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Conscious of the preconcious or unconscious?

  • Posted on November 15, 2009

If you think a question like, “Conscious of the preconcious or unconscious?” is obscure and confusing, imagine the chaos added by including the vague and commonly used term subconscious. You can’t have them all or else you’re stuck with the problem of deciding whether the subconscious refers to the preconscious, unconscious, or both.

We can safely throw out the use of subconscious and stick with the words conscious, preconscious, and unconscious. We’re fine with those terms when restricting them to the way the neurotypical brain works.

NTs are known for their multi-tasking (multi-tracking or polytropism, if you’d prefer) abilities. I shall now attempt to explain how complex things get when comparing how the conscious and unconscious are affected by the difference between the way a neuro-A-typical mind processes information versus a NT one.

So far, there is no disagreement by stating that the Asperger brain is not hard-wired to function the same way as a NT’s is. Aspies are ‘one channel at a time’ people; also referred to as: mono-tasking, mono-processing, or monotropism. To the neurotypical mind, that probably comes across as being a disorder that needs to be fixed. The only reason it would be perceived that way would be because it’s being filtered through the NT brain, along with NTs lacking the theory of mind to comprehend what it’s like living with an Asperger brain. An analogy would be looking at things through rose colored glasses (which is what the mental health profession does when believing it would be wonderful if Aspergers could be eliminated by using their treatment plans).

I believe only Aspies have the potential to comprehend how valuable an asset mono-processing can be. Most of us Aspies already know and admit that there is use in this world for multi-trackers (NTs). We realize the need society has for most of its citizens to be able to use their senses simultaneously. Unfortunately, few Aspies are aware of how vital it is for the world to have some mono-taskers scattered around.

NTs apparently are not able (or is it that they’re not willing?) to perceive what it means to have the different type of central coherence Aspies have. To them, it seems extreme because they always receive their sensory input (i.e., externally incoming data) all at once. That may sound good on the surface, but it’s doubtful their unconscious mind has as much information as a neuro-A-typical one does. How can such an extremely unheard of claim be considered? …because of noticing a peculiar pattern in the different way my mind works as compared to how a NT’s generally functions.

By no means am I saying that one way is superior over another, BUT, at the same time, I think I’ve reached my limit of what I can take from reading the biased and hypocritical statements that the medical profession continually publishes about Aspergers! Clearly, there is NO WAY the ‘experts’ will tolerate any concept that may suggest they’re wrong about Aspergers needing to be treated — that it’s not something a person has, but rather describes who one could be.

I feel like I’m in a catch-22 situation in regard to studying what’s being said about Aspergers. Reading what the ‘experts’ will present (and already have presented) to the public has me to know how increasingly more distorted others (who don’t know me like my immediate family does) may perceive (negatively judge) me (and other Aspies). Even though the medical profession has gone amuck over Aspergers (they want to eliminate the term Aspergers by referring to it as ‘high-functioning autism’ because ‘Aspergers’ is ‘too vague and confusing’ for them, but yet they admit genetic evidence points to Aspergers as not being a form of autism!), society foolishly accepts what’s said because they don’t know how to deal with what they can’t understand.

For those who don’t know what central coherence means, it is the ability to draw connections together from the ‘big picture’. Wendy Lawson claims (in Olga Bogdashina’s article Mono-Processing in Autism: Using one channel at a time) central coherence, “…can only occur with least effort, when one has access to the big picture via many different channels (polytropism).” She also says, “…in monotropism where all the attention is gathered into one place, there is an extreme¹ central coherence but of different type. ‘Monotropic central coherence’ excludes information from outside the attention channel.”

How is it possible for Wendy Lawson to know that monotropic central coherence totally excludes information from outside the attention channel? I understand its excluding information from outside the attention channel on a conscious level, but outside information can still seep in unawares at a lower level of consciousness. She (or anyone else for that matter) has no way to measure how much information is possibly stored in the preconscious (and especially the unconscious) mind of Aspies.

