who find such groveling for praise and attention pathetic.
It’s not wrong to give praise and/or attention per se. It becomes wrong when someone feels insulted if she doesn’t receive it when and/or how she thinks she should. Positive attention is a gift. A gift is no longer a gift if it is expected. A person can only feel offended when they believe something is owed to them. When you have a social mixture of politically/socially correct gamers combined with non-gamers (e.g., very young children and loyal Aspergians are social non-gamers), things like holiday dinners will be challenging.
Sure, I enjoy good food just like people enjoy a reliable car or trouble-free computer. I’m about as interested in recipes and/or food as most women are in knowing about car engines or computer motherboards. Food fuels my body and keeps me going. If I didn’t need to eat, I wouldn’t. I could easily forget about food, but my stomach won’t let me. Most women would probably forget about cars if they could travel better without them. Many women will not even touch a computer, let alone talk about one. Almost everyone just wants things to work without wanting to know why or how.
I only want to eat when I’m hungry. I don’t care how impressive it is, so long as it is real food without chemicals in it. I was told I’m being insulting if I don’t eat even though I don’t have an appetite. If I cooked a dinner and a guest was not up to eating, I wouldn’t take that as an insult. I would be glad the guest came over to visit. He or she would not need to eat in order to avoid offending me. If I felt like I needed to impress someone by my cooking, then I would feel offended by a person choosing to not eat (or if they did, but never gave a compliment). If I felt like I needed to impress someone by my writing, then I would feel offended if they never chose to read my blog (or if they did, but never gave a compliment). What does offend me is a double-standard. It’s hypocritical for a woman to think a guest is being rude by not eating her food, but yet this same woman wouldn’t think there is anything socially incorrect about never bothering to display any interest whatsoever in what the guest (who is an unimpressive cook that strongly dislikes cooking) can offer her. Pride causes people to be greedy for praise [recognition/popularity] as well as being greedy for money.
How would technically challenged women who thrive on social dinners (especially when they know they’re good cooks that find pleasure in cooking) enjoy attending a computer party for friends and family to share their technological goodies with one another during the holidays rather than having their host cooking and baking? They wouldn’t even attend such a thing. Even if they did, they sure wouldn’t want to give any kind of praise and/or positive attention to a host who displays an impressive amount of computer knowledge.
Ho, ho, ho… am I being naughty or nice by being honest? My guess is that most people would perceive this post as being not nice. If that’s the case, that’s not my problem. 
¹Wanting love and acceptance drives most people to secretively desire fame and fortune, especially those who do not experience God’s love firsthand.
²What is considered extravagant is relative to the eye of the beholder.
