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That part about inappropriate being bad…

  • Posted on July 15, 2010

There is much written about Asperger individuals behaving inappropriate. I wouldn’t doubt that some would even classify what I’m about to write in this post as being inappropriate. However, the big picture calls for a warning about something listed under warnings. In this case, it’s the first one found listed in WikiHow’s article How to Relate to Someone who Has Asperger’s Syndrome:

Do not encourage someone with Asperger’s to behave in an inappropriate manner. Doing so will likely cause them to behave in the inappropriate manner more often. Pretty soon they’re doing it all the time. This is a bad thing.

I agree there can be some behaviors an Aspie might do which would be construed as inappropriate, but not all of them are a bad thing to practice. What I find somewhat inappropriate is the incongruity of the last tip that’s listed right above the warning section of this same article:

Never talk down to someone with Asperger’s Syndrome, or talk to them like you would to a child. It is deeply offensive and can cause someone with AS to doubt themselves and reinforce/cause depression. How would you like it if someone treated you like a child?

When I read this article, it makes me feel like I’m being treated like a child. If a similar one was written for Aspies on How to Relate to Someone who Has Neurotypical Syndrome, I’m pretty sure most NTs would also feel as if they’re being talked down to and being treated like a child.

Anyhow, the point I want to bring up for people to think about is to exercise caution before making the assumption that unexpected behavior, which is different from what’s normally seen by society, is inappropriate and bad. Erroneous conclusions are usually derived because of insufficient insight into what’s going on and why. When that’s the case, it’s best to just trust that Aspies (along with some Christians) usually have a good reason to behave different from what’s typically seen.

If you’re not an Aspie, you’re not going to be able to think like one either. What’s one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. That’s one reason to not analyze what or why certain behaviors are done by Aspies. Logical things don’t require it… but therein lies the problem! When you have a smaller percentage of the population containing the higher levels of logic, you end up with the greater portion suffering a handicap. If that’s not bad enough, add to that — the majority in a society (comprised mostly of sheeples) twist subjective values into objective claims. I have a news flash for those who don’t realize this → the less you’re able to think logically, the less you’re able to be aware of how much you lack this ability. I hope enough people can understand what kind of mess this can create.

Many years ago, I heard a report summarizing the common denominator found among the entire world for longevity. It wasn’t diet and it wasn’t exercise, although they do affect health (focusing only on those two things are the cause of inconsistent statistics over time). It was the ability to go with the flow. That makes sense, because if you’re reacting, you’re not taking action. Action is both passive and active. It is passive when you’re accepting things you can’t change and it’s active when you’re changing what you can. Going with the flow is natural, but it takes wisdom for humans to practice it. In contrast, (for example) tectonic plates can’t be foolish like people can, so they can’t do anything but go with the flow.

Imagine if mankind came up with a way to lock up fault lines in an attempt to prevent anymore earthquakes. Without the power to control forces originating in a radioactive, solid iron inner core, I doubt it would take long before something even worse than the earthquakes would happen. Going a step further, imagine the consequences of messing with the earth’s core! While you’re at it, why not mess with it’s creator too? I digress again… sorry (today is one of those days).

We can learn a lot from nature, because it’s scientific. Human behavior is not reliably scientific. Therefore, it’s ultimately foolish as a source of education, if it’s not measured against a higher standard.

The bible tells us what’s appropriate versus inappropriate. To ignore God’s word and rely solely upon the mental health industry’s mutating versions of their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders filled with code numbers and psychobabble jargon that they don’t even agree on and/or understand enough of the time, but yet can fatten their wallet regardless of whether or not their services actually help clients/patients (eee gads, I’m being straightforward!), is begging for an eventual world-wide mental meltdown at the very core it stems from (psychiatrists and psychologists). It can only get worse now that more and more psychologists can prescribe medication after consultation with a psychiatrists. If you don’t get the whole picture of what’s eventually coming down the pike here, let me just say it’s not light at the end of that tunnel.

(Everyone has an opinion they’re entitled to speak freely about, so if you don’t like mine, there are plenty of others to form a bond with.) Wink and Grin

Christy Fix gives the most recent example I can recall of what most people label inappropriate behavior. So it’s bad to eat when you’re hungry, while others have no appetite, just because they don’t think like you do? If you read her post Well THAT was inappropriate!, meditate upon her two insightful statements:

“I knew there was nothing I could do…” and “What happened happened. I couldn’t change that,…”

These remarks sum up what it’s like when you exercise passive action to go with the flow. Those without the appetite, didn’t have one because they were reacting to the flow. Reacting to life is foolish and can be harmful to your health.

To differentiate between what reacting looks like as compared to taking action, the fictitious example set by Aspie Moss in the 2 1/2 minute video clip from The IT Crowd – Series 1 – Episode 2: Fire! may be helpful. Even though this clip is a bit ridiculous, it serves as a good illustration of what I’m talking about. You can see Jen walking past Moss to go out the door. She isn’t running frantically, but she is subtly reacting and is not going with the flow as well as Moss is. The fine line has to do with emotion. When emotions stay stuck to the stimulus, it triggers a chemical response within the body that accelerates aging.