I gave an example of my mind including information from outside of my attention channel in my post That’s a new one for me… In it I mentioned an odd experience I had one night when typing a message on my computer to someone. While I was at this task, there were two viewers in the same room listening and watching something on the television. I had no way to block out the auditory input coming to my brain. Consciously my mind was busy producing the words to express my thoughts, but unconsciously (or was it preconsciously?) my brain was typing what I wasn’t consciously thinking. Instead of me seeing the text revealing what I was thinking, I noticed that I had typed word-for-word (without any mistakes) what was coming from the tv! There was no connection, between what my conscious thoughts contained versus what unconsciously seeped into my mind, to draw together for a ‘big picture’ (unless maybe the main point of this post is forming a ‘big picture’?) …but, I’m not done explaining yet.

A few years ago, while taking a particular Mensa IQ test, I noticed another odd occurrence. I had no clue how I was able to ‘fill in the blanks’ of every question in that test like I did. It was as if someone else was taking the test instead of me. I was dumbfounded over where I could possibly have gotten some of the information I came up with, especially since I know myself well enough to know that I could not have consciously acquired knowledge about the rules of certain sports like rugby, football, or cricket (I was never interested in competitive team sports)! The only explanation I can think of for how those answers could have surfaced to my conscious mind would be that monotropic central coherence does include information from outside the attention channel. A thing I noticed even more strange while answering those questions was that I had to ’shut off’ my mind in order for the answers to ‘pop’ out. As soon as I allowed myself to ‘think’, my mind would go blank and not ‘give me’ the answer. Only when my conscious thoughts were turned off, did I get the answers to the questions.

If what I’m perceiving is true, then that would explain why I often feel like I’m seeing a ‘bigger picture’ than what it seems others are seeing. It could also be the reason why I’ve developed a habit of explaining myself as much as I do to those who want to know why my thoughts are usually radically different. Plus, monotropism can explain why there are some people (especially the artistic/creative/inventor types) historically known to isolate themselves (i.e., the eccentrics) from mainstream society and why those in the mainstream are usually unable to fathom the reason for their weird behavior.

There is no logic behind wanting to get rid of (Aspergers, for example) what mainstream society doesn’t understand (other than its possibly being too unnerving?). That’s like thinking you can get rid of the cause by getting rid of the visible effects without knowing what’s going on invisibly.

Just because most people can develop a ‘big picture’ by conscious attention to multiple channels does not mean that those who gather all their conscious attention into one place cannot develop an even ‘bigger picture’ if it is true that monotropic minds do (unconsciously and/or preconsciously) include information from outside of the attention channel.

My theory of polytropism is that it renders the mind incapable of unconsciously (or preconsciously?) storing what’s coming in from multiple channels, because it’s paying conscious attention to the incoming information. To lack the ability to control awareness (i.e., consciousness) of incoming sensory stimuli would result in making multi-tasking easier. It also explains why NTs would hear someone calling their name while they’re involved in a task.

An Aspie involved in a task typically hates to be disturbed and unconsciously (or preconsciously?) will not hear their name being called (at least as quickly as a NT might). Is it any wonder then that Aspies need their time to be left alone after being in an environment that bombards their senses? …so that they can ’sort out’, ‘connect’, and ‘make sense out of’, the sensory dots which crept in from the multiple channels blaring simultaneously?

Computers freeze up from being overloaded by too much incoming data brought by multiple software running. Not not expect a meltdown from Aspies running on overload is no different.

¹Does extreme mean too much of an ability to draw connections together from the ‘big picture’?… that there is a limit decided by those with polytropic central coherence?

That’s a new one for me…

  • Posted on August 19, 2009

Last Saturday, I had an odd experience while typing a message on my computer to someone.

Normally when I’m composing text, if a television is on in the house, I insist on headphones being used so I can focus on my writing. Being that there were two viewers listening to a DVD through the set (thereby eliminating the headphone use option), I had no way to block out the auditory input coming to my brain.

The result, from my not being able to tune out what was being said, was that I ended up typing what was coming from the tv instead of my thoughts I attempted to convey. What really caught my attention was that I was typing what I wasn’t consciously thinking; plus, I was doing it word-for-word without any mistakes.

Now that half of a week has passed, I no longer remember in depth what I was trying to compose¹ versus what came from the tv. However, I still do distinctly remember typing the word road when I intended to type the word soul.

