Sheila Schoonmaker's Maiden Blog

This post was inspired by my starting to read the article The Romantic Lives of Young Adults with Asperger’s Syndrome by Toni Atwood; more specifically his claim, “Self-understanding and self-reflection can be particularly difficult for people with Asperger’s syndrome.”¹

I have no clue how he can possibly measure the difference in degrees of self-understanding and self-reflection between Aspies and neurotypicals, especially since he can never be an Aspie. I know for my own self that I am far more capable of understanding myself than anyone else is able to understand me. I sure hope Mr. Atwood isn’t trying to insinuate he knows people like me better than I can know my own self.

He follows his incorrect statement with a couple of correct ones — “Self-respect will have been adversely affected by being rejected, ridiculed and tormented by peers. Adolescents with Asperger’s syndrome also are gullible and vulnerable to being given misinformation on relationships by fellow teenagers.”

A more accurate way of stating what’s difficult for Aspies is to understand what’s wrong with NTs who love to be mean. We don’t get why it’s such a pleasure for NTs to play mind games. It’s easier to comprehend meanness that’s preconsciously rather than consciously done, but still both are disturbing.

One example: Last night a waitress said to those at my table, “Your food will be out in a few seconds.” It came out an hour later! Surely she knew that.

Another example: A few months ago I was told by my hosting company that they would resolve their overloaded bandwidth issue definitely by January 2010 (caused by taking on too many new big businesses and laying off too many employees). Now the problem is worse than it was back then, so I called to ask what’s going on. I was told the problem will be fixed soon, but I couldn’t be told a definite date. I told them I’d make the date definite by closing my account and using a different server. Then I got told I would not get my money refunded back for the months of service I’m paid up to. To make matter’s worse, I was told my subscription will automatically renew itself and my credit card will be charged. I’m supposed to find comfort in that I have 30 days in which to cancel my account after it’s automatically renewed and have my credit card credited back the amount charged to it.

I know the above examples I mentioned don’t just happen to Aspies, but if Aspies were in charge that would not be the way we handle people. The nightmare that I doubt neurotypical professionals in the field of psychology pay much attention to is what the outcome will be of their publicizing the knowledge of the vulnerabilities that are exclusive to Aspies.

The most destructive information to the lives of Aspies of any age comes from letting the whole world know we’re gullible and vulnerable to being given misinformation.

That’s not much unlike putting a “Kick Me” sticker on someone’s back. Aspies, who will not be suspicious of everyone, have to wear a “Sucker” label. If an Aspie will seek to stay protected by not automatically trusting and/or believing anyone, s/he will be forced to endure psychological abuse by being called “paranoid.”

If I sound angry, it’s probably because I am. What hurts me the most is seeing how my younger Aspie friends get taken advantage of repeatedly and having to endure psychological abuse by neurotypicals who can justify their preconsciously shameless behavior because so many others act the same way they do.

My fantasy would be to see a world composed mostly of Aspies, so NTs would be forced to experience what it’s like to be in what probably is the worst minority group to belong to these days!

Do the experts know why Aspies are gullible? Of course not. If they did, they wouldn’t give such useless and vague explanations as, “Self-understanding and self-reflection can be particularly difficult for people with Asperger’s syndrome.” Since I’m such an expert on Aspergers, I shall throw in my two-cent answer (which should be worth more than 2¢).

Aspies are gullible simply because we don’t process information in the same manner neurotypicals do. Pure logic cannot exist in fiction.² It can only exist in the realm of reality. Reality is absolute; not relative. Social politics can never be logical, because it’s a game that humans of an exclusive neurological division can create and play. It’s a fantasy for neurotypicals to think that Aspie children can achieve an end to being gullible and vulnerable to being taken advantage of if treatments are given at an early enough age. I hope I’m wrong about what I just said, but unfortunately anyone can put my theory to the test if they like.

The only way Aspies can protect their mental health is by being allowed to socialize with NTs in the way that works for Aspies. Show respect to those of us in the Asperger culture by not trying to understand (i.e., analyze) us. It seems like the attempts result in misjudgments that end up being spread around like gossip, which then lead to solutions that only mess things up more. Even animals are now getting more respect than Aspies.

Cesar Millan’s motto is, “I rehabilitate dogs. I train people.” He says that humans tend to be blind to the animal kingdom and don’t understand how to see a dog as a dog. The same can be said about NTs being blind to the Aspie kingdom. NTs don’t understand how to see an Aspie as an Aspie. I’m not suggesting that Aspies train NTs, but I am saying that NTs should not attempt training Aspies.

I know it must be humiliating for professionals to admit defeat, but if they can’t do such things then what good are they?

¹It’s an Aspie myth to think that it’s difficult for Aspies to self-reflect and be self-understanding. Maybe it might not be a myth for young Aspies who get confused by believing everything their therapist says, but it’s certainly not true for those who are older and wise enough to not allow ourselves to be vulnerable and manipulated.

²The reason Aspies may appear illogical to NTs is because no NT can get inside the mind of an Aspie to know why s/he thinks and acts like s/he does. That’s the same mistake fools make when they think they can judge God.