The absolute best example (and my favorite!) I’ve seen of someone going with the flow is Aunt Sylvie in the movie from the novel Housekeeping. It’s quickly noticeable in this two minute trailer. The book adds more detail than the movie (without altering any of the plot), but the movie (in my opinion) is more fun thanks to how perfectly Christine Lahti suits Sylvie’s character. Why she goes unnoticed as as Aspie woman, played in this film, doesn’t surprise me. People typically mistaken her as being schizophrenic, which I can understand why that’s hastily done. To comprehend a character that’s as complex and unique as Sylvie requires innovative thinking.¹

Reactions are what cause such things as unforgiveness and revenge. The movie Amish Grace displays how the Amish community goes with the flow.

You can have a strong ability to employ logic for solving problems, like The Monty Hall Problem for example.² But, that doesn’t necessarily mean you also have Godly wisdom. If you have His wisdom, it also doesn’t necessarily mean you can solve problems which require logic.

Whether you’re strongly logical in thinking, or have a reservoir of Godly wisdom accumulated, or both, you’re likely to exhibit behaviors on occasion that today’s society perceives as being inappropriate. For example, because so few non-Amish (including many professing to be following Christ) can understand the Amish community’s ways (including the ways of some non-Amish Christians), they’re also unable to comprehend the consistency between shunning and forgiveness.³ When incorrect judgments are made, behavior can get labeled as being bad.

If we fear how others judge us, we won’t fear how God judges us and vice versa.

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever.” — Psalm 111:10

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” — Proverbs 1:7

To not fear the LORD is to not respect and honor God and what He says. Having faith in God’s word may seem foolish and illogical to the world, but that’s only logical and to be expected, considering how the world basically has little-to-no desire in giving God the glory for all things.

¹If you’re interested in a little more about the film, I mentioned some of my thoughts on it in What you see is what you get.

²[Don't read this footnote, unless you want to skip the problem and get faced with the answer.] If you look at the situation logically, you’ll realize: 1.) What is physically behind the doors never changes. 2.) You can’t apply mathematical “logic” after the reveal and call it a 50-50 chance. 3.) The prize goes behind one door at the start. Either it’s behind the door you choose first, or it isn’t. What happens with the reveal doesn’t physically change that by making it more or less likely. If you’re experienced with logic, you’ll know that thinking it’s a 50-50 chance is taking a “logical” approach to a “different” situation. You’ll also know that if you were to put a prize behind one of two doors, it would indeed give a 50-50 chance of being behind either door. In the case of this problem, it’s not what happened. The prize is already in position “before” you come to the point where two boxes are left.

³Isaiah 55:8 — For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.

Homocentricity vs. Eccentricity

  • Posted on May 15, 2008

Now that I’m getting to know more about what my fellow adult Asperger friends go through in life, along with what I glean through from researching what other Aspies endure, it’s very difficult for me to remain non-emotional about it. Maybe that’s good I get upset because it just might be what’s needed since the majority of people are not going to care. What makes it worse is that there are too many in this category who go beyond not caring and enter into the hate group. The hate group automatic hate a person as soon as they find out s/he is an Aspie. These hateful people are absolutely no different than the Ku Klux Klan, except instead of seeking white supremacy they’re aiming for neurotypical supremacy. I have heard comments from this group who go so far as to unashamedly say they’d love to shoot and kill Aspies. I could understand it if an Aspie was malicious, but their target is to eliminate the lives of ALL Aspies, as if they sincerely believe there is such a thing as NT supremacy!

This explains why I see adults with Aspergers splitting into different directions as they get older. Some learn to structure their lives so as to minimize their need for going out of their self-constructed environment. It’s these people who love devoting themselves to their interests. They are called the eccentrics more than any other Aspie group. I imagine the reason is because the truly eccentric people are not influenced by what other people think about them. These folks (as I’ve previously mentioned in The Jigsaw Picture Unseen) are happier, healthier, and live longer. Society generally leaves them alone because they keep to themselves. This is my goal actually. However, since I’m torn between wanting to help others who I know are suffering NOT because of Aspergers, but because of too much supported bigotry towards Aspies, I find myself unable to keep quiet knowing all that I do. For self-preservation, I’ve learned to not care what other people think about me. If people refuse to see I how much I care about others, then that’s their problem and their loss.