Reflecting back to this weird textual split now has me wondering if such a thing is exclusively an Asperger trait. It does prove what I said in a post I wrote last year in April:

Aspergians don’t have the same kind of data input ‘filters’ that NTs do. NTs normally don’t get overwhelmed by what’s around them. There are many things which escape their perception. Tests prove this.² Because Aspies unconsciously absorb too much information at once, it’s necessary to maintain focus on one thought at a time. An audible analogy of this principle would be like listening to a radio. You can only enjoy it if you tune into one station at a time. Imagine if you had no control over all the stations coming in at once. If that happened, you’d have to ‘tune out’ all interfering channels which prevent your concentration on the one channel that’s holding your interest.

This same principle of ‘multi-channel’ interference goes on when an NT is trying to converse with an Asperger person. I know this because I consciously practice paying attention to what I’m doing while holding a thought-provoking conversation with another person. Every time I have to respond by creating a new thought (e.g., rephrasing a statement into a question so as not to ‘offend’ the other party — often times as a ‘what if?’), before I can ‘grab’ my ‘new’ thought, I HAVE TO break eye contact in order to concentrate. If I was forced to keep my eyes focused on a person while she is talking to me during an intense and/or deep conversation, then she will not benefit from what I have to offer because I will be too distracted by other thoughts . . . just like you’d be if you were forced to hear all stations channeling in at once into your mind.

Its no wonder I get highly annoyed whenever people don’t comprehend how important it is for me to not be distracted by anything while I’m doing something. That doesn’t just include external input.³ Most of the time, its my own mind that distracts me, especially if I’m doing something boring like housework.

Because I’m almost always in deep thought about something, I tend to be far more clumsy than most other people. I usually break more than my fair share of drinking glasses, stumble quite often, get hit by objects I’m not aware are about to fall, spill things, etc. — all because of not being able to shift out of my deep thought fast enough. Needless to say, being a waitress or hostess would be my worst nightmare!

I use the analogy of comparing neurotypicals to being like flat stones that can skip across the surface of water versus Aspies being like round rocks that sink immediately. NTs easily switch tracks when doing tasks. That gives them greater success at doing multiple-tasks, which don’t require intense concentration, when combined. However, Aspies like myself, automatically go into deep thought almost all the time. For me to switch tasks, like going from washing dishes to stopping something from burning on the stove, requires a lot of motivation and self-discipline. That’s why multi-tasking easily can exhaust my energy, especially in social settings like parties or barbecues.

On a side note, Aspies can be successful moms, especially if they are aware of the differences between how their minds work compared to NTs. Even though children do grow up fast, they don’t grow up too fast for an Aspie mom to make the necessary adjustments needed during each stage of a child’s development. Being a good mom isn’t an easy job no matter what neurological structure you’re born with, but don’t think that NTs moms exclusively have the assets child rearing requires. That’s especially true in the case of NTs raising an Aspie child. NTs are capable of making just as many mistakes (if not more!) raising an Aspie child as an Aspie mom could make raising a NT child.

Aspies, being a minority, have to put forth a greater effort at most things they do. Its not much unlike being a female in a work population comprised mostly of males. The demand to prove yourself equally capable is more intense.

Postscript — What’s said in the second footnote below may sound like a contradiction and be difficult to comprehend correctly after what I said about why I’m more clumsy than ‘normal’ human beings. That just goes to prove how complex and rapidly calculating the human mind can be. In the example Temple Grandin uses in her book to point out how normal human beings are blind to anything they’re not paying attention to, it would help if an added factor was included.

The things which I’m more likely to be blind to (like noticing a little step in front of me, while paying attention to preventing a ball from injuring a child) are not the same things that most NTs might not notice (like not noticing someone wearing a gorilla suit running quickly in and out of a basketball court or not noticing an identical word being used twice in a mind-trap puzzle). The reason for that is probably is due to the level that something is disturbing.

Since Aspies and NTs differ a lot in the way they process information, they also have vastly different priorities. That being the case, it’s only natural that Aspies will notice things that NTs don’t (like what details are being left out of certain situations or what ones don’t belong in them). On the flip side, NTs will notice things that Aspies don’t (like when it is time to shift to something else).

Wow!… I’m way behind my schedule I intended for today! I wonder why that is? :)

¹I gave up and left my computer after seeing how impossible it was for me to accomplish what I thought shouldn’t be so impossible to do.

²Read the section Being Oblivious in Temple Grandin’s book, “Animals in Translation.” Along with other reference material suggested in that section, she states that “Normal human beings are blind to anything they’re not paying attention to.” Towards the end of that section, she also writes, “Being able to filter out distractions is a good thing; just ask anyone who can’t filter things out, like a person with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. It’s hard for humans to function intellectually when every little sensory detail in their environment keeps hijacking their attention. You go into information overload.”

³External input isn’t limited to auditory interference. Any sensory input can cause disruptions in thought. For example, perfumed smells can interfere with my thought processing easily. Things like high humidity, uncomfortable clothing, and florescent lighting, are a few others worth mentioning.

The Aftershock

  • Posted on June 12, 2009

Will it be as Omori said in 1894, that the aftershock frequency decreases by roughly the reciprocal of time after the main shock?

I attended an unconventional convention last night and survived! Actually it consisted of about a dozen people, myself included. Maybe to NTs that might not be anything earth quaking, but to me, after how my core has been shook in the past, it’s stressful to say the least.

It was the first time in my life when I knew that there would be some who really wanted to hear what I might have to say. I can’t even describe how weird that is to me. I see now that I’ll never be rid of the feeling like I’m entering into a trap, even after walking out.¹ That’s the permanent consequence of what happens when you’ve been tricked by malicious people too many times. Of course they (those from my past) didn’t think ahead or care about the rippling effect that would last decades into the future and possibly offend others besides the Aspie used for making an entertaining fool. I can sincerely like some people who are probably genuinely benign, but I can never trust anyone… never.

While driving into the city where I was to talk with students and their professor about what it’s like being an adult Aspie, I foolishly ignored my intuition. There is nothing like getting a good dose of stress before a stressful event. My senses were being bombarded with increasing danger signals from all around my vehicle. I was heading straightforward into the guts of a city that’s infamous for its level of crime, at dusk on a rainy evening no less! The looks I received gave me the creeps! If I had not been going to a college campus, you can be sure I wouldn’t have been where I was without my Browning handgun fully loaded.

I arrived 45 minutes early. To others, that might seem a bit extreme. To me, it’s good to have that much time for readjusting myself to my new surroundings. I liked that I could settle down in a quiet, and fairly vacant, space indoors. I did appear lost inside, but how’s that to be avoided when you’re just curious to check out what’s where?

It’s funny how every college I’ve been in has the same smell. What’s even more weird is that High schools have their own odor, which is even different from Elementary schools.

My boat didn’t get rocked until I entered into the classroom. Immediately my brain was taxed by the hideously bright florescent lighting! If that wasn’t enough to stimulate my nervous system, the room’s silence that shortly followed the kind introduction was unnerving. It was good my daughter had prepared a last minute paper for students to read to help them possibly stir up some questions so the ball could roll in spite of her not being there to lead the conversation.

I only had time to read it once without distractions.

I told the professor that I thought the way she wrote about what it was like to have me as her mom sounded like a sales pitch. It was nice of her to say what she did, but it sure had me feeling awkward when reading it.

Others were impressed with her writing skills and story. I bet it wasn’t like anything else they’ve ever read before — certainly not like any textbook, that’s for sure! If it wasn’t for the instructor’s exceptionally calm demeanor,² my brain might have started freezing up instead of just being slush. Compared to how well others could talk when asking me their questions, I know I sounded like no one else they’ve ever heard speak before. I could see it in their faces.

I also noticed a huge difference in attitudes from the signals each person was emitting my way. I must have become more sensitive than ever to the vibes that people can give off. I knew beforehand not to expect everyone to be alike. It reminded me of when I attended conferences about Aspergers where there were teachers who talked down to me as if I was dog crap³ and looked at me as if they wished they could permanently rid the planet of those like me. It’s not even necessary for me to see facial expressions to get the sense of when someone perceives me with disgust because of her (or his) arrogant attitude. It can even display itself in the way that someone puts down a paper she reads or the way one sits in a chair.

It takes an incredible amount of concentration to ignore bad signals and focus on the good ones. No wonder NTs are better at multitasking skills like socializing among a crowd of people. They’re not as aware of each individual all at the same time and can switch tracks rapidly… like a flat stone bouncing as it skims the surface of water. If I allow myself to get too distracted by one individual, I sink like a boulder deep into the dark depths of oblivion.

So, how well did I manage to speak about what life is like as an adult Aspie? I have no clue. I was told I did well, but to me, no matter how well I do something, it will always feel grossly insufficient. I only hope and pray that I was helpful somehow and that constructive use will be made of whatever may have been insightful. I also hope that those who respect Aspies for who we are know that I (and others like me) appreciate you guys more than you could ever know!