I obviously am no longer in the group of Aspies who try continuously to ‘fit’ in and be as ‘normal’ as they can. I’ve wasted half a century of my life investing energy to accomplish this impossible feat. I perceive that unpaid job I made a career out of as now being one which I am retired from, except I not only never received any paychecks for my efforts, I also have no pension fund with which to rely on. Instead of receiving anything back from this effort to conform, I paid an expensive price for such foolish behavior. Suzanne C. Lawton refers to this cost as The Asperger Middle-Age Burnout in her book Asperger Syndrome: Natural Steps Toward a Better Life. Lawton shares on page 33 what Dr. Leslie Carter observed:

“She had noted this same behavior and attributed it to adrenal exhaustion from years of pumping out high levels of epinephrine from prolonged severe anxiety. Not only were these AS people dealing with their regular levels of anxiety¹, but they were also working extremely hard to maintain a façade of normalcy.”²

As Lawton points out, “Some AS people seemed to slip through this burnout crack. The common denominator was diet and relaxation.” How can any Aspie relax if, when s/he goes to a therapist on a regular basis over many years, is exposing her/himself to constant discouragement? The therapists mean well, but almost all are clueless over what way they are actually doing more harm than good to Aspies. All human beings need to feel good about who they are and no neurotypical psychologist is going to support an Aspie by trying to (futilely?) change society’s wrong attitude. Instead, they try to do the impossible by endlessly attempting to change the way a neuro-A-typical brain processes information. I wised up by the time I began sampling counselors, so I didn’t fall into that life-long trap. I can easily tell what Aspies are becoming mentally ill because of the mental health profession. I am not claiming that 100% of what the mental health industry does is pure destruction.

Unfortunately, the best source of information available for help with educating society in this regard is (for the most part) unavailable. Why? Because Aspies in therapy tend to wise up and learn to filter what they tell psychologists since they learn how what they say can end up being used against them. The smartest and wisest of all don’t even get involved with counseling because they’ve figured it all out already and know the outcome.³ Those who keep to themselves have learned how to protect their physical and mental health. They are the ones you’re NEVER going to hear about on television because no one can make any money off them.

¹This regular source of anxiety comes from having extraordinary levels of sensory input in a world full of people who are less sensitive physically.

²I emphasize the last part for those people, who have been in my past, to add that to their assumption of me being lazy. I’d also like them to know that I know they read my blog.

³These eccentrics are also in situations that enable them to survive financially without having to be forced into being someone who they are not.

Real Medical Issues

  • Posted on April 5, 2008

Can people believe it’s actually possible for someone to forget that real medical issues occur? All I can do is tell others that I am one of them who does. Because I forget this, it tends to cause me to mislead others by what I write. I feel terrible knowing that I’m offending people unnecessarily because of not realizing what other people are thinking when they’re trying to figure out what I’m saying. It just goes to show how helpful feedback can be and it’s also a reminder of how much time and work explaining can take.

I fully agree that many children have real medical issues. Children on the autism spectrum do have comorbidities that need attention and care. I have had my share of them. As a young child, I went through a set of health-related issues. As a young adult in my early 20′s, another stage of physical ills passed my way. Upon entering my middle-aged years, I struggled through about 13-14 years of chronic insomnia. My most recent ‘bump in the road’ of physical health was from an episode of a frozen shoulder. Aside from now experiencing a cold about 2 or 3 times per decade, and (at the most) mildly being ‘caught’ by a flue bug about 15 years ago, the only other thing that ‘caught me’ was lyme disease. My several exposures to lyme however never led to the lyme borreliosis bacteria getting much of a chance to mess up my immune system.

I used to have a weaker immune system, but now it’s pretty darn tough. It has to be because it’s the only form of health insurance I’ve got and it’s the only insurance I trust, can afford, and want. Because of how pleased I am with how well my body takes care of me, I tend to get very excited about how wonderful the human body is capable of taking care of itself if its needs are met. True medicine should be a matter of knowing one’s own self very well, along with understanding how everything in life is harmoniously balanced. Handling symptoms definitely has its place, but learning the ‘whys’ is a whole lot better. Once all that information gets plugged into place, then there is wholesomeness in operation. All is at ease instead of being dis-eased. To me, dis-ease is simply having some factors stressing against one another instead of working in co-operation (unity and harmony). I have a radically different approach to health than most people do, so I apologize if and/or when I may be upsetting others because of that.

I do not look down my nose at all towards people who handle health-related issues in conventional ways. What does jerk my chain though is when people mix things that are not health issues in with things that are! Everybody has body parts that function the same way, but there is one body part that even though it does the same job for everyone, it does that job in different ways for different people. That part I’m referring to is called, “the brain.” I can see why people ignorantly call Asperger’s a disorder and how come some people even go so far as to say it’s a disease. However, just because someone can’t comprehend why something functions differently does not give him the right to label it as being something which needs a cure!

Doctors can master such things as how a stomach, liver, kidney, ear, heart, etc. work much easier than they are going to figure out how the brain works. The brain is a whole different form of matter because there are other factors involved that I doubt will ever get covered by medical science. In fact, it might be safe to say it’s impossible to even talk about those factors. I hope no one asks me what I’m talking about here, because I don’t even want to begin to explain. It’s way beyond explaining. I just accept it and I actually accept how other people handle their health issues differently.

I’m so adamant about protecting my way of living that I probably end up having people feel bad about their way. Maybe it helps to know that what I’m saying here in this post is an example of how frustration is unavoidable when wanting to help with solving complex puzzles because it takes the whole package to answer. Besides some packages being difficult to comprehend, some parts in that package will also be tough adjusting to. When I say package, I’m referring to individual people — in this case, I mean me.

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