¹Whenever I am wanted for whatever the reasons might be, I’m skeptical and will always wonder why.

²I’m not sure if he’d mind my mentioning his name.

³No, no one did that last night.

A Monotracked Thanksgiving

  • Posted on November 29, 2008

Since I recently began a self-evaluation program I created for myself to observe where my limitations are and understand why they are where they are, Thanksgiving Day required a novel idea that would emotionally crush most neurotypical family members. The person I could have offended would have been my 26 year old daughter, especially since she has provided me with two beautiful grandchildren whom she may have envisioned enjoying a traditional Thanksgiving Day dinner with a grandparent of theirs (I’m one of many). Thankfully, God arranged the ideal mix of Aspies, neurotypicals, and autistic relatives to help her understand this new ‘project’ of mine¹ and why I need to do this now before my nervous system erupts (smoking and/or tremors can even be useful if not ignored, but exploding² like Mt. St. Helen’s can leave irreparable damage).

What my daughter doesn’t know yet (but will in time) is what I did do on Thanksgiving Day. I created a mock traditional Thanksgiving Dinner so I could gauge its effect on my body as I was preparing it. I already knew it would require approximately 11 hours of my time for food preparation (dessert not included) and 4 hours for cleanup. That’s to be expected when a mono-tracked person is preparing such a task alone. (If anyone regularly watches the tv show Monk,³ they can imagine the same scenario happening to Adrian Monk if he was cooking a turkey dinner).

Here’s what I noticed occurring while I was busy that day with turkey stuff:

Soft classical music playing in the background was fine, except when talking began. Then I had to turn off the radio because it was distracting. I needed the house to be so quiet that the only noise heard was the clock ticking and the refrigerator occasionally going on.

I had to clean the kitchen floor as soon as the turkey went to roast, because the grime on the floor was too distracting. That required opening the windows afterwards to air out the stink from the floor cleaner. While the cleaner’s smell was leaving, I made my bed and walked the dog. 

Every mess made from some step of cooking that I could clean up before moving on helped to calm my nerves. I wasn’t feeling tense while cooking, but that was only because I kept telling myself, “There is no time limit for any step I’m doing,” and “No one is around to complain (or laugh at me) about the way I’m working.” 

I could NOT allow myself to be paying attention to the time, because if I did, then I would be destroying my motivation I needed to keep going. The sole purpose of preparing the food was because nobody else would make this meal to taste the way it was going to under my care. Normally, what I cook doesn’t taste too good. That’s because normally I hate to cook. It is possible for me to prepare good food, but that’s only under an ideal cooking environment that meets my needs.

By not having others around, especially children who might make noise, my anxiety level remained close to zero. My brain could remain calm because I could mono-track my steps throughout the day. Adding another cook into the kitchen (even a NT who can multi-task) would help in one way, but in another way it would decrease my ability to mono-task because of not knowing when I would need to pay attention to a conversation that might begin.

Many NTs I know would laugh at the whole concept of mono-tasking and say it’s an excuse to work less hard. After all, they can multi-task and have no ability to ‘get’ what a mono-tasking person is. It makes sense for it to be beyond them to understand someone who isn’t a multi-tasker; they don’t have enough of an intellectual ability to think deeper to understand such things because they cognitively function in multi-task mode (especially if they’re females). I equate it to skipping rocks on the surface of water—NTs being the pebbles and the water being life’s activities—NTs bounce over things, while Aspies (non-medicated, non-’counseled’) travel slowly at the ‘bottom of the lake’ and come up ‘for air’ after each task has been completed. I need a little bobber at the surface that says, “Don’t talk to me while I’m busy with something down under. I’ll let you know when I’m up for conversation.” What’s the point in having company if you’re only able to talk during break times (that means being 100% off duty from dinner preparation)? I would prefer companionship, but I can’t have both. If I attempted to combine the two, it wouldn’t be just my body that would be in pain. My anxiety level would hit the roof and most likely I’d have my sleeping ability ruined for days (that’s if nothing else added to making my nerves more raw).  

Here’s what I wasn’t noticing while I was busy cooking on that day:

In spite of taking 6 ten-minute breaks during the whole affair, I was not aware of the pain in my feet, legs, hips, and back building up over the day. It wasn’t until after I ate and was cleaning up that I began to feel pain first starting in my hip and feet. By the time I went to bed, the pain was crippling. The next morning, I was not even able to walk. I did manage to get walking again after the day progressed, but I knew I had to spend that day on my back or side (sometimes it was okay to sit up for awhile).

My guess is that I should be able to walk again without too much pain by Sunday or Monday, depending on how well I rest.

Here’s what I cooked and what was in it (all organic, of course):

Salad ~ Green leaf & iceberg lettuce, large tomato (chunked), baby carrots (sliced long), chopped celery, purple onion slivers, cucumber slices, raisins, olives, blue cheese, olive oil, vinegar, Italian seasonings, salt, and pepper.

Rolls ~ Large buttermilk biscuits w/soft butter.

Wine ~ Red, from a private French réserve of Margaux bottled in 2005. (White wine makes me ill.)

Turkey ~ 13.4 pound free-range bird.

Stuffing ~ made up of toasted whole wheat bread chunks, butter-fried onions and celery; seasoned with chicken broth, rosemary, oregano, sage, ginger, marjoram, thyme, and pepper.

Cranberries ~ jelled sauce.

Mashed Potatoes ~ with eggnog (instead of milk), salt, and pepper.

Candied Yams ~ baked in granulated maple syrup, molasses, brown sugar, butter, cinnamon, and nutmeg.

Turkey Gravy ~ made from turkey drippings, flour, salt, and pepper.

Creamed Curry Corn ~ corn, green peppers, onions, soft cream cheese, milk, curry, salt, and pepper.

Coffee ~ Hazelnut flavored with stevia and half & half cream.

I ate my desert on Thanksgiving Day morning for breakfast. I had a slice of warm, moist pumpkin bread with butter. That, with a tall glass of cranberry/pomegranate juice diluted with seltzer water, was enough to keep me from picking at the meal before it was done.

¹When the first day of winter (Dec. 21st) arrives, I plan to gradually re-introduce a ’semi-normal’ routine back into my life. That means returning phone calls, grandchildren coming over to visit, etc. (i.e., I won’t be so extremely reclusive).

²Anyone who thinks he doesn’t have it in his nature to explode (given certain circumstances lasting long enough) is either good at deceiving himself or is close to his death and too weak from illness to erupt.

³He’s known as the obsessive/compulsive detective. Rarely does anyone spot how much of an Aspie he is because his O/C characteristics cloud out just about everyone’s ability to notice the bottom core of the way he thinks in this role he plays. I almost never watch tv, but when Monk is on, I tune in and then feel less alone with the way I think. I’m not exactly like Monk, but darn close in many ways (that are not visible).

Train Derail

  • Posted on April 10, 2008

Yesterday I did my monthly shopping. I make mini-trips¹ about once a week for things like milk and bread, but wait to get other things for as long as I can possibly hold off. This morning I’m feeling the effects from getting overwhelmed yesterday. It’s the same feeling as the day after my husband has his annual 4th of July barbecue at our house. I feel like crap! It doesn’t help when hubs foolishly tells me I ‘talk’ myself into feeling like this — as if all I had to do was not ‘think’ I’m overwhelmed and I wouldn’t feel this way! That’s easy for somebody to say who cannot relate to what I’m talking about!

While I’m shopping, I generally do not feel overwhelmed. I describe it more as being like a stick floating in a stream going with the flow. The problem though is that during my episode of being in the city of Concrete Fluorescentville, my state of mind hasn’t adjusted yet to what the after affects are going to be later. As soon as I’m home, it all begins to sink in. It starts with counting the change left over from what’s been spent. The smell of perfume on paper bills turns my stomach. The reality of knowing that most of the things purchased will be used up and I’ll have to repeat the process. The immense volumes of mini-decisions that have occurred and will reoccur begin to drag me down.

If it’s not bad enough to have to shop in many different stores in order for me to cross the items off my to do list, the stores mutate! Nothing upsets me more than to have to get used to a store that has rearranged everything! I should not have gone shopping so soon after WordPress went and changed its ‘behind the curtain’ control panel! It’s not going to get any easier because my house is now a chaotic mess because of all the new packages all over the place, my desk looks like a burglar ransacked through it, and the maid hasn’t showed up to clean the daily occurrences (I’m the maid). That’s okay because my grandson will help me clean up today (that’s a joke guys, laugh already!).

The only reason I’m writing about this now instead of doing what I can to put things in order is because I would like others to know what is meant by these ’symptoms’ and characteristics of Aspergers:

Great concern about personal working area.
Extreme reaction to a schedule change or routine.
Repetitive behaviors, and if the step-by-step scheduled routine is interrupted it causes confusion and sometimes anger.
Certain preferences of personal items, such as always picking the same clothes in stores when making a new purchase, using the same blanket, not wanting to throw away a particular pair of shoes.
Confusion during stress (everything in this list has to do with stress levels).
Repetitive simple routines (they’re reassuring to an Aspie).

Neurotypical people have the same ’symptoms’ and characteristics on lower levels, but they go unnoticed because Aspies are affected by these things to a higher level. The reason NTs don’t get affected the same way by changing transitions is because they multi-task by nature since their focus in no where near as intense in what they’re doing. Aspies must have everything one at a time, especially instructions, directions, and tasks!

It seems bumps like shopping and barbecues cause spillovers into how well I can carry on a conversation. I normally tend to talk ‘choppy.’ I begin to talk about one thing, but immediately shift to another thought, then another . . . all without warning. That’s because thoughts rapidly start flooding into my mind and I don’t want to forget any of them. I can’t organize my thoughts because there are too many pulling into the station too fast.² When I haven’t been overstimulated and/or overwhelmed over a period of time, my mind relaxes and I don’t sound so confusing when I talk.

I think this is why you see Aspie children needing to ‘recharge’ regularly by wrapping themselves up somewhere. It’s not always about seeking comforting pressure to calm the senses. I know of one tyke who loves to regularly ‘meditate’ inside a dog crate with the door shut. I doubt they teach about such things as that in a class for detecting child abuse! I remember as a child, I loved to go sit for a long time on the floor behind a chair in the corner where no one could see me.

Even though people can kind of ’see’ me online, the internet is like having an agent who represents you. I can be social indirectly. Contrary to what most people think, socializing online for an Aspie improves their social skills offline. Blogging is not the same thing as playing video games online, but both have positive effects for Aspies. If you can handle reading this entire video game article explaining how it affects learning, it will inform you of how educational and healthy online video games are for AS children.

¹I borrow my son’s car to do household errands. He doesn’t mind at all, but I won’t deviate here onto another topic. I don’t want a car anymore because there is no where I’m interested in going. The ONLY exception is when I get to meet with other Aspies when we get together.

²Imagine an airport runway with 10 planes all wanting to land on the same strip at the same time because their fuel tanks are just about empty! How would you like to be on one of those planes?! Well, that’s what my thoughts are like. Each thought needs time to ‘land.’ Plus, I need time to ‘park’ and unload my thoughts somewhere before the others arrive.

Learning Difference

  • Posted on February 1, 2008

Well, maybe you could say I have a learning disability if I was forced to learn things the same way neurotypical people do. It’s a good thing that the majority can cram in a lot over a short period of time and can regurgitate what they absorb.

Most people learn best by listening to a teacher and/or reading books. I never considered how much easier it is for others to be educated the typical way or how much less they cared to understand the “whys” of everything. I also had no idea they were multi-tasking while I’d be stuck by whatever happened to be demanding most of my attention at the moment.

Most students take it for granted that they can easily combine listening to the teacher, read what’s being written on the board, write down notes, and follow along in the book. For me, all it would take was something like the smell of bleach down the hall or the sound of a lawn mower outside to cause me to lose track of everything going on in the classroom. Then, if that’s not bad enough, add to it all, a freak’n big clock tick’n nearby!

Time pressure will freeze most aspies’ thought processing in no time! Tests are timed, but what’s maybe worse than that is the way questions are asked on exams! Most questions always stumped me because I craved putting side notes along every one of them with multiple answers to match all my “it depends!”

Here is an analogy: You can see two lakes. Both look alike from the surface, but one is deeper (that’d be Lake Aspie) than the other. Unless you dive in, you’re unaware of this difference. This is why Asperger’s is often referred to as being a “hidden” complex of concurrent things (syndrome). It’s also why aspies are misjudged as much as they are and why they often times struggle getting through school.